If someone would've told me last year,
that I'd be where I am now,
and that this year would change my life forever,
I probably wouldn't have believed you.

And I know what you're probably thinking.
"This whole virus has changed everyone".
But that's not what I'm talking about.
I was a germaphobe and anti social before the pandemic.

What changed my life was the loss of two friends.
They were 22 and 23.
One took his life on March 16th.
The other took his life on June 1st but passed away on the 2nd.

Both went the same way,
but knew nothing about the other.
Both shared in the same struggled,
but had no idea that someone else who understood was out there.

After their deaths,
I realized my life was forever changed.
The word suicide broke my heart anytime I heard it,
and it just brought back the pain of what I wasn't able to prevent.

I take depression more seriously now.
I've started asking people if they are okay,
to the point that it's probably annoying.
But I can't help it.

I've started wanting to just help others.
I think every day that if I could just save one person,
my life would be complete.
I just want to help someone.

I think about who I was a year ago,
and how she had no idea what would happen,
to the boy she met in middle school,
or the guy she had just become friends with.

I think about how innocent she was,
to not know this pain.
How lucky she was,
to not have this hole in her chest.

But I also think of how blind she was,
to the way others felt.
And how I will never be blind like her,
ever again.

Oh how you speak to me through the music of others,
I then practice this pattern and continue
to preach,
how I am feeling in this way, and on this day,
when I'm at a loss for words or thought
and cannot figure out what to say,
you beseech me to begin healing,
I begin peeling, no
pulling back the surface of my soul,
hoping it will be the start of getting rid of this toll,
as painful as it is to look inside your own mind,
your broken and beaten down spirit,
desperately just trying to find guidance in
hopes that maybe one day you'll be loved
and seen as more than just,
Just another body walking amongst the
rest of mankind,
because you allow yourself to feel that
you are different,
Yet your mind continues to stay ignorant
and blind,
to your already keen eye,
for you are special, it's only a matter of
time before you realize
you're the one you've been wanting to feel
loved by,
Something that can only be seen beyond the surface of
others eyes,
And past these creatures terribly,
beautiful minds.

i have forced myself
to fit into different skins
so many times ;
like how water takes the
shape of its containers.

how many persons
do i have to become
before i could truly
become myself?

She is the sunflower in the field of grass,
She stands tall, full of all that sass.

She is the sunflower bright and tall,
She is a firm sunflower that won't fall.

She is the sunflower that will change the world,
She will scream and shout and she will be heard.

She is just a sunflower in a field of grass,
But she will take a stand and won't break like glass.