i'm still trying to remember who i was before i
stopped smiling at myself in mirrors,
stopped making silly faces at kids when their parents weren't looking,
stopped looking up at the stars.

i'm still trying to understand what i've come to be, how i
started yelling at myself,
started isolating my mind,
started living in a world where i only stare at the ground.

everything just was, and then it wasn't.

{d.f. | 03/13/18}

you planted a garden for me.
and i loved every single petal that bloomed.
including the thorns.
but i've noticed some flowers are
missing. taken. cut.

i guess i was just your plot of land, feeding on the lies you gave me.
by all means, go, the market awaits you.
sell them the promises you made me.

{d.f. | 03/10/18}

i tear myself down,
day in and day out.
i am my own personal demolition team.

and i’m so tired.
i just want to stop.
so i’m going to teach myself a new art.

today i won’t break.
today i will build.

{d.f. | 03/03/18}

i hope you remember me when you least expect it, not at 3:00 a.m. when you miss me.

remember me in the moment the green light, turns yellow, and you think you can make it, but you don’t because it’s already red and you’re not even half way there.
    after all, those were the colors i saw in your eyes after i promised to
    love you forever.
    first you were ecstatic, then frantic, and then finally paralyzed.
    did you fear you no longer would be free?
    as far as i know, i wasn’t holding a key ready to lock you up.

remember me as you sip your coffee and you burn your tongue.
    after all, that’s how you left me, burnt from your bitter soul.

remember me when you’re listening to music and you have no one to dance with.
    after all, i taught you how to have a dance party in your pajamas
    when your soul was breaking.
    when your dreams were fantasies and your nightmares were
    realities.

and you know what? if you really want to, remember me at 3:00 a.m.
    after all, you always slept while i was wide awake wondering how
    long we’d last.

no matter how hard you try to forget me, you can’t erase us.

{d.f. | 02/25/18}

i’m trying to be positive,
to see the light at the end
of the tunnel.
to believe that the best is yet
to come.

except i must not be trying hard
enough, because the darkness
always creeps in.

it finds a way.

no matter how bright the sun shines
or how blue the sky is,
my word is gray.

and i know no other way.

{d.f. | 1/11/18}

don’t be cruel, my love.
this world is painting
you gray
where the colors once shone
the brightest.

let’s not let this wicked
system overtake your kind soul.

you painted me when i was black and white,
so take my hand
while i restore your
lilacs, blues, and reds.

my dear, let the light
shine through.

{d.f. | 09/28/17}

i never knew it could be like this.
being in love simply felt like a far away dream.
just a number on my bucket list.
a splendid thing i'd never know of.

so, to be with you, is to be real.
because, with you, i've learned that this is real.
love is real.
loving myself is real.

love never felt so good.

{d.f.|02/10/18}

although i sign my name
at the end, it’s really you
who should take the credit.

after all, they’re all about you.

the words with which i write with
are from the dictionary you invented.
you see, i didn’t even know i could
write until my soul met yours.
all these letters i’m using are from the
alphabet you’ve imprinted in my heart.
all these poems are from the melodies
i hear when i think of you.

this, my love, is how i write poetry.

{d.f. | 09/11/17}

thank you to the souls
that have an understanding
attitude.
you may not understand
my situation, my hurt, or my tears,
but that doesn’t mean you don’t try.

thank you for comforting
me with a look, a nod,
or simply a gentle silent moment.

i pray, oh how i pray, that you’ll
never know what it’s like
to hate what you see in the mirror,
to be alive but not live,
to be so tired you can’t even sleep,
to be a dying ember in a fire no one wants
to stoke,
to lose hope…

thank you to the souls that care,
for how i long to meet you.

{d.f. | 01/12/18}

to be with you
leaves me feeling so blue
who knew
you’d give me such a view
away you flew
we used to be like glue
i thought we were through
but we just needed time, and apart we grew
and as if on cue
we were once again true
and loving you
became another hue.

{d.f. | 01/21/18}