Dawn is a good friend of mine
While, day is just an acquaintance.
A respite from my mind seems ideal,
but that comes from setting my head ablaze.
I wore the brightest shade of Hell on my lips,
with a desire for Heaven under the eyes.
Had the desire to be a good person
so, from a young age-
I began to hurt myself instead of other's.
Mother once told me--
I'd put bandaids on the wounds of friends,
but I'd let scrapes bleed,
and drip down my ankle.
Father told me I was a hard worker,
I felt ten again.
Meeting his compliment with a blush;
he doesn't commend just anyone,
but my fingertips in that instant- burned.
Loved the sun as a girl,
spent hours under it-
now I can't stand the heat.
Even when I had to make appointments
for my father's love
those days seemed longer,
my skin younger.
Found a way to love the sky I'm underneath;
sky blue pill sertraline,
and white cloud- abilify
allow my brain to absorb sunlight once more.
& they tell me of a God who loves me so,
but my cheeks burn,
as skin melts off the bone.
And I was euphoricβ
a star that burns incessantly,
taking up too much mass.
Red giant that encompasses all,
suffocating in the process,
exploding.
I want to be a good person,
but I don't feel human at all.
I'm rediscovering how to love living,
just the same.
Burning brightly,
unapologetically,
as a flawed being.
With passion that makes
smoke rise from my mind,
and flames in my hair.
