Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
I hurried up to the window. It was all the way down stairs. The exhaust was at crescendo. By the time I arrived, you were not there. The exhaust fumes that plumed had left a trail in the air. It was cold that morning, I had walked out to the driveway in my underwear.

I came back inside and put some clothes on and tried to move on with my day. But it wasn’t that easy once the argument was there. Any task I would do would compose in the background like the noise of the county fair. Any stranger could become a target should my fuse were to despair.

I try to have more control than that but this morning I did not care. I made everyone around me; suffer with me at the cost of what you bared. It was your fault in the grief we shared  but I won’t admit it. Plus, you don’t care. You hurt me and now I hold the world hostage. Give me my heart back or I will.

I already lost it. And at what point is the damage I received Justified by the pain I inflict upon others? At what point do I look in the mirror and find the fault upon me?
Well if you have read this far you can already see.

Self infliction and escalation we pay to hurry our death.
And it still hurts, it never easy to forget.
For what you put in versus what you actually get. Dear Starlight, don’t admit. I think it’s something we both will not regret.

Go on cut me down. Are you seeking that reaction?! Don’t bore me with a useless explanation.

You have my word, there are only lies in my sincerity. Pause in hesitation.
But you lie and look down and try to disparage me. Looks with expectations.

Are my scars worth understanding?
My dreams are scattered and blurry
But there is nothing more real than what’s in front of me.

If you cannot see that, than what does anything mean? Besides if it provides any clarity. Looking back on it has been the best I have ever seen. And something we both do not deserve but have both been getting.

Don’t let it get into your head and fill you with anger and dread. Where you begin to find everything wrong with me and use it like a target because your mad. We will get passed this storm don’t let it make you sad.

I would give anything, I want to start over again. How could I have been so blind?
Where do I begin?

-Letter in a bottle weathered by the ocean salt.
I aint no *****. I aint no tinker; like a tinker would think. Im just an old cow poke with no leather to sink my teeth. Been riding for days aint came across the first drop to drink.

Sure is nice of you mam to let me in by the smell of my stink.

You see; I lost my cattle about a few miles back. We got seperated by a sand storm. Boy this coffee is about as thick a pinewood sap. Mam, please dont take offense; I sure do appreciate the gesture. I suppose a cool glass a water might do the trick.

Now as I was saying, I was on my way up from Wyoming to drive a herd for a bargain. Well I guess I would say I got started early this morning.

I got me a ranch out in Laramie. Well actually a buddy of mine does. We started up and then it began storming. I haven’t seen him since. Mam could you do me a favor if he does. If he shows up; could you tell him I have gone to gather up them horses.

Could you ask if he could stick around, what matters is that we’re safe and that’s important. We can regroup in a couple of hours. Head on back on up the trek, make up for lost time and try to save our appointment. If that ain’t no burden to you misses?

I have a soft spot for westerns.This is a love letter to a classic western I used to enjoy
Am I even here? I walk throughout and feel so empty. I try so hard to do what is right and even my best attempts are failures. Life never let me down gently. My closest friends betray me and my efforts rarely see any reward.

I am assured that it is not what I do that assures that you love me. I have a standard inside that I cannot even reach. I wake up everyday and try again. Every day I sincerly try. I swear I see the other side but I never get any closer to it.

I am so desperate inside to please you. I am so desperate inside that someone see's me. I have faith and a hope that one day I will see what it is that you see in me. That I find this value or worth that led you to die for me.

You say that you walk beside me and that you have prepared a place for me. I am so eager to be there where I feel welcome and I can forget this suffering. I need you here please dont leave me. I cannot overcome the storm you sent unless you walk with me.

I dont mean to be dramatic or complain or come across as ungrateful for all the blessings you have given me. I just want to be with you in the place with no tears. I want to live and I want to be better than I have ever been before. I want to fish with you on crystal shores. Belong to something greater than me.

Finding strength through failure.
A massive weight shifts between my shoulders. It’s another fight, I am getting older. One more step, I grow bolder. See me out there, on that thin wire. Juggling my life at the same time trying to aspire. The pain didn’t set me back; it lit in me a fire. Your words sharp like a blade and my heart for hire. Elusive to the noise, I climb higher.
I’m eviserating the catacombs of an empire.
I am not trying to scale the ladder. I’m tearing it down to the mire. I am not dousing the flame, I am feeding the fire.

If we are walk this way, we need to dress the correct attire.

Clearly there is an internal fight, a struggle for power. I am not built to last, I eventually get tired. But the problems that disappeared just reappear taking on another form.
I do my best to keep my balance and keep walking this thin wire.

There is a silence in the noise of a mob
I can feel my heart. The story has to end or at least on my part. Will I hit the net below to sweet depart?

Or Shall I just keep juggling as I walk? It doesn’t matter if they think I am a fool; just as long as I do my part.
Life is a circus, living it is an art.

Sleep brings relief and the hope of a new day.
Ryan Seth Cole Aug 2021
You think you got it all figured out. It All make sense in your head. Until that tinglin starts rumbiling in your chest turns from stress to dread.

Countless minutes you will never get back and the problems you had were few to many and you carried the weight of them upon your back.
The problems were few and now they begin to stack.

The gasp will surely ruin you; when it hits, it attacks. You find the closest thing to you and slide down it with your back. Find yourself layed ruined until you find yourself on your knees and hands. This is the epitome of the broken man. The hardest hit to the heart surely would **** the average man. Yea but you keep going and God just praying you can find your way back. There has to be a reason that this happens to me? Yea well I have faith in time you will begin to see.

Listnen," friend to friend " these things tend too surely pan themselves out. I know noones perfect but you can try to be. But if the risk is too high you can find the balance or try to work something out or in between.

But right now the most important thing you can do is just breathe. Heres a bag, put your head between your knees. Slow down, control the pace of your breathe. think only about overcoming this, just breathe.

To anyone who has ever had a panic attack.
I feel you home slice. ***** real... Them things can hit anywhere.
Ryan Seth Cole Aug 2021
Im on the outside swing of the pendullum. I tried to say with confidence that there is some kind of  plan but the truth is I build these walls with the stones of bridges that lead me back to you again. There is no hiding found here there is only recognizing my sin. The art of disaster is not chaos; it is what I plot out and write with a pen. I never had it figured out. I need your help again.
Next page