A sword beaten by steel hammers and forged in the fire. The arrow thats pulled back before it is sent into the whiles. A collection of hardship and reprove to understand a time.
Where as demons and angels influence all but stagger a man's walk on a thin wire.
A breathe of resiliance and stubborn heart thats entitled to what He think's he deserves until He knows the truth and his speech is soured.
Egregious revalation to what he has done. He has offended the Creator. He has crucified His son. A confession is made and the war is won but the battle for submission is nearly but one.
A sanctification is initiated and a process is begun. This man's action's and word's are revealed by the sun.
The work that takes place is a tedious and time consuming one but the man's character is revealed to himself and to everyone.
He stuggles to find himself and align himself in the will of God. He yearn's for purpose and does'nt see that each moment is purpose that each exchange matter's. Everything is considered in everything he does.
God enables his obediance when God is often sought. This man comes to find that more often it is not. It is a miracle and blessing he has made it this far. More mercy has been offered than one might oblige. More forgiveness and patience. It is a miracle this man has not died.
Our protagonist finally makes it to the frontline. Where he is not perfect but God's will is pursued. This man speak's out and into open air. Where devils and vipers gather like moths to a flare. They come one by one. Collecting like froth on a stagnant bank. They come to hear this man speak but they're heart's are anything but blank.
His words shoot like arrow's never missing thier mark. He uses The Word as a sword slashing every falsehood, piercing every heart.
He continues through the day into evening's dark. There is but one that stayed. There is but one man among them that get's a new start. So the cycle is transfered but the job is not done. The wars is won but the battle is not just one.
A journey of a man from sinner to priesthood. 2 cycle's broken and 2 cycles created.
I can remember your faces. I can remember your hope. I can remember your desperation for a life you did not own. For all the reasons that you are no longer here is a fate we all fear and do not want to know. You are confined to a memory that will never go.
We walked together and shared eachothers pain. When one was weak the other would say;"I have hope that one day all of this will change."
The truth is that day has'nt came and I am still in the dark. I grieve the thought of you no longer here and try to remember your spark. I want to say I did something with my life because I still have it and I have made it this far.
I want to know I did something to justify to myself, To ease this pain in my heart. I miss all of you and this is really hard.
Things are pretty bad but I have a home and food on the table and a will to do what is right. I want you to know I am still in the fight. I want you to know I Love you all so much and I think of you all the time. I cannot wait to hug you all and talk to you if just for a moment would bring my heart such delight.
I am walking down this corridoor with no end in sight. I want you to know I havent given up. I want to do what is right.
Life can be so hard not mentioning what is going on this world. Well what is in front of me and deep within.
I struggle with my circumstances I create alot of them.
I dont know Im expecting. I just want peace inside my heart. I have done many things and I have changed alot of my bad parts. But I guess the person you knew, still has the same heart.
I try sometimes to imagine what it would be like if you were all still here. But then I like to imagine you are all at peace.
I pray I can find that happiness that we all used to seek. And that the day I find it I can be thankful and the struggles we had would make some sorta sense to me.
I dont think you can read this or you can see. I suppose I am just writing this for me. On that note, I love you and if you can pray for me.
I hope I see you all one day and we can sit together and eat. I miss you all so much I pray you all know how much you mean to me. The things you all taught me and the memories I still keep. Rest well. Rest in peace.
To, Daniel, heather, caroline, doggy, nanny, cathy, phillip, derek.
We can never get used too something like this. Oh what in a world did something ever come to exist such as a thing like this. Choose however you want to prefix this.
If you can confiscate a hope that there might be something good to come of this. Than your just like the people who heard a story once told like this but I am sure you have heard many different storys like that. The one I believe tells it to be something like this.
You sew discord and distain in a world where up is down and sinners are born. You tell yourself that your better than you think. You live lawless with laws you can rewrite to fit the twisted ways that you think. Its a perfect recipe for a perfect storm. Apart of that is something you havent heard before.
The grounds that groan below you tell you that theyre might be something or someone out there made it all who knows you and wants more.
We refuse to hear the the one implore and accept a quiet norm. We drive our achievments and trophys like they mean something when its all said in done I pray the day through it all said and done.
That you might not only have seen it for what it was but to have something to say you did were you go when afterlife comes. Were you to meet perhaps someone.
Currently# coronavirus# destiny# rightousness# sinner# rapture#
My convictions rest upon the assurance of things not seen. Like the infant who is not whole and yet to be wean. I am moved along by a light that I can barely see. There is a hope deep down inside. All the while it is the only hope that help's me breathe.
When all I have known is pain. When I did not live, I walked by shame. When I moved to change, I was chastised that I did not move the same. I assure you son there is a comfort through these things.
There is a light beyond the horizon that is buried by the dark. Which eyes have not seen but can be felt with your heart. Where weary legs kneel and All sin departs. Where you are justified and a new life starts.
My humanity questioned every step of the way but I had trust in One that all one day will soon change.
Your legs cannot carry you my beloved little boy, the road is not paved. It is an uncharted, terrifying terrain. It's every obstacle is met with strain. It's every heartache you will face along the way. It is not by yourself that you can make the way.
We are weak and flawed inside. If we had the strength; we would boast with pride. You must deny your depravity and cling to the Son to make stride. Accept and acknoledge just who you are. Confess it to Him that sit's on High.
Jesus Christ is the only way. He will supply you with His Grace. His Grace is sufficient. He will walk with you and supply you every step of the way. His love is greater than mine and He walks outside of time. But when He comes to rescue you it is always on time.
It is hard to see this or understand this when you are blind. But when He saves you son, He will also open your eyes. You will see that there is no chance of making it your own way. No chance at pleasing God unless you have Faith. My dear son, Jesus Christ is the only way. When you fall remember this name. When you arise rememeber His name.
He will be the one to bring you home to me. He will be the reason your heart sings. He will be in your weakness your strength. I love you so much. These are my last words. I pray you keep them and reverence them to be true just as I did and so I lived.
To my beloved first born.
-Mateo Cole Ortega
Your father.-Ryan Seth Cole
I write these words to be read to my son at my funeral. When the day comes that he might know how much I love him and what I want for him most.
Where the road meets the light and heartache in your head leads you down backroads begging for an end.
You leave a life behind you and a new end to begin.
You have taken an oath and broke it, out of an affair you birth a reminder which shames you to repent.
I would give you my all. I have forgiven you at the cost of my heart. I let the burden roll off. The tail lights lead you away from me but pain is not far off.
I would give you my all. I would raise this child as my own. You dont have to face this alone. Dont run away from this and let your heart turn to stone.
I spend my every moment holding onto a phone waiting for a call that is you saying that you are coming home.
I would give you my all. Let the lights redirect you. Let the radio play a song. Let your heart be convicted; oh God just please come home. The dark cannot comfort you nor can it hide your shame.
But we can face this together and start a new day. Where each step I am with you. Where you are not out of place. Where I can protect you, give you all that is mine. When the humility comes I can hide you and assure you that it's fine, Speak for you when you cannot find the words to say.
But I can not make that decision for you. All I can do is wait. I pray that you change your mind. I pray that you stay.
My wife cheated on me and who I thought was to be my firstborn I found out is not mine. My love and relationship to God has helped me overcome this past few days and has allowed me to forgive her and decide to raise this child as my own. My wife is undecided wether or not she will stay with me but I gave her the option. I cannot emphasize how this has been the most painfullest experience of my life and yet inspiring and has helped me to grow spiritually in my relationship to God and the capacity to forgive and love someone through the massive amount of pain they have inflicted upon me. I hope as I do everytime I write something that not only can they relate to it but it move them to an understanding of aomething they are facing or will face and help them overcome. Thank you for reading.
I am such a wretched man living in a foriegn land. No good work comes from my hand's.
The words that flow from my mouth are proceed from a wicked heart.
I know you by your name.
Your love covers me casting a shadow of shame. Your innocence was subsituted by my guilt. It was my sin and yet you took the blame. You know me by my name.
You seen my heart. My flesh was woven with weeds and thorns. You called out to me, I heard you and my sin departs. You justified a man because you love me and it breaks my heart.
Your presence is upon me, I am convicted. I ask for forgivness and then depart. I went from your light back into the dark. I clung to you. You held me, you know my heart.
I am so sinful. My every action is against you. My every plan is a plot. I wage war against you and your mercy sustains me as I continue in the dark.
I could have died so many times but you save me. I could of fallen but you hold onto me. You always have my best interest when to me you are just a passing thought.
I fear your lashings but I reverence you because of who you are. You are the creator of all things! I am the child you sought. Your perfect son was given so that my sin would be baught.
I am forgiven and you are an after thought. I am unworthy, undeserving and ungrateful, this is what breaks my heart. You are merciful, giving and you never depart. You walk with me every day while I plot against you and spit in your face.
You saved my life and I curse your name. You changed everything and yet in me I walk the same. Your grace is upon me. Father I want to change. Will you forgive me and show me the way.
Jesus saves, I sin.
The whole world is on fire and I can only think about you. My mind re-wired to forget what my worst desires have brought me into.
The attraction of strangers eye"s should make me feel un-comfortable but instead it soothed. Somehow they all disappear and I am only looking at you.
I never dreamed I would dream of you. Black and white ambience encloses like a fogg around the room.
One moment I am miles away and the very next moment I am right next to you. I have so much to say but I then remember I will never see you again, so what good would that do?
If I knew what love was darling, I wouldn't have hurt you. If I knew what forever was, I would still be with you. Only foolish people hate the truth. But this isn't about me, this is about you.
Dreamers dream what reality couldn't do. Weavers weave a stranded connection between the two. Believers believe that somehow they can carry on living like they do.
I know that I cannot and I am lost without you. My hearts desire is to reach you across the chaos and somehow convince you.
I was listening to; Wicked Game by: Chris Issak.
While writing this poem.