Deluging emotions
Drunken By Words
Depicting the heart's state - In
Discomposed scribbles
Double Dutch those delineation-yet
Desirable to devour more.

A
      racing
            heart
is not all       that I gained
When you said you would,       yes,
      to seeing       me

Not the source,
            but the desire       of true,       anxiety
      Your mere value alone       creates
the most anxious,       me
      To have       ever      been
            The hope       which once
Was just       a plea

Preoccupation with making something permanent
A feeling of expectation
incorporation of a certain situation
or habitation into life, for good
It makes me freak out.
Desire,
for a certain thing to happen
fear of that something actually happening
Or that it's something that might be permanent.
Worry,
the attempt to find certainty
the desire to control things.
Control you, controlling me
I'm afraid you'll find my black
It will come back again.
It's like an arc weld done incorrectly
Eventually it will start to bleed
And fall apart.
But I dreamt about welding and you welding me
into something permanent
something desirable
something non-penetrable.
You had me molded against the truck and...
I don't know who you are, but you put your fire in me
So deeply it burns.
A fire that firefighters can't dissolve
Doctors can't resolve.
You're in me,
and I love you.

Anxiety... the bane to my existence
At the opportune time opposing my resistance.
Dragging me into an uncontrollable state of stress,
Where I stand idle, where I'm a mess.

All my insecurities resurface, and
I think that I can't handle this,
That I'm not that great after all.
That I'm not desirable in the eyes of all.

So I stand silent in desolation
In a state of isolation.
Where I wonder who would put up,
With this mishap of creation...

That happens to be me.