A

B-beaten
R-ripped into pieces
O-overwhelmed
K-kaous
E-evil
N-neglected

H-hated
O-ordeal
M-manipulated
E-exhausted; environment.

In this poem, as I continue to roam, where have I gone, and where is my home?

Again it has returned.
As I waltz,
Immersed in the flowers of the meadow.
Enveloped entirely in the rays of the sun.
I wander, in wonder,
Peaceful wonder,
Into the cave of evergreen woods.
The rays that once warmed me
Do not reach me there.
As I turned to leave,
Bolting towards the opening I’d entered,
It was deceased.
No Exit.
And that is when I see it.
Its **** yellow eyes fixated on me.
Its body, tar black, stands next to a tree.
Staring.
Sinister.
Its chest, in and out, contracting, shaking slightly
The bush dying at his hands.
Emotionless.
The place is barren of sunlight.
Just the black horned creature,
With **** yellow eyes,
And the single candle that illuminates his face.
Why has he returned?
Did You not take him away?
The ground has clawed onto my feet.
I glance down at them, then back up again.
And suddenly he is there.
Smelling his breath on my face.
His ripped tongue
Slithers out,
Licking the purse of my lips
Ever so slightly.
Breathing.
Staring.
Emotionless.
The pounds of my heart strike their blow and
I crumble.
Crashing towards the ground, where his hooves find rest.
Too weak to fight this battle once again.

It came to end
Suppose you could say
Delivered by friend
In a delicate way
No harsh intent
Or gloating prowess
Just time well spent
And heartache suppressed
I've fallen before
And quickly back up
Today, I'll be on the floor
Eyes shut, without interrupt

It’s raining.
I feel it on my face,
Dripping down
In defeat.
I look up.
I am the leak.
You always said,
I brought in the sun.
I guess you took it with you.

Little Ms. Bleach-Jean-Jacket
With the pixie cut high boot style,
Rolls her eyes sarcastically behind
Glasses, and a flirtatious desire
And wonders if the professor
Likes what he sees
At the smallest two person table.
Reading willing and able
To **** his student raw
Although she knows this,
That’s the plan;
Academic battle strategy,
She thinks it a talent
Double-talking with her hands to ****** him.
Wrist bones whispering
“No one else here has to know”
She shyly smiles and laughs in her mind,
“Sad fool thinks some day ill go home with him”.
“Sad fool just game me that extension”
The sad fool checks an email defeated,
Ms. Bleach-Jean-Jacket has won.

I can't take it another minute,
                        not another second or day,
I doubt everything you do and say
              since you've left.
                                  I told you,
          you'd do it
       the way
                       you've done it.
                              A shock?
                   NAW,
                     I knew it.
                                  Only surprised  
                     that you planned this
               & never planned for us to work.
            when I look at you
                                  all I see is regret
                                          &
                                        what could of been eternal bliss!
                   I refuse to allow resentment
              to settle in my bones,
                          Why didn't I listen to my heart,
                      mind & soul,
                                while it screamed NO-
              my body cried YES...
                              I cant deal with this and with YOU
            nor should I have to,
                                 I "could" withstand the silence,
                                the longing for you too
but this is unbearable
                 and cruel.
It's funny to you-
                   how this dilapidated heart's in shambles,
                          ruined over & over again
                             this time
                                                 You've caused havoc
                                worst then any other....
                                      I welcome the pain,
                      since it's something I'm so used to.
                                  "I'll never leave you"
                                Must of meant;
                                        until you'd get sick of this
                mental confused mind of mines?
                              " You're it for me",
                    "my everything"
               Must meant;
          I was everything you could use?
                                   "it for you" as in I'm "it"
       the sucker who'd believe you?
                                  I knew you'd hurt me...
                           Yet,
                      I failed to see it
                                             coming in the way that it did.
          I trusted you with all I had to give you,
                             coming to you disjointed & imperfect!!!!
  I begged of you never to
                        make us a thing of the past,
           asked for your forgiveness
                               and understanding -
            as I worked out my demons,
                        allowing you to do the same,
ever support was I when it came to you...
                      Sadly everyone else knew but me.
         Funny and laughable to you,
even to those who knew-
                       that I'd jump for you and defend YOU,
stand up and stick by you.
                       I was the **** of your jokes, the fool,
              dancing to your tune!
                        I'm crying & laughing,
  wheeewWeee- you got me good.
                     How cool is it for YOU
                           to take advantage of someone-
                  trusting in you:
            to never repeat the steps
of what others have done?
                                   But I made this my fault,
                            made it my reason to move on,
            broken as you were too,
I allowed you time to heal
                          Stuck up for you
                        
        as others blamed you
  
                    for my failing...
my demise
    
             came in disguise
               as
    "friend"
           "my boyfriend"
              "husband"
                       "lover"
                            "the father"
                         to our dead babies,
                        and
                   King of all things!!!!
Yet I snatched your crown
                           and stopped listening
after months of nothing
                           all we have is this terrible silence.
I can see clearer,
                     blaming you only shows me
the things
                        I've failed to give in return,
it shows me NOW
                            how I've failed you,
                       just as you've failed me..
                                 As of right now all I can say is
                            you'll always be
         my biggest regret-
even if in my eyes alone,
       you'll also always be
  the love of my life,

                      My one true love.

                                   Yet hard as this is for me,

                       I can't hold on to your shadow.



                    So this is

                            GOODBYE...

You've long since

          moved on

              so shall I!

                    Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®


                      K.A.C.L.N ©


   &n

I know we've had our share of troubles,
And you're always quick to criticize,
How I've failed you every step and turn,
I guess you saw a way to use this guy.

So then I get to stay as long as I shut up,
Do as I am told, keep all of my emotions in,
Fill your life with garbage and waste your time again,
Until the day you find a better replacement,
Only a matter of when.

Therefor I came up with a way, the only way to win,
Simple, you just take off, find the furthest place to go,
Leave as much space between you and me and
Never take free time out to speak to you again,
Only a matter of when.

I don't know if I ever had hope at all.

I don't think I could handle it:
That crushing feeling of never being good enough.
Hoping has let me down so many times before, I'm tired of coping through misery.

And if I'm afraid to love then it was learned through disaster.
Too many sudden stops of the heart after it kept beating faster and faster.
It's scarred so much more than before.

I don't think I can handle it.

Oh love, that crippling defeat.

Inflorescences
Sweet
In absence of light
Defeat.

As the days get deeper
So does the hole

People start losing their unique ****** qualities
The objects in your house become dull clutter
Monday morphs into Tuesday and Tuesday morphs into Wednesday and Wednesday morphs into Thursday and
All of a sudden you don’t know what day it is.

The only thing that doesn’t lose its edge
Are the words that pump out from your lung,
to vibrate from your vocal cords,
then are fine tuned from your larynx,
and emanate from your articulators.
Those are the words that stuff me deeper into the hole.

Sometimes it’s not words
but actions
That burry me under and into the darkness.

This hole I speak of,
***** you in and won’t let you out
Until you’ve admitted defeat
And hell,
You’ll never live to see the day that

I, Admit Defeat.