I can't quit it
I can't forget it
I'll admit it
I've been at if for a minute
Playing a game and trying to win it
No matter how I spin it
This is who I am
Without any plan
This is the man
That through it all emerged
After traveling a road that diverged
My demons have been purged
These paths are not paved in gold
Though I walk through the cold
It all seems so old
For every time I fell
For every story I tell
For every single hell
I struggled to make it through
It was all that I could do
To come out as someone new
A few more tears a few more scars
Yet I am still gazing at stars
Daydreaming of things so bizarre
An image in my head a smile on my face
My troubles all vanish without a trace
Knowing all the while that this is my place
I have been broken, beaten, and burned
In all of this I have learned
Love is not given it is earned

I'm everywhere but here
Counting back each year
Madness from memory
And you will find me
In moments of joy and pain
Between the past and insane
Heart beating, day dreaming
The world gone, I am seeing
A life lived without you there
My dream, a living nightmare
A picture perfect portrait set in place
A time long gone that I cannot face
This love that's passed, that didn't last
Dreams, memories of a failed past

Yet you're everywhere but here
Travelling a future fueled by fear
This post apocalyptic love story
A bleeding heart's memento mori
Breathe in your newfound deity
Our air, laced with anxiety
Leaves you with no way to scream
Rose-coloured glasses in the ashes of a dream
Taking chase to the world's end
In search of that one perfect friend
No more pain, no more lies
Not when you find his soft eyes
So beautiful your soul boasts
Illusions of kaleidoscoped ghosts
A future failing to ever form
Like how lightning predicts the storm
Perfection passed your pretty glance
Trapped in time's terrifying trance

Maybe we were meant to be
But we will never get to see
Life lost loving a little lie
So we just passed each other by
I loved where I have come from
While you lived in days to come
Never had we considered the present
To find peace from of our life's lament

I had a dream about someone last night.
About being wrapped up
In tree trunk arms
That we're not encased in bark
But rather some warm,
Soft skin
That would graze up against my cheek.
I dreamed of how their rose petal lips
Would search for my face in the dark,
And how their words would end up resonating in my head,
Like when you howl into the black of a cave
And it screams back to you.
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
But I also dreamed about
My journals burning.
My thoughts,
Sketches,
And lists.
All crumbled,
Spread into ashes
And then gone with the wind.
I dreamed of
Leaping ten feet into the air
And coming down so fast and hard
That I broke every bone in my body
And they couldn't put me back together again.
Now,
I'm sure you can say that the last two dreams mentioned
Weren't dreams,
But rather
Nightmares.
But what about the first one?
Knowing that it will never happen?

As I Just close my door to my world
I Open the door to THE world.
SOOooooooo I Breathe in (breath in)

Take it all in

Airs somewhat cloggier than my space
At least im free from all that *** taste
And here, the Journey, begins.
Door to door about 58 minutes
Not including stops at the shops
And the inevitable wait at the bus stop
The electronic boards are always bad with timing  
Transport For London? Pssssh more like Thanks For Lying

*******.

About this time I ruffle and shuffle
Untangle my earphones and cause quite a kerfuffle
Unwinding the sound lines
Looping them in and out of their binds
Pulling and squeezing
Making sure the copper coil isn't easing
Cos they can give you a sharp *****!
For some reason that always happens on my fingertips,
And then they itch.

Oh the mechanics of me
Brought to thought
About my whole existence
As soon as something malleable
Penetrates my shell.
I'd look at the spot of blood and be rather..........disappointed
Why couldn't it be green? or maybe purp...blue?
At least then my suspicions would be true
That I'm not of this World Planet or Region
Coming from entities who celebrate happiness every season
Wandering around pretending to look like us
Just for kicks never indulging in any of the fuss
Just managing to jump out when things get hard
And back in when its all tickles and laughs
And out when its heartbreak or death
And then back in When Arsenal win the league! **** YES!!!

Yes...yes...That would make me feel blessed
Just to know I'm not like all the others
Who were all born from Mothers
Not that id wanna be born by a Brother
Cos that would be...odd.
I feel like I'm just waiting for my powers to be bestowed upon me
Dropped from the skies in a sacred ceremony
Surrounded by flying Lions
And jumping Elephants
Moonwalking Dogs
And Motorbike riding Frogs
Animals that I can't even imagine
That to my mind don't even exist
I'm greeted with cheers and smiles
And theres crowds going absolutely wild!!!
They all know the life I've lived
And happy that I've got to this bit
Where everything falls into place
Cos now I  control the ins and outs to my desired taste
Mmmmmmmmmmm
And it tastes so devine
Like souls entwined
Embodied in one another filling each and every space
Can you imagine how that would taste?
It would taste...tasty

All these thoughts from looking at this crimson blot on my finger
These are the things that make my mind linger
Dreams of being an ethereal being
As I look up and all that my eyes are seeing
Is the bus that i missed because I was daydreaming.

i let the sidewalk catch
my daydreams as I practice
the motions of love, imagining how
long it should take for you
to fall into my arms, confecting my sweet
words into perfection, testing
the way we cannot fight
the current in our oceans,
imagining life that started
with a kiss—smirks becoming
adventures, worries flattening
into horizons, the contrast in our skin
tones creating a balanced ink, our
oneness a calligraphy that
cannot be rewritten.

"i've got strong faith
strong enough to believe
that daydreaming
isn't as wonderful or horrible
as it's made out to be
but i've got a near to naive mind
naive enough to not
be capable of daydreaming,"
he said.
to which i replied, "that's some kind of.. sad."

Be my words that my heart can't stand
Take a breathe and hold my hand for the
Last time I'll ever feel
Will be the last time I know you are for real
You guide me through the poorest daze
Of my classroom detention haze with the
Soft lull of your beating heart it's
Getting harder to fall apart however
When you're gone I don't want to be without
Your arms holding me I wish
That Heaven did exist but you know well if
Heaven was real we'd go straight to Hell
But this bond it is meant to be that
You and I were made to see only
Through the touch of your lips to mine so
Drink me up like a cup of wine and make it
Last until the end of time

i want to draw some naked ladies for a living

i want to make wood melt and turn marble soft

i want to think for the scholars and question long thought ideas

i want the rich to hate me

i want to sneak out their bedroom windows

i want to pass out uninvited in their country estate

i want their daughters to eye me

and make true so easily

what their dreams can't gestate