weight
          breathless
      lungs
  air
gasp
     suffering
                 tears
    thirty one
scars
       cuts
             wounds
         dad
yelling
          fights
    cries
          survival
                      apocalypse
           suicide
      cuts
           blades
scissors
           knives
                     dying
                             sleeping
                      tired
              quiet
        ­      s
             i
            l
           e
          n
         c
        e

She paints a pretty picture,
But her story has a twist-

Her paint brush is a razor
And her canvas is her wrist

She paints a pretty picture
In a color that’s blood red
While using her sharp paint brush
She ends up finally dead

Her pretty picture’s fading
Quite slowly on her arm
The blood is not racing through her
She can no longer do harm

She painted her pretty picture
But her picture had a twist-
You see her mind was her razor

And her heart was her wrist

The reality is
He won't seal your cuts
With all his sweet kisses,
He can't excavate
All the demons from your mind.

The reality is,
HIs hugs won't put
All your broken parts back together.
His texts won't make
Your entire day brighter.

Maybe his kisses
His hugs,
His texts
And his words
Can be a temporary fix.

But the reality is,
If he really loves you,
He'll make you fix yourself.

Mirror, Mirror,* on my wall,
I just want to be thin, pretty and tall.

Mirror, Mirror, if I change my hair,
Maybe someone will start to care?

Mirror, Mirror, if I starve myself,
At least I’ll be beautiful, forget my health.

Mirror, Mirror, if I cut my wrist,
Will I feel like I exist?

Mirror, Mirror, don’t you see?
What you show, is ruining me.

Can we just cut to the chase?
For I already like you,
And you have my heart gripped tight,
And you’re only going
To crumble it in your fists,
And the heartbreaks are better
With less memories to sting,
Like lemon juice in a wound,
Only much worse- much, much worse.

The saddest part
Is I have no one to blame
No one to be mad at
Because my only clear enemy
Is myself
My thoughts
They hold me hostage,
They conjure up things
I so naively believe
They drag me onto the battlefield
Against a reflection of myself,
My negative thoughts.
My opponent attacks me with words
She viciously convinces me
Who I am is a waste
And I attempt to fight back,
But I’m powerless
How do you defeat your mind?
She continues to attack,
Calling the razor to kiss my skin fiercely,
Until it is I guiding it
And I am defeated
I know this is what she wanted
And I’m sorry
I have not only lost the battle,
I’m so tired of fighting,
I’ve lost the war
I’ve lost to myself
I’ve lost myself
But in this moment
I am noting
I feel nothing
But the all too familiar
Emptiness
And the longing
To end it all

“Eww who let her out of her cage?”
“She’s fatter in real life. LOL”
“That makeup makes her look like a clown.”
“Go die in a hole. Nobody wants you.”
“Go **** yourself already!”
“Wow hahaha you’re really stupid.”
“You’re 13? 13 hundred pounds, maybe.”
“Clutz.”
“Idiot:”
“You’re worthless. You’re not a good singer, a good dancer, or even good at math. All you do is read.”
“Jump off a bridge, do us all a favor.”
“*****.”
“Go to hell.”
“You must hate yourself.”
“You’re pathetic.”
“Look, she’s crying! Hahaha”
“You’re ugly as ****.”
“Who’s ever gonna want you?”
“Oh, you’re crying? P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!”
“She attempted suicide….ehh, she deserved it.”
“You’re such a failure. You couldn’t even **** yourself right.”
And you wonder why I’m depressed
You wonder why I don’t eat
You wonder why I cut
*You wonder why I wanna die

I've lost someone that I've new for a long time
and now i really want to die it hurts so much i can't take it anymore
i really want to sprawl out on the floor.
i know she's with god now but why'd you have to take her from me
she's only 21 and i'm 16 but we really had dreams me going to college while she has her office in her big city me being a Docter she having a family i just don't understand she was so young and beautiful i just can't take it anymore it's making me burst inside..but bye now i'm gonna go die