I’m surprised I’m not hurting so much.
I’ve only been obsessing over you for three months now.
I saw your single relationship status and got my hopes up.
Excited by the thought of you.
The thought of us.
That’s the problem though.
I didn’t truly like you.
I liked the thought of you.
So I’m glad you got a girlfriend.
Actually you had one the whole time.
But I feel sorry for her.
I found out through other people about your relationship.
Your Facebook still reads single.
You never post a photo of the two of you,
But she does.
You may like it but you never comment.
In person you two look like friends.
Well, acquaintances really.
You two never talk.
She just follows you around like a lost puppy.
She gives you all this love and attention,
But you just stand there and take it.
You aren’t giving anything back.
It’s like she’s screaming at you to love her back,
and she’s answered with silence.
You maybe her boyfriend,
But is she really your girlfriend?
I feel sorry for her.
She deserves better than you.
People say I still have a chance with you,
But I don’t think I want a chance with you.  
I deserve better.

I was wondering if there would be a chance you would contact me and talk about what had happened to us, that maybe we could see each other and maybe by then I’ll have what I need－closure. Maybe by that, I could find acceptance and finally say that this is the reality and I have to face it. But I know it won’t happen. I know you, you should have done it earlier, at least?

I’m still waiting for your message. I’m still holding on maybe we could work this time again or maybe we could sort this out but I know that the more I try to connect with you, the more painful it could be since you already cut me off from your life and I don’t want to become selfish to your decision. To be honest, everything is still not clear to me. Maybe because I didn’t get the answers I deserve, that I still lack your explanations to the point I’m wanting to see you so we could settle this out, and maybe by that I could finally have the courage to say my last goodbye. I’m wanting to see you－ to make sure you’re okay, to hug you for one last time, and to tell you I’m thankful for everything.

Maybe we could see each other again, for the last time. And maybe by that, I would finally feel the freedom and assurance that it’s over.

We will always take for granted
the unreal people
that filter through our lives
each and every day,
where motion pictures
show us to never give up.

The irony is that it's not faux people
that lead us to believe in magic,
it was the real people behind the fake
that chose to keep the music flowing.

Who knows who they really are;
it doesn't matter when it's about
life or living for nothing.

If there's something to learn -
it's to learn to take chances.

Doing nothing is simple and tedious.
Opportunity is purpose and effortless.

Risk less, chance more.

A chance encounter
a snapshot in time
life's random moments
are simply sublime




© 2020 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.