He took RDR2
He left the shirt I gave him in my car
He was long gone - before I had even driven far
Waited downstairs for the cops,
While I sat on our bed in shock
Night ended with me in the hospital,
He in the stocks.

Lonely and heartbroken, back in my home state
Observing the mess we made
While neither of us can bear to hear the country songs
We mired our love in,
He's probably passed out drunk from confusion
While I'm left up and sobbing,
Wondering how I get it so wrong so often.

It’s been three months.
I watch you from afar
and cry silently
at the distance
between us.
Once a warm bed
with fingers reaching
for me
to lie close to
enough to feel your breath
against my cheek.
I am lost in the
empty sheets
you don’t
come to anymore.

Your clothes
no longer take up
the room in
the closet
except for the shirts
I took from
your suitcase
you dragged out behind you.
I still wear them
at two in the morning
when I miss
the way you smell
and it’s too cold to sleep

You don’t see me anymore.
I am nothing but a memory
to you now,
and you don’t look twice
when you walk past
my desperate spot
outside your work
just hoping to bump into you
the way we first did
So long ago.

You are no longer
a home.
You’re just a place
I used to know.

Tonight I wake up, moon light streaming through my stinging eyes.
Thinking.
I used to wake up to you.
Three hours into my past, you lie asleep in your bed.
Do you cry yourself to sleep too?
I sob through hot tears, like something is stuck just under the lid and I can't get it out.
You stay in my eyes like a persistent grain of sand.
Scratching my cornea, blinding me.
I'll patch my eyes with white cloth and go numb to the fact that my tears have turned from water to blood.
When I close my eyes, I think I'm supposed to remember all the happy times spent together.
But suddenly and terrifyingly, those same happy moments,
make me double over, and wail.
How terrifying is happiness when it's gone.

I don’t think about you as much anymore. I don’t feel the same way about you either.
All those feelings that used to cut me to the core seem like distant memories, possibly even as far back as a previous life. I do remember though. Vividly. What it felt like. That white-hot feeling of panic, stemming from the pit of my chest. Followed by the feeling of being cold, so very, very cold. As if you’d stripped me of any and all warmth I ever carried. My light had faded and faded- until it eventually burned out. For a while I was just numb, nothing felt real. It had to be a long-winded nightmare… I was going to wake up any minute and roll over to have you pull me into your arms, reassuring me it was all a dream. It was all in my head, right? I never woke up.

Or at least, I didn’t think I did.

Today I saw a poem that made me realize, maybe I have finally woken up. I don’t think about you as much, and I most certainly don’t feel the same way about you either.

How far more can we walk together?
I want to walk with you just last one time with the same old feelings

Our smile will be the sweetest
And I’ll be the happiest the girl

But I’m not the girl that you wanted
want you to notice me but you notice her instead

Just know that I’ve been waiting painfully

I hate it that I’m been unstable for quite some time and I really hope you’re not the reason why

I don’t want to blame you, all you did is gave me the best but I took granted for it.

Now you’re looking happier than before
I’m glad you’re fine but I’m not

If the time can rewind
I promise I’ll make you the happiest

Thank you for making a huge impact in my life
In a great way because I really enjoyed those days with you.

Brain: “When will he be back? Isn’t he going to call soon?”

Heart: “He left, remember?”

Brain: “But why? after all the fun memories we made? He was so in love with us”

Heart: “People change.”

dear,
the world was against us this time,
but maybe the love we've lost
will return to us in due time.

a love so pure and so good,
full of compassion and laughter,
is now found only in memories.

whatever happens,
know you'll always be in my heart.

I hear almost silent whisp’rings
Hist’ry
Tells me you’ll soon be gone
I promise not to cry o’er unspilled drinks
I think
It may be time to move on
This is selfish self protection
Prevention
From pains once felt before
I’ll take my heart from your grasp
Safer that
It just stay on the floor

i wanted to get rid of everything
i wanted to throw away everything
i wanted to throw away our bed
just to get you outside of my head
i wanted to break all of the plates
into a million pieces
because eating from them alone
made me now shake
i wanted to burn all of the curtains
i wanted to burn the couch
because you no longer
occupy the space next to me on it
i wanted to smash the tv in
just as you did to my heart
i couldn't watch our shows anymore
i wanted to strip the walls
of all of their color
because you picked out that shade of red
but now i'm sick of looking at it
i wanted to break all of the windows and jump out
lay amongst the glass shards in the lawn
come and find me here alone
come and see what you have done
to our home

I'm a overthinker.
I over think every possible way for everything.
Same goes for when I love someone.
I over think every possible way
in the worst scenarios
why I shouldn't be with them.
Because I'm scared of getting hurt.
But even after all that
I have chosen you
then imagine how much I love you
that no matter how much I over think
every situation seems stupid
knowing that in the end
I'll have you by my side