A blank space occupies my existence.
Sleeping alone again.
My hearts thermometer shattered.
I've caught a cold the day you left and I haven't gotten better.
Loneliness is a detriment to the cardiac.
A coffin without its corpse.
The hollowness of an empty hearse.
Both of us know that funerals don't work this way.
We belonged together
you said we'd never be alone again
you said we would never end
you said
you promised

You once told me
that Monday was Thursday,
Tuesday was Friday
and Wednesday...
-well Wednesday was Wednesday
and I believed it to be true

You were the force
that pulled the sun across my sky
and brought rain,
miraculously placing laughter
on my parched lips.
You wrote the maps
and formed minutes into hours
-letters into words
And when you smiled,
I believed it was just for me.

Your wish was my command
and my truth was your word.
I happily danced
when you pulled on my strings.

You vanished in a storm
and the blur of October, November,
February
Here one moment, gone the next
-with no goodbye,
apology or promise-prophecy.

But my world kept flowing
and the sun traced its arc
across my sky without your help.
My chest rose and fell
and Monday was Monday again
-the rain poured of its own accord
and my cracked lips found song.

Perhaps you have returned
from time to time
to your empty temple
-found it void of worship
and the voids filled once more.
Perhaps the legends are true
and you have become
deaf and blind
-unable to find your way back to me.

I should like the rumours
to be true
because my world turns
just fine without you.

Tell me how
I only break
to be strong and still,
how I only
take from me
to give to others,
how I get disapprovals
on my own pain,
how I wake up as
early as 6 am,
yet can't get up
until the regrets of
time gone to waste
hit at 2 pm,
Tell me how
to stop.

I want to get out
To run away.
Far from here.
Far from you.
But you are a mirage that travels with me,
A line of coke the addict can't fight.
You steal inside me, like a bear in winter.
You are biding your time,
As I bide mine.
For the fight.
The eventual fire of our meeting, yet again.

It's the same fight.
The same surrender,
Again and again.
A repeating cycle of fists thrown backward against the wall.

Tell me if you have time for this, still,
After all these years,
Because I'm not so sure that I do,
Anymore.
I'm not so sure that I owe you the audience.

Stop traveling with me.
Stop biting me with your sharp claws
And even more twisted stipulations.
I'm over you.
At least I think I am.
At least I'd like to be.

Why can't you be water under the bridge?
Evaporated under a resilient pink sky.
Why can't I be the pink sky?
Soaring over everything that is temporary.

One day I will be.
I know I will.
I just wish it was today.
But instead
I wait in trepidation for tomorrow.
I wait for the day that your shadow stops stalking me,
The day your voice stops echoing in my ears.
Won't the mirror break?
Won't you stop calling if I stop picking up the phone?
Only time will tell.
Only time knows your true power.
Or maybe you die with me.
Maybe you end when I end.

If that is so,
We have many more miles to fight.
Many more miles to see.
Many more fists to fly.

I just wish you would surrender.
I just wish you would surrender so I didn't have to.
Why can't you be the half that breaks?
Permanently this time.
I'm begging you, break away from me.
Break into pieces.
Break, so I no longer have to.

i'm a mess and i'm still untangling the strings
breaking down walls
breathing
being
building.
i've shed layers of dead skin,
repaired the broken
but never healing all at once...
never coming together the way i should
never falling apart when i'm ready to
never breaking at the right angles
that make it clean enough
to pick up after myself.

If you'll pardon the intoxicated indigestion
I have a rather erratic, dogmatic question:
If I woke up in the morning and I were broken
If I have used my last lucky little token
Would you love me still?
Would you join for the thrill?
Would you stay for the past
Or admit it couldn't last?

Time is flying, and I'm tired of trying
To pretend I can't taste the sand.
I loved you through everything
I held you through broken wing
If it were my turn because I wouldn't learn
And had to burn to understand
Would you still hold my hand?