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Rhianecdote May 2015
Pain gets passed along a chain,
from You to Me
from Me to Him
and now we're all sat here
upset for the same reason.
But this wasn't the bonds i hoped for
or the ties I wished to make or keep.
Try to break the cycle,
but apologies just won't cut it,
for goodness sake, too weak

She couldn't love You,
You couldn't love Me,
I couldn't love Him.
Don't you wish you could
go back to the beginning?
But where do you start in a circle?
A ring has no beginning or ending
it's everlasting,
that's why it's a symbol for Love,
so if I can't exchange it
maybe in verse I can
inverse all of the above

He loved Me,
I loved You
and You loved Her
and loves a beautiful thing,
and I hope one day soon
we'll all be able to
love ourselves too,
truely deep within
and on that day perhaps
this chain will cut us some slack,
we'll be facing the right way
and will be able to see Love
and give it back.
Cause the thing about chains,
they can run either way,
joy gets passed along too
during happier days
and they will come,
surely as this chain
remains undone.

**Name's Bond, Chains Bond
If I possessed the patience, vision and prowess of some of the concrete poets on here (Ryn anyone?) I would have liked to have written this in a chain or cycle formation alas i probably would have dashed my phone out of the window by now in sheer frustration. Haha so use your imagination and maybe some mind altering drugs kids!
Rhianecdote May 2015
I know I cared
I'm sure I did
For it had to exist
For me to now feel the absence of it

It's hard not to lose sight in pain
When it seemed any gain came at a loss
Looking at what remains
Weighing up your kind nature as its cost

Used to be someone you could call upon
But now I'll turn you away
Outrightly tell you to *******
Cause I have nothing left to say

And it hurts me

In fact today it made me feel ashamed

Yet I still maintain I need some space

Lone wolf creation, a one horse race

But when a nation
Becomes isolationist
You better hope those bonds within
Don't come loose or snap
Cause when a nation
Becomes isolationist
There might be no coming back...

**Together

Forever, Endeavour, Our Women, Our Men

Cast Away the Pain or become a Cast Away in Pain

Again and Again
I remember watchin Child of our Time a while ago. Basically its a documentary headed by Professor Robert Winston (not the cockney bloke think Groucho Marx) that has followed several children from birth trying to discover the secrets of nature vs nurture in shaping personality. In one episode they were following a little girl and showed how the most sensitive, empathetic and caring in the bunch, over time had turned out to become the most matter of fact and the explanation was that they had been met with such disappointment and upset through their kind nature that as a means of self preservation it had now rendered them kinda cold at such a young age. Anyhu it stuck with me, not only cause I can relate, (I was that kid, in fact I think we share the same name) but because it made me sad. If you care a lot sometimes that means you're gonna hurt a lot but I don't feel that caring is ever a bad trait, I think in life we just need to discover the balance of what we should and shouldn't care so much about.

I'd like to believe that the true essence of that little girl and her kind nature very much still remains...
Rhianecdote May 2015
I look around me and all I see
Are complexities
People that increasingly
Confuse or frustrate me
I just don't know what they want from me
I just know that this is not where I want to be
Tryin to maintain sanity
On the cheap
So who do I say goodbye to
Who do I keep?

Stick with stuck people
And you'll end up nowhere
And yeah it may sound unfair
But it's true
Its true to me, it's true to you
Leave behind
Or get left behind

But in this you can trust

If I've got love for you
I'll come back for you
Or better yet
I'll turn round to see
You've already caught up
Dang! I actually wrote the first verse to this near on a year ago, just goes to show how long this has played on my mind. It could just be depression talking but My dislike and frustration with people is very much hitting its peak at this moment in time and I'm well aware that it's linked to the frustration I have in myself. Its hard when you're surrounded by good people, one's that you care for but they have no motivation or direction, the added apathy just kills my spirit and at this point the only responsibility I can take is for myself. Its a deep one cause I'm pretty sure that I've been left for the same reasons, but in all honesty I can't even begrudge anyone that. You've gotta do what's best for you and who knows maybe serve as some inspiration or catalyst for change in doing so
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
If my Leg was bust
Would you be my crutch?

And if my Mind was,
Could I afford you the same Trust?

Cause Life weighs heavy on a Mind.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I think of the first guy who let me down
Just as his Ex came back to town
And though I can have a laugh
and joke with him now
I will never see him in the same light
ever since that night
Out of cowardice he thought it was alright
After knowing me for a good part of my life
To do me like he did
I guess I dodged a bullet...

But not for long
Tell em how you really feel
And they run

But when you can't be direct
You lose my Respect
And I don't think
That anyone has ever
Won it back

And when you can't be straight up
You forfeit my Trust
And I know for a fact
That nobody has ever
Gained that back
Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever will

And I don't know if this is due to my lack
of understanding, or any hurt that I feel
But I doubt it cause I was born to relate
Tread the emPATHy
But I find it winding and tiring of late
But what is the other option?
Hate?
No, I just wasn't made for that

So I seek to understand the reasoning
And see if this should lead
to an acceptance of  the action
Whether it's a justification
For the jagged fragments I stand upon
of all that can be shattered in a fraction
cause we all make Mistakes right?

My prison is a prism of insight
I constantly have to negotiate
One I wish I could crack
But I guess if I'm Bound to the Rebound
I'll always bounce back
Hey **, Old skool garage will help.
*Plays* Oxide and Neutrino - Bound for the Reload
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I'm Lost amongst the Lost
Surrounded by the dumbfounded
Asking for direction but no one knows the way
Trying to focus in an intoxicated state
Scrambling through the crowds
To find a way out instead of through
Drifting further and further away
from the truth
Growing aloof and resentful
Sticking with the stuck
At a standstill
I choose to stand still
STOP
And stare at these people all over the place
These all over the place people
Going 100 miles per hour
But heading nowhere fast
Close eyes
And realise that this way of life ain't for me
Trapped in a vat of social distraction
Too long stuck on repeat
Tired by the tedium
I harbour some eMotion
Sidestep the commotion
But unlike so many
I'm no Escapee...

**I just aim to Break Free
So I can get back to being Me
I hope one day soon to find the balance between being sociable and focused. I think it really depends on the people you surround yourself with and if the company you keep help you to grow and progress. I'm surrounded by a lot of loveable yet apathetic and lost people at this moment in time that I'm sure are destined for better things if only they'd get started (me included lol) sometimes you just gotta break off and do your own thang rather than get caught up in it all. I reached that point quite some time ago now, procrastination just isn't an option anymore.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
I'm just one line

               in a line of long lines

identical to each as you weave

                 same mistake after mistake

 thinking you choose to break

                the habit with each **one
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
You let them go*

Indulge in some half hearted belief

That if they're meant too

They'll come back

But what if they don't?*


I guess I'll just have to sell the birdcage to Sia
LRK
My sister was my first ward.
When GOD saw fit to send
her to me he forgot to include any warnings.
She would drink all the juice,
and play with all the toys.
She was cuter then me, smaller than me,
and could not sin. At least that’s what my family thought.
I didn’t know it was possible to love and hate that hard until we grew up.
As a fledgling guardian I had to do well in school,
respect teachers, and keep out of trouble
because she followed in my wake.
I was her windbreaker that protected her from the storm.

My overprotectiveness of all Double X chromosome
carriers is pretty much her fault.
I made plans at night on how I would keep us both safe
if we ever had the misfortune of being alone in the world.
I blazed trails and fought demons
so she would never know darkness.
And I failed.
I made her hate me and the weird thing was I was content
with the hate because she was safe.
She’ll never see the horrors of the frontlines.
Never know my scars.

It’s taken two years to get my best friend back.
No matter what happens or the gap that may arise
she will always be my friend.
Now I’ll always mess with her, give her advice,
answer when she calls, remind her of her embarrassing moments,
and I will always be the first to defend her.
She’s my littlest one and I’ll have her back until the day I leave this world.
Love you lil sis sis.
Happy Siblings day littlest one. This one is for you
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
Looking to the Lost
To find yourself

But you won't

Cause two lost
people together
Only ever stay lost.

But at least then
they may just
get lost in each other.
I'm tired of being lost. It's like I'm playing a game of hide and seek by myself! Time to take a look in the mirror...
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