On a pedestal, you stand
With angels beside you playing trumpet and lyre
They'll sing hallelujah
When you smile and open your arms

And I'd say your name
A thousand times like a prayer before I sleep
Sing psalms on Sundays
Like a devotee, lifting my hands as I weep

But you were a mere god,
Pinnacled upon an altar that I made.
For a long time, I stayed
Only to be tricked and betrayed.

I once hummed along
With the angels as they sing
But an atheist came and uttered,
'Unvaried hymns are tiring.'

I heard your sighs,
when you knew about his lies.

when i get sad,
i think back to when you
loved me.

how the weather
was warm,
and you cared for me
more than ever.

but now the weather
is cold
and i’m no longer
loved by you,
but by people who
never really cared about
my well-being.

i act like i love them too,
but i’m still desperate
for the warm weather
to return,
and maybe you
with it.

I’m sorry I told you the things that I said I wouldn’t  say
Because I trusted you
It took you 20 seconds alone with them to tell them
I said it out of anger
I said it out of fear
I said it because what she did was unacceptable

And so I probably shouldn’t have told you
Should have known better
Because I know that I’m your best friend
But being popular is more important
To you
And what I said was said in anger
And you thought I didn’t know
When I walked into the room and you fell silent
The only word “snake”
Or the person you were on face time to
As I drove past
I know when you’re lying
Don’t call me ignorant

Because I didn’t mention it when you
Called me fat
Or called me dramatic
Or spoke about my biggest secret in front of everyone else
Or ignored me
And stood me up
So many times because fifteen minutes is not enough warning
And I didn’t want to get embarrassed in front of my mother for having such a ****** friend
So I sat alone
In the park at night
And we all know what happens to girls alone in the park at night.

But I didn’t mention it
Because I didn’t want to blame you
She was the irresponsible one
I was just doing my job
Cheering them on
Doing the right thing
Whilst she stared and whispered
All I said was that I “expected better”
And you told her because why the **** not

She’s more popular than me
She’s the centre of attention
She can get anyone on her side
But I must have forgotten I can’t tell you that
Because you’ll tell her
And that **** *****.

Can I ask you?

With vice and disguise,
Are you happy with what you are?
Inflated with pride,
Knotted with jealousy
The unknown balloon burst
With a just ***** of words.


Camouflaged beauty as you were,
Coated and polished to be the society,
Mastered were the words,
With strokes of affection,
Appreciated as I  felt.
I swam in the pits N holes
While thinking of the oceans

The deeper I tried to discover,
Shallower did you get.
Layers and layers of faces,
None uncovered to the core,
What you are still a mystery

I breathe in the pain of phrases,
Toxicity of incoherent love,
I feel the wrenching smirk,
Once which was a curved smile.

I hear the Echoes of my wails,
Strumming in the veins,
Tears were never there
But unseen scars dug deep.

In brighter days,
Darker shadow growing,
In hours,
A nightmare breeding.
You were what dismayed me,
Much more than breaking,  
Maybe a peaceful shattering .