Reforming the formless

I’ve often been told
By many different souls.
That I’m hard to read
It’s getting old
Enough for me to forget it
Until it comes up again
And again and again.
Is it my glares to the top corner or the room
Or the stale air
Was it because I already told you ?
Worried about my feelings,
But it’s Your actions .
Do you not have any compassion
Or respect for yourself
Sour.
Here’s  another number
Take a guess
How I feel
Use your head
Tell me what’s real.
Can’t be looking down
Face glowing Up
Because you can’t talk
Like a ******* grown up
This mind game is too lame
I can’t stand your sad face but
You need a kick into reality
I told one time
Don’t you ever lash out at me
I’m a ******* inside
But I never let it out
I don’t wanna give you
Something to talk about
Everyone’s cool
Until they don’t shout
This is how
The truth comes out

November
has it’s own different ways
of reminding us about death
but to me, there’s not much of the dead
or the scary moments and memories
it’s more about my heart’s desire
to want to savor every waking day
the inhalation & exhalation
every sunrise, every breath
to feel more blessed
...to spread more love
    ...to give more to myself
and be reminded
that being alive, still
the best gift I had received
from above

It is all fake sadness
Without cups, no sprite to collect the rains
We are an endless rolling fog
on the edge of the terrain.

We are foxes living in the suburbs
we are sneaky creatures not meant for fluorescent light-bulbs
and streetlamps
We are the oldest vulpines alive

I had been asked about symbology-- about flags and shapes and geometric plagues
I had to recollect the places in my head, London was a dime, Berlin was a teeter-totter
U.S.A was a great big long balloon snake

There wasn't anything left to say in the barbershop,
the razor blades dully buzzing,
no songs but the buzzing
of satellite radio

I got a removal done,
my deforested head could feel the wind caress it
I was a new and reemerged cocoon with a lacking self-confidence
I studied books and computers at Best Buy

You were a yet unknown quantity
you were god in the skies of San Ramon Valley High
Or perhaps the other prestige of some other village dream
You emerged and contained within the largest fib

Give me one good reason why
You deserve any more of god than the earth.

I want to explore you

(Is this what this is?)



I want to hold every inch. I want to graze. My eyes they hunger. My mind tries to satiate my hunger but alas. Nothing imagined can compare. It is only fact. The only fact i know for a certainty.

(Okay, maybe thats a bit of an overexaggeration. But.


Shut up.)

I always end up giving up. Wind up throwing in the towel. Too wound up. Dissatisfaction.

(I almost said insatisfaction. But that would have been incorrect. No no. I am correct. Always. I am me. Me is right. Ha.)

I need to be pleased. Please, please me. Dear god what is going on. Inexplicable feels in places unpredictable. In ordinary actions turned utterly and splendidly extraordinary.

(How cliché.)

Sweet toxicity. Unexpectable, unsuspecting poison in every glance, every look. It holds me firmly with an unrelenting grip that says "there is no such escape from this destiny." And the words are such a pleasure to hear. And i want to hear them over. And over. And over again. And i want it deep and commanding. I want definity in the way that it already is. Who could ask to escape from something such as this. What poor blind fool would willingly give this up. This infinity. This immensity.

No. Not i. Never. I could never deny this. Not now or ever.

I am a happy captive of this place
in life
in which i am present in
at the moment.