She lies there
So beautiful
So peaceful
Nobody would call for her
Not while she was in the tub
The music loud
Almost too loud
It sounded more like incessant banging
But she didn't mind
And didn't care if others did
Warm water up to her chest
Only getting colder
She's been in there for an hour
Or two
When usually she only stays for half
Her family,
Beginning to worry,
Bangs on the door
They wonder if they got a response
And just couldn't here it
But no
The girl said nothing
So the family enters
To a sight of pure
Horror.
I look past the deep
Bleeding cut
That goes long ways down her arm
Past the old scars,
Already a pale white,
That cross her arm
And I look at the family
Their faces
Their eyes
Not full of tears
But shock
And it occurs to me
That I am her
And she
Is me.

i’m sorry i cried when you touched me
i wasn’t used to fingers
feeling like feathers
and hands holding me
like a kind of ripe fruit.

lovers before you
were a bit more heavy handed
hard headed
tossing me around like some old toy
that they were tired of
uninspired and
wringing me like
i somehow had the answers
tucked so far in deep.

i am not used to being handled
gently.

I wanted to be your Poem
I wanted you to compare my eyes to the stars
My hair to the sunshine
My laugh to the ocean

I wanted you to take the things I didn't like about myself
and make them seem beautiful
My nose like a button
My walk like a dance
My voice like a song

I wanted you to to describe my imperfections so beautifully
That I would love myself entirely
even just for a moment
My personality enchanting
My awkwardness adorable
My ramblings enlightening

I wanted you to look at me as a whole person
Not just my individual parts
I wanted to be
A flame illuminating the darkness
The smell of the earth after the rain
The quiet sound of nighttime

But you are just a boy
And I am just a girl

You're not a poet
I'm not a poem

And when I ask how I look
I'll have to live with an
Awkward mumble of
"You look fine"

Out of place and rather uncertain
Lacking instructions, suggestions and a warning
Bouncing about like a toy ball
Uncomfortable with all my tics
I've always felt so quirkily and small

Lacking order and any sense of being,
Feeling out of place, unloved no ones ever hearing,
Broken and bruised from head to toe,
My scars shining bright against the pale white snow,
Just because I couldn't learn to walk straight,

Crooked toothed but grinning
I always feel like I'm sinning
Every time I'm early I feel late
Burnt to a crisp is the price of the flame
I'm just a solo player stuck in this game*

Maybe I'm the sinner and you're the saint,
Your halo is burning, getting lost in the flames,
Take my hand and join with me,
For we can end the heartache that seems to be,
Lets be awkward together,
There's no one better

Why do they distract me so?
One object makes me stare.
I'd decided to walk away from that ridiculous fantasy...
But that dream? What was that?
I'm not sure what way it swayed me last night,
But today, that change,
I just couldn't look away...

F**k butterflies, my stomach has birds in it.
My body's shaking, my heart is racing, my pulse is high.
You're gorgeous, and I woke up this morning with a zit.
How'd a girl like you settle for a "me" kind of guy?

I'm usually witty, but my words don't work well for this.
It's just that you're so pretty, you make my knees weak!
At the end of the date, my pulse hit five-fifty.
I realize it's lame that I asked for permission before we kissed...
I was just trying to take the time to aim for your lips.
See, the funny part is...

                                       I was afraid I might miss.

Standing in
The grocery store
Dazing through
Colored produce
Her hands
Tangled
In her hair
Looking past
The people
Passing
Your ring
On her finger
A little lose
Wires
Of her hair
Clutching
Its turquoise
Edges
Looking
Like she
Is looking
For you
Like She never
Got the phone call
Like an answer
Never came
Like you only hid
In the tall grass
With a small
And laughing
Smile
Like if I shook
Her
I would be
The first
To tell her
Where are her words
I wonder
Falling
From her lips
From her
Mangled mind
Scattered and
Silently pleading
For rearrangement
For a callback
To say
It was all
A miscommunication
They didn’t need
Her daughter
For the role
To hear
It was just
A mistake
The store
Could make
A refund
Because this
Isn’t
What she bought
Standing there
I stare
At her
Staring
Almost blankly
Almost apathetic
Almost just barely
Uneasy
Contemplating:
If she pressed
Hard enough
Into her temples
Wrapping
Her fingers
Deep into
Her hair
If she
Could get it
To become
So quiet
No one around
Remained
Maybe
Time
Could pause
A moment
To breathe
A deep
Breath
Opening a door
For understanding  
Overcome
With relief
Maybe then
She could
Press harder
Releasing
The reel
Of time
Letting it
Roll backward
I almost
Don’t want
To interrupt
Though I know
Her mind
Is not quiet
I place
My hand
On her
Shoulder
Softly
As if
To wake
A sleeping
Baby
I almost
Expect her
To turn
To me
Not knowing
Who I am
To tilt
Her head
Back
Her mouth
Falling open
And her face
To become
Wrought and
Wet
With distress
It doesn’t
She looks
At me
As if removed
From some place
Far from where
We stand
She says
She thought
She saw me
Walk in
I see
Your eyes
In her eyes
She sees
Your memories
In mine
We exchange
Words
Both
Looking
For you
I realize
She thought
She almost
Found you
Until turning
To see only
My face
The hurt
It carries
To her
Placing it
Back
Into the
Front seat
Of her
Memory
Though she
Had been
Far
From forgetting
Standing
Like two
Lovers left
By the same
Lady
An awkward
Almost drunken
Daze
Her heart
More broken
Than mine
It didn’t matter
How much
Either
Of us
Loved
Our lover
Left us
It grows
Silent
I tell her,
I need to go and return my mushrooms