You told me to kiss you, and I almost did.

It was almost like love,
Almost like your hand fits in my hand perfectly can I call you mine?
No.
It was almost like you’re the one I can phone at 3 a.m,
When the thoughts are bad and the darkness is thick
And I am drowning.
It was almost like drowning
Because your eyes
Are blue like waves that won’t stop breaking over my
Head, they leave my lungs unable to fill with anything that is not
Salt water which is what your skin tastes like.
It was almost like midnight making love and memories
Under stars that were too far away and you;
You are too far away. Too far gone. Too far
Too far from me.
It was almost like love
Almost like unearthly bond
Almost like you are one reality and I am another
But we do not mix so it is always only
Almost
And that’s what hurts the most.

Today
I ran into the cute boy
at work who I’ve seen.
I was getting that
morning hot chocolate
leaving the kitchen
and I thought to myself
this is how the fanfiction
I wrote starts
By bumping into someone
leaving a coffee shop
And then it really happened
Leaving the doorway
the cute boy at work I’ve seen
came around the corner
We both said
Oh sorry
And I got to hear his voice
I barely even looked up
but I knew it was the one
who’s desk I walk by
when I take the long way
back to mine
When I walked away
I wanted to go back in
to see the boy who almost
made a fanfiction be real
But I put my hand
over my mouth
and kept going
in order to not ruin the moment
of the almost.

can you hear me yet?
the song that plays on in my heart doesn't seem to be the same melody
it used to be so happy and light
now all i feel is water crashing over  my hear
i'm sinking
i'm screaming
crying out for your affection yet you turn your back again
your only hear for a little while then you leave
i wish you heard my cry
i wish you could feel what i'm feeling
save me
don't let go
because i cant
turn around
hear me for the last time
i love you
but you love her
you hear her
i'm can't be there anymore
goodbye my last love

i cannot say what's on my mind,
it wont make any sense
to you,
to anyone,
and especially to me, so
i won't say anything
and you will tell me that it doesn't matter how i say it, it only matters if i do
but when you say nothing instead of ‘im in love with you’ the words will swim down the veins of your lover like poison filling them to the brink of extinction and you will regret it,
so next time think of what to say
and say it or
trust me
it will change the whole game
and thats what happened
the game was changed when nothing came out of my mouth the day you told me i was your universe,
i instantly regret not saying anything,
regret falling like a fruit from a tree that i cannot pick up with my sensitive hands
but trust me
trust me when i say i wanted to pick them up,
with every inch of me, i wanted to be the one that gave you the fruit you ever so desired but i cannot hurt my myself to please you even though pleasing you was the only thing i had ever known
i will not destroy myself, for you, but at the same time i wanted to if it meant keeping you with me
all i wanted was to be there for you but i guess the poison i filled you up with was actually a magnet i had placed in your heart
and you were not attracted to me,
you did not come when i had told you that i picked up the fruit,
my hands bleeding for you
i would give every inch of my being to say ‘im in love with you’ instead of staying quiet
because quiet didnt get me anywhere but here
****** hands, self destruction,
in the sidewalk of you heart catching a ride to god knows where,
my love for you packed in the bags i have,
waiting for a ride that will come soon.