she poured brown sugar on top. talked but refused to speak. that.  was her last inhale.  cigars ordained the fountain    and the blue irises diluted.  i expected to see drops.   the ends shriveled up.
    
but we swigged godiva
      
     she said:                                                        
sunday we’ll go to the beach

    i laugh     at first
          the open air was all legs and armpits
          i casually held my palms to my nose
     wine to drown the stench
    
she chatted in infinites


there was only a small bustle. thirteen o’ clock. the canvases were pulled back.  always some glass in our hands. the horses didn’t care, in fact, let us stroke their noses. i still wonder  what they patrolled. we kept drinking.  passed out in a public park.

    i said
    it’ll be concrete jungles
friendship forgotten



                               she woke with leaves                                                           ­ 
                   at her temples    in her tear ducts.
                                                          ­ i typed it
                                                           l e a v e s
              
            
*seen by all

What's happening to you?
Your face blushes
making red roses jealous of your hue

What's happening to you?
You start shaking like a leaf in autumn
weightless and easily moved

What's happening to you?
You never look him in the eye
for fear of being to obvious

What's happening to you?
A single hello makes you curl
like a shy teenager on the verge of experiencing
"emotions"

What's happening to you?
Your old enough to have mastered such things
Your the maestro of your own heartbeats
but there's something different

What's happening to you?
Your shell has hardened enough
to be affected by butterflies
inside and all around

What's happening to you?
are
you
feeling
again?

I remember her as a little girl walking into a classroom with pigtails and a hand full of green glass bangles, today she is the bride and her smile breaks the reality of adulthood and powerlessness of human life to run back as children.

And we all like to compare the past with the here and now,
but there are only certain memories that we will allow.
Like how “remarkable” our childhoods used to be,
compared to adulthood now where “everything has turned to debris”.
As in a state of reminiscence we remember things in the most positive light
and in the greatest form so our memories of the past shine bright.
But we forget that nostalgia is a deceiver to you and me,
because nothing was ever as good as we like to remember them to be.

dizzying drips in the espresso's wake
pool of foam on the counter's face

facade of daily blather
hiss of saucer's edge
rusty change scattered loose.

in this,
I find the mystery of human use.

what we're for
why we're there

the arm that pours
the lips that curve

the standing, tired legs that shout

"I serve."
"I did it." and

"I'm  f**ing out."

Falling down the rabbit hole,
Into the world they call Wonderland.
Falling and falling with subtlety and grace,
No way up, but down down down…
A portal to the unknown.
Where I will land, who I will find,
I do not know.

But gravity takes control,
There is no going back, this I know.
All that I knew,
All that I was,
Has taken its place in the past.
And as I fall further and further,
Darkness taking over,
Pieces of me are left behind.
Memories, no longer kept alive.

In colours, I once saw.
My mind, I once knew so well.
My thoughts, so simple, so clear,
There was certainty, no fear.
All have seemed to disappear.

This body I now carry, I do not recognize.
My hands and my feet, have taken new shape.
Visions of black and grey,
I can no longer escape.
I am forced to welcome its unfamiliarity,
its uncanny presence;
Experience its limitations, explore its essence.
Understand the other that has violated my entity,
Claims power over my destiny.

The fall seems endless,I’ve grown weary,
Numb to my transformation.
If only I could reach its destination,
Feel the ground beneath my feet again,
Control my every move, advance at my own pace;
Enter Wonderland, a new home,
I am forced to embrace.

There's only so much a man can take
There's only so much bullying, so much shoving
There's only so much faking and denying
There's only so much swallowing and deflecting

For every man that is 'spinning plates',
There's is a boy being stepped on.
For every man that is buttering up,
There is a boy that is being deceived.
For every man that is lying,
There is a boy that is being lied to.

I tell you this so you can
Neatly and promptly
Get your head out of  your ***, as
If you're not cheating and lying,
If you're not faking and denying,
If you're not shoving and bullying,

You are no man at all.