I'm so tired of pretending like I feel nothing for you;
acting like we can be just friends now,
no longer sharing secrets and 1am laughs,
and missing those kisses like no one is watching.

My mind is weary from holding back the memories of "us",
the sly ones that creep up every once in a while.
But now "we"
are
you
and
me.

How are you not exhausted?
Are you forcing that smile when you see me with him,
like I do when I see you with her?

Doesn't it sting a little
for you to think of me baring my naked soul to someone else?
Because it's killing me everyday
to imagine you holding and touching another girl,
the same way you did to me

Sometimes I think I see it in your eyes,
or maybe it's just wishful thinking,
that you might miss me as much as I miss you,
or maybe it's just my weakness coming through.

Forced smiles and introductions,
Simple hi's and how are you's
The biggest show you have to display
Time against you,
How long can you keep up the act?
It gets harder,
as the pain becomes clearer.
The world spins faster,
Lost for thoughts.
You choose not to think,
To feel,
To be.
Giving up wasn't the hard choice,
As you see it,
It was the only choice.

Just because I like science does not mean I'm atheist.
Just because I'm Christian doesn't mean I'm religious.
Just because  it's easy for me to make friends doesn't mean I don't have social anxiety.
Just because I don't eat as much as everyone else doesn't make me anorexic.
Just because I make honor roll doesn’t mean I'm smart.
Just because I don't wear tons of makeup everyday doesn't mean that I'm confident in myself.
Just because I do not judge anyone does not mean I don't have an opinion.
Just because I blog a photo of a naked lady doesn't make me bi/ lesbian.
Just because I know the guy I like doesn't like me back doesn't mean that I can't continue to like him.
Just because people call me pretty and I say thank you does not mean I believe I am.
Just because I ignored you does not mean I didn't hear you insult me.
Just because I laughed it off does not mean it didn't hurt.
Just because I act strong does not mean I am.
Because that's all it is.. An act.
But no one cares to get to know the real me, so I hope you're happy with what you get.

I close my eyes lost in thought
Trying so hard to breathe
Hoping that the fight in my head
Would slowly fade

I feel the churning in my stomach
The fire that evokes in my skin
Increase my heart beat
All because of my mind

Then I stand up and smile
A smile so made that no one notices
That the girl laughing and talking
Is a stranger and a great actress.

In the darkness of the night, I ponder
Remembering the insults and faults
But what strikes me as an oddity
Is the numbness taking over

In these times it’s a wonder
That they see me as cheerful
Never knowing how I really am
Dark, evil and cruel is my alternate

In the terrors of my abyss
I sat waiting patiently
For the time to get up and smile
And lie to the world once again.

Authenticity
is so overlooked
Honesty aswell
but people wouldn't notice them
even if they fell
right in their arms.

People chase a stupid fantasy
dive into a virtual world
and drown in imaginary expectations
I hope your bubble pops
life is here in front of you
I've been there too
I understand, but it's no excuse.

No one is perfect
no one really has tact
sense, perception
Or any idea how to deal with life
It's all an act.
It's all an act.

the words you said to me are engraved on my arms
carved the words
into my skin
your judgement is my cold, sweet breakfast.

I am happy,
But why is that those tears wont stop falling?

It's the right thing,
But why is that it doesn't feel like so?

I am strong,
But why is it that I need to be strong?

I should not feel this way,
But why is it that my feelings have become so bipolar ?

It's bravery,
But why is it that I feel it's an act of fear instead?

I am not oblivion no more,
But why is it that i feel there is much behind every path?

I fear failure,
But why is that I feel that it is a fear of success?

I should enjoy the moment,
But why is it that my brain cant comprehend to happiness no more?

(Barbara Green)
A child so small
so vulnerable and weak
helpless, powerless
not allowed to speak.
Lying awake in bed
knowing he'll soon appear
Frightened and trapped
living a torturous nightmare.
Body is shaking
trembling with-in
preparing for
the terrible acts of sin.
Left all alone
with no-one in sight
The abused child cries silently
all through the night.

How does one heal
from such a horrible crime?
The scars, the damage
lasts a lifetime.
Emotionally I struggle
to make it through
Not knowing Why?
I feel and act the way I do.
The tragedy is over
but the turmoil is still there
I wonder, If my outbursts
is a way to see if anyone cares.
Please! God help me
I cry out
with so much anguish
fear and doubt.