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Kaitlyn Aug 2018
it always seemed like you could never be mine
always too good for me
always someone better than me for you to love.
until you were mine...
the chase filled my eyes my heart my soul with adoration for you.
but when you finally wanted me to be yours, you wanted the whole world to know
which led me to wonder why you weren't content with just me.
always going to show off to the world what you have
show her off as your latest capture
your greatest possession.
temporarily, as nothing is ever here to stay.
and i present the first damper you put on our relationship.
a month is all we lasted.
i couldn't do it anymore
i lost my best friend pretending he could be my first lover.
or did i lose someone who loved me while i convinced myself he was just a friend.
closure will never be given as i dont know the answers to your questions.
but you dont even know how to ask the questions anymore.
but you still have the ability to snap me in two with a single decision.
and when you move on i can guarantee my heart will ache.
and theres nothing left for me to do
because i was the one to let you go.
and now ill never know what we could have been
because youre right, i gave up too easily.
i should't feel like this. i have no right.
Kaitlyn Jul 2018
gurgling around the rim of my insides
come alive when your name lights up my screen
lights up my face with a widespread smile
sparkling for ages and doesnt dare to disappear
never want you to fade.
in such little time, youve made the butterflies come alive
made a connection with them
theyre clinging on to you, they trust you
itll hurt if you leave them all alone
theyve been hurt, theyve built walls
but their soft spot is for a cute face
so bingo, youve got the advantage
dont manipulate this please
youve got so much power
over the butterflies on my insides
you asked 'we should meet up sometime' and i replied 'happily'
- this shall be interesting
Kaitlyn Feb 2018
disguised as just another day in your working school life,
but this one is not the same.
this was your last first day in this town.
start to think how to say your final goodbye to your friends.
finish all your teenage petty ******* that you want to leave behind.
start to think about what you want to do for the rest of your life.
finish all your procrastinated tasks just to graduate.
everything happens for a reason but what you don't know is that you're the reason.
you are the only reason why you do everything.
you can play it off on someone around you but you know that it was up to you the entire time.
but you can't brush it off anymore because this is your final year.
that means you have to take responsibility and grow the **** up.
******* myself  as the rest of my life starts soon.
Kaitlyn Jan 2018
i do have a life of my own.
not everything i do revolves around you.
lately i've minimised my contact and relations i have with you.
and you're my best friend.
something has changed in you and i don't seem to connect anymore.
i think i realised this change of personality on New Years Day.
when the question was asked; 'what is your ultimate goal for this year ahead of us?'
'to **** as many guys as i can possible'
i mean that's cool and all.
and like i suppose i support you in anything you do..
but its different.
'to be content with myself and figure out my future'
that was my answer..
it seems like our answers could never actually come from best friends.
or at least that's my opinion.
but i think i've come to realise that i do not want you in my life if that is your biggest goal of this year.
but you act like its all a joke because you've realised that you will never have the potential to do something worthwhile.
too late now i suppose.
and you spring up a plan on me for a week ahead to be out of town for almost a week.
after evaluating it all, i found out i am unable to go due to prior commitments.
you know..? like things you promise to do and won't change if other things come up.
but you don't know that..
once i was upset so you sent me a text saying that we're having a confrontation that arvo only for you to blow it off and **** your boyfriend instead.
i can genuinely say that i was depressed and was on the verge of suicide and just knowing the level of importance i had to you nearly sent me over the edge.
i hope you're happy... with yourself.
as when i told you that i couldn't attend, you attempt to convince yourself that the trip will now be "mega sucky".
but in the same minute you send a message asking with exclamation points and all if it was still okay for you to go with the girl you replaced me with.
you didn't just replace me on this trip..
you replaced me as your best friend.
and i'm not coming back..
i guess that's "mega sucky"
**** to **** *****.
things i want to scream in my "best friend's" face to show her all the ways she pushed me away and just how she lost me. have a fun life
Kaitlyn Jan 2018
its almost been three years since i met you for the very first time.
but i hardly seem to know you,
and that breaks my heart.
i wish i knew you.
you seem just like the type of guy that i would love endlessly and unconditionally.
i'm sorry i never put myself in the position to find out.
you're oh so beautiful and i am oh so very proud of you.
it has now gotten to the point of your life where you are moving out and driving away to university.
they're screaming at you for you to 'find your why'.
and you're screaming straight back in their face with all the excitement you've ever held.
i love you for that.
but you've also sparked something inside me.
you've made me so determined and strong minded for the year that has just started and lies ahead of me.
thank you.
as i travel along a year behind you,
you are no longer a drive down the road.
you're now located three hours away,
and i hope so very much that one day i will be able to join you.
but of course we need to stay in touch.
but i want to surprise you 12 months down the track bumping into you in a little cafe.
you can tell im lost in my mind and dont have a great sense of reality.
you always told me that i was different.
but you'd follow that comment with 'and that ain't a bad thing'.
i'm so proud of you and my imagination for our future is the only thing that's going to get me through 2018.
you're finding your why,
but ive just found mine; you.
i love you aj and youll never see that because im two steps behind you but im proud and i will see you soon. i promise x
Kaitlyn Dec 2017
say what you ******* want to.
temporary is honestly greater than permanent.
you never notice or appreciate anything permanent but at the time, it had your full attention.
you’re honestly the biggest hypocrite i’ve ever met.
who knew that you can spend the whole day with your best friend believing you know who they are as a person...
only for them to backstab you the second you’re no longer together.
they know your weaknesses through this position of superiority as your best friend.
only to **** with you and use it to tear you apart.
i’m always the one apologising..
despite the fact that i’m always the one on the floor, defeated and left with a broken heart.
so speak the **** up already and say it to my face.
i forgive easily  so i might as well have handed you the blade you stabbed me with
Kaitlyn Dec 2017
you’ve got me crying since i’m a fool after you’ve told me that i have your heart.

didn’t trust me enough to let me keep it.

by doing so you only broke me. m the one that’s going to set out.

set out in this big world to see more than you could ever promise me.

just remember that you will forever be that person that has my heart... and i’ll always love you.

i’m sorry that i was casted to play the role of the jokers
i’m sorry that i loved you even though i was in no position to do so.. after all i’ve only had minimal contact with you that actually worked to anything... right? :(
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