nothing quite like it
so crisp and pure
angelic, almost.

sent from the heavens
drifting every so slowly
white solitude.

a vow for no more love poems
no more searching for you in song lyrics
never again will I fall asleep thinking of you
and if I dream of you, god help me.

like the burst of livelihood just before a soul escapes
or the ignition of the ocean just before the sun collapses
my mind flashes an iridescent scope of ultraviolet colours
just before my mind slips into slumber.
a panicked array of worries and memories shooting through the canals of my brain
faster than lightening bolts    in every direction
and then
dreamland

how do you let someone go
when you were the one who convinced him to love you?

how do you break his heart
after you were the one who picked up the pieces?

I'm so ******* unhappy
and I wish somebody could sit here
and tell me tomorrow will be better
but truthfully
I've been through so many tomorrows
and so many last nights
that no matter how many pretty words they whisper
nothing will change.
So close your eyes, my love, and I promise you
nothing will change.
And I'll keep walking slower
and not listening
because I've got nowhere to be and nothing to hear
in this god forsaken, obscurely dark world.

words exploding
for only you to read

thoughts and worries enveloping
that only I can see

I wonder
do you ever read them

do you ever wonder?

Is this what depression feels like?
Is depression something you can feel like
or is it just       as is?
I'm not hungry and I'm always tired
and I can't pinpoint it.
Everything is barreling down on top of me
and I can't surface for a even minute of air.
I quit my job.
Drowning and collapsing
I feel like the world around me is getting smaller
and I only have
so much time to do so many things
but I can't      there's nothing
and yet           there's everything all at once.
Help me.
Guide me.
Show me the light
so I can run towards it      full speed
and never return.