thoughts fragment
until hardening to cement
locking me in fear

life unfolds in its mystery
full of joys and disappointments

Your love carries me away
into chambers of my heart

the cool wind in my hair
as you and I glide across
the cement jungle.

You make my life tolerable
in this crazy urban landscape,
my trusty metal steed that
helps me duck and weave in
stand still traffic of the Nation's capital.

nothing like flying through the city on you, my bicycle,
on this beautiful spring day.  I know you can't speak,
but if you could, you would also say "wheeeeee" with glee.

w                                                                ­                                       page
     o                                                                ­                  g           the
          r                                                  ­                     n             off
             d                                                    p          
                 s                                            a             i
                                                         e
                      bounce                  l
                                    aro­und

mind locked in fear
repeating the same
mistakes over and over
slamming into the same
dead end walls.

one day a life altering suggestion
is given, "go around the wall."
fear dissipates to make room
for something unknown;
a new regime takes over my mind
based on trust and hope that
dismantles the walls.

your love
melts into me
thawing my icy
*heart free

Beloved,
may my naked desire
rest in You
with delight.

Hello me,

I'm you. I'm the older you after multiple suicide attempts, and lost in a haze of ***** and drugs.  I am also you who sought and searched for some meaning and belonging, only to find hypocrisy and pain.  But all that aside, I wanted to thank you for not giving up on life even though you wanted to.  Finally asking for help when you did, even though a part of you didn't care anymore.  Thank you for letting hope grow in you one day at a time.  Thank you for letting me love you, so I can love me today.  Life is pretty amazing today, and we would have missed out on this beautiful journey because we were so locked in our pain. Now, you and I can share our story of pain and suffering to help someone else.  We don't have to stay in a hopeless state of mind and body.  Thank you for having the courage to surrender and admit you couldn't do it alone anymore.  I love you very much.

Love,

I'm You

I have hungered to be filled,
satiated down to the very fiber of
my being.

Am I crazy to crave food with such
carnal intensity?  Expecting chocolate
sugary goodness to satisfy the soul's
hunger underneath my physical craving.

But not everything has to be about God,
does it?  Sometimes, I just want to savor
the rich decadence of dark chocolate mingled
the burning fire of a chili pepper.

Am I coveting?  Am I being sinful to be too
material and sensual?  ******* it!  I bet
God loves taking a slow bite of chocolate.

I keep dividing the world into
material and spiritual.  
Maybe that's why I'm so hungry?

crushed by the weight
of despair

lifted by Divine love

Hey Yehoshua (Joshua),

How did a nice Jewish boy like you become the savior of the world?  They transliterated your name into Greek and called you Jesus, but to me you will remain a Jewish boy from a podunk little town.  You were probably lonely and out of place like me, a shy immigrant boy from Korea growing up in Western NC. You had giant expectations to fill.  Your dad was larger than life and sometimes a little demanding,  I relate.  
  More than my savior, I want you as a friend and a fellow traveler.  Sometimes I focus on your divinity so much that I forget you are flesh and blood like me, a God with skin.  You've felt the long sleepless nights, the thirsting and hunger for a God sized whole to be filled.  You've experienced the pain of betrayal and most important you know how hard it is to love and be loved by imperfect people trying to love with all their brokenness.  
  Josh, I'm not sure if this is a poem or letter, but I wanted to say hello.  Thanks for welcoming me into your life and calling me a friend and a brother.  I'll try to pass on the message by living it out, and share how my life changed when I encountered a God with Skin in the depths of my despair.  I keep walkin' the walk a day at a time.

Peace,

EunSung aka Silas

God, do you care?

Your kids are killing each other.

when my pride becomes    unbearable
I coalesce into                       nothing.
I rush to You in                     love,
with courage to be                vulnerable.
asking for                               help,
so I can                                     live.

I lived
a life filled with futility,
where each day faded
into another.

I live
a life filled with moments,
each one humbling me
into sanity.

I will live
a life when I reach out to
others still fading
into oblivion.

Beloved, may Your eternal flame burn in me.

A fire that purifies and
illumines the darkness within
my thirsty heart.

when life seems to
          knock
                    me

                               d
                                    o
                         ­               w
                                              n
­                                                                 ­         
                                                       ­        You       me.
                                                                ­     carry

my love for you deepens
one day at a time.

each moment of love illumines
another till it shines forever.

There is a silence that binds,
and a type of silence that frees the soul.

Be a lover of silence
that leads to purity of heart.

An inner silence that leads
to a deep freedom in a chaotic world.

A silence birthed out of a chosen solitude
that helps me connect to life.

My heart contains an inner chamber,
where silence is cultivated,
so I can walk free no matter where I am.

A silence that contains serenity and peace
like the hush that fell the world,
when death lead to resurrection.

Each day,
I will  love you
with all my heart.

I know I am in love
when your snores
sound like music

a quiet discontent
seeps slowly into my bones.

a steady stream of despair
floods my whole perspective.

I cannot escape the weight
pressing quietly down on me.

A slow steady death of my own making.
How do I escape this maddening numbness?

I cry out of the darkness out of a deep dark hole.
A glimmer of hope comes in the form a voice.

Someone climbs down into the darkness with me,
and tells me that he  can't lift me out, but
he can share with me how he dug himself out.

Hope rises from strange places,
and mine began when
I experienced love from strangers,
and realized I am part of a We.

leap inside
the unknown
beauty of Love
to become *One

take me to the edge of oblivion,
promise me your empty lies.

sweet ecstacy,
you take me to the edge of madness.

I have been here time and time again,
I always trust you with my heart.

In this brief moment of sanity,
I choose the mundane reality of my life
with promises of joys and pains.

There is a quiet transcendent ecstasy
in a life that leads to wholeness.

I love how the world glows yellow
in the early morning light.
The birds sing their songs,
and life begins to stir.

Moments before,
at the edge of darkness,
there is a deep stillness
and a beautiful eerie silence.

Moments after,
the world explodes in orange light.
The morning light changes so
brilliantly and quickly,
and just like that it's gone.

no words
can describe
the love
blooming
in my
soul.

when life becomes unbearable,
I coalesce into         nothing.
I kneel down  to     surrender,
my last ounce of   pride.
admitting defeat    to
God so I may         live.

.
                            ice
        
           melts                      slowly

making                        ­           patterns

       that                             secretly
             makes     ­         God
                           smile

fingers numb
as I wait for the bus
while snow falls.

my heart thumps
and blood circulates
to keep me warm.

my soul comes alive
even when I am physically
numb.

an inner fire burns
within me
to keep me warm.

I am free even
when I'm
numb and cold.

In each small moment
we can choose
life or death

A yawn
long  stretch
before I
set out in motion

The cascade of sounds
washes over me,
chaotic caucophony
of an urban landscape.

Your faint whisper
spoken in love,
echoes in my heart,
creates a safe quiet center.

No matter where I go,
love echoes in my heart,
creating a vibration of sound
that cascades out in harmony.

I wait for you
always and forever,
patiently exploding inside.

a rumble in
my tummy,
joyful noise in
my heart

I saw
two hearts meet
into one

a soft touch
a tender word
to open up to love

life is simple
we live to love
and die in love to
return home

Life is a chance.
Love is infinity.
Grace is reality.