Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't change your hairstyle
Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't have an opinion
Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't argue
Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't show emotion
Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't get angry
Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't run away
Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't cry
Be the same
That's all we want

No, put down that blade
Be the same
That's all we want

No, don't bleed
Be the same
That's all we want

No, take that rope from round your neck
Be the same
That's all we want

No, keep breathing
Be the same
That's all we want

No, they just didn't fit in
Why couldn't they just be the same?
That's all we want

I'm better now,
I am,
I've shut off that part of my mind,
No,
Cut off
There are no connections left,
I was not born until,
After.

I'm better now,
I am,
I don't need this mask,
I don't need to hide,
Because all I had to hide is gone,
And my eyes want to see,
Without the blur at the edges,
Of my life.

I'm better now,
I am,
Just don't ask me
Because then I'll snap,
And I won't hesitate,
I will stop your questions,
By any means,
Or any blade.

I am better now,
I am,
Please believe me,
No one else will,
They keep making things worse,
Picking at the wounds I thought were gone,
Forcing me to bleed,
When I thought I was empty.

I was better,
I thought,
Am I still?
I'm not sure,
I really don't know,
But I know one thing:
I am better,
When I'm with friends.

Sat here between seasons
Summer flowers withering
But autumn yet to hit
The sun's dim light slowly fades
As thicker clouds invade the sky
And my hands shake
While I start a new journal
Page one of a different life
Filled with nervous excitement
Because somewhere down the line
I will finally stop
Stop hurting
Stop hiding
Stop running
Stop lying
And start smiling
It takes time, it takes strength
It takes courage that I don't know I have
But I have to try to shake my dead leaves.

If I were to stand outside,
I'd look up to the stars,
And see across,
Endless voids,
That sing to me,
With distant whispers,
Drawing me in,
Despite the chill,
Despite the dark,
Beyond the dark,
Something more,
Something there,
Where nothing can be,
What?

Our spirit tripped
And the onslaught began
Spat on, beaten, kicked
Teeth, boots and hands
Dragged through dirt,
Gravel, splinters, stones,
Pride and courage hurt,
Love and hope dethroned,
No hint of relent,
No easing of the fight,
No sitting on the fence,
Either Left for dead or Right.

Thirteen to four: Losing score.
We were going to take the world by storm.
She was an angel living in hell -
How high she took me, how far I fell.

I have to blame someone, otherwise it's all my fault.

Everybody lies - no exceptions,
Everybody talks behind your back,
Everybody leaves you in the end with your foot in the trap.

Life may be strange, but life's unfair,
And I can't even breathe through the smoke in the air.
To many "Oh wells", not enough care.

Just take me through,
Take me with you,
To the darkest depths of a black circle on my wall.

Don't leave me here,
Surrounded by fear,
All I can do is draw one more black circle on my wall:
One more lie.

Let's go back in time.

Freedom tastes like a cold night,
A freshness,
A new way to live without light,
And above me stars,
Like angels whispered into being,
Guardians to keep me safe
And keep my heart beating
In time with my soul that I've searched for
And lost
That's been churned up and spat out and now I know the true cost
But that debt was paid
Long before I fought with the blade
Because the truth is
This pain was almost all self made
And by opening up to change
I'm not excusing the blame
Of the people who hurt me
Because the best way to get back at them
Is going back to being happy
So now I'm ready,
I'm not a little boy anymore,
I'm a girl trying to find my way to the surface
And I know that this
Won't be too easy
It takes more than long hair and silicone ******* to love my body
But it's a start and the first step along a storm-filled journey,
That will take me from boy to girl to a woman who's nearly thirty,
And I can't know right now
How many problems it'll solve
But one solution at a time
I can stay the execution in my head
Every time I saw my reflection until now it said:
"You're messed up, you faker, now go back to bed"
But now in that same mirror
I see the glimmer,
Of a figure I don't want to let go.
The light's returning
My heart is burning with a new flame
And a new name
And May Sara's gonna take this stage
And when she stands and sings her piece
It's about more than a show it's about a peaceful release,
A peaceful end,
A peaceful restart
A peaceful exit,
And a peaceful new part,
An act two, after an eventful beginning,
And you know what, this time,
Truth and love are winning.

I ran, I fled,
Fled from the light,
Lost? Yes lost,
To smoke and to night,
My lungs filled quick
With soot and black tide,
No sense, no senses,
No fear, just pride.

I choke, I cough,
On Judas' prize,
Gone? Yes gone,
The life in these eyes,
But here, I find,
Mortality denied,
No need for air,
Rebirth, not demise.

My chains, my rope,
Severed, frayed ends,
From family, from hearts,
No more I depend,
Alone, all mine,
For me to defend,
Black ribbons raise me,
Mercy descends.

I've lost hope again,
As so many times before,
But eyes opened now.

My mind won't.
Hold.
A thought for.
Than a second.

I can't keep.
Eyes focused on.
I need to.
To work it out.

How can I.
Try to think.
Nothing seems to.
Sense it just.
Fit together anymore.

Losing sight, sound, coherence,
The world shifts beneath me and I'm somewhere else,
Somewhere quiet, but deafening,
Filled with monsters longing to hug me
And I feel nothing but my legs,
Kicking, flailing against the desk,
I'm falling, in colours and pain,
And my voice is calling out without me,
Too loud, no fear, only pure panic,
As my brain loses touch with my spine,
And all I know is nothing.

A flash of violet,
Extends from the grey,
Broken stone,
Surviving with green,
In its hands,
And dirt,
Beneath its feet,
Within the valley,
of split rock,
Entangling in,
Roots the frail soil,
Spreading,
Parting the ****,
In seeming immortality,
With youth,
And new joy,
Colour restored,
But longevity taken,
The eternal existence,
Replaced with new,
Vibrancy.
Cling.
On.

In
blurry  
        mornings
Before eyes are conscious
Before my thoughts connect
That steam, that aroma
Is simple bliss
To stumbling minds.

You've been tying me up,
With the ribbon in your hair,
And the bobby pins going straight through my heart.

I've been trying to copy your style,
But my curls go everywhere,
And it wouldn't wouldn't suit the colour of my eyes.

You've been telling me,
Don't worry about what they see,
Just wear it how you want,
But lately,
They've been telling me,
There's someone else they want me to be,
And it's not who I am now.

I've been basing my look off you,
Since I fell in love with your smile,
And the colour of my makeup is your fault.

But I know that sometime,
I'm going have to work out my own style,
And what I want the world to make of me.

Now, I've become obsessed,
With the way that you dress,
And how you walk,
And the way you move when you're talking to me.

How, how can you say,
That this is not the way?
When like this I smile,
And like this I feel I could finally be free.

Between my fingers
Lies the power to entrance
The beauty to bring tears
The energy to make dance
A shift across one step
And the atmosphere could change
The air becomes much hotter
And light seems to fade
Add an extra feeling
Above comfort, uncertainty
Yet still held in balance
By mellow intricacy
But stretch my thumb a little
I could pull back to hope
And climb up to sanctuary
On gently woven rope
And weave a simple story
Of loss, of love, of growth

A businessman sits at the head of a table,
Putting money in the *** for a simple card game,
He gestures: "Come on! The odds are are yours."
As he makes sure they aren't.

A friend of the man sits next to you,
Buying drinks, giving 'advice',
"Go on! Up your bet," he says,
"You're bound to win soon."

The owner of the place, noticing this.
Comes over to check for fraud,
The businessman slips him a cheque,
And all is in order.

At the end of the night, having lost it all,
You stand and start to leave,
The businessman gives you one coin and says:
"If only you were good at this game."

If only to lose,
All of what came before,
If only to remove,
All that poisons my every thought,
If only to prove,
Events not my mind were the cause,
If only to refuse,
To accept another closed door,
If only to choose,
To take my life back from the jaws,
Of self-pity.

If only such a gas as led Vaudevue to take her life,
Could be found for me,
My own M L 5,
To destroy my history.

Bravery is not,
Easy to find,
In a culture such as mine,
We often define,
An incorrect view of what is good,
What deserves praise or should,
Be acknowledged by those who could,
Hand out honours.

Bravery is not,
In shooting a gun,
At another man's son,
Or in knowing you've won,
So with a buffer going for the glory,
So you can have the best story,
Of how you scored the key,
Winning blow.

Bravery is not,
A foolish choice made,
That through luck somehow paid,
Off but always weighed,
Down your chances of success,
Though you always said: "Yes",
When asked: "Was it for the best?"
After time passed.

Bravery is,
Admitting to yourself that you,
Might have been wrong to,
Assume what you always knew,
About yourself was definitely right,
And that things might,
Not be as black and white,
As you thought.

Bravery is,
Telling people you were wrong,
That you don't belong,
In the category you were in all along,
And in fact there's more to the truth,
When it comes to you,
And getting to know who,
Lives in your skin.

Bravery is,
Disagreeing with normality,
Arguing with the morality,
Put forward by the society,
That thinks its way is above,
All else, And loving who you love,
And being proud of,
**WHO
YOU
ARE

I am lucky,
I am,
Though I don't always believe it,
To live where I live,
With the friends that I have.

The law of this land,
Is comparatively fair,
They won't stop me being me,
Or from growing my hair.

I am lucky.
In fact,
That I may gain support,
And that any surgery I need,
Will be completely free.

In this country,
In general,
Attitudes are better,
Than almost anywhere else,
And I'm mostly protected.

I won't be arrested,
Or tortured,
Or whipped, or hung,
For wearing what I want,
Or being with a girl.

I won't be kicked out,
Of my home by my parents,
For though they may not understand,
Or agree,
They're accepting

I won't be silenced,
Or censored,
Hateful comments are rare,
And my words can make a difference,
Without risk.

I was lucky,
I was,
To be born where I am,
Though it's not quite perfect,
I am free enough.

A voice I know so well
Words I wrote
Words that made me
Feel far too much
Like I'm falling backwards
Into the darkness I once
Swam through with eyes open
Staring as I drifted
As if in the distant depths
There might be some light
Some hope
Some dream worth chasing
Some reason to gasp at life
Like that last breath
Somehow
I could still sing along
And slip back into that water
But instead
I turn my head forward
And see filtering through
Hints of change
And a promise
An aim
A future to shoot for
To pull my arms into motion
And start swimming
Up.

I'm scared in broad daylight,
A glance at me earns a label:
'Threat'

I can't afford to be seen through,
For my label to be clear and
Open for attack.

I know that being me is not
As safe as living a lie,
But there's no choice.

They don't understand,
That I am a target from the moment
I step outside.

I have to hide,
But I can't.

Go on, go up,
Our lives in your hands,
Carry our memories,
Our long-faded dreams,
Take them further,
Than we could climb alone.

Ascend then,
Without fear,
Be bold, be strong,
Despite the dark,
And the burden of our past,
We rest our hopes on you,
To preserve our lives,
Our history, our truth,
For generations hence.

Our warrior,
Our soldier,
Our mascot,
Our survivor.

Alone they fall,
But with her wings,
Both can soar together,
Both get lost together,
Both are safe together,
Both escape together,
Both feel love together,
Both unafraid together,
Both can smile together,
And finally,
Both are released,
Both are free.

Feeling the sun on my face
As I bathe by my window
As I bask in the first burst of spring.
Though beyond those glass panes,
A biting chill dances in the breeze.
I watch and drift in the heat
My eyes do not wish
To gaze on at the light
I have missed for the months in the dark.
All I want is to feel
The sun on my face
That reminds me I'm still alive.

The minister for vitamins
(Specifically D)
Climbed down from the cabinet
To make some mint tea
To give to the patients
With their hammocks for beds
And ginger-scented ointment
For their pain-filled heads
It was then he told me
(With a smirk on his face)
That he intended to win
The next supplementary debate
With a brand-new policy
For the short and long run
That would revolutionise the industry!
Cod liver oil! For everyone!
"Of course," he whispered
"It's not a sure thing,"
"That B12 **** has got funding,"
"Supporters in Beijing!"
But still, he was confident
That his plan would suffice
After all, his mint tea and ointment
Did smell very nice.

I'm tired, I think,
But a smile is enough,
Or a laugh,
Or a hug,
Or a single word,
And suddenly I could be,
Skipping to class,
With my eyes shining.

Just calm down,
Stop shaking,
Just stop recycling thoughts,
Stop making it worse,
You're not helping,
Keep it together,
Don't,
Let,
The,
Darkness,
Grow,
Too much,
Until I crush myself,
To sleep.

Breathing slow
Eyes closed
A second
Of silence
And softness
Left to dream
In the night

Curtain call, one last time,
...
Enjoy this,
You
never wasted a second.

In the glint of a mutilated,
cannibalised razor head,
A promise: Release.

But no comfort is found
in the bent, brutal metal
that breaks the skin
of an already broken girl.

I am not afraid to own up to the fact,
That I have ****** things up enough,
For a thousand lifetimes.

And I am not afraid to accept the fact,
That the **** I've done,
Has hurt enough people,
And shed enough blood,
To send me straight to hell.

And I am not afraid to admit to the fact,
That no matter how many times I try to make up for it,
My soul is ******,
My mind is ******,
And my heart is ******.

But if a ****** up ******* like me,
Is still able to accept that some people are different,
And is still able to love them for who they are,
And doesn't judge people for where they came from or who they love,
Then why can't you?

I am not afraid to own up to the fact,
That I have made enough mistakes,
For a thousand lifetimes.

And I am not afraid to accept the fact,
That the things I've done,
Have hurt enough people,
And shed enough blood,
To send me straight to hell.

And I am not afraid to admit to the fact,
That no matter how many times I try to make up for it,
My soul is lost,
My mind is lost,
And my heart is lost.

But if a messed up idiot like me,
Is still able to accept that some people are different,
And is still able to love them for who they are,
And doesn't judge people for where they came from or who they love,
Then why can't you?

Sometimes I don't want to smile,
Because to do so would be fake,
And pointless,
Instead I'd rather hide in the dark,
Than try to walk through a storm,
And cower in the cave,
In the rough, carved shadows,
Until the rain stops,
And I can see the way again.

A tune in my head
A tapping of fingers
And feet grows stronger

Made up words
That made you cry
And laugh all at once

A love song
For a muse yet to come
And yet to care for me

A new anthem
For strangers to hear
And sing along themselves

Connections
Need rough edges
And a broken surface

So show my dark side
And know yours isn't so bad
And you're not the only one

Legs
     shaking
            down
                  uneven
              spirals
          Hands
   gripping
coarse
     rope
          Feet
               searching
             for
purchase
           Eyes
             looking
                       for
                 their
           marks
    Rushing
when
    found
        security
            Hoping
          to
   reach
safety
      It's
         not
            much
       further
    to
leave
    that
       cave
             of
               descent.

It closes
The surrounding darkness is somehow contracting
Though it was always equally lacking in light, the walls approach on the edges of your vision.
The jagged edges that hold a promise of riches never yielded their prize.
They fall and crush, snapping your vertebrae without thought.
Pinned to the damp floor, your skeletal remains give up their fight.
It has won.
Not daggers, no, far less civilised, far more brutal shards pierce roughly through your chest.
The sound of your screams is replaced with silence
The battle is over.
Yet still the blows crash against your skull, the pounding on the inside of your head starts to break out.
Perspectives reverse
Not dark, sunrise, not rocks, a quilt, not screams, but beeps.
A day begins
It
Was
All
In
Your
Head
Does that make it alright?
Do you feel better for that truth?
Your mind tricked you, is that what you want?
Which restricts more, a prison of rock or thoughts?

Did those stones remember
Those words we spoke
As had been spoken
Centuries before

Did the soil recall
The footprints of those
Who made the journey here
Centuries before

Did we think then
The same thoughts
As the radicals who met
Centuries before

To whom I owe so much

They stand, patient,
The world so young in their eyes,
To them years pass as days,
Seasons no more than a breath.

At their feet shelter found,
From their arms, spring's children fly,
Om their fingers youthful green to rust,
Such beauty, even in death.

The blaze of vibrant flowers,
Burns for but a moment,
Snowdrops into tulips in less than,
A solitary blink.

Autumn breezes over in hours,
Snow, chill and ice melt just as quick,
Life blooms before they can,
Feel the sun on their skin.

They may see centuries but cannot
Stop to look.

Characters hide
In the dark
And hide
In the light
But only some
Escape to
My hand
And
Find a way
Into
Other minds
And other hearts

Chasing a feeling that doesn't exist in reality,
Only in some fantasy,
Some imagined world where things aren't quite perfect,
But they're close enough,
To feel as if it would be worth trying to achieve it,
As if reaching out wouldn't be pointless,
So close to an ideal that it no longer feels impossible,
And of course, the company,
Not perfect people, but right.
The kind of people you pretend to hate,
While loving every second.

The line grows nearer,
I'm reaching, straining to cross,
To take one more step.

Victory draws close,
Half a breath is all it takes,
To win this, or lose.