when simple thoughts bring complex hurt
you need to let me go
but squeeze knuckles white
and hold on tight
for love i long to know

the saddest thing
a kid could wish for
is that she is not like her father

The love fills me entirely
beyond any known brim
My thoughts I fail to choose wisely
as they only are of him
But I hack away
hurting my heart
because I love the sin
And now I know
when it came to you
there was no way I could win

my words don't fit my words don't fit my words don't fit my words don't fit mY words don't fit mY w0rds don't fit mY w0rds don't fit mY w0rds doN't fit mY w0rds doN't fit mY w0rds doN't fiT mY w0rds doN't fiT mY W0rds d0N't fiT mY W0Rds D0N't fIT M Y    W O R D S      D O N ' T        F I T

The fact that you don't love me anymore
hurts.
But the fact that I can't love you anymore,
that's paralyzing.

she is poetry and romance
this, i know, is true
but does she see poetry like i
in every crevice of you?

i just wanted him to look at me
and see music
see rhythm and sweet sound
the kind that changes your heartbeat
every second

the only thing
that keeps me alive anymore
is the beauty;
beauty that snaps heads
uncomfortable beauty
inexplicable beauty
the kind you want to latch onto forever
if only you didn't blink every five seconds,
beauty that reminds your soul
what it means to be alive.
the beauty can be anything
and beauty is everything
and my beauty
shone with his

details of my life
won't turn a stranger's head
neither would the 411
of who's sleeping in my bed
to them i am a picture
of what they see so plain
to them it doesn't matter
to whom i give my name
i am nothing to the man
that plants his crop and seed
i am nothing to the woman
who works tirelessly at her weave
i am nothing to the folk
that bake and craft galore
but to myself i am best friend,
lover and so much more

I don't want to see the world.
I just want to be with someone that makes me feel like I already am.

If you can romanticize the hurt,
you must romanticize the heal.
Romanticize that his arms won't be the only thing you'll feel.
Although they were so loving, his kisses tenderly,
remember he chose to walkaway
he could have chosen me.

and i still cannot believe he used me
like all the women in my life
have never warned me
like i couldn't see the tricks in his eyes
royal flames eager to burn
like i hadn't let him

what adults have yet to learn:
flimsy band-aids
don't provide closure

i'm weak when i forget that everyone always leaves
and i have the nerve
the audacity
to chase after
a hot air balloon

ASK ANYONE
                  when we met, i was a mess
                  i was hurting, i was unloved
                  i was scarred and bruised and left and used
ASK ANYONE
                  when we talked, my words found color
                  they became bright and jubilant
                  they became a whirlwind of paint
ASK ANYONE
                 i saw the best parts of myself in you
                 the universe was aligned
                 and fate shown its strong hand
ASK ANYONE
                 when we were over, i felt incomplete
                 like those best parts of me were walking away
                 and i was left, crumpled, angry
ASK ANYONE
                 time taught me how to smile
                 hurt taught me to have heart
                 you taught me of strength
ASK ANYONE
                 i cried at a stop light
                 why won't you let me go?

in the corner of the library
atop smooth, white tiles
lied a girl curled and primed,
who hadn't heard of a smile.
she sat there and pondered
what it means to know love
to have a warm hand to hold
and be free as a dove.
deep in the shadows
the princess did wait
with no prince to save her
it became too late.

when all the poems have already been written
and the emotions that bite have already been bitten
what will become of us then?
us romantic souls with our tongue-twister tales
prisoners that will turn into men

i was scared and drunk and looking for you
so what do you mean
"Do you even like me?"

We were never as beautiful
as i wrote us out to be
The thorn so sharp was from a rose?
No, just a lie made by me

And how you said you loved me
well, that was just untrue
But somehow i heard it
in every moment
that i laid next to you

How our petals
fell with grace
as time drove slowly by
Now we stand here
face to face
Why did you let me die?

not everyone
deserves to know
the things that you've been though.
              not everyone
              will see you grow
              transform into something new.
                                not everyone
                                you hold on to
                                equally wants to stay.
                                                    not everyone
                                                    will­ understand
                                                    wh­y things are better off this way.
     not everyone you talk to
     not everyone you kiss
     not everyone that holds you close when sunlight starts to dip
  
                         not every "forever" lasts much long
                         maybe that's okay
                         maybe it's just how life is
                         there's nothing more to say

the cruelest thing
you've ever done
not lead me on, to turn and run
nor call me back, to which I'll come
but to look at me when you kissed her.

i have filled pages
with your name in every symbol
what a waste of paper

He pulled me closer, in the dark
then left when the lights came on
It's almost as though
he is embarrassed
and I am what is wrong
He's not the first to hate the light
and he won't be the last
For every guy,
a weave of lies
just waiting to be cast

the snow falling
soft outside
the longing look
in her eyes
the things she keeps
he tried to hide
now buried in her snow

The ones who always leave me
are the ones I want to stay
The ones who care so deeply
are the ones I push away

among the things i cannot do
is somehow rid my mind of you
your smile creeps in, your eyes so blue
you mined straight through my skin

the thoughts in my head are moving on
the pen in my hand is not
maybe everything is a little more complicated
than you and i had thought

i don't think i was ever in love
i was just
feeling

I told you that I'd wait forever,
now I fear I always will
Becoming sadder by the minute,
the love that time can't ****

i've been waiting.
"what for?"
for when i don't have to answer that question.
when i won't even be able to hear that question.
when i am too far away to hear any questions.
when, one day, i get in the car.
and then i drive.
i'll just close my eyes, and pick a direction.
and i'll keep driving.
i'll only stop when i meet the setting sun, and everything has an orange glow.
i'll stare into the light, and forget your name.
i'll throw my phone into the desert, and bury my memories along with it.
i'll count the stars and change my name
i'll shave my head and burn my possessions
i'll lose myself and become a mirage
i'll paint my skin with the sunrise's pink
i'll find a million different ways to love, and ways to say '"i love you"
i'll kiss a thousand lips, without having to hear them move once
i'll be a hundred different people, a hundred different stories
i'll be in the middle of nowhere, but i'll know where i am
and you'll say
"what ever happened to her? she's just...gone?"
but i won't have to answer that question.
i won't even be able to hear that question.

if i had the voice to sing
the canary in the sky
  if i had stronger wings
to the moon i'd fly
  if they had a love like ours
they'd never have to try
if they saw you walk away
they'd also see me die

i will cry
but tears will dry
and i will serve my time

she tried to abort me
he left me, I was 12
at seven he convinced me
I'd seen the gates of hell

he told me that he loved me
then ground me into dust
and when I picked myself back up
again he took my trust

Ernest Hemingway said to write about what hurts.
But what do I do if it all hurts?
What are the words that capture the audience?
Probably nothing I can write
My tongue is dry,
signing off

maybe it's okay that there's places we'll never go.
things we'll never see, people we'll never meet.
everything is more beautiful inside my head anyways.

-smash the telephone,
  make sure it hits hard pavement
  1,000 piece minimum

-tilt lit candle
  onto wooden countertop
  maybe make smores?

-smear sephora
  ****** words
  painted on windows of the honda

-find out
  what sledding through the window
  really feels like

-use the car keys
  as if they were wings
  up up & away

-be the girl
  who runs away
  to start her life