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1.6k · Oct 2018
my sunset :))
Mary Allard Oct 2018
everything would be better if i was with you.
that's how i know i'm in love.
1.3k · Sep 2018
Hello World
Mary Allard Sep 2018
Hello World,
the other day i almost killed myself
but then i looked outside
at all the beauty in the world
from the dead it'd surely hide

Hello World,
the other day i looked in the mirror
and squeezed my rolls so tight
hoping they would just pop off
and roll into the night
but then i remembered
these squishy things
have held some favorites of mine
and they are beautiful in every light
regardless, they are mine

Hello World,
the other day some boy i liked
told me i was weird
that i was crazy and not his type
what i had always feared
but then i heard his jokes were lame
and we can't have that here
of all **** jocks
he was the same
high school boys not worth their tears

Hello World,
you have so much left to offer
i have only just begun
all these problems are temporary
so worrying is just dumb
722 · Sep 2018
To-Do List
Mary Allard Sep 2018
-smash the telephone,
  make sure it hits hard pavement
  1,000 piece minimum

-tilt lit candle
  onto wooden countertop
  maybe make smores?

-smear sephora
  ****** words
  painted on windows of the honda

-find out
  what sledding through the window
  really feels like

-use the car keys
  as if they were wings
  up up & away

-be the girl
  who runs away
  to start her life
721 · Oct 2018
twin souls
Mary Allard Oct 2018
boy oh boy
what do i do
you love her
but i love you
the words i write
have always rung true
long before we met
673 · Sep 2018
Stay Safe
Mary Allard Sep 2018
The ones who always leave me
are the ones I want to stay
The ones who care so deeply
are the ones I push away
645 · Sep 2018
shiraz
Mary Allard Sep 2018
and she lies
with her burgundy thoughts
an overpowering wine
sweet grape
tickling the throat
so raw from the gasping
as her head tilts back
farther and farther
a sip becomes a gulp
and a gulp becomes too much
as all through her mouth
in her skin
behind her eyes
she is consumed in wine
498 · Nov 2018
pulse
Mary Allard Nov 2018
i was scared and drunk and looking for you
so what do you mean
"Do you even like me?"
490 · Oct 2018
blue eyes
Mary Allard Oct 2018
does he look at everyone like that
and if so
is that because
he sees the beauty in everyone
445 · Oct 2018
again again again it's love
Mary Allard Oct 2018
when the day is over
and the stars fly across the night
o how i long to hold her
she is my favorite sight
409 · Oct 2018
Tragedy's Gardens
Mary Allard Oct 2018
Your poetry is a story,
the story of your life
Drowned in flowery, rosy words
carved from heart by knife
And as your words
grow and grow,
thoughts tangled up in vines,
I begin to see you clearer, dear,
beyond those clever rhymes
Because what those flowery words conceal
is all those thorns you hide,
the music of why
you'll end your life
and how many times you've tried
Mary Allard Sep 2018
i will cry
but tears will dry
and i will serve my time
369 · Oct 2018
innocence, too sweet
Mary Allard Oct 2018
Tell me, gracious
of what do you know
the girl who i was
long long ago
whose long, brown hair
danced to and fro
in weather when birds wouldn't sing

Have you heard of her
kind green eyes
an innocent heart
incapable of lies
how everyday she tries and tries
to play with those kids in the street

Did they tell you
how i used to play
before some creepy man
took my innocence away
before i cried on the floor
and prayed and prayed
that someone would come and save me

Do you recall
before i couldn't eat
before one, small apple
was a "special treat"
as the doctor told me to take a seat
and asked when my starving would end

Remember before
my heart was broken
by senior boys
with lovely words spoken
and crushed into pieces
they kept as a token
of how i was defeated

But that girl has not grown
as i have now
cannot say confidently
that she earned her crown
although all the suffering
did wear her down
i built myself back up
351 · Nov 2018
with him & him & him
Mary Allard Nov 2018
the feeling i had never felt
was what i had loved truly
349 · Nov 2018
infamy, he has heard of it
Mary Allard Nov 2018
for every girl
he is a mark
that cannot be swept away
for every girl
he takes a heart
and paints her blue skies grey
345 · Nov 2018
young wild wild love
Mary Allard Nov 2018
just kids
getting high when your parents aren't home
hoping no one hears us
or sees us climb into the hot tub
half naked
on a cold night
with a blunt in one hand
and my hand in the other
333 · Nov 2018
teenage things
Mary Allard Nov 2018
i don't think i was ever in love
i was just
feeling
302 · Nov 2018
the lifespan of
Mary Allard Nov 2018
if i had the voice to sing
the canary in the sky
  if i had stronger wings
to the moon i'd fly
  if they had a love like ours
they'd never have to try
if they saw you walk away
they'd also see me die
280 · Nov 2018
we lay
Mary Allard Nov 2018
in the street
the pavement is wet
sloping hill, up to your house
brown, dying leaves
surrounding our warm bodies
car pulls up
we don't even notice

we lay

on the stained carpet
in the basement
apart from anything else
lights are off
playlist, ours
heads pressed together
one in the morning
you tell me who you were
and who you are
i follow suit, blindly
i trust you
with everything

we lay

on your bed
there's no bed frame
just a mattress and some pillows
my head is spinning
i felt like i was dreaming
afraid i would wake
and you'd be gone
our music still on

we lay
275 · Sep 2018
bombshell
Mary Allard Sep 2018
either i be perfect
or i be poison
the eyes of an extremist
are always more fun
251 · Oct 2018
m-used
Mary Allard Oct 2018
she is poetry and romance
this, i know, is true
but does she see poetry like i
in every crevice of you?
246 · Nov 2018
school night
Mary Allard Nov 2018
not everyone
deserves to know
the things that you've been though.
              not everyone
              will see you grow
              transform into something new.
                                not everyone
                                you hold on to
                                equally wants to stay.
                                                    not everyone
                                                    will­ understand
                                                    wh­y things are better off this way.
     not everyone you talk to
     not everyone you kiss
     not everyone that holds you close when sunlight starts to dip
  
                         not every "forever" lasts much long
                         maybe that's okay
                         maybe it's just how life is
                         there's nothing more to say
241 · Oct 2018
Here Is My Confession
Mary Allard Oct 2018
I have been lying for so long.
I have masked the ugly parts of myself that make me who I am.
Because to write about these things,
would not be as beautiful to read.
I wouldn't be a poet, I'd be psychotic.
Truth is, I am not "poetry".
I am not "romance".
I am just dramatic as ****.
"He" was never mine.
I was a freshman, "he" was a senior.
I wasn't "in love", I was obsessed.
"He" didn't break me, I did.
And I just never got over it.
Mary Allard Oct 2018
my jokes are never funny enough
my mind is never sunny enough
Are my tears even runny enough
to be counted as real?

i was in love with a boy, i was not enough
i am in love with a boy, i am not enough
i will love a boy, i will not be enough
229 · Oct 2018
deep ends
Mary Allard Oct 2018
i gave you
more chances
than i gave myself
..
but it's my fault
219 · Oct 2018
mindless creature
Mary Allard Oct 2018
my words don't fit my words don't fit my words don't fit my words don't fit mY words don't fit mY w0rds don't fit mY w0rds don't fit mY w0rds doN't fit mY w0rds doN't fit mY w0rds doN't fiT mY w0rds doN't fiT mY W0rds d0N't fiT mY W0Rds D0N't fIT M Y    W O R D S      D O N ' T        F I T
214 · Nov 2018
muse music muse
Mary Allard Nov 2018
i just wanted him to look at me
and see music
see rhythm and sweet sound
the kind that changes your heartbeat
every second
204 · Sep 2018
Hamartia
Mary Allard Sep 2018
She feels everything so deeply
Every ray, a bath
Each touch, a fairytale
His dimples, painted art
His love, a world

She feels everything so deeply
Every sprinkle, a shower
Each bruise, a tattoo
His hands, a weapon
His love, a poison
Hamartia- the quality of a character that leads to their downfall
Mary Allard Oct 2018
the cruelest thing
you've ever done
not lead me on, to turn and run
nor call me back, to which I'll come
but to look at me when you kissed her.
195 · Sep 2018
His Name Was James
Mary Allard Sep 2018
chocolate
so sweet
warm on my tongue
'till i'm throwing up in the bathroom
and boy,
does it burn
189 · Oct 2018
northern wind
Mary Allard Oct 2018
who is my northern wind
who is my cold gust of life
who is eroding my rocky mountain
who is shooting through my skin
who runs down my spine
who makes cheeks fluster red
who makes strong hands tingle
who makes me feel alive
184 · Sep 2018
the story so far
Mary Allard Sep 2018
she tried to abort me
he left me, I was 12
at seven he convinced me
I'd seen the gates of hell

he told me that he loved me
then ground me into dust
and when I picked myself back up
again he took my trust
183 · Oct 2018
fuck you, dear
Mary Allard Oct 2018
i am losing your name
you walked away
and i stayed
digging myself
an early grave
a piece of my mind
was what i gave
it's now lost, just like your name
181 · Nov 2018
baby blue
Mary Allard Nov 2018
your eyes are kissing me
but let's not romanticize pain
181 · Nov 2018
sNOw
Mary Allard Nov 2018
the snow falling
soft outside
the longing look
in her eyes
the things she keeps
he tried to hide
now buried in her snow
178 · Oct 2018
the Gone Girl
Mary Allard Oct 2018
i've been waiting.
"what for?"
for when i don't have to answer that question.
when i won't even be able to hear that question.
when i am too far away to hear any questions.
when, one day, i get in the car.
and then i drive.
i'll just close my eyes, and pick a direction.
and i'll keep driving.
i'll only stop when i meet the setting sun, and everything has an orange glow.
i'll stare into the light, and forget your name.
i'll throw my phone into the desert, and bury my memories along with it.
i'll count the stars and change my name
i'll shave my head and burn my possessions
i'll lose myself and become a mirage
i'll paint my skin with the sunrise's pink
i'll find a million different ways to love, and ways to say '"i love you"
i'll kiss a thousand lips, without having to hear them move once
i'll be a hundred different people, a hundred different stories
i'll be in the middle of nowhere, but i'll know where i am
and you'll say
"what ever happened to her? she's just...gone?"
but i won't have to answer that question.
i won't even be able to hear that question.
176 · Sep 2018
passing time
Mary Allard Sep 2018
we're hoping eloquent words
can fill empty spaces
that medication
can blur faces
that the scarring
didn't leave traces
did i fall for you?
or just trip on my laces?
173 · Nov 2018
confusing con
Mary Allard Nov 2018
in every life
we follow a path
that leads us till we die.
in every life
our thoughts a bath
no lifeguard standing by.
we get to chose
where to go
and what we want to do,
but there is no choice
in who we love
why do i still love you?
173 · Oct 2018
Unhelpful Doctors
Mary Allard Oct 2018
like buying new shoes
finding what clinical issue
fits right
to describe what i am feeling
when i cry every night
171 · Nov 2018
fm evening radio
Mary Allard Nov 2018
i really tried
but i couldn't replace the HIM
in every song
with anyone else
164 · Oct 2018
bounce back
Mary Allard Oct 2018
without you i'm healing
towards you there's no feeling
but when i'm with you
my mind starts reeling
my head falls back, eyes towards the ceiling
asking God in a whisper
"what kind of hand are you dealing??"
163 · Oct 2018
To Be Official
Mary Allard Oct 2018
"so..what are we?"
fools, i guess
163 · Nov 2018
sickened secret
Mary Allard Nov 2018
He pulled me closer, in the dark
then left when the lights came on
It's almost as though
he is embarrassed
and I am what is wrong
He's not the first to hate the light
and he won't be the last
For every guy,
a weave of lies
just waiting to be cast
162 · Jan 2019
A Writer's Reflection
Mary Allard Jan 2019
returning back
to the art of word
makes me realize
there is no art in these words
the interpretation of such nouns
is what makes poetry
and what breaks poets
160 · Oct 2018
never your first choice
Mary Allard Oct 2018
and i still cannot believe he used me
like all the women in my life
have never warned me
like i couldn't see the tricks in his eyes
royal flames eager to burn
like i hadn't let him
156 · Oct 2018
fuck poetry
Mary Allard Oct 2018
then i cut.
i have no flowery adjectives to romanticize it.
but i know that's what they want.
151 · Sep 2018
"Love"
Mary Allard Sep 2018
don't cry because he didn't love you
nor because you sit alone
biding away
between meaningless breaks
in an endless day
not because they never saw
never looked
far enough
inside your mind

cry because they love too much
because every text and tweet
and shout in the hall
those whispers in you ear
had never known love
they abuse "love"
throw it around
like amateur middle-schoolers
playing catch

cry because you know
nothing other than this "love"
and too much to accept it
150 · Oct 2018
5 lines, please
Mary Allard Oct 2018
i keep my poems short
because i'm afraid
i'll unravel something
that i can't unsay
and i can't un-think
147 · Nov 2018
Write About Us
146 · Oct 2018
stOp
Mary Allard Oct 2018
among the things i cannot do
is somehow rid my mind of you
your smile creeps in, your eyes so blue
you mined straight through my skin
144 · Nov 2018
dreamers suck
Mary Allard Nov 2018
pretending that he heard me
pretending that he cared
pretending that this crazy feeling
was something that we shared
pretending God had planned this out
and it was sure to be
pretending that it wasn't just
a fantasy and me
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