I know you lay awake wondering when your time will come
you have dug your way out of the ground
everything that tried to bury you has failed
you were created to to put the night sky to shame and you were born with fire in your blood
you are the exception
the difference
using your energy to try to align your life with theirs is only pulling you away from everything you're meant for
you were never meant to look like them
there will come a time where you will be so glad you never settled for the ordinary

I keep having dreams that feel like memories
and I can't distinguish the difference between the two
all I know is there's a space between us thicker than the shadows in my room
and I keep tangling my thoughts in search of ways to feel worthy of you
I wonder who you're holding tonight
I wonder whose lips graze yours at 3 am while I'm trying to forget you
most days, I wonder if I could strip goodbye off your tongue and replace it with apologies
as if words could ever be enough to clean the mess we made

I am learning to bloom without seeking admiration
the praises of my peers don't affect the rate of my growth
I'm filling myself up with my own love
freeing myself of the weight of comparison
and everytime I fall apart
I get a new chance to rearrange my pieces
I have dug my way out of the holes that tried to bury me
I am the architect of my own life
and I am growing for myself
slow progress is still progress
I may be a late bloomer but wait until you see me flourish

I dare you to stay here for a day
find me in-between white sheets with yesterdays hair
and your t-shirt hanging off my shoulder
find you with your silk skin tangled in mine
let's forget the difference between the two
call out of work
tell them you aren't feeling well
but tell them you're in the sweetest hands
we can watch the sun rise and fall from the same positions
we can be the only lovers left in the wicked world
find my hair caught in your mouth and my feet curled against the edge of the bed
call it working from home

the last time we talked I felt the pity in your words
you look at me like you might've broke me, like you're sorry I'm so fragile
but you don't get to think of me as weak
you don't get to look at what we had and think you tore me apart
not when you were the one afraid of it

today it rained
I thought of you and how you might feel alone
and how I feel alone even though you’d never think it
I’m surrounded by so much love and I can’t get my thoughts away from the person I lost
and I hope you’re not still pretending to love the emptiness beside you and the spaces I once filled
you don’t have to like your solace as much as you pretend to
today it rained and I wondered how I’ll feel when you fall for someone new
I hope you give her the chance you never gave me
to show you intimacy and warmth and the kind of passion you keep searching for
I hope you stop looking
the way you should've when you had me

there are very few people in the world who will ever truly understand you
so let them say what they want, you are not in control of the way you are perceived
don't allow temporary people to explore your soul
the depths of you should only be welcome to those who can appreciate the valleys you've walked and the scars you wear like tattoos
there are people that will praise your failures and hope you stay tethered to the pain of your past
I hope you understand these are the ones that need love the most
I hope you learn to give it from a distance
you'll find that it is necessary to let things go, people too
you'll find that burning bridges isn't always a catastrophe
I hope you learn to love the sound of walking away from what is no longer meant for you
you were made for more than this