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Apr 2019 · 270
nostalgia
Diba Apr 2019
Does it ever really go away? That feeling? You know which one I’m talking about. How many times a day do you look back? Why can’t you stop looking back? Do you still think about them? What made your heart go cold? How many years has it been since someone saw the light in your eyes? Do you ever think about that? Who damaged you so bad that you can’t let anyone in anymore? Do you still think about them too? How often does your heart ache? Tell me, what caused that emptiness that you can’t seem to get out. Do you even want to get it out? Tell me why you don’t feel like yourself without your sadness. Where do your memories go? The ones you’ve forgotten. Do you appreciate people enough? One day they’ll be gone. When was the last time you felt genuine love?
Oct 2017 · 834
Oh god I'm missing you
Diba Oct 2017
I keep having this dream where we’re still together, and we’re happy. We didn’t let the distance come between us because our love was stronger than any storm.
I know that dream is a reality in another universe.
I know that we’re happy and in love there, and i wish you believed me when i said i was going to fall in love with you because i did and you’re gone.
you’re gone and it feels like you set my heart on fire and you’re watching it burn from a distance i cant even bear to touch you.
You were the one i wanted to spend forever with.
I wanted you to be the end of my story.
I was always in love with the sea but i never wanted to drown myself in one so bad until i saw your eyes.
I wish you knew that.
I wish you knew what i’d do for you to come back.
Diba Oct 2017
I wish i could go back to the exact moment you fell out of love with me,
i want to pause there so you could hear the sound of my heart breaking in your hands as your tore it out of my chest.
A ****** mess of my love for you
I wish i could go back to the exact moment i fell in love with you,
i would pause there just for you.
I want you to see the way my heartbeats lit up like stars and it didn’t hurt anymore.
I spent my entire life with my heart wanting to stop beating but i didn’t feel that when i was with you.
The stars have been dead for a long time, just the dreams of being with you forever.
May 2016 · 767
Stay for me
Diba May 2016
Fast forward to when you choose to stay, when we're not worrying about anything else.
Let's fast forward to wen you're holding my hand and driving down an empty street.
Let's fast forward to when I trace "i love you" on your skin before you fall asleep.
Let's fast forward to when I'm not scared anymore and finally say it out loud.
Let's pause here.
This is what falling feels like.
Press play.
I kiss you and you tell me how glad you are this happened.
Pause this.
Let's go back to when I first met you;
they way you rolled your eyes and the way you smiled, I wish you had kissed me.
Let's pause here.
I want this moment to last forever.
Fast forward to when you don't leave,  you don't give up on me when I get difficult. You stay, forever.
Let's pause here.
press play
May 2016 · 1.3k
I wish you hadn't left
Diba May 2016
Everyone I love has become an empty shell of broken promises, bits of them chip away as they lose the last bit of grandeur love brought into their life and i’m starting to wonder if that’s what happened to us too.
I’ve been running all my life, and you were the first person to keep me grounded for once.
Stripped me down to my heart.
But **** how right Hemingway was when he said the world breaks everyone because you became my world and when you stopped loving me the cracks in my heart deepened and all the love i ever had for you spilled out into unwritten love letters and poems.
Living with this constant ache in my chest, where my heart used to be but it all disappeared when I was with you.
I don’t know how else to explain it other than how i’ve lived my whole life pushing people away but you were the only person who never gave up on me, and I swear that’s when I knew I was home.
I was home.
May 2016 · 1.4k
I thought you'd wait for me
Diba May 2016
He used to tell me “what if one day you wake up in a room full of all the people who wanted to love you but you were too scared to get hurt, so you pushed them away.”
My heart’s been empty for so long, i wonder if the ghosts miss you too.
I just wanted someone to be there when i stopped hurting.
I keep it all inside cause it’s the saddest place to hide.
He told me that the walls I built up will never be broken down.
No one ever tried.
No one ever showed me that there was a reason to love.
I just need someone to make me feel again; or at least like i matter.
I’ve spent my whole life running,
why won’t anyone ask me to stay?
Why didn’t you want me to stay?
You were the ocean, and i was the girl who was in love with the sea, but was too scared to swim. The empty space where my heart used to be is aching.  
No matter how far my mind wanders i am never able to stop it from clinging back to the dark shadows i try so hard to keep at bay; but when the waves crash back to the shore, my thoughts drown me, in ways you never could.
Diba Apr 2016
You just don’t get it.
Maybe you never will. Maybe I shouldn’t expect you to.
You just don’t understand.
Tired of all the noise in my head, when someone says your name or I think of you, until it gets so quiet I wish I never loved you.
Memorizing the way your lips curl when you say “I love you” doesn’t mean a thing anymore.
I keep having this dream where I’m in a room full of people who ever loved me and they’re all ghosts of you saying “I never loved you” over and over.
I wake up choking on your name.
Tired of wondering if you think of me when it rains, or before you fall asleep.
Maybe i’ll never know.
Maybe you’ll never get it.
I wish you understood.
Diba Apr 2016
The way it all stops.
Late night conversations and ‘I love you’s’ then you tell me you’re done, and months later ask me why i ever pushed you away, so i don’t. My friends ask where you went and what happened and all i can think is “I wish i knew” It was always yours against mine, always.
Until you decided to leave.
Pretending everything is fine, it is, to everyone else.
You just want them to tell you that you meant nothing to them, as if that’ll make you move on.
You think it will. Does the past ever really stay here?
How his eyes always felt like home, but you realize homes are always temporary when he leaves you.
Nights you just want to scream 'YOU STOPPED TRYING. WHY DID YOU STOP TRYING’ you built walls around yourself so thick you so you could finally move on but they always seem to slip through the cracks.
He packed his bags but left all the memories he had with you, and you realize that the trick is to find someone who doesn’t own a suitcase.
The pounding in your chest when he slams the door on your heart and you shut your eyes, this is all a dream, this is all a dream.
One second
Two
Three
Four
Why isn’t he back yet?
Five
Six
Did i lose him forever? OH GOD THIS IS NOT A DREAM COME BACK and you sit on the bathroom floor screaming with your heart in your hands. You didn’t want him to say sorry just please don’t leave please don’t leave please don’t leave.
Seven
Eight
Nine
This is whatever it is, i guess. It’s so cold without you. My heart still hurts. Baby i miss you, it’s so cold.
Ten
This is it, i love you
Diba Apr 2016
At night when I look up I still see the constellations I named after you, they’re still there, but you’re not; and it’s just another reminder that you’re gone.
You only called me when she wouldn’t pick up and you kept calling that love, you almost convinced me it was.
But i loved you anyways.
I loved you until I was empty and still, then I found other ways to love you like thinking of you at 4.am while you were too busy falling in love with her.
Sometimes I have to follow your ghost to the house that became abandoned the day you left so I can feel at home. I can’t tell the difference between that house and my heart anymore.
Diba Apr 2016
It’s 4.am and my whole world just came crashing around me as I realized, you’re forgetting about me, and there’s nothing i can do about it.
It’s times like these I wish you still loved me, or that we met sooner, I knew about you and how similar we are, how our minds work the exact same way.
Maybe then I wouldn’t have swallowed a bottle of pills when I felt like I had no one.
You never had to push me away like this you could have just let me go, but you didn’t.
Why didn’t you let me go?
And you still don’t get it,  i’ve lived a hundred lifetimes and still loved you a million ways in each. I wish you knew that I can’t look at anything beautiful anymore cause I can’t share it with you.
Today I screamed “I ******* MISS YOU” in the same forest I told you about and how every time i walked through it, I felt like you were there walking along with me.
I wish you could feel what I feel.
I wish you knew that I’m still in love with you.
Diba Apr 2016
You’ve been gone for so long, your absence has turned everyone else into ghosts.
Everyone’s been asking me what happened to us.
I tell them you’re gone because it’s easier than telling them how you left me, taking every piece of my heart with you.
I still go back to the sea you drowned me in the day you left, expecting to find a reason why you ever left or when she stole your heart.
Diba Apr 2016
My mother and Father were never in love, it took them less than  5 years to get sick of each other, everyone around them said to* “Stay Together For The Kids”
I never really understood the song until the day my mother held me, crying.
Her voice shaking she said *“they’re not all like your father.”

I could hear her heart breaking.
Their hearts were rotting out of their chest and the silence between them slowly suffocated them both.
So when you came along i loved you with everything i could.
7 months later and you were gone.
Word on the street was that your eyes were dimming and there was nothing i could have done to save you this time.
Last December i was writing about loving you; this December i wrote about missing you.
And when you left i tried to cut your words out of my veins but i cried and bled in the shower when i realized
you were still here.
It’s been 8 months since you left and i can’t even find the words to describe how much i miss you or how warm your eyes were and i wish i had found the strength to say “please don’t leave me” while i still had you
Diba Nov 2015
Maybe home is you coming back to stay. Maybe it’s hearing you say “I love you” again. All I know is that I’m homesick for you.
Nov 2015 · 624
65 days without you
Diba Nov 2015
Day 1-
My heart is breaking and i miss you and i ******* love you.
Day 2-
I was going to tell you i love you but i remembered that you’re not even mine anymore but i ******* love you.
Day 10-
You tell me how much you like her, i can’t breathe anymore and i ******* love you.
Day 18-
****. COME BACK. PLEASE. I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I ******* LOVE YOU.
Day 26-
I ****** up, didn’t i? But right now i’m drunk and the only thing on my mind is you you you and i ******* love you.
Day 30-
I keep hearing our song and i ******* love you.
Day 41-
I miss your voice, i miss our “i love you’s” i miss our late night conversations, i miss your face and i ******* love you.
Day 57-
In my dreams, you’re still here and we still talk like we used to. In my dreams you’re still smiling and you’re still looking at me the way you used to. Always. And i ******* love you.
Day 65-
*These 65 days without you have been have stripped my heart and mind of the thought of anyone else. The thought of you loving someone else terrifies me and i ******* love you.
Nov 2015 · 572
It's all for you
Diba Nov 2015
I know I get passive aggressive and that I can’t make up my mind and I push you away but God, you were the only thing in my life that made sense. I wish you had stayed because all I can do anymore is miss you and write about you like you’ll come back and I ******* love you.
2. I hope that you find someone who will stitch up the wounds I left from when I wanted you to stay and I guess I held on too tight because my hands keep reaching for something that’s not there anymore. I loved you will all your closed doors and all, I just wish you had loved me back and I ******* love you.
3. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you, because it was so easy to love you and i wanted to do it for the rest of my life if you’d let me.  I hope she loves you better than i ever could and I miss you, I miss you, and i ******* love you.
4. Please let me love you. I don’t know what else to do with all these feelings and you’re the only person I’ve ever truly loved and maybe that’s what heartbreak is about. Loving someone who will never feel the same again and I ******* love you. Always have. Always will
5. I could spell forever in your eyes but you won’t even look at me the way you used to, all I wanted was to be caught in your love again but that’s not how things work anymore and I still ******* love you.
Sep 2015 · 717
texts i never sent
Diba Sep 2015
Yesterday my mother told me that I can stop hurting when I want to, but how do I tell her the real pain kicks in when all I think about is you coming back, and that I look at anything beautiful without thinking “wish you were here?”
2. I look for you everyday, in empty streets at 4 a.m, in book and songs, I look for you in everyone I meet. But they’re not you, and I can’t seem to find anyone that makes me feel the way you do. Maybe i loved you too much. Maybe you didn’t want this enough.
3. I still wait by the phone waiting for you to say “I know we ****** up, but I love you.” No one has ever made my heart hurt like you did. No one’s ever made me feel so in love either. Maybe i want you back, maybe you don’t.
4. I still have that dream where i come home with my heart in my hands while you’re looking at her, and i realize that you never wanted me to stay.
5. I miss you so much. I wish you still loved me. My heart’s been so heavy ever since you left. Please, come back home.
Diba Sep 2015
I want to tell you I love you, even if it means a little more each time, but ever since you left i haven’t been able to look at anything beautiful because every single sunrise and sunset reminds me of you. It’s kind of like when you said you loved me but i knew deep down it meant nothing. It doesn’t mean anything anymore.
Diba Sep 2015
If you’re going to love me, you might as well dig your own grave. Loving me is disaster; it’s hell. I will love you so ******* hard you’ll feel it digging into your bones and when i leave, that love will leave cracks. You’ll feel my absence in the depths of your heart eating away at everything you ever felt for me. I will break your heart and write about how you shattered mine.
Diba Sep 2015
-I’m scared that no one will ever fall in love with me I’m scared I’m so scared
And then you came along. It’s been years. Moving on from you is like leaving home and I’m so ******* homesick. You are my favourite constellations, you are my favourite I love you’s, you weren’t someone I loved. ****. You were my whole world. How am I gonna move on from that?
Sep 2015 · 882
Yeah, i love you
Diba Sep 2015
If i were to die, during the autopsy, they would find your name etched into my ribcage. They would find your fingerprints all over my heart. You and everyone else promised you wouldn’t leave but why don’t you get it? And I remember seeing home in your eyes and telling you i was terrified of falling in love with you, And i guess this is what it’s like hearing someone say they don’t love you anymore when you still love everything about them, and that made me wonder if it’s possible to love someone so much it stars tearing up your insides.
Diba Sep 2015
i’m in love with a ghost, a distant memory. And i would ask you to be my fire, because I’m tired of my old life, and i want to see it come crashing down in flames.
Sep 2015 · 576
I wish you'd stay
Diba Sep 2015
How do i tell you you’re name is still etched into my heart when you’re already busy burning hers into yours? How do it tell you that my chest has been empty ever since you left? Because i still lay in bed, your name playing in my mind over and over again while you’re thinking of her and oh god it’s getting harder to breathe without you.
Sep 2015 · 588
6 word story
Diba Jul 2015
Some days I have to breathe a little bit louder, cry a little bit harder, just so that i can realize I'm still alive without you.
Some days I can still hear the beating of whatever is left of my heart and if I could take all that is left and give it to you.
And I'm starting to think that you left because I ran out of lovable pieces and all that was left of me was the pent up anger and self-hatred.
And maybe one day I will be okay without you, but I will never stop missing you.
Diba Jul 2015
When you said that it was over I could feel my heart breaking in my hands.
I never told you that you were the first person I fell in love with.
And I’m sorry I never said it enough but I love you, I love you, I love you.
I loved you so much I could feel it in my bones starting to crack and whatever was left of me was on fire.
I loved you with everything I ever ******* had you were the only thing that made me feel something; I wanted it to be us in the end, so ******* bad.
You used to make me feel like my heart would stop beating, and I miss the way we used to talk, I saved my heart for you. It was all you.
I just wanted someone to show me that there’s a reason to love and God I wanted to ******* drown you in my affection I wanted to love you so hard and I wish I could, I wish I could.
Jul 2015 · 2.1k
A letter to my best friend
Diba Jul 2015
How did you stop missing me so fast? I need to figure out how to get you out of my head. Nothing works. Thank you for the best 4 years of my life, i wouldn’t be alive right now if it weren’t for you. You know things about me no one else does and things no one else ever will. I want to thank you for making me feel like i was worth something. Thank you for the past years, i’d be lying if said i wasn’t crying while writing this.  Thank you for telling me you loved me because I needed to here it, I needed to know that someone wanted me to stick around.

You were my light, my sun, my world. You made my days brighter. And now I’ll have to cope with living in the darkness. I wish you all the happiness in the world. I’m reading our old conversations and it hurts to know that these are all the memories we will ever have with each other.

Back then you saved my life. You don’t know how much I loved you. You made me a better person. You made me see what really matters in life. I am so thankful for having you in my life, and I’m so happy I meant something to you. Everybody sees how wonderful you are, everybody notices you’re made of pure gold. If you call, I’ll answer. If you ask me to be there,  I will, because you will ALWAYS mean so much to me.

If I have one regret it’s loosing you. Let the sleepless nights begin. I can’t even switch my brain off. I’m so messed up over you. But hey that’s life right? and it’s okay.

Yes we drifted apart but i still considered you my best friend because there wasn’t anyone in the world that knew me like you did. I saw you as someone who will be with me for the rest of my life but that was just me being delusional. When your just so casually replaced you almost don’t notice, i wish i had noticed, **** i really wish i had.

I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger each day. But then there are those lonely nights, or the mornings when I wake up and remember that you’re gone, or the empty voids of time where we used to talk and everything i had built up comes crashing down. But i will be okay, i want you to know that. i love you, you taught me so much about life and myself, so thank you.

It’s okay that I couldn’t make you stay, I promise to never forget you.

I love you so much
Jul 2015 · 1000
Things i never said
Diba Jul 2015
Cheap whiskey and pretty lies.
You were a ******* downpour of constant passion and you said i was your sunshine.  
Your love and my lust shared the same bed the night you said “I love you.”
That’s when i knew you were about to leave.
Jun 2015 · 9.7k
Weekly Zodiac #2
Diba Jun 2015
Aries* - Tell me why you keep picking at the scars on your heart. Why won’t you let the wounds mend?

Taurus - How come every time someone asks you to describe ‘home’, the only thing that comes to your mind is their eyes and the sound of their heartbeat?

Gemini - Why does you heart still ache when you see them together? Is it because they never left or they did, but you’re still there?

Cancer - Do you still think about them? Late at night when the world is asleep? Do you think of how many times you could have saved them but never found the strength to save yourself first?

Leo - Tell me about 'almost’. How you were almost good enough. How they almost wanted you. They almost stayed. But you were there. forever.

Virgo - Be honest, why do you look away when someone makes eye contact with you? Do you see them in everyone? Their eyes are ones you will never forget.

Libra - What happened to them? The one you once told everything to? Your stomach still drops at the sound of their name doesn’t it? Why do you put all your strength into bringing them back when you know that they’re gone

Scorpio - You spend years building up walls hoping someone will break them down, but it’s getting lonely isn’t it? You’ve been on your guard for so long, tell me about the nights you try to put the pieces of your heart back together

Sagittarius - Why do you still hold on to every moment that defined them? Ever since they left, you’ve been drinking liquor the way they had it.

Capricorn - When was the last time you looked in the mirror and recognized your reflection? How long have you been faking a smile to hold back all the pain?

Aquarius - Do you ever wonder if the reason why you feel so empty, is because you let so many take pieces of you, you didn’t think you’d ever need. They made themselves from all the love you could give.

Pisces - Why can’t you forget them? Is it because they promised they would never leave, or a part of you still has hope that they will come back?
May 2015 · 633
Wish you were Her(oin)e
Diba May 2015
Your love seeped through my skin an made a home in my veins
and i should have known that you would be more addicting than any drug that kept me up night after nigh,
but i didn't care and let you intoxicate me anyway,
and when you were gone
i would wake up at 4.a.m with trembling lips and cold sweat
I spent months looking for your love in boys who didn't think twice about me,
but i still couldn't fill the ******* hole you left in my heart
Diba May 2015
1.* I drove past the airport where we first met, i swear i saw your smile in the breeze.

2. I see you in every sunset and sunrise. When i looked at you, i saw the skies in your eyes. Now when i look at the sky all i see is your eyes.

3. Your name used to make my heart ache and my hands shake, but now just makes me stomach drop and i don't know which one's worse.

4. Every time my phone rings, i still hope it's you.

5. I liked your hair, and you liked the way she moaned. I can't feel anything.
May 2015 · 19.2k
Weekly zodiac
Diba May 2015
Aries* - Tell me about every person who broke your heart, tell me about how you fantasize of never being heard of again.

Taurus - Tell me about the demons that tuck you in bed every night and you lay awake and try to fill the void in your heart with lost causes.

Gemini - Do you remember the last time you spilled your feelings out to someone? And had them touch your soul instead of your body? Has anyone ever tried to untangle the mess you heart’s been in?

Cancer - When did you feel the shock of losing someone? When you realized you will never fell their touch or hear their voice, you will only see their smiles in photographs.

Leo - Remember the first time someone told you theyre never going to leave you? How long has the hole you’ve torn in your heart been empty?

Virgo -Tell me about how you’re torn between forgetting them and forgiving them

Libra - Tell me about how you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong people, why it hurts so much when they look at you like that.

Scorpio - Tell me about the first time you felt the weight of hatred on your heart. Who left you so broken that now your eyes would cut deeper than any knife you’ve ever picked up.  

Sagittarius - How many times have you said “why won’t my heart stop beating” before falling asleep?

Capricorn - How many times have you tried to convince your mind that the person you love, loves you back?

Aquarius - Who broke the windows to your heart? You thought it would hurt for a minute but it’s been 4 years and nothing’s changed.

Pisces - How many poems have you written that no one will ever read? The ones  about your ex lovers who left you broken on the bathroom floor while you carved their names on your walls.
Diba May 2015
You run with the stars and get lost in the wind; poetry falls from your lips like raindrops.
Your eyes are the sea, one second a silent shore and the next, a ******* hurricane.
Your love turned my thoughts into quicksand, and hope was like endless vines growing through your veins.
Your mind is a storm and your smile is the sunshine.
Diba Apr 2015
******* it hurts.
Dropping my promises like mirrors shattering and whispering sweet nothing into my ear, you had me.
You wrote all over my soul and now i can’t say a word without choking because everything sounds like you.
We chased each other to the corners of the universe trying to find a way to love one another, trying to heal our wounds with empty kisses, and you used  to draw those stupid pictures in the sky, now that you’re gone the constellations look like you.
Apr 2015 · 562
summer '14
Diba Apr 2015
drown me in the love you never had
funeral for your emotions burned to the ground because all you had left in you was the love i was looking for burning brighter than ever but never seemed to find
because **** it never existed
i painted myself blue and went to visit the bottom of the lake
hoping to find fragments of you
but i ended up choking on all the words you left unsaid
you come swimming in the lake with your new lover every sumer
the lake that is made of nothing but tears and broken hearts and lost love letters
what it'd take for you to come back
Apr 2015 · 713
14 months and 7 days ago
Diba Apr 2015
My thoughts are a tangled mess of love letters scattered all over your apartment floor
give me a lighter
i want to burn it all down
the hole you tore in my heart has been empty for months
please
come home
Diba Apr 2015
The first time I realized that I could love you enough to break me, lightning split the sky.
How’s that for a sign?
But i did not let myself love you.  
I have missed the you that wanted me for long enough; you can either miss the me that wanted you or not, but it doesn't matter.
I will want myself -
I will want better for myself.
This morning when I woke, I could swear for a split-second that you were next to me.
I could have sworn I turned around to see you waking up, giving me a sleepy smile and pulling me close.
The sky was pale with the clouds that hung with their tears.
I hope those were tears of joy.
I still dream of you/
The memories still haunt me. Sometimes they’re so strong that they hit me like a brick.
I could still remember how you held my hand.
What your embrace felt like. What your smile looked like.
I could write you a thousand letters and none would really repeat how I feel towards you.
You know that. But I am unsure if there are any words left in me for you.
It feels like I have said all that I could possibly want or need to say in this way.
I could swear that your story is etched in my skin; you fill me with purpose - you were my purpose. My heart carries a profound ache for you
Apr 2015 · 483
2/100
Diba Apr 2015
I try to avoid going to lonely places.
This lonely place is sometimes just a feeling, or a thought—but one that is able to drive me close to insane.
On the rare occasion that this lonely place is actually something bearable, there is nothing else I feel but your presence.
That day I first met you, it might seem silly but- it was my first day at the new school, and you were the first to smile at me.
It made me really really happy.
I’m saying this now; you mean a lot to me.
We’ll forget each other, we’ll forget that we ever spent a day together. And that’s fine by me, as long as we both hold ourselves steady.
You are the only lonely place I’m not afraid to visit.
Diba Apr 2015
I will be honest with you, most days i wake up and my first though is you.
2. I’ve spent days in my thoughts, waiting for someone’s smile to open the door; and there you were- I’ve been waiting for you.
3. And all the songs i’ve been listening to finally made sense, i never thought they would.
4. You’re my 4.am thoughts. You  have been for the past year.
5. Oh my god i love you more than you will ever know.
6. I never know what to say and i’m sorry, but if i could even find the courage to say something it would be “please don’t get tired of me.”
7.I love you, i love you so ******* much. You will always be my insomnia, my lat night thoughts.
8.I adore you.
9.I know i get annoying and i frustrate you a lot, thank you for putting up with me.
10.I will always be in some kind of love with you, i hope you know that.
11. I still love you at 4.am
12. I fell in love with you, you don’t have to love me back. But i gave you my heart, please be gentle.
13. 4 shots later and the only name i manage to slur out is yours.
14. All the songs make sense now, they were about you.
Apr 2015 · 745
1/100
Diba Apr 2015
words that turned your eyes into oceans
glances that broke my heart into pieces
smiles that cracked my bones
you still have my heart
you always will
Diba Apr 2015
Look, if we start fighting again please just pull out the knives you've been hiding under your pillow for so long,
and go right for my ******* heart.
Please just hurt me like you did that night i thought you were the love of my life but i ended up walking home with shaky hands and blood stained fingernails as if i'd been scratching on a wall with your words all over it
i want to feel the pain in my heart one last time
because i know you don't love me anymore
i need to feel the pain in my heart one last time
so i know it's real
Apr 2015 · 558
Home
Diba Apr 2015
I’m sorry i tried to make a home out of you
used your bones as shelter
hid my insecurities under your skin;
my jealousy under your tongue
I’m sorry i wrote all over your skin to reassure myself that you still loved me.
I’m sorry i tried to light a fire in your heart to keep myself warm
And when you left,
i felt homesick
your words bled through my heart and cracked my ribs
nights of walking home alone trying not to throw myself into traffic.
This morning a friend called me and he noticed my voice sounded different and i told him i was smiling, because i was thinking of you.
He asked about you and i told him,
i told him you were a lesson i needed to be taught, you were adventurous, spontaneous, and i loved you.
I told him you were like that one song that you never get tired of no matter how many times you listen to it, i told him you were that great.
In the end he noticed my voice was different again and i told him it was because i wasn’t smiling anymore.
I’m sorry i tried to make a home out of you;
when you are so much more than a place to hide.
Diba Apr 2015
You told me that there comes a time where you give up on yourself and when you do, your body gives up on you too. Tell me about the nights you would give anything. Anything to bring them back and see them smile one last time. Tell me about love, who would you call at 4 am when you're broken into so many pieces, you're not sure you can be put back together. Why don't you remember the colour their eyes? Tell me about the day you lay in your bed stealing all the synonyms of 'lonely' out of the thesaurus and writing them all over your body, tell me, who's name is on your mind when you're on the bathroom floor with blood stained arms and throwing up everything they ever said to you.
Apr 2015 · 910
Storms
Diba Apr 2015
Finding comfort in liquor and meaningless kisses.
I'm a walking hurricane
But you didn't care and kissed me anyways,
I didn't know you were scared of thunder until the day came where my skies became gray and it started raining in my heart
My storm came,
Secrets stained with blood and covered in old scars you still don't ask me about
Our souls danced like the falling raindrops
Shadows of us just watched as the day you took my heart away forever
And when you left
There was an eternal winter inside me
I tried to fill it with late midnight men who didn't know my name
And i only knew yours
Waves of insanity slowly creeping up at me as i try to block them because ****
i love you, i love you, i love you,
but you don't love me anymore
Mar 2015 · 568
i hope you wont regret me
Diba Mar 2015
No, you just don’t get it. You took my breath away and left a galaxy spinning inside me and i haven’t stopped thinking about you since. I want you to know that i look for you every day in the comfort of a cup of coffee, the pages of my favourite book, the best parts of the songs that rip my heart to shreds, unanswered calls,  i look for you in everyone i meet.
You see, if i could only find the words to tell you how much i adore you. And i love you. I love you. I love you, but i never know when to say it.
See, i want to tell you everything, why i fell in love with you when i swore to myself i would never let someone close to me. Why your eyes look like a home.
I want to know about the deepest parts of your soul, the parts that you’re convinced no one could ever love.
Diba Mar 2015
You cracked my ribs and ripped my heart out, and stole the stars out of my sky and planted them in your eyes, in that moment i swear i realized that you were not my world anymore, you were my universe.  Now i’m trying to scrape up what’s left of me off the sheets we made love on, but my hands are still drenched in your blood.
You broke the right pieces of me, and i admire you for that.
No one has ever been able to take my breath away like you did that night you spoke like soft kisses on my neck while my hands were tangled in the knots of your soul, i swear it was the happiest i’d been in years. Remembering the comfort i found in your eyes made me feel homesick.
Mar 2015 · 658
Promise me
Diba Mar 2015
your words are like ink bleeding into my skin and i think they seeped too deep because now i can still feel you under my skin making a home in my veins.
“you’re beautiful” doesn’t mean a thing anymore, i buried myself so deep in you that before i knew it i was 6 feet under blank spaces, words unsaid and empty “i love you’s”.
I swear i will spend the rest of my life picking you off my skin.
That day you told me “i know i said this was a mistake i just wish you didn’t look at me feeling like one”
Diba Mar 2015
you will feel empty and you will want to drag that razor across your wrist and pray for the courage to cut a little deeper but I promise you this is only temporary.
2. Be kind to everyone. They’re all struggling through something and so are you. They are just as scared as you are. It’s okay.
3. Breathe. It’s alright you’ll be okay. Just breathe. You’re okay. Open your eyes, it will be okay.
4. Your mother warned you about the people who will break your heart but not the ones who will take your breath away with a single glance and shatter your heart with every word. No one will ever prepare you for this.
5. When you find yourself on the bathroom floor at 4.am with blood-stained wrists and shaky hands, pick yourself up, look in the mirror and say “I am worthy” Because you’re all you have. In the end, it’s just going to be you.
6. “I love you” doesn’t mean i will never leave you, i know she’s beautiful and she writes you poetry and her eyes have stars planted in them. I know she kisses you like you’re all she has left but you need to let her go. I know you love her. But you don’t need her anymore.
7. If you want to **** yourself, wait a day. Go for a jog, talk to someone about the things you love. Everything will be alright. I promise you that.
Diba Mar 2015
you were beautiful you’re like a living breathing sunrise. I loved you immensely. But, I looked at you but there was no fire
I talked to you but there was no conversation
I lay next to you but there was no desire
I kissed you but there was no spark
I looked in your eyes and they said you had lost interest.
And i know you said you would never leave me but it’s been 4 months and you love him.
You love him.
Nights of trying to find remedies for sadness included chain smoking on the roof until i coughed so hard i could feel my heart in my throat spending hours in the shower trying to cut your touch out of my skin
Wide awake at 4 am wishing i would be yours forever, but baby that’s not how things work anymore.
Mar 2015 · 529
I will miss you forever
Diba Mar 2015
Don’t promise me forever
i know you’re not going to stay,
one day my shaky hands and broken pieces will push you away
and you will get tired
and when you leave,
take every word you kissed on my skin,
nights i cried on the bathroom floor while you held me,
take back every single poem, every single scar you left on my skin where you touched.
Take back all those sweet words you whispered in the crook of my neck while our fingers interlocked and your warmth started to thaw my frozen chest,
take back all the drunken ‘i love you’s’
take it all with you because i know you’re spitting those same words down another girl’s throat
Mar 2015 · 423
darling
Diba Mar 2015
I wish for the wonder in your eyes to manifest into something greater than you may realize. I feel cold, as if my heart is freezing and that iciness is slowly consuming my whole being. Sometimes i feel so small, a microscope would have trouble finding anything, except my fears. I have been feeling less than inspired to write to you as of late, but I still feel like I need to. Last night I ****** someone else; I just thought you should know. Gosh I loved you- And it’s been a while since your lips touched mine and i miss you. I loved you, and i know i keep saying that, and please trust me when i say this, I am not trying to get you back, it’s just I learned that if someone isn’t smart enough to want to be loved they don’t deserve it, and now you don’t have me anymore. I’m still in the process of burning those wretched bridges; still healing. sometimes I just want to talk to you, because I know you’re just there, like you said you were. Tonight I choose to write to you because I miss you and I’ve forgotten what it felt like to want to tear myself open myself for you and show you my broken world. I wish I still know how it feels to want to look at you and your beautiful hands. I wish I still know how it feels to want to see you again, how it feels to talk to you and hear your voice over the line because I liked it. I didn’t care less about your baggage or whatever you had, I just wanted all of you. Broken heart and all. Even if it was wrong. Because I felt like it was beautiful. You were beautiful.
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