Diba May 2016

Fast forward to when you choose to stay, when we're not worrying about anything else.
Let's fast forward to wen you're holding my hand and driving down an empty street.
Let's fast forward to when I trace "i love you" on your skin before you fall asleep.
Let's fast forward to when I'm not scared anymore and finally say it out loud.
Let's pause here.
This is what falling feels like.
Press play.
I kiss you and you tell me how glad you are this happened.
Pause this.
Let's go back to when I first met you;
they way you rolled your eyes and the way you smiled, I wish you had kissed me.
Let's pause here.
I want this moment to last forever.
Fast forward to when you don't leave,  you don't give up on me when I get difficult. You stay, forever.
Let's pause here.
press play

Diba May 2016

He used to tell me “what if one day you wake up in a room full of all the people who wanted to love you but you were too scared to get hurt, so you pushed them away.”
My heart’s been empty for so long, i wonder if the ghosts miss you too.
I just wanted someone to be there when i stopped hurting.
I keep it all inside cause it’s the saddest place to hide.
He told me that the walls I built up will never be broken down.
No one ever tried.
No one ever showed me that there was a reason to love.
I just need someone to make me feel again; or at least like i matter.
I’ve spent my whole life running,
why won’t anyone ask me to stay?
Why didn’t you want me to stay?
You were the ocean, and i was the girl who was in love with the sea, but was too scared to swim. The empty space where my heart used to be is aching.  
No matter how far my mind wanders i am never able to stop it from clinging back to the dark shadows i try so hard to keep at bay; but when the waves crash back to the shore, my thoughts drown me, in ways you never could.

Chirayu Writer Dec 2015

If I could travel back in time
I will travel back to Yesterday,
To travel the time where I left it before,
A price I deserve to pay
And I could make & erase the fade I made
Yet it's like the same
As a Fade of simplicity & mistake of kindness
I had clear them for you now.
I have found myself emerges everytime
before you found out any of this
Before we had even become good friends,
So you have never shed my tear.
I will travel back the time
To find a new world to find me a new time
Which I left it back today
And make the yesterday as a beauty of infinite
As To Travel a moment for the time
where I will see you once again....
                                                                                                 - Chirayu.

Diba Nov 2015
I know I get passive aggressive and that I can’t make up my mind and I push you away but God, you were the only thing in my life that made sense. I wish you had stayed because all I can do anymore is miss you and write about you like you’ll come back and I fucking love you.
2. I hope that you find someone who will stitch up the wounds I left from when I wanted you to stay and I guess I held on too tight because my hands keep reaching for something that’s not there anymore. I loved you will all your closed doors and all, I just wish you had loved me back and I fucking love you.
3. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you, because it was so easy to love you and i wanted to do it for the rest of my life if you’d let me.  I hope she loves you better than i ever could and I miss you, I miss you, and i fucking love you.
4. Please let me love you. I don’t know what else to do with all these feelings and you’re the only person I’ve ever truly loved and maybe that’s what heartbreak is about. Loving someone who will never feel the same again and I fucking love you. Always have. Always will
5. I could spell forever in your eyes but you won’t even look at me the way you used to, all I wanted was to be caught in your love again but that’s not how things work anymore and I still fucking love you.
Diba Sep 2015
Yesterday my mother told me that I can stop hurting when I want to, but how do I tell her the real pain kicks in when all I think about is you coming back, and that I look at anything beautiful without thinking “wish you were here?”
2. I look for you everyday, in empty streets at 4 a.m, in book and songs, I look for you in everyone I meet. But they’re not you, and I can’t seem to find anyone that makes me feel the way you do. Maybe i loved you too much. Maybe you didn’t want this enough.
3. I still wait by the phone waiting for you to say “I know we fucked up, but I love you.” No one has ever made my heart hurt like you did. No one’s ever made me feel so in love either. Maybe i want you back, maybe you don’t.
4. I still have that dream where i come home with my heart in my hands while you’re looking at her, and i realize that you never wanted me to stay.
5. I miss you so much. I wish you still loved me. My heart’s been so heavy ever since you left. Please, come back home.
Diba Sep 2015

If i were to die, during the autopsy, they would find your name etched into my ribcage. They would find your fingerprints all over my heart. You and everyone else promised you wouldn’t leave but why don’t you get it? And I remember seeing home in your eyes and telling you i was terrified of falling in love with you, And i guess this is what it’s like hearing someone say they don’t love you anymore when you still love everything about them, and that made me wonder if it’s possible to love someone so much it stars tearing up your insides.

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