Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2015
Not a poem, nor writing, or a story.
  Just myself, with a tip of the hat,
bowing to you all.

Thank you for your gifts of words, and liking mine.
Many Blessings!

J.L.Gonzalez
Jose Gonzalez Apr 2016
I may not always reply to messages. I may not always answer calls. I may not be on time. I may not say anything at all.

It isn't that I don't care. It isn't that I am unkind. It isn't that I am ignoring. It isn't that I have no time.

It is that I finding strength. It is that I'm healing.  It is that I am fighting a fight. It is that I am always healing.

I am on a journey. I am searching within myself. I am quietly observing. I am always in caring.

To you, don't think I am forgetting. To you, don't take it the wrong way. To you, know how much you mean. To you, sometimes I just can't say.

This is, how I live on a daily. This is, sorry for transgressions. This is just a glimpse. This is, my life struggle with depression.

This Is my confession...................

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 4/18/2016
** Just something to share so my friends, loved ones, and the rest can understand me a bit better for things. So don't worry anyone. Not having any "bad thoughts" or anything :)  Just felt the need to explain why I do or don't do the things I do. I love My Children, Friends, Family, and Friends/Family too much for harm.
*MUCHO GRANDE HUGS YA CRAZY PEOPLE!! <3
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2015
A Day that became set in stone
etched with souls of sacrifice and victim

A City of tears and pain witnessed by Lady Liberty
Our Capitol and a Town marked by suffering

A Nation gripped in silence and primal scream
great tragedy befallen before the people.

A time we rose against adversity and tribulation
embracing one another in comfort and love

A country bonded in Human spirit and to persevere
memories of those passed, carried by light of our hearts

A moment of history that echoes into the future
to remember always and to forever sound

A Day to take rememberance, to stand always
brothers and sisters, in Love and as One.





* We need to truly never forget, but live on as we did then. United, Caring of Others, of Strength and Faith. If we are to forever hear the voices of that day, and carry the souls of then till now in continual light, then do so by staying in unconditional sacrifice of heart to others.*

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2015
As living outside NYC and grown up there for some time, it was a moment as if the world grew silent, almost biblical as in silence came across the heavens.  Then a roaring, primal cry of spirit filled me, feeling the truly sudden tragedy of it all.  I cried for all of humanity in that moment. Saying to God, what have we become?

What I remember is not only of the loss of life, but of how for some time after, there were glimmers of humanity, faith, help, and strength here amongst strangers and neighbors. Amidst the anger that stemmed to many from this, some instead saw with eyes open, that we need to change, and be kind to others.  Today I try to live by this, to pass this to my children, and show there is always hope. However, I must admit that today, people have gone back to theirs ways, and have forgotten the memory of what we had.
I shall carry to my best, not only lights of this day and of the souls, but honor all of any kindness, and that will unite us as humans.
Jose Gonzalez Aug 2015
I stand in a Gallery of Beauty, different workings of art.
Each of their own story, varied of mediums.

Stunning sculptures, wonderful and painted canvases, soul stirring spoken word,
classic and modern forms, all thought provoking.

In this gallery are Masterful Creations in which to admire, to stand in awe,
and appreciate the Inner and outer workings that make them Beautiful indeed.

Copyright ©  2015
Jose Gonzalez Apr 2016
Battle tested, never resting, my heart has the scars to show. Armor cracked, sword has dulled, even in the sun, they no longer shine. Horse long gone, feet raw and swollen, yet always at the ready to go.

King in the making, ready to fight, no need to wear a crown. Taking to the fields, army of one, if must to defend it all. A knight of Heart, love to the end, even when laid to rest in ground.

A Knight in always Shining Armor? or a Knight Who Fights in Battle to the end?
Copyright © Jose Gonzalez
Jose Gonzalez Apr 2016
Let me dream, fallen at the Angels feet. Let me rest, night filled by her image. Let me drift, within currents of her soul. Let me wander, searching in hopes of finding. Let me wake, new in day of being closer, finding the one!

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 2016
Jose Gonzalez Jan 2016
I weep for your loss my friend,
unimaginable the heartbreak that you feel.
My soul shakes to the grief that you are enduring,
as a moment of your life is a saddened one.

Know that you need not journey alone in this time,
as I am here to walk along the way in company.
For when it may feel as you can no longer walk on,
You can lean on me, supported, encouraged,
and as a friend in caring.

From my heart to yours, soul to soul,
I travel by your side, a Brother in arms.
Strength, Peace, and Love be with you!!

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 1/11/2016
Sometimes it is hard to come up with what to say in a time of loss. But I tried what I could for my friend.  May his father rest, but with knowledge that his son is with great friends. A testament of both his parents.
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2015
In the still and cool night,
finding my soul in the air
I wander in silent thoughts of her.

Through the streets of my mind,
I find my way to her home
looking in as she sits quietly.

I can touch the glass of her window,
wishing to step inside
this is as close I will ever be.

I leave to return back from my visit
a print left there for her to find
having only left a question for myself.

Would she even know it's me?

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez  2015
a passing thought found in my mind of roads I travel.
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2015
Upon the sands I stood in vigil,

in my thoughts, in images of her and her song.

Here  i am, locked by land and distance,

unable to swim freely in her waters of calm.

How I wish to be part of her world,

to swim the currents of her soul in ecstasy.




Within thoughts, comes many things,

realizations of hurts, and desires that may not be.

I must depart from these beautiful waters,

know I am alien to this place.

I cannot stay any longer upon just a wish,

unable to be more to what she needs.




I must bear the sadness within me,

to walk away, red eyed, full of tears.

Leave her be, in her world to search,

to find one she deserves ever so.

To be content that she finds happiness,

held by another of where she thrives.




I am just an observer, witness to all she is

experienced bliss like never before.

I know now I leave with an everlasting dream,

an imprint in the sand where i stood.

I can only see from the distance, for the days to come,

to make cast of it and a place to reflect.




I know of what will never be of us,




but will always have to remember, her Siren's Song.

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2015
Sometimes a wish is just never granted. However much it hurts  and to have the realization of it, it may be that a better door awaits, or the later pain would've been to much to bear.
Jose Gonzalez Aug 2015
How I miss the Siren's song,

as I lay castaway at sands meeting of ocean.

To hear again the melody that draws my very soul,

into waters of peace and endless beauty.

In the stillness of day and night,

of the glimmer of sun or moon,

I still look, listen, and wait for the song that has enchanted me once before......


Copyright ©  Jose Gonzalez 2015
Jose Gonzalez Aug 2015
I would gladly bear the stones being cast at her from the crowds,
in that she no longer feels their stings.
Upon my back I would carry the world weighing heavy upon her
giving ease from tribulations, trials, and worry.
My ears, and time would be given without second thought,
In when her voice seems to gain no meaning or audience.
I would blanket her and hold her close when all seems unreal,
for her to know comfort, understanding, and there is meaning to it all.

Know that whether it be of spirit, mind or body, I am at the ready!
Jose Gonzalez Jan 2016
Good Morning Friends! Many Blessings and Prayers to you all.

Last night was not a good one for sleep for me. The near constant process of endless thoughts had most of it's way. So am working on 2 1/2 hours again and for the 3rd night. UGH!!

However, last night was really filled with missing close friends, and those who I have lost. I guess it was triggered by the passing of already TOO MANY celebrities in such short time. These Masters of arts all held a meaning in some way to cherished moments in my life. They were triggers to fond moments, although the circumstances of their passing isn't joyful.

A funny thing though about the lack of sleep last night. For all the worries, tragedies, memories, and feelings I had, this mornings word from His Holiness Dalai Lama below, changed how it could've turned out today. I am still more out of it than a Koala in a Eucalyptus Tree, but am good.

Life is precious, can be good, and deciding what type memories we hold, and thoughts we use daily, makes the difference. For me it will be a work in progress, but something to try to achieve. Yes, I will always miss loved ones, both here and gone, but my Love and Thoughts of how happy you all make me, gives me Faith and Hope!

Have a Great day of Strength, Wisdom, True Prosperity, and Faith of your own!!

Mucho Love ~Jose
Copyright © Jose Gonzalez2016

Dalai Lama:

I often ask myself what is the purpose of our lives and I conclude that life's purpose is to be happy. We have no guarantee what will happen in the future, but we live in hope. That's what keeps us going.
Hold strong and steady with all that you do. Find the fuel for Happiness whenever you can.
Jose Gonzalez Aug 2015
My Heart is parched and my Soul runs low of strength,
rumblings from within in hunger for Love.

I must ration myself as I journey alone,
keeping reserves of what I have to offer.

I carry seeds of love and devotion close to me,
  so they are not grown in haste.

I  store in carefulness of what is tucked away,
so not as to lose for what may be ahead.  



Does that me beggarly? A poor soul to pity? Soured by bitter drink?
No, for I am wiser in knowing of my travels,

To wait for the feast, of The Harvest of Love, when it is time.

Copyright ©  Jose Gonzalez 2015
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2018
I stand before you in deep desire, yearning the fruit I cannot have. How I wish of being quenched, to rid of this parching by your nectar. As such to savor every part, taking in the essence of it all fully. Oh how to be a mighty wind in doing so, swaying you to your roots.
Jose Gonzalez Aug 2015
I have many flaws about me, some are worse than others. I do things to anger people purposeful and not. I don't always express myself or emotions in the best way, yet I try to catch myself. I'm not always happy with my self image and can be depressed. I do try to deal with my stresses and anxiety the way I can, but it doesn't seem so to others. I've not always made the best decisions, but thought they were at the time. Some were of pure stupidity, but only fault of my own.My anger can get the best of me verbally, and am regretful. I know I'm not perfect, but can admit it!!!



However, I don't try to change others as they try me. I try to give wholeheartedly, asking little in return. I try to hear both sides of things, yet I fall on deaf ears!! I try to keep open minded, even if I'm closed out against. Ive had stones cast at me from my Judgers, but am in the wrong for defending myself.  I ask to be accepted as who I am, yet bend to change to the will of others. I am driven back to a corner, yet I try to be kind!!



I am human, flawed, imperfect, and with faults! I am full of love and affection when not forced to betray myself!  I am only walking this world as anyone else! I AM ME!
*Not so much a poem perhaps, but rather a writing of feeling*
Jose Gonzalez Jan 2016
If I could be there, I would hold your hand to give hope when needed.

If I could be there, I would wrap my arms around you and blanket you in my given warmth.

If I could be there, I would lend my ears and listen your woes, dreams, and hopes.

If I could be there, I would gaze into your eyes as so you could see the joy in them from you.

If I could be there, I would encourage you always to let you know how much you can accomplish.

If I could be there, I would offer my time and shoulders as to lean on when needed.

If I could be there, I would speak kind words and say how a Beautiful soul you are.

If I could be there, I would show just how much more wonderful you made knowing you, the best of my days.

Although I cannot be there, know that I will still stand by your side.
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2015
“He led a double life. Did that make him a liar? He did not feel a liar. He was a man of two truths.”
―Iris Murdoch
For our two sides, good and bad, dark or light side. Or rather the side we present and the side we shield, there just may be a way to co exist as long as harm is not done to thyself or others. We all wear mask at some point.
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2019
©J.GonzalezJr 7/2019

Into the brisk, cold night I ventured home,
leaving joyous occasion of friends and delights.
Filled on laughter, food, and warming spirits,
I tucked into my coat and gloves to journey home.
Sky filled by celestial stars and fullest moon,
the olden road leading me to needed slumber.
Moving forward still filled in mood of merriments,
as sounds of fading friends grow weaker by every step.
The glow of the home's lit fireplace dim's,
as shadows cast from moon and trees ahead.
A late hour of night to be in woods alone,
a long way to be made with the greatest of haste.

The cold chill of wind brushes my face firmly,
as if Death's hand caressing me to follow.
Shivers run throughout to my spine in waves,
feeling unnatural though it is just the very.
Dried leaves rustling past feet keeping to pace me,
such unnerving nuisance to my ears and senses.
The scraping and knocks of outstrecthed tree limbs,
as if decrepit fingers begging up to the moon.
Swaying within gusts like hideous worshipers,
crowding in as if to make me believe in their ways.
Making quickened pace to surpass this horrid place,
not giving way to thoughts of such *******.

Remembering the evening just had of friends,
filling my mind with contentness to travel on.
Laughing aloud to a story of great humor told,
broken by noise in return from amongst the trees!
Frozen within my steps to listen closer,
scanning darkness and behind for something familiar.
Met with nothing but silence and nature in view and hearing,
just to tuck deeper into my coverings to resume leave.
Too much drink of spirits is the reason i give to self,
the need to bed from the festive eve of friends.
Perhaps to hum a tune we did sing to ease me,
yeta laughter pierces the air as if upon a cue.

Turned to seek if joker is in close hidden follow,
perhaps a friend having left soon after my departure.
"where do you hide old friend?" to the dark is called,
yet nothing to greet back in return.
"If a foe or to do harm upon me I am ready!"
but trees and leaves give only reponse.
I return with fear to now quickened walk home,
heart beating in chest with more sounding.
My hands clamming, rubbing in moistening glove,
feet stamping to hardened ground below.
Sweat forming all about head and neck in irritation,
as the feel of garments sticking, tightening to body.

Every few moments I turn looking behind,
expectations to see who trails me in eerie follow.
Laughter echoes from beyond range of sighting,
stirring deepened fears, surfacing from deep within.
Laughter gains it's closeness by every moment,
as my feet slam to gain distance away.
Wind beats against me in cold resistance,
defiant to my attempt to succeed to hurry.
Laughter has become great and loud in trailing,
like a witch's cackle filling the air around from beyond.
It gains to the woods all about me and fierce,
as to taunting and make mockery of my speed.

Shadows of decrepit limbs cast forth on the road,
taunting in meaining to grasp at my soul!
The road ahead has many turns to my safety,
I am knowing the forest as I lived here so long.
Perhaps I am to lose my tracker in short,
by cutting time to where I need in being!
Laughter falls upon me in maddened form,
if to be ready to pounce upon me with unearthly hands!
"I know the woods better than it", I pant aloud,
"this will be where I am to flee free", gasping to reassure me!
Straight off to woods from hardened road i panic,
laughter in closest follows of lay's voice most macabre.

Breath shortening from exerted strides over rocks,
chest pounding, filling body and legs of pain.
Lady of laughter grows closest yet,
as to revel in my frightful state.
No longer do i care of horrid, darkened place,
refuge home is the answer to my torment.
The voice calls my surname aloud in evil tone,
"Ingleton" then gives way to returning laugh!
Pain most intense fills my chest in squeezing manner,
limbs weakening with every strain i can give!
In very distance sight is a glow of my home,
This my final push to my haven in waiting!

Upon my neck a whipser I did hear,
"Henry", came the voice in fullest terror.
Legs gave way to buckling and tumble down rocky knoll,
sudden ringing of head,as stopped by large stone!
Vision blurred and senses be ******,
luck seems to be passed to only misfortune!
Vision clears well enough to see stone i had hit,
a very long ago hidden secret I had made.
A crime before me of many years gone and very night,
the ****** of wife, tonight of that very time I commited.
Clenching my chest of life being wrenched within,
a voice too familiar whispers as my life my departs away.

Something long forgotten, just brushed aside i had done,
a truth covered by heinous acts of my own doing.
A ****** most foul, with my hands at place of rest,
my fate forced by karma as to see what has been done.
I turn from stone on ground sensing my stalker behind,
I am spoken to by her, with voice of ethereal plane.
The sight of once living wife, not as I knew from living,
now of vengeful specter, here to bring my own end.
All life left within me, begins to flee in the horror that stands,
The night gives to little light fading, as body begins to cease.
"Did you forget of darling wife Laura Ingleton?" is last I hear,
her vengence has come for me, to bring me to where i deserve!
Her final laugh to be had and echo in these woods,
as I, there in dying, just being yards from home.
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2018
Ocean Vigil of Her
From distant shore I send signals of love
bottled notes adrift in currents
smoke signals carried into the winds
signaled lights across the waters.


I build castles in the sands as models
write words in the surf to be taken
look to the sky in dreaming
build a fire to beacon my warmth.


I sit at a jetty looking to the sea
listening to the voice upon winds
feeling the soul of the waters
admiring the life that lives within.


I am on this shore in vigilance
waiting for the tides to be right
at the ready to become one
and join where the waters meet.


I send feelings of my heart in any form
so you know, I am here, in vigil of you

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2018
Jose Gonzalez Aug 2015
Her mind intrigues and provokes thoughts of The Heavens and The Universe.
Her Heart inspires unconditional love and innocence, being born again before her.
Her Soul makes one stilled in awe of her Radiance, ready to worship of her warmth.
Her Beauty captures me in wide eyed wonderment as if with new eyes always.
Her Body is a sculpture that an artist would run his hands, in admiration of her being.
She is like Art, inspiring, appreciated, loved, and that moves men in deep meaning.
A vision of a classic work of Art by The great Art Masters of history,

I see her depths and complexities, her workings and meanings, envisioning all that she is, within the gallery of my Soul.

I am an observer of Her......... Truly Beautiful.

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 2014
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2015
Saturday is, it doesn't matter day,
I don't care to answer the phone
my day to get things done as so

To play in the sun, while living fun,
reliving youth with my child
being a dad as best I can

This day, I forget the world at large,
kicking back to whatever thrills me
letting go of the shackles that restrain

I let go of all my aches and sorrows.
hold on to the little arms, gifted by God
making it his day to be who he is

So I say to Saturday, my doesn't matter day
I am blessed to have you here
But, here's to the others in the week

I'm treating you just as the same!!

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2015
Saturday, not a lot is going on, so I can spend more time with my son than during our busy week. Being a single Parent is difficult, but learning can be also. I want it to be Saturday for my son, everyday!
BTW - not looking for this to flow nicely, It's Saturday when I wrote this. lol
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2016
I am a traveler commuting on life's rails,
going station to station.
Disembarking at different destinations,
each time spent differently.
The car can be claustrophobic with passengers,
suffocating me in anxiety.
Other times, just a few of familiar faces,
friends, families, locals, daily riders.
Some talking, of life, nonsense, all or nothing,
each making their way.
There are times of light, above ground and of sun,
the rest tunneled, falsely lit, dark.
The sights of open land, buildings, and of the day,
the faces of love, hurt, hurried and grind.
Day in Day out this cycle goes on,
different,yet the same.
I am part of this mass exodus to get somewhere,
yet my commute is my own.
At times I arrive with many at the platform
bustling towards their tasks.
Trains for life come and go, expresses to locals,
roaring with noise, movements, purpose.
However, there are times i am the only one there,
Occasional train, in silence, alone.
Those are the days that my commute seems fruitless,
leaving me to wonder,
Have I just been passing it all by?

© J.L.Gonzalez75 09/2016
* this is a rough edit... am not a poet, but just write.
Jose Gonzalez Jan 2016
I still gaze upon the ocean of distance,
sometimes lost in the voice that carries upon the waters.
wishing to whisper a song of heart,
to be carried upon the winds to her ears in the night.
I still stop upon these shores in deep thoughts,
then looking skyward, willing a shooting star to where she is,
in hopes that she will see, to know, it is a part of me I send!!

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 1/11/2016
a thought before I sleep:

Sometimes when something truly Beautiful and great is seen, an impression is left behind.
Jose Gonzalez Aug 2015
Sunday rain.......the sounds of tapping rain through the window.

A dreamy covering of clouds....giving to thoughts of what was.

Sunday rain......cleanse me and heal my soul again.

A cooling of waters on my heart.....filling the well of loneliness....

to rise out of, and again see the Sun.
Jose Gonzalez Nov 2015
Atop a jetty of rocks, deep in wandering thoughts
never quite comfortable in sitting, on cold, hard massive stones
eventually in focus, despite my discomfort

Tracing shoreline, watching waves turn, feeling the earth around
looking into the horizon, as the sky is clouded over
wondering if she ever senses, when I think of her

The waters are of turmoil, gray-blue, choppy and churning
feeling a bit empty, as if life and energy is missed and away
and I am alone here, wishing for a calm with her by my side

It seems unnaturally complacent, adjusting to my surroundings
almost accepting this is what it is, numbing, lost, never to be

A glint catches me, upon murky waters, widening my eyes as
more and more appear, as a golden ray touches from the sky
fighting off the darkened waters, giving glimmers in a rolling cover

I am understanding it, the fight between them, the one inside
knowing how it works and the difference of it all
even of distance and far reach, there can always be light of hope for her

Some days are dark, churning of waters, gray-blue
covered in clouded skies, making it seem all so empty
feeling to myself amongst great forces, without any sense, control

Then comes the sun, warming reminder, glimmer upon waters
letting me feel again, of faith and hope, and of when the time comes
that even across the distance, she is there, and is enough to see the sun over a sea of turmoil.

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2015
Sometimes I have my sad, bad, depressed, days about love, companionship, and being alone. However it can take a single moment or thought to change it enough to hope, and strength. I am not a good writer or such, but I hope in my simplistic way of writing, this helps keep someone going on finding someone.......
Jose Gonzalez Jan 2016
Whether it be of Music or Acting, the stage goes silent again. The lights dimmed and as a singular light hits center. Although these performances here may end, I know the greatest one of all awaits ahead.

So don your garbs, and prepare your songs.
Recite your words, and ready the show.
Audience, line up dressed in your best, and gather inside to view.
The next show is about to begin, and the best is yet to come!

Take a Bow You Greats:
Lemmy Kilmister - David Bowie - Alan Rickman

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.

~William Shakespeare~

* Thank You for your talents and being woven into the fabric of my life
3 extraordinary talents who have gone on, but leave us with such memories of them.
Jose Gonzalez Apr 2016
Having laid my eyes to witness beauty, true of form, shown before me.
How it's haunting was thought of in my mind, appearing in randomness, silent of times.
My thoughts are with more frequency, closer, near touching of skin and core.
Sensing in intensity throughout, triggered at any given moment any within.

My heart races in waiting, my mind filled, consumed of it's power.
It's becoming intertwined, joining, buckling me down to knees.
It speaks in my thoughts, am powerless to her drawing upon the heart and soul.
Wrapping me into submission, am giving in willfully,  no sense to be made.
I am in daily prayer to understand, seeking knowledge of how it affects, to why I see!

I am to bare, no longer to resist, fully taken and under it's spell. A haunting it is no more, part of me always, seeded within.
A possession by it's will, by which there shall be no cleanse.
My soul has, and forever visited by her beauty.

Till the hereafter and beyond, I am marked by who she is.

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez2016
"Haunting" here is not meant as a terrible experience, but rather how it can affect one when it happens.
Jose Gonzalez Feb 2019
Before you read or listen, find a quiet place, turn of the lights if at night. Get as comfortable as possible as you set a mood to relax, find calm, and be in a state of silence. Please do so first, then count slowly backwards from 10 to 1 with each number bringing your mind to be open and receptive to thoughts. Pause at this point, repeat the counting, till you are ready to continue on.


Let us begin shall we? Think of this as a brief exercise in bringing forth energies. To manifest things as you listen or read. The power that can and does happen.

   Tune into the sound of silence. When nothing but the occasional small sound is heard. try to sense and make out all the sounds you hear. where they are coming from in the house and room. You don't need to identify them, just think of where they are. In your mind do this for about 30 seconds. Now listen to the way you can hear the thump of blood pumping through your veins, drumming softly in your ears. The way it pumps from the heart to the entire body. Hear it moving throughout and how it feels in your body. Are you hearing it? Now move to the feeling of air passing in and out of your body effortlessly, as your chest rises and falls. The coolness of it as you breath in your nose and slowly exhale from your mouth. So calming, relaxing more and more. Now for you to think of the quiet time at home right now, in the dark, alone, and  to yourself.
  It's just a relaxing moment to just, well just be. Stillness fills everything, your body sinking comfortably, weightless as if floating on water. A moment that seems to fade into something else as you drift away into it.
    Ooh, what was that sudden shiver through your body? Did you just feel that? Where did that come from like that? Okay, probably nothing, maybe you should just get back to relaxing, reading this some more. Try to enjoy the silence again without worries, without stress, and not think of anything. Forget the sensations you ha, and again find your calm, except for that shiver that just is happening.   
   What's with the shivers all of a sudden again? Do you have anything that is open or cause a draft from anywhere? If not can mentally figure why this is happening? It's making relaxation a bit more difficult to do isn't it? It's seemingly stranger than usual in the air from it is isn't it? Maybe feeling heavier somehow? Are you noticing how alert your senses seem to be getting? Is it just you, or your imagination going? Maybe you should glance around the room to see if something is causing it to feel a bit chilled. To take a better look to make sense of something else in the room.
   Why does it seem every little sound now seems odd to you? Familiar but out of place in some way, now with heightening senses you are experiencing. The shivering is just increasing more and more with the new sounds, agitating you as to why it's happening. That slow thumping of blood in the ear is growing louder and louder, having you to concentrate on those other sounds alot more intently. Your chest is rising and sinking faster, that sense of dread haunting in the back of your mind is mounting.
   The silence should hold a different feel about it now. The air is chilled for sure, but not a crisp chill. more of an unnatural one. It's feeling heavier by the seconds, pressing in all around from everywhere. Why is this coming on like this do you think? Why are you suddenly listening to every little noise? What the heck is with the house? You should question yourself these things indeed.
   Alright this is becoming a bit much isn't it? Trying to just get through what was written here now with it all. All there was to be done was relax, maybe read this, feel at ease.  Oh how the room is feeling like it's starting to be crowded, overwhelming, smothering to be in. Something pacing, and waiting, lurking all about and near for you to be off guard, but can't see a thing there with you. The hairs are starting to stand up and no reason why they should. Anxiety is building and building, but what for? Calm, calm! You have to calm and gain composure. Just finish reading this, chill, stop and shake it off as no one should be there with you at all.
   All the chills running on your body! You really should try to get up! try to get warm, find why the chills are growing and growing! Shake this off, you can do it! Or maybe the shivering is getting out of hand! The back of your neck is just getting tingles and raising the hairs!? Your heart is beating way too much and every breathe more labored to be comfortable with! Have to breathe! Settle it down, breathe in, one, two three, then out, slowly, one, two, three. Is it even really helping?  What's with all the constant little f'n sounds from nowhere and everywhere? What is wrong the room already? from just outside the room!? Tell yourself Get up! Get up! Get up! You should stop reading, listening  here, answer your need to leave the room!!
   Do you find you can't stop looking around either can you!? Why is it so thick in the air? You gotta get the out right now! Stop this here, as something isn't right! Something is there with you, and you SHOULD go! Is it this? Is it really conjuring something as you read or hear!? Is it possible that all the while,  this had been charged in bringing something into your calm space!? Should you question, WHAT IS HAPPENING!??? Can you sense it now!? Hovering over you on the ceiling, behind you, in a dark shadowy place not wanting to see what is really there, or see something moving from the corner of your eye!? If you only knew from the noises, the feelings, what you have been reading or heard all along! To know if everything that's been said is able, like an incantation to bring forth something and you unwittingly have it there with you! Now the time for it has come, IT IS HERE......
   Silence! It's all suddenly gone, Nothing. The quiet from before has come back as if none of this happened. As if the Anxiety was for nothing and seems to be leaving, the shivers slowly alleviating. The loud drumming sound of blood pumping in your ears still thumping, but ever so slowly dissipating. The air is lightening a little and not as thick, making breathing a bit easier. It's was all too strange to make any sense of it. Aa renewed feeling o calm and tranquility washing over a bit.  To think this could of brought on something to you, right? Except the tingling and raised hairs that aren't going away fully....
   The static charge that is spiking again right NOW! From the back all the way up the spine and to the arms! Making your feet like pins and needles, squirming and inside your gut! IT'S RIGHT HERE! Then comes the sudden loud BANG from out of nowhere behind!!   as you jump and turn, to hear and feel the hot breath in your ear say "It's me"! and to see the image of a large black shadow that rushes you from within the room!
  
That is what is in the silence. That just may very well be in it. That is what is conjured from this as you listened or heard, waiting for the stillness of your mind so it can show itself to you!
~JGJr~
Feb/3/2019
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2015
Started my day, before son was off to school
coffee in hand, checking my feed,
see a top story days ago from you

I go to your page, to leave a kind hello
been some time, figured it overdue
finding posts, that tore me to my soul

You are gone, passed some 18 hours before
this has to be wrong, everyone is wrong
I can't scroll fast enough for the mistake

My eyes are watering, too much to read
the shock of it, many giving their condolences
trying to hold together, while son is still home

Not much older than me, A beautiful soul
can't grasp the reality, even if it's all there
my heart has broken another piece

I wish I had spoken to you sooner
to hear your voice and laughs again
to have a moment once more

I am still not sure, to feel as I do
having been through this many times
fears of being close, but cherishing all the times

All I can say, thinking of your spirit and heart
that for as much as I will miss you
as much as I don't understand why
that I have been blessed, in having the time with you.

Go now, onto the Lord
For your workings here are fulfilled
thank you to being an Angel
giving a glimpse of what Heaven will be.

Rest with God, Dearest Kristine <3
9/14/2015
Sometimes it's all in a moment, cherish, love, be kind, and appreciate.  This was what just happened, no matter how difficult, I will hold my memories of my good friend, and honor her always.
Jose Gonzalez Sep 2018
Oh how I wish to draw you near,
to bite your lip and feel you tremble in my arms.
To whisper things of us in your ear,
and set us free from all our places of harms.
If I could only start this moment here with you,
we would have a whole new world together instead of being apart.

I'd look deep in your eyes, it's then you'd realize,
just how far down this feeling goes.
We'd breathe each other in, hands pressed into skin,
no longer scared to wherever this goes.
If you could only know, if you only felt how I feel,
you'd understand what it is that I see.

Kisses pressing on your skin,
following every part like dew on a rose.
Our hands clasped ever so tight,
feeling the beats of our hearts grow.
There'd be no other way, words we don't have to say,
just intertwining into the unknown.
My only wish would be,
for this and you to know!

I know, I know, I know, these feelings will just lay still,
floating in the well of my silenced heart.
I'd show, I'd show, I'd show, how much you mean to me,
if I didn't keep it in the dark.
Will it ever end, with no means to begin,
and no way to let it out?

All the times you've been near, I've shaken in my fears,
yearning all the time for you.
Wanting, desiring, time keeps expiring,
why did this have to be? Loving and yearning,
our souls are set burning, oh God please set me, free!
As I'm only left,
behind to walk in the shadows of love.


Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 9.21.2018

— The End —