©J.GonzalezJr 7/2019

Into the brisk, cold night I ventured home,
leaving joyous occasion of friends and delights.
Filled on laughter, food, and warming spirits,
I tucked into my coat and gloves to journey home.
Sky filled by celestial stars and fullest moon,
the olden road leading me to needed slumber.
Moving forward still filled in mood of merriments,
as sounds of fading friends grow weaker by every step.
The glow of the home's lit fireplace dim's,
as shadows cast from moon and trees ahead.
A late hour of night to be in woods alone,
a long way to be made with the greatest of haste.

The cold chill of wind brushes my face firmly,
as if Death's hand caressing me to follow.
Shivers run throughout to my spine in waves,
feeling unnatural though it is just the very.
Dried leaves rustling past feet keeping to pace me,
such unnerving nuisance to my ears and senses.
The scraping and knocks of outstrecthed tree limbs,
as if decrepit fingers begging up to the moon.
Swaying within gusts like hideous worshipers,
crowding in as if to make me believe in their ways.
Making quickened pace to surpass this horrid place,
not giving way to thoughts of such *******.

Remembering the evening just had of friends,
filling my mind with contentness to travel on.
Laughing aloud to a story of great humor told,
broken by noise in return from amongst the trees!
Frozen within my steps to listen closer,
scanning darkness and behind for something familiar.
Met with nothing but silence and nature in view and hearing,
just to tuck deeper into my coverings to resume leave.
Too much drink of spirits is the reason i give to self,
the need to bed from the festive eve of friends.
Perhaps to hum a tune we did sing to ease me,
yeta laughter pierces the air as if upon a cue.

Turned to seek if joker is in close hidden follow,
perhaps a friend having left soon after my departure.
"where do you hide old friend?" to the dark is called,
yet nothing to greet back in return.
"If a foe or to do harm upon me I am ready!"
but trees and leaves give only reponse.
I return with fear to now quickened walk home,
heart beating in chest with more sounding.
My hands clamming, rubbing in moistening glove,
feet stamping to hardened ground below.
Sweat forming all about head and neck in irritation,
as the feel of garments sticking, tightening to body.

Every few moments I turn looking behind,
expectations to see who trails me in eerie follow.
Laughter echoes from beyond range of sighting,
stirring deepened fears, surfacing from deep within.
Laughter gains it's closeness by every moment,
as my feet slam to gain distance away.
Wind beats against me in cold resistance,
defiant to my attempt to succeed to hurry.
Laughter has become great and loud in trailing,
like a witch's cackle filling the air around from beyond.
It gains to the woods all about me and fierce,
as to taunting and make mockery of my speed.

Shadows of decrepit limbs cast forth on the road,
taunting in meaining to grasp at my soul!
The road ahead has many turns to my safety,
I am knowing the forest as I lived here so long.
Perhaps I am to lose my tracker in short,
by cutting time to where I need in being!
Laughter falls upon me in maddened form,
if to be ready to pounce upon me with unearthly hands!
"I know the woods better than it", I pant aloud,
"this will be where I am to flee free", gasping to reassure me!
Straight off to woods from hardened road i panic,
laughter in closest follows of lay's voice most macabre.

Breath shortening from exerted strides over rocks,
chest pounding, filling body and legs of pain.
Lady of laughter grows closest yet,
as to revel in my frightful state.
No longer do i care of horrid, darkened place,
refuge home is the answer to my torment.
The voice calls my surname aloud in evil tone,
"Ingleton" then gives way to returning laugh!
Pain most intense fills my chest in squeezing manner,
limbs weakening with every strain i can give!
In very distance sight is a glow of my home,
This my final push to my haven in waiting!

Upon my neck a whipser I did hear,
"Henry", came the voice in fullest terror.
Legs gave way to buckling and tumble down rocky knoll,
sudden ringing of head,as stopped by large stone!
Vision blurred and senses be ******,
luck seems to be passed to only misfortune!
Vision clears well enough to see stone i had hit,
a very long ago hidden secret I had made.
A crime before me of many years gone and very night,
the ****** of wife, tonight of that very time I commited.
Clenching my chest of life being wrenched within,
a voice too familiar whispers as my life my departs away.

Something long forgotten, just brushed aside i had done,
a truth covered by heinous acts of my own doing.
A ****** most foul, with my hands at place of rest,
my fate forced by karma as to see what has been done.
I turn from stone on ground sensing my stalker behind,
I am spoken to by her, with voice of ethereal plane.
The sight of once living wife, not as I knew from living,
now of vengeful specter, here to bring my own end.
All life left within me, begins to flee in the horror that stands,
The night gives to little light fading, as body begins to cease.
"Did you forget of darling wife Laura Ingleton?" is last I hear,
her vengence has come for me, to bring me to where i deserve!
Her final laugh to be had and echo in these woods,
as I, there in dying, just being yards from home.

Before you read or listen, find a quiet place, turn of the lights if at night. Get as comfortable as possible as you set a mood to relax, find calm, and be in a state of silence. Please do so first, then count slowly backwards from 10 to 1 with each number bringing your mind to be open and receptive to thoughts. Pause at this point, repeat the counting, till you are ready to continue on.


Let us begin shall we? Think of this as a brief exercise in bringing forth energies. To manifest things as you listen or read. The power that can and does happen.

   Tune into the sound of silence. When nothing but the occasional small sound is heard. try to sense and make out all the sounds you hear. where they are coming from in the house and room. You don't need to identify them, just think of where they are. In your mind do this for about 30 seconds. Now listen to the way you can hear the thump of blood pumping through your veins, drumming softly in your ears. The way it pumps from the heart to the entire body. Hear it moving throughout and how it feels in your body. Are you hearing it? Now move to the feeling of air passing in and out of your body effortlessly, as your chest rises and falls. The coolness of it as you breath in your nose and slowly exhale from your mouth. So calming, relaxing more and more. Now for you to think of the quiet time at home right now, in the dark, alone, and  to yourself.
  It's just a relaxing moment to just, well just be. Stillness fills everything, your body sinking comfortably, weightless as if floating on water. A moment that seems to fade into something else as you drift away into it.
    Ooh, what was that sudden shiver through your body? Did you just feel that? Where did that come from like that? Okay, probably nothing, maybe you should just get back to relaxing, reading this some more. Try to enjoy the silence again without worries, without stress, and not think of anything. Forget the sensations you ha, and again find your calm, except for that shiver that just is happening.   
   What's with the shivers all of a sudden again? Do you have anything that is open or cause a draft from anywhere? If not can mentally figure why this is happening? It's making relaxation a bit more difficult to do isn't it? It's seemingly stranger than usual in the air from it is isn't it? Maybe feeling heavier somehow? Are you noticing how alert your senses seem to be getting? Is it just you, or your imagination going? Maybe you should glance around the room to see if something is causing it to feel a bit chilled. To take a better look to make sense of something else in the room.
   Why does it seem every little sound now seems odd to you? Familiar but out of place in some way, now with heightening senses you are experiencing. The shivering is just increasing more and more with the new sounds, agitating you as to why it's happening. That slow thumping of blood in the ear is growing louder and louder, having you to concentrate on those other sounds alot more intently. Your chest is rising and sinking faster, that sense of dread haunting in the back of your mind is mounting.
   The silence should hold a different feel about it now. The air is chilled for sure, but not a crisp chill. more of an unnatural one. It's feeling heavier by the seconds, pressing in all around from everywhere. Why is this coming on like this do you think? Why are you suddenly listening to every little noise? What the heck is with the house? You should question yourself these things indeed.
   Alright this is becoming a bit much isn't it? Trying to just get through what was written here now with it all. All there was to be done was relax, maybe read this, feel at ease.  Oh how the room is feeling like it's starting to be crowded, overwhelming, smothering to be in. Something pacing, and waiting, lurking all about and near for you to be off guard, but can't see a thing there with you. The hairs are starting to stand up and no reason why they should. Anxiety is building and building, but what for? Calm, calm! You have to calm and gain composure. Just finish reading this, chill, stop and shake it off as no one should be there with you at all.
   All the chills running on your body! You really should try to get up! try to get warm, find why the chills are growing and growing! Shake this off, you can do it! Or maybe the shivering is getting out of hand! The back of your neck is just getting tingles and raising the hairs!? Your heart is beating way too much and every breathe more labored to be comfortable with! Have to breathe! Settle it down, breathe in, one, two three, then out, slowly, one, two, three. Is it even really helping?  What's with all the constant little f'n sounds from nowhere and everywhere? What is wrong the room already? from just outside the room!? Tell yourself Get up! Get up! Get up! You should stop reading, listening  here, answer your need to leave the room!!
   Do you find you can't stop looking around either can you!? Why is it so thick in the air? You gotta get the out right now! Stop this here, as something isn't right! Something is there with you, and you SHOULD go! Is it this? Is it really conjuring something as you read or hear!? Is it possible that all the while,  this had been charged in bringing something into your calm space!? Should you question, WHAT IS HAPPENING!??? Can you sense it now!? Hovering over you on the ceiling, behind you, in a dark shadowy place not wanting to see what is really there, or see something moving from the corner of your eye!? If you only knew from the noises, the feelings, what you have been reading or heard all along! To know if everything that's been said is able, like an incantation to bring forth something and you unwittingly have it there with you! Now the time for it has come, IT IS HERE......
   Silence! It's all suddenly gone, Nothing. The quiet from before has come back as if none of this happened. As if the Anxiety was for nothing and seems to be leaving, the shivers slowly alleviating. The loud drumming sound of blood pumping in your ears still thumping, but ever so slowly dissipating. The air is lightening a little and not as thick, making breathing a bit easier. It's was all too strange to make any sense of it. Aa renewed feeling o calm and tranquility washing over a bit.  To think this could of brought on something to you, right? Except the tingling and raised hairs that aren't going away fully....
   The static charge that is spiking again right NOW! From the back all the way up the spine and to the arms! Making your feet like pins and needles, squirming and inside your gut! IT'S RIGHT HERE! Then comes the sudden loud BANG from out of nowhere behind!!   as you jump and turn, to hear and feel the hot breath in your ear say "It's me"! and to see the image of a large black shadow that rushes you from within the room!
  
That is what is in the silence. That just may very well be in it. That is what is conjured from this as you listened or heard, waiting for the stillness of your mind so it can show itself to you!
~JGJr~

Ocean Vigil of Her
From distant shore I send signals of love
bottled notes adrift in currents
smoke signals carried into the winds
signaled lights across the waters.


I build castles in the sands as models
write words in the surf to be taken
look to the sky in dreaming
build a fire to beacon my warmth.


I sit at a jetty looking to the sea
listening to the voice upon winds
feeling the soul of the waters
admiring the life that lives within.


I am on this shore in vigilance
waiting for the tides to be right
at the ready to become one
and join where the waters meet.


I send feelings of my heart in any form
so you know, I am here, in vigil of you

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2018

I am a traveler commuting on life's rails,
going station to station.
Disembarking at different destinations,
each time spent differently.
The car can be claustrophobic with passengers,
suffocating me in anxiety.
Other times, just a few of familiar faces,
friends, families, locals, daily riders.
Some talking, of life, nonsense, all or nothing,
each making their way.
There are times of light, above ground and of sun,
the rest tunneled, falsely lit, dark.
The sights of open land, buildings, and of the day,
the faces of love, hurt, hurried and grind.
Day in Day out this cycle goes on,
different,yet the same.
I am part of this mass exodus to get somewhere,
yet my commute is my own.
At times I arrive with many at the platform
bustling towards their tasks.
Trains for life come and go, expresses to locals,
roaring with noise, movements, purpose.
However, there are times i am the only one there,
Occasional train, in silence, alone.
Those are the days that my commute seems fruitless,
leaving me to wonder,
Have I just been passing it all by?

© J.L.Gonzalez75 09/2016
* this is a rough edit... am not a poet, but just write.

I still gaze upon the ocean of distance,
sometimes lost in the voice that carries upon the waters.
wishing to whisper a song of heart,
to be carried upon the winds to her ears in the night.
I still stop upon these shores in deep thoughts,
then looking skyward, willing a shooting star to where she is,
in hopes that she will see, to know, it is a part of me I send!!

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 1/11/2016

Saturday is, it doesn't matter day,
I don't care to answer the phone
my day to get things done as so

To play in the sun, while living fun,
reliving youth with my child
being a dad as best I can

This day, I forget the world at large,
kicking back to whatever thrills me
letting go of the shackles that restrain

I let go of all my aches and sorrows.
hold on to the little arms, gifted by God
making it his day to be who he is

So I say to Saturday, my doesn't matter day
I am blessed to have you here
But, here's to the others in the week

I'm treating you just as the same!!

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2015

Upon the sands I stood in vigil,

in my thoughts, in images of her and her song.

Here  i am, locked by land and distance,

unable to swim freely in her waters of calm.

How I wish to be part of her world,

to swim the currents of her soul in ecstasy.




Within thoughts, comes many things,

realizations of hurts, and desires that may not be.

I must depart from these beautiful waters,

know I am alien to this place.

I cannot stay any longer upon just a wish,

unable to be more to what she needs.




I must bear the sadness within me,

to walk away, red eyed, full of tears.

Leave her be, in her world to search,

to find one she deserves ever so.

To be content that she finds happiness,

held by another of where she thrives.




I am just an observer, witness to all she is

experienced bliss like never before.

I know now I leave with an everlasting dream,

an imprint in the sand where i stood.

I can only see from the distance, for the days to come,

to make cast of it and a place to reflect.




I know of what will never be of us,




but will always have to remember, her Siren's Song.

Copyright © J.L.Gonzalez 2015

I have many flaws about me, some are worse than others. I do things to anger people purposeful and not. I don't always express myself or emotions in the best way, yet I try to catch myself. I'm not always happy with my self image and can be depressed. I do try to deal with my stresses and anxiety the way I can, but it doesn't seem so to others. I've not always made the best decisions, but thought they were at the time. Some were of pure stupidity, but only fault of my own.My anger can get the best of me verbally, and am regretful. I know I'm not perfect, but can admit it!!!



However, I don't try to change others as they try me. I try to give wholeheartedly, asking little in return. I try to hear both sides of things, yet I fall on deaf ears!! I try to keep open minded, even if I'm closed out against. Ive had stones cast at me from my Judgers, but am in the wrong for defending myself.  I ask to be accepted as who I am, yet bend to change to the will of others. I am driven back to a corner, yet I try to be kind!!



I am human, flawed, imperfect, and with faults! I am full of love and affection when not forced to betray myself!  I am only walking this world as anyone else! I AM ME!

I would gladly bear the stones being cast at her from the crowds,
in that she no longer feels their stings.
Upon my back I would carry the world weighing heavy upon her
giving ease from tribulations, trials, and worry.
My ears, and time would be given without second thought,
In when her voice seems to gain no meaning or audience.
I would blanket her and hold her close when all seems unreal,
for her to know comfort, understanding, and there is meaning to it all.

Know that whether it be of spirit, mind or body, I am at the ready!

How I miss the Siren's song,

as I lay castaway at sands meeting of ocean.

To hear again the melody that draws my very soul,

into waters of peace and endless beauty.

In the stillness of day and night,

of the glimmer of sun or moon,

I still look, listen, and wait for the song that has enchanted me once before......


Copyright ©  Jose Gonzalez 2015

My Heart is parched and my Soul runs low of strength,
rumblings from within in hunger for Love.

I must ration myself as I journey alone,
keeping reserves of what I have to offer.

I carry seeds of love and devotion close to me,
  so they are not grown in haste.

I  store in carefulness of what is tucked away,
so not as to lose for what may be ahead.  



Does that me beggarly? A poor soul to pity? Soured by bitter drink?
No, for I am wiser in knowing of my travels,

To wait for the feast, of The Harvest of Love, when it is time.

Copyright ©  Jose Gonzalez 2015

I stand in a Gallery of Beauty, different workings of art.
Each of their own story, varied of mediums.

Stunning sculptures, wonderful and painted canvases, soul stirring spoken word,
classic and modern forms, all thought provoking.

In this gallery are Masterful Creations in which to admire, to stand in awe,
and appreciate the Inner and outer workings that make them Beautiful indeed.

Copyright ©  2015

Her mind intrigues and provokes thoughts of The Heavens and The Universe.
Her Heart inspires unconditional love and innocence, being born again before her.
Her Soul makes one stilled in awe of her Radiance, ready to worship of her warmth.
Her Beauty captures me in wide eyed wonderment as if with new eyes always.
Her Body is a sculpture that an artist would run his hands, in admiration of her being.
She is like Art, inspiring, appreciated, loved, and that moves men in deep meaning.
A vision of a classic work of Art by The great Art Masters of history,

I see her depths and complexities, her workings and meanings, envisioning all that she is, within the gallery of my Soul.

I am an observer of Her......... Truly Beautiful.

Copyright © Jose Gonzalez 2014

Sunday rain.......the sounds of tapping rain through the window.

A dreamy covering of clouds....giving to thoughts of what was.

Sunday rain......cleanse me and heal my soul again.

A cooling of waters on my heart.....filling the well of loneliness....

to rise out of, and again see the Sun.