Everyday is growing harder and harder to bare, sometimes it seems like the most difficult task in the world to run a brush through my hair.

Each and every day is the same, wake up, work, home, it's enough to drive any person insane.

But I always knew I had an escape, it was you, your arms were like these two big protective capes. Shielding me from the harshness of the world, all the awful things that go on. But lately I can't help but feel that you've been with drawn.

Have I done something to scare you? Something to make you back away, I can feel myself breaking down with each step that you take. You say you're not going anywhere, that you love me that you'll stay, but actions have always spoken louder than words so I can't help but wait for that day.

I need to fix myself, before its too late, I need to get control of my mind, of myself, before I seal our fate.

So once again I ask you before it's too late, just give me a chance, give me a new slate. I need some time, I need to feel love, I need to feel like this big messy world isn't against me, I need; well I need you, I need us.

In you I found someone I could share the silence with,
And that meant almost everything.

Before I could even count, you were drinking from that bottle.
Becoming stranger and stranger to me after each and every swallow.

One, Two, Three,
The time went on, and before I could count to ten you were already gone.

Four, Five, Six, Seven,
Before I knew it I was eleven. Still though nothing had changed, that bottle had always been around; it was really nothing strange.

Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven,
Thats all that she could take, she kicked you out the door; said she had made a mistake.

Twelve years was all it took.
To drive us all away.

But atleast you have your bottle, right?
To this very day.

What do you think it’s like?
I mean the other side.

Do you think it’s stunning and beautiful?
Filled with a light divine?
Do you imagine infinite happiness, a world filled with blue skies?

Can you see the love, feel it in your bones?
No more heart ache, tears, or painful moans?

Is the wind always calm, the clouds perfectly white?
Do you think there are always beautiful starry nights?

Or do you think it’s dark?

Not a single soul in sight, do you think you'll hear the screams, be immersed in the blackest of nights?

Do you think you'll feel the cold, hear the lonely cries from hollow eyes?
Do you think you’ll suddenly remember all your broken dreams?

Will there be constant storms, battles in your mind?
Do you think you’ll constantly be scared and never know the time?

Will those dark nights go on forever, with you wandering about?
Always looking for someone but never having them reach out.

So what do you think happens when you reach the other side?
Will you float in eternal glory?
Or will you crawl and hide?

I used to see you so clearly;
your smile, your eyes, your walk.
The way you sipped your coffee, the way you talked.

I used to reach for your hand; on the good days and the bad.
But now when I go to reach there's nothing there, its rather sad.

I'm loosing my memories of you, there slipping from me.
I no longer remember your eyes, or the way you like your coffee.

I no longer reach for you; I'm walking alone now.
Somehow I've moved on, although I don't know how.

I find myself smiling and its no longer because of you.
I find myself laughing, grinning, going on without you.

Its really very sad, they said this would happen.
Now all i have left is a heart with a scar and a lesson.

Isn’t it funny how the memories we used to love to get lost in are the same ones that **** us a little more each day.
The memories that you always told yourself you wouldn’t dare forget.
The memories that made you tingle, made you smile, made you blush.
Those sacred memories that only the two of you shared.
Those memories that used to bring you the up most happiness, are now that ones that break you.
The single thought of them shatters you over and over again the more you think of them, because now they hurt.
They’re not happy memories anymore.
They’re memories that you want to put at the back of your mind.
That you want to forget. Because they remind you of what you had.
They remind you that you’ll never get those feelings back, those moments back. That person back.
So you wake up each day and try your hardest to block them out.
But all they do is hit you.
Hit you like a freight train reminding you of that terrible mistake you made.
And that no matter what you do or say, those memories will never become happy again. You’ll never get lost in them again. You’ll just dwell on them. You’ll accept the pain, and try each day to remember to forget.

What was it like to loose him?
It was like hearing every goodbye he ever said to me -
Said all at once.

Bruises and scars are two different things.
Bruises show up on your skin cause you a little bit of pain. But after a day, a week, a month. It slowly goes away. The pain is gone. And your’e fine again.
But scars are different. They don’t go away. They may fade, they may lighten, but they don’t ever leave. They stay on your skin to remind you of the pain you went through. To remind you of what happened. They stay with you forever.

You my love,
Are the deepest scar I have ever encountered.

Everyone in the world has a different view of what perfection looks like.

Perfection to me was you.
It was you laughing.
It was you smiling.
It was you running through the hallways like an idiot.
It was you looking at me, eyes filled with such ample amounts of love.
It was you starting my car on those icy winter mornings.
It was you playing guitar in the sunlight.
It was the way you looked when you just woke up.
It was your undying love for mango’s.
It was your kindness.
It was your sense of humor.
It was your smarts.
It was the way you held me so tight like i was the only thing that mattered.
It was the way you kissed me, tender, yet hard and needed.
It was the goosebumps you gave me just by touching my hand.
It was your love for family.
It was your wanting the best for me.
It was you loving me.
It was You.

Perfection to me was You.
Just You.

We used to be beautiful.
A tremendous mess of skin.
Lips touching, Quivering, Shaking.
Oh how i miss those nights.

Come back to me.
Before I forget how to feel at all.

His beautiful mind.
It was one like no other.
It was clear, It was driven.
It knew exactly what he wanted.
It used to know me, it used to love me.

But then I broke him.

I turned that beautiful mind into a battlefield of mixed emotions.
A reckless place where he was no longer safe from the world.
He had let me into his beautiful mind, and I turned it into a war zone.
I turned him into a shattered person who no longer knew what he wanted.
I fogged his clarity.

I turned him into me.

I told him today that I was willing to wait forever.

My biggest fear is that I may actually have to.

Regret keeps me up at night.
Thoughts of you, dancing in the warm sunlight.
Regret fills me to the very core.

I don’t know why I did it.
I still don’t to this day.
I wish there was something I could do.
Something that would have made you stay.

But I took your heart and I threw it,
Off the highest cliff I saw.
Regret made me jump after it.
Now ill never know at all.

Falling through the sky.
Memories of you around me.
Regret pulling me further down, deep.
Deep into those memories.


Ill never be the same again.
I can promise you this.
Regret fills me to the core.
Regret cuts deep into my skin.

One more moment.
One more moment with your lips.
Soft, warm, tracing my skin.

One more moment with your eyes.
Green, hazel, beautiful, loving.

One more moment with your hands.
Touching my fingers, my hair, softly fluttering over my skin.

One more moment with your humor.
Silly, laughing, playing, lighting up my world.

One more moment with your laugh.
Loud, inviting, It still echos in my ears to this day.

One more moment with your skin.
Soft, tanned, toned, you were and still are so perfect.

One more moment with your mind.
Loving, smart, so much potential that you don’t even realize.

One more moment with you.
Your lips, your eyes, your hands, your humor, your laugh, your skin, your mind.


One more moment with your beautiful soul.
One more moment to prove that i need you.
One more moment to ask again.
One more moment to try.
One more moment of us.
One more moment of You.
Just one more moment of You.

Remembering you is easy,
I do it everyday.
But missing you is a heartache,
that never goes away.

Broken, shattered, a million little pieces.
Grieving, crying, screaming.
Torn like a rag from every which angle.
Cut like skin after too many blades.
Bruised like fruit that have been left out for days.
Cold as ice, because i’m numb to the pain.

But still it flows through all of my veins.

Ill never be the same you irreparably damaged me.
Tossed me to the curb like i was an old piece of furniture.
Ill never forget this pain as long as I live.

And i’m going to do everything in my power to never feel it again.

You are on a carousel in my mind.
I don’t know when you got on the ride;
I don’t know how you got on the ride.

All I’m dying to know is when you’re finally going to get off the ride.