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240 · Dec 2020
Write your own love poem
Joanna Alexandre Dec 2020
I used to want a lover to write a love poem about me

So this is a love poem for me, by me

I make my bed every morning, because it’s the first place I think about being after a long day
And sometimes I lay out pyjamas and face masks in case things don’t go so okay
I drink coffee on my own and enjoy exploring new sites and cities alone
I smile when I lock eyes with strangers and aren’t afraid to strike up conversations
I go swimming in the ocean alone, it’s the only way I truly feel the energy in my bones
I finish hot showers with a blast of cold water and smile when I see fathers and daughters
I think love is perplexing and don’t trust easy
But rest easy knowing I’m right here if I ever need me
Joanna Alexandre Dec 2018
Sometimes I think about how the world would taste
Should I see everything in Pink?
I wonder whether each morning
My coffee would be sweeter
And my mug less boring
Would I wake up earlier than the sun
And in doing housework
Have more fun?
Would skirts feel less out of place
If they matched the blush
I’d put upon my face?
Would I bruise more easily
As rough hands under sheets
Try to find me?
Would I laugh a little softer
And feel better about myself
Standing beside her?
Would my dinners be warmer
And my occupied bed
Feel wider?



I wonder if my world were Pink
Would I be more or less of a woman;
What do you think?
231 · Nov 2016
Untitled
Joanna Alexandre Nov 2016
How do people do it
This thing this life
I just don't get it
There's no purpose in mine
It's like the sun that rises
Will only fall
And the clouds that cover
Shed tears for us all
The oceans offer safety
In a dangerous form
They offer solitude
Their cold hands seem warm
The trees that surround
Seem barren and bare
For when I look to them
I see my body hanging there
Joanna Alexandre Aug 2020
And stare out the window at all the trees
And I didn’t wonder how the leaves
Were such a deep, rich shade of green
I was just grateful that they could be seen



And that’s when I knew
I should drop my science class
And do English literature instead
217 · Sep 2016
Best friend
Joanna Alexandre Sep 2016
And I want to hang from the ceiling
My limp body hanging above the ground
My lifeless skin hung tight
But I don't have the energy to move
Don't have the knowledge to tie a noose
And so I'll stay in my bed all night

And I want to slit my wrists
Have blood rushing out from each cut
My skin, blood red
But I don't have the energy to slice
Don't have a sharp enough knife
And so I'll just lay here and wish I were dead

And I want to be hit by a moving car
Have the driver throw me oh so far
My body dragged along the ground
But I don't have the right
Don't have even half of the might
And so I'll wait for my body to be found
214 · Mar 2021
We can’t talk
Joanna Alexandre Mar 2021
We haven’t for a week now
And I’m hurting
With the fury I imagine
Burns in hell.
189 · Sep 2016
Resolution
Joanna Alexandre Sep 2016
And you'll be my resolution
Because in the end you are the issue
The light in the darkness
The darkness in the moon
Like an unhappy sailor is to his crew
Like the lost paddle is to the canoe
I need you
189 · Sep 2016
17
Joanna Alexandre Sep 2016
17
I think the thing that hurts the most is that I'm not willing to admit I loved you
I think trying to hide the fact
is tearing me apart and you're fine
And you're okay
with seeing me time after time
In the same way
in the same ******* state
And I'll never again look at you
with the same desire
I once held true
185 · Oct 7
Lessons Learned
I entrusted my joy in your core,
It fit so perfect, but you wanted more.
I gave you my laughter, my light, and my glee,
Yet you turned away, too full of **** to see.
Now I stand alone, in the wreckage of bliss,
Longing for moments I’ve learned to miss.
You took my happiness, wrapped it in lies,
And left me to gather the tears from my eyes.
In the ruins of trust, I gather my pain,
Each tear that I shed feels like falling rain.
So I reclaim my sanity, my morals, my dreams,
No longer entrusting my heart to your schemes.
I’ll rise from the ashes of what you destroyed,
And learn to embrace the strength I’ve employed.
With each passing day, I’ll gather my might,
And learn to find joy in the stillness of night.
I’ll rebuild the pieces, reclaim my own ground,
In the silence of leaving, my strength can be found.
And in the wreckage, I’ll rise from the dark,
No longer defined by your once glowing spark.
I’ll carve out my joy, piece by piece,
And from the ashes, I’ll find my release.
I’ll dance in the shadows, I’ll laugh through the pain,
For I am the master of my own refrain.
I’ll rise like the phoenix from flames of regret,
Embracing my freedom, I’ll never forget.
The lessons I learned from the love that went wrong,
Will echo in me, a resilient song.
So here's to my heart, still beating, still brave,
In the depths of despair, I found how to save.
Each moment that passes, I’ll gather my scars,
For they’re part of my journey, my own guiding stars.
184 · Aug 2020
What’s a soulmate?
Joanna Alexandre Aug 2020
A soulmate
is all the parts of you
You thought
you hated
They show up
and challenge
Who you thought
you were
And show you
who you can be
With a bit of love
and a whole
Lot of natural,
loving energy.
177 · May 2016
Untitled
Joanna Alexandre May 2016
Hold her close, she ‘s no one else
Just for a moment, then leave her to herself.
Warm her hands, only to have them cool
Kiss her mouth, leave the drool.
Tell her lies, then block her ears
Tell her you love her, then tell her no one cares.
Freeze her heart, shatter the ice
Pick up the pieces,
You
Are
Her
Vice
176 · Jul 2020
Message me
Joanna Alexandre Jul 2020
I want so badly
for you to message me
Anything,
I just want to know
That at least once
I’ve crossed your mind
And you couldn’t
resist the urge
To reach out to me
I want so badly
for some sort of
reassurance
That,
to you,
I didn’t mean
nothing
Joanna Alexandre Mar 2019
You asked me to read you a poem
And you didn’t understand when I said no
Because I’m not ready
For you to see the whole of me
In all my blissful glory
And oh so dark days
To see my deepest hopes and fears
To see the absolute worst of all my years
To know me for more than I promised to be
Because what if you see me
Truly see me
166 · Mar 2018
Pull the trigger
Joanna Alexandre Mar 2018
It's no one else problem it's mine my own
I should've just stuck through it all alone
I should've sewn my mouth shut and kept it at that
But instead I had to fight not realising they would fight back
And I tried to do it I really did
But I'm not strong enough to go through with it who am I to kid
I'm weak and that's all I will be
I mean look at me how can you not see
He can take it all **** it let him
I've got nothing left this is my last whim
And so I'm pulling out like they all expected
I'm lay down the gun and let them put it to my head
164 · Dec 2018
Recovering
Joanna Alexandre Dec 2018
He told me he loved me and
I bleed from the heart
He told me that he needed me and
My spinal cord snapped
I told him it was over and
In time it came back,
I came back.
161 · Feb 2016
Untitled
Joanna Alexandre Feb 2016
No one loves you like your mother.
And god I hope that's true,
because my mother looks at me
with eyes colder than blue.
Joanna Alexandre May 2020
He told me I didn’t taste like the first cup of coffee he ever had
That I didn’t make him feel as awake as that first cup did
That I didn’t make his heart beat faster like that first cup did
And I didn’t warm his hands quite like that first cup did

I told him I know,
I didn’t because I’m not the first cup of coffee he ever had
But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t make him feel awake
Or speed up his heart rate

But he’ll never know
Because he’s searching for his first cup of coffee
Not knowing he’s missing the main ingredient
155 · Nov 2022
Our eternities
Joanna Alexandre Nov 2022
I love you so much

I wish that I could give you this eternity

That we could have a little old black cat

Who we were convinced was a witch

I wish we could grow with her

Sharing all our hearts between us three

And I wish we could cry together as her time came

And plant flowers over her grave

And mourn and feel and fall on each other

Like leaves on the ground

I wish we could spend our eternity

Laughing to lull us into sleep

In our old bed that you’ll complain hurts your back

But that we never change

Despite the creaks and the way it feels

Like it might break under us

Because it never does

I’d spend my eternity running early

And you a little bit late

And we’d meet somewhere in the middle

I’ll always ask you to turn your music down

Your response will be to dance when I do

I won’t be able to help but laugh and join you

We’ll have an eternity of loud music and silly dances

I’ll eventually put up with the way you play your music

Because you put up with my bad singing

And we will be the most annoying people in love

In the nursing home

I wish I could give you my eternity

I know we’d be so incredibly happy

But my eternity is ending early

And yours is running late

So you’ll have to bury our little witch alone

And plant the flowers on your own

But know, I love you so
154 · Sep 2021
Cotton Candy Skies
Joanna Alexandre Sep 2021
You looked like a bag of sweet
Gifted to me, an innocent treat
The sky was pink, purple and blue
A cotton candy backdrop behind you
It was as exciting as a summer fair
Us, standing in the middle of nowhere
We felt like kids loose in a candy store
We had something sweet, we wanted more
With you there in that moment, I felt free
The kind of free we all someday hope to be
My cotton candy lover, my summer dream
I promise you’ll always find me on your team
Joanna Alexandre Apr 2020
When you told me you were seeing someone else,

A familiar sense of curiosity swept over me,

I wondered if it was who I thought  

It would be



I knew, but I could tell myself I didn't know

It was a suspicion with merit, sure

But the confirmation was missing  

Was missing



You made a mistake and told me,

Without really telling me who,

I knew. And now I know

I wish I didn’t
152 · Aug 2020
Hold on for one more minute
Joanna Alexandre Aug 2020
If I could be with you
Just one more time
I wonder if I would see
The pain in your eyes
And if you were here
For just one more night
I wonder if you would
Recognise the love in mine
And I wonder if you were here
For just one more minute
Could we have stopped you
Could it have turned out different
140 · Mar 2019
Leave me like this
Joanna Alexandre Mar 2019
You spat knives
That hit my heart
And you shutting your mouth
Didn’t stop the bleeding
I know I’ve stained your soul
But you’ve left irreparable holes
My heart can’t take this
And your mouth tastes like acid
So you kissed my veins
And my blood turned to poison
It burned through me
And you undressed me
To see the damage
I was naked
Nothing but a broken heart
And scarred skin
140 · Oct 2021
Self
Joanna Alexandre Oct 2021
You don’t see yourself in the morning
When the sun is coming up
And your eyes are slowly opening
You don’t know that kind of love
You don’t see yourself when you’re  laughing
How your body shakes and eyes light up
You don’t know that kind of feeling
You don’t know that kind of love
You don’t see yourself when you’re crying
When your eyes fill up with pain
You don’t see your strength in that moment
You don’t know that kind of love
You couldn’t see yourself how I see you
And the way that makes me feel
You’ll never know your own true beauty
You don’t know that kind of love
135 · Mar 2019
Untitled
Joanna Alexandre Mar 2019
You look at me
and I feel as though
Time isn’t enough
but I hold your attention
As long as I can
before you turn you head
And along with it the tables
and my world is upside down
Until you turn your head back around
132 · May 2020
I thought I loved you
Joanna Alexandre May 2020
I loved how you inspired me
I loved how you wrote poetry
And sung and played guitar
And wore old clothes that
Didn’t look outdated on you
I loved how you always seemed
To be looking beneath the surface
I loved how your hair
Was longer than most
And you always seemed just
A little bit nervous
Even when you weren’t
I loved your passion
For coffee and music and people
I tried really hard
to tell myself I loved you
But I loved what you
represented
And I still do
129 · Jul 2020
Under attack
Joanna Alexandre Jul 2020
You attacked me
In ways i forgot
i could be attacked
You stumbled innocently
Across my weak spot
And when i tried
To fight You off
i realised You’d gone.
i was staring at myself,
Still under attack.
128 · Dec 2018
Bipolar disorder
Joanna Alexandre Dec 2018
The water that I love holds me tight
and in my heart, ignites
Everything I think I can be
And all the dreams that make me, me.
The cold water then rushes my head
And fills my whole soul with dread
Of who I had always hoped to be
And how that could never really be me.
It runs down my throat
And feeds me the lifeless boat
Of drugs and pills and anti psychotics
It takes me away from my dreams and heroics
But it keeps me from drowning
And it stops me from downing
So I’ll let the water hold me tight
And find safety,
rather than let myself ignite.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a year ago and it’s been a constant struggle to find the will to take my medication and let it **** part of me but be safe. I’m still learning how to live with it and coming to terms with the longevity of this mental illness but each day I’m coming more and more to terms with it and how to cope. Thank you all for your support, my poetry has been a huge help and so have all of you.
124 · Sep 2021
Cotton Candy Skies
Joanna Alexandre Sep 2021
You looked like a bag of sweet
Gifted to me, an innocent treat
The sky was pink, purple and blue
A cotton candy backdrop behind you
It was as exciting as a summer fair
Us, standing in the middle of nowhere
We felt like kids loose in a candy store
We had something sweet, we wanted more
With you there in that moment, I felt free
The kind of free we all someday hope to be
My cotton candy lover, my summer dream
I promise you’ll always find me on your team
114 · Aug 2019
See me, me
Joanna Alexandre Aug 2019
When I look through your eyes
I can’t see me
Just the shadow of something
... demonic
And when you look though my eyes
You still can’t see me
Joanna Alexandre Apr 2020
My notes are full of conversations I never had

Not with you,



They contain words unspoken and unheard

But definitely felt



I wonder if you knew they were there

I wanted you to



I wonder if you could read them  

On my face



When I’d cry at night next to you

Did you hear?



Did you choose to ignore the hurt

You caused?



Was it easier for you to pretend  

I was the problem?



I wonder if your disillusion caused you  

To see me as happy

  

If you saw my notes you’d know

I wasn’t.

Not even close.
Joanna Alexandre Apr 2020
You looked deep into my eyes
Like you were searching for something
And I hoped you were looking for me
But you were looking for yourself
So I closed them, **** your ego.
108 · Feb 2021
Clothes shopping for bodies
Joanna Alexandre Feb 2021
I’ve cried in more dressing rooms
Then I care to admit,
I had the feeling that
It wasn’t the clothes;
It was me that didn’t fit.
But we aren’t supposed to all
Conform to “off the rack” shapes
And grow and skink so that
Our clothes can accommodate.
We are supposed to be
The standard they set.
Our clothes should fit all of us
So that we can feel our best
Don’t let those numbers intimidate you:
You’re the standard to be set.
That’s what the clothing industry
Hasn’t figured out yet.
Joanna Alexandre Jun 2020
He gave me a daisy seed
But no soil to plant it in
And asked me to hold out hope
That it could grow from nothing
Joanna Alexandre May 2020
Soft touches that seemed
harmless
A kind gesture that might’ve help in the
darkness
A wide smile from a
familiar face
That said to me “it’s okay,
you’re safe”
But those soft hands
left bruises
And that kind smile turned
abusive
You hurt me, I was
a child
But I’m done with living in
denial
97 · Jun 2020
No saved numbers
Joanna Alexandre Jun 2020
I never bothered saving your number in my phone
So that when you left, I wouldn’t feel any more alone
Joanna Alexandre Jun 2020
How do you break up with someone
You were never even dating?
Joanna Alexandre Jul 2020
I understand
But it hurts
I never asked to be everything
I just wanted to be enough
You made me feel like I was
But now you’ve chosen her
And I get it
I would too
She’s beautiful
She doesn’t have to try
She doesn’t care
She’s exciting in all the ways
I’m not
I love her
So I get why you would
Want to love her too
94 · May 2020
Heart strings
Joanna Alexandre May 2020
He played my feelings
like a 12 string guitar
with pinpoint accuracy.

He surprised me
When he struck my strings
For the first time.

Even more so
When he found a song
In my crevasses,

I didn’t know my body
Could sound
So sweet.
91 · Jan 2021
We had an argument
Joanna Alexandre Jan 2021
We had a argument

I don’t even know why
Or how it started but
I began to cry
Uncontrollably and
You didn’t
Understand why
But in the past
Arguments like that
Would end in fist fights
And cruel words
So when you didn’t
Lash out at me
I couldn’t
comprehend
It

Or that kind of love
Joanna Alexandre May 2020
I do,

I’ve held many.

Not for long,

But I kept them warm and  

Sometimes fixed holes

I used mine to patch up the  

Damages I found.

Now mine needs repairing.

Can you hold it for me?

Doesn’t have to be for long.
86 · Mar 2021
Home
Joanna Alexandre Mar 2021
I don’t want to admit it
But I’m waiting by the phone
Waiting for a text or call
Saying you want to come home
But I’m just waiting
Waiting waiting waiting
Why don’t you come
84 · Apr 2020
Your sex
Joanna Alexandre Apr 2020
You **** me like its love

And I crave your love like

it’s the air I need to breathe  

And so, I use your ***  

to satisfy my needs
84 · Apr 2020
Laissez-faire
Joanna Alexandre Apr 2020
I gave you my heart  

But you didn’t realize  

Because piece by piece  

A heart is easy to disguise



But I gave it to you in the strokes

Of my hand on your chest

And in the beating of my heart

When we laid down to rest



I saw the chance and I

Snuck it in through soft kisses

And you didn’t notice but  

I put in in our interlaced fingers



I saw it gather in your eyes

Saw you piece it back together  

I hope you hold onto it tightly

Because you could have my heart forever
75 · Apr 2020
You like them
Joanna Alexandre Apr 2020
You like them sick,

With an appetite of cigarettes and ****

Yours, to be specific

Small enough for you to scare

But big enough for no one to care



You like them easy,

Freakish in what they’ll do to please

Only you, to be specific

Willing to do everything and anything  

For their all mighty king



You like them dumb,

It’s easier to get away with it that way

For you, to be specific  

Bruises raise less alarms  

When they’re wrapped in your arms



You like them disposable,

Dolls you can interchange whenever you want

For you, to be specific  

When you get bored of her  

Swap her for someone else you’d prefer.
64 · Jun 2020
Call him a life jacket
Joanna Alexandre Jun 2020
He felt, to me, like Safety
And I want to WANT to feel safe

So I played the part
And he hurt me anyway

How do I trust myself
To choose safety

When the obvious option
Isn’t even safe
For me

— The End —