Just because I write about you,
and sing about you,
doesn't mean I think about you too.

I'm just doing everything I gotta do,
Everything that let's me let go of you.
Everything is turning,
Oceans heated and churning.
Baby, what was I to do?

I loved so hard and long,
everything started turning blue.
and I hate it, man. Stayed faded, man.
Cause I started falling in love with blue, too.

I was crazy, that deep deep kind.
Weak and hazy, lost all of my mind.
Swear I didn't know what went down,
Or some days why we kept one another around.
I just wanted you to know, about the realness I found.
So different now.
So clear and out loud.
But the real me still hates,
how much I let us both down.

Oh, I forgive...
who we once were,
who I was to you,
and for the heartbreak I made you give.

Oh, I have forgiven.
The sins of the past.
I promise I'm no longer living,
Jesus, a life like that.

Oh, I will forgive.
Again, everything that comes to past.
And I promise should  I meet you in the future,
only love will last.

2:22*
giving you absence,
in hopes to not give you
blue.
because I know this world,
what else can we do?
Then Louis comes on at 2:22
Singing of a world so wonderful
and true,
reminding me how wonderful
it is to *just be by you.
But I will not give in,
to temptations that brew
I will love you until then
and I know
you will *love me too.

Soul mates
Marriage
I'm still on the fence.

But I never lied once when it comes to love, in my defense.
I never said forever if forever wasn't meant.

And I suppose it's impossible to use something for all your life and not expect any dents.

I guess this is my best and worst subject, everything for which my life was meant.

All these things we've done before
All these things we have once seen.
There's a life inside locked doors,
Once opened reveals a dream.
I've heard you sing these chords
You're exactly what you seem.
The pride of my soul,
A twin beam.
Light we can't control
Shines upon everything.
The world will knows our names
But you and I live an Earthly dream.

Aladdin and Jasmine
aren't the only ones
to experience a whole new world,
I have begun.

And it's so refreshing,
this time I won't come undone
Somewhat of a blessing
and tremendous fun.

You're a breeze to the soul,
when it's had a harsh summer.
Cooling the affects of my heart's tolls,
like my favorite November.

I hope you're someone I'm glad to remember,
Regardless I'm sure you'll join the club of my heart
as an exclusive member.

There's so much I want to say
Though finding the right words can be so troublesome
A "but" at the wrong time could tear you apart.
An "um" can make me seem unintelligent.
And too many "I"'s may cause us to lose a connection.
The point could be lost at the misplacing of a comma.
And a crummy adjective can throw off our mood.
Though, if you manage to look past my unpunctuated lines
Or my sloppy placing of a rhyme
Or the misspelled words
Or repeating of a theme
You might happen upon something real
A heart conveniently on display
There may be no rhythm
Or Shakespearean resemblance
But each letter is history
And phrase is a lesson
Even if you don't understand
Maybe someone else will
And my version of therapy could be theirs
But God-willing I touch your heart
And be the change I'd like to see
And my words could hug your soul
And hush your inner crying child
Because we aren't alone
I just want my words to sit with you for awhile
I just want the page to be your shoulder
The situation you can put yourself into
And not feel selfish for seeing it as you
The friend you don't have to pretend to hear
Just to get to talk about your day
Let this one time be for you
Let your feelings show
Its the words and you now
Let it take you where you'd like to go

Have I strayed?
Didn't I notice you were there.
Didn't I hear you call my name?
Are you there?

I have forgotten about your fame...
your love for me that endures forever.
My only request be made,
Jesus, please stay the same forever.

Even these words become about something else.
But it's just you.
Jesus.
It's only ever been you.

I don't care if I lose you.
I don't care if you're not reading this.
I don't care if I confuse you,
because there are bigger reasons I exist.

You might not understand me.
Or even want to try.
You are not the One who planned me,
So don't feel slighted that I won't cry.

You may feel threatened,
or admire me so much.
That you use your affections as a weapon,
because you desire greatly, my touch.

All of these things are just a condition of our existence.
The only way to overcome it is through genuine persistence.
I can only be better than who I was before.
If you cannot do that, then what are you here for?

What more can I say?
You fell in love with
what you thought was her,
but all you saw were
words on a page.

I have already failed,
When I wish you were the victim instead of them.

I have already failed,
When I wanna hurt anything living inside the same kind of skin.

I have already failed,
If I feel anything other than love.

I have already failed,
But I'm not giving up.

I heard you had asked about me,
been asking these friends of mine.
And at first- now don't doubt me,
but the thought had crossed my mind.
This means nothing to me,
and if you cared you'd call!
A thought so untrue and gloomy,
for it is special that you'd care at all!
It is love, that gesture of asking.
And I know this because God sent me a sign.
One wing in the sky, one wing on the ground-
And this was not the only time.
For an attitude of an ungracious heart I once bore,
Making all the riches of your love seem poor.
Dismissing anything that didn't fulfill my fantasies,
I never gave your love a real chance, you see.
Because I needed the love of a Father.
Now I have his, but your love not.
And even this is fine my dear,
for a God's love I have got.

What do they give you at the finish line,
If the race keeps going?
Still killing to get mine,
But the benefits stopped showing.
Use my ears as an escape to disregard what they call fate,
Read the articles online, now a real life I recreate.
Still feels lacking though,
Motions I move through to move on, seems there's nowhere to go

Until I trade my mechanisms,
Fall under the spell of danger but lonely still- that's pessimism.
She feels embarrassed for me,
Everything she breathes in is an attempt to feel free
With lies like those, who needs to participate in riskier behavior?
Walking the equator look to her creator, beg Him to forgive and let her explain later
Invincible kids we refuse to not last,
Grades begin to slip, but life won't let you see it after class.

If we are the same you don't have to fear my past,
Think softly, my peer
Wandering is only peaceful whilst here.
Patience, I have learned
Respect need not be earned.
We owe the other nothing,
But everything we want means giving all your loving.
Trusting myself as well as you,
Summations of things we endured, love rings true.

Notecards strewn across the table
Like postcards of why I'm unable
To study Biology.
Okay...it's because you're unavailable
No need for psychology
I'm clearly enamored
And you noticed so quickly
How your stare made my heart hammer
If you are anything but what you are
My expectations dampered
I see a brightly shining star
Able to handle
Everything we are
I think no other holds a candle

have courage, be sincere, obey, get back up.
This is the rhythm of life-
if you forget the last step...
you can always begin again with the first.

When you come from nothing
and you manage to float along
without encouragement or loving,
just basic sad songs.

You grow into something troubling,
and it doesn't take long
before you're only shrugging
when someone who used to be a friend
asks you what's wrong.

I'm only saying this because I was that something
after living without love for so long,
I was broken and struggling
and there was no proper way to get on.

Because this world owes you nothing,
not even a dad and a mom
I accepted that and gave up trusting
Maybe that's where I went wrong?

Born with this whisper, reminiscent of young Marilyn, Audrey, and Jackie, she says we must be the most beautiful creature to capture your attention.
She says to fear one another, for your sister may jeopardize your happiness.

She says winged eyeliner in a necessity.
She says pink is the new black.
No, purple.
No, it's black again.

She says you must care more for these things than books.
The key to prosperity for us is all in our looks.
She says to dream, but not so large that you scare away future prospects.
She says to marry a fortune, and covet thy last name.
She says vanity is the game.

But what if you learned she was really a he. That insecurity is a tool he uses against you. Women of history endured, so we could be more than what they have convinced us we are:
Baby makers.
Maids.
Strippers.
Victims.

Yet, as you walk up to the checkout, in whatever corrupt corporation's super market you shop, you still reach for the picture book that preaches submission to men. You still subscribe to "89 ways to change who you are in order to get a man". You still put toxins on your skin in hopes to become more attractive. You still judge each other without knowing the other's story.

But you haven't yet thought, " What if I was raised to believe being **** is being smart?"



The voice telling you "You can't" is your own.
The voice telling you "You never will" is oppression.
Isn't it about time we started teaching the infinite beauty of a woman's mind?

There are opportunities a plenty,
as much as the fallen leaves on the ground.
If you breathe deeply and listen,
you can hear God's sound.
I am making it my mission,
to tell you all right now-
Spreading the gospel is more fruitful than fishing,
because even a line cast can be a letdown.
So share the word of Jesus.
Wear it strung round your forehead like a crown.
Write a tweet, send a text, sing a song long and proud.
God gave you everything and then some,
So what will you give right now?

Violins swell as though it will determine our fate
I imagine your face, harsh and striking fear in my heart
A passionate kiss ignites the moment, my eyes begging you not to depart

Symphonies roar between us
Each note carrying your love further away
Singers belt lyrics to and fro
Please do not go

Its a dance that leads us around the apartment
Room to room, corner to corner
Are you listening yet?
My orchestra has advanced the tempo once again
Though yours seem certain on Grave
Our tempos never matched!
Is this where the mistake was made?

I sway around, sweeping the room with my emotions
You stay in one spot, drowning it with empathy
What should I do? Fling myself from the counter
Is there nothing I may do? The choir sings do you doubt her?

Just go! I fling myself to the floor
You leap like a prince to my rescue you come
Holding my limp frame in your arms
Oh what have you done!

How is the movie you ask?
Not better than the one in my head
Oh never you mind, I'll say
Beethoven is dead

If the beginning of love is a smile,
I should do it more often.
I have been trying to love.
Love so freely
Those I do not love.
To smile upon the face of cruelty.
So sweetly.
To be free.
I think I will smile.
For a while.

I hope wherever you are
You're falling for a new star.
I hope she gives and holds you near,
And never keeps her love too far
Out of reach.
I hope she knows how to teach
you to love again.
She needs to be a fighter
to fix what I broke and couldn't win.


And I know that I changed
your already beautiful heart.
But I hope you get a new love story,
Of which sadness has no part.
I really, really hope you're as happy as me.
You always said this was for us,
thought you were lying, but I just didn't want to believe.
I always lacked that trust
because I couldn't see.
Everything I had then in front of me,
Hopefully finds its way back to you
And sets your heart free.

Have you ever really heard?
You know the word
You know the birds,
But is it what you really heard?

Were you taught to observe?
Would you pause if you had the sense, when they tell you keep going around the curve?
Like treasure hunts and hide and seek they convinced us to grow old and not return
Like poets, scientists, revolutionaries, MLK they taught us to question what we learned is to burn.

I do not understand how we can be unaware.
I read it in this Biology text book,
on page one, it is right there

We're all just molecules and atoms,
How dare anyone think they matter,
More than the next collection of matter.
Just because they managed to gather,
all that wealth.

This is not yin and yang,
not a balancing of things.

These are human beings trying to survive.
That kid that was shot, never saw it coming until it was too late.
But what could he have done anyways?
Who's responsibility is it to stop the hate?

Yours. Mine. Everyone's.
Please learn to love each other before someone important to you dies because the wrong person is in control of the gun.

There's happy moments and wonderful cheers!
Drink is plenty and love in the air
Until one carries himself somewhat unfair
Now they turned away and closed their ears.
It's so hard to understand
A modern man's fears
Nothing goes according to plan
And your wasted years
Seem to outweigh the meaning
Of those well spent
You lie awake feeding
On stifled tears.
Because no one likes the truth
But they'll covet their youth
Turn away from proof
As the love and cheers-
*****

One day, I will march on the lawn in Washington.
I will say my peace and progress on.
I will tell a million stories
that faded with history.
I will tell FACTS and cold, calculated truth.
I will inform the old and the youth.
I will bring peace to the world's people.
And you.
You may decide if you are with us,
**or with evil.

Let's be careful.
Not to wade in our emotions
Not to swim through the past.
Let's be careful.
To **** the memories of moments
That don't need to last.

Let's be careful
To lean into what is brand new.
To focus on our hearing.
To protect our new found view.

Let's be careful.
Love has to be cultivated.
Let's be careful
To love what we once hated.

It's impossible to know if I did the right thing,
but it is possible to be okay knowing I did something.

I've been given my orders,
but they don't add up.
I want to blame everybody,
and that force called "bad luck".
I've got nothing left to hold onto,
except for the love...
That should be enough...I'll be fine too!
As long as you stop calling my bluff.

I'm just doing what I ought to.
But it is more than just "rough".
My God, what do I do about the thought of you?
I have just about had enough.
Is this something you have even thought through?
I guess we'll find out soon enough.
But if you become someone I never again get to talk to,
I pray that God calls upon your bluff.

I like to sew little seeds of
love and faith, where I go.

I like to demonstrate how to believe,
so one day I may hear word that their hearts know.

The goodness, the love, the blessings
WILL BE!
If only you let go...

God is waiting, and ready to receive!
Those who were once stained,
he sees clean and pure like snow.

I am what I have always been.
I am just clearer now.

I am still the adjective you love to say,
Just better defined somehow.

Knowing everything will complete you and destroy you all at once,
You are not crazy
You are not alone
You are not delusioned
You are not ego
You are not person
You are not son

you
are
the
results
of
illusions
**undone

I am a dying breed*
sent forth to make you believe
I see in all things
The power to transform to higher beings.