"I don't want you to go out on your own"

Those words have kept me trapped inside this cage
of walls and glass and wood floors
but also trapped under clothes that cover my skin
afraid of eyes that may peer through

Your safety and protection is like a warm blanket
that provides comfort
but it can also suffocate me on a sweltering summer night
freedom is a natural calling
and why do others get the sweet release
of opening a door
and not worrying about what could happen to them
when they walk down a street
why do I have to watch from windows
and wonder what it's like to have this sense of
normality and power
to be this person that can roam

Why do mothers warn their daughters
but don't tell their sons
that their sisters and friends
have the same skin as they do
that they deserve to walk out into the night
and not have to wonder about the eyes and tongues and fingers
that lurk behind them
why do we limit what the girls of this world can do
just for their safety
how will that accomplish anything
when we don't tell the boys of this world
that they don't have power over us

It's a cloudy Monday
and I'm having trouble
trying to describe you in one emotion.

We used to talk until the world went quiet
and the sun would about to wake
now it takes so much energy out of us
to ask how the other has been

We used to constantly say "I love you"
and now I say "I miss you"
and get nothing back in return

You always said that I deserve more
and maybe you were right
but that doesn't make me love you any less

It doesn't make this hurt any less

I’m falling again.
The falling where
my mind wallows
with my heart
till they combine
and the pressure
becomes too much,
so it leaves me numb.

People are so oblivious.
We don't notice
the seconds ticking by
or the one falling leaf
or breaking heart
or millions of teary eyes.
We don't notice
the feet shuffling by
or the words we can't hear.
We are oblivious
to love.
There is someone out there,
who,
like you,
is searching and waiting
for the one second
where the oblivion
stops.

I guess I could've spoken up
or said something
but I didn't want to ruin
how we were in that moment

I've felt what it's like
to have fingers
dance on my thigh
and to hold a hand
and to have you search my body
like an ancient artifact
and now that you're gone
all I think about
is contact
and how much I need it now
that I know
what I've been missing

I can't explain the swell in my chest
when you say you will miss me
and that you wish I was with you
and that you love me,
and I know we are friends
but I feel like you're my
home.

Dear Fear,
You are a giant that sits on my shoulders
and you always bring a heavy fog with you;
and I don’t understand
how something that’s invisible
could weigh me down so much.
When you’re around,
my thoughts dissipate
except for the most urgent ones
telling me why I can’t do xyz.
I’m a tea kettle,
bubbling and boiling
and screaming at the top of my lungs
yet no one is around to take me off the stove.
Most of the time,
I don’t need your hover,
yet I need you to push me forward
on to a stage,
on to say what needs to be said,
on to live a life
that’s filled with
hope…


Dear Hope,
You are the catalyst
that kickstarts an endless marathon
of daydreams;
you’ve toppled my fears
over the edge of the sky
to offer me a clear day;
and you’ve showed me
how I need to believe in myself.
You’re in every word I write,
every syllable I say,
and every move I make.
You unwrapped fear
and inside the envelope
was a reflection
of your spirit.
You also shared with me
that none of this would’ve been possible
without the presence
of fear…


P.S.
I’ve looked fear and hope in the eyes
and they both share
the same face.

This perfect little girl
seems like she's a storybook away,
and the image you wish to see
is drenched in black,
a shadow that won't reveal
the identity of its master.
This perfect little girl
used to hold your hand,
but is now letting go
to search for something greater
than protection -
she's searching for herself,
and this perfect little girl
you tried to create,
isn't who she's looking for.

I want to kiss a boy.
I want to kiss a girl.
I just want to know
what it feels like
to have a connection
with someone.

Who knew loving you
would hurt.

you said you give relationships your all
but i only see you trying
when you break things off

Water usually represents cleansing;

a new beginning.

But how can it represent that when

boats are sinking,

kids are drowning,

waves are growing?

How can water cleanse the mind

of someone who is anchored to

the bottom of the ocean?

I didn't realize how sad I was
until someone asked if I was okay

I suppose you could say
I'm
falling
for
you

There's a place
where your heart settles
and your cheeks flush
and you shake with happiness;
and then there's a place
where your heart breaks
and your tears flood
and you shake with terror...
and that place
is with you.