The moon was soon to be my lover:
"The great pusher and puller"
On a sad day in November,
I gave up my surrender.

As long as I was safe here,
their companion blue sphere,
they knew I wasn't going to fade.
Always thought that I would stay.

Soft pink ribbons fill my head
Light beams falling on the bed
But I could only see them
through a shaded lense.
I don't know when that began.

As the months grew longer
they watched me wander
from somewhere much farther away.
And now we're lonely.

Their love was fuller and faster,
retreating and waining.
Sunlight reflecting,
then raining and raining
I love you, I'm sorry
I hate you, don't leave me
My absence grew fonder
than staying and grieving

Then I was gone
I don't like myself when I'm away
I wonder where did we go wrong
Always thought that I would stay

He was a child of the dawn and the dusk
Wanting and waining with the tides he could trust
With soft gentle hands and an innocent touch
He's the child within and to nurture I must

A mother a sister a daughter in one
To succumb to addiction is to say that it's won
But to bury the deep and burdening shame
Her misguided attempt to sow the soul together again

History predicts the fall
in the quietest manner
Silently he builds the walls
His actions go without saying

It's too much pressure to love me
It's much too heavy to stay
I must go on without him
I'll have to find another way

Once a lovers strong embrace
Now a dark and lonely place
Who next will be my valentine?
Fill these empty arms

Someone asked me the other day if I was in love with you.
The feeling is primal, spiritual, heavy, blood borne.
We exist so closely.
I breathe in and you breathe out.
You are one hand and I am the other.
When you stand still, to my right,
facing away from me, just after sunrise
there's a beam of light that bends
with the curve of your neck.
The simplicity of the shape, the warmth on your skin
It makes my eyes water and my knees weak.
I want run my lips down
from your cheek to your ear,
just beneath your jaw,
to where, on occasion,
when my senses are heightened,
I can clearly see the pulses through you.
My heart skips a beat trying to catch yours.
And alone, together
I catch us wandering
with our eyes,
our thoughts..
thoughts of your hands,
your mouth...
The unspoken nature of our attraction
leaves me full of fantasy.
I take pieces of interactions
and stitch them together in my mind
to form a longer cohesive moment
of something naturally fleeting and taboo.
I shouldn't allow myself to travel
to that space in my head
where I'm building memories
on things we have not said.
The tone in hellos, goodbyes and I love yous
ring loud though.
However three times today, through quiet admission,
it's been acknowledged and left to linger.
Proudly, sadly, and forlorn.

Sun kissed, sea salted
Fine mist condensing on your
white dress
Early morning, cool dip
A resting smile on your
full lips
Water pooling in my hand
Our feet easing into sand

Through my camera's lens
the light bends around you
Flared out it crowns you
with a halo
Glowing angel

I dissipate, contemplate
what I wish to wash away
Shed sorrowed sallowed skin
on the shore of yesterday

Find a new spark! Fire! Ignition!
within us and
relinquish the unwanted ties
that have bound us
so we can begin again
begin again
begin again

I scream with my soul
to the horizon
Make me whole!
Only you can push and pull
my heart strings, the tide within me
You said you're tired of the weight
I said I'm tired of the wait
Forever is now

I'll sing through the night
if it would ease the lonely
frightened space inside you
Let my voice reverberate
off the walls of the hollow
pit you reside in when alone
Too often, I too, find my home
in the quiet isolation

Eyes closed, red glow
Floating fractalled spirals
weaving in and out of my lids
Bouyant, bouncing on the tip
of waves

I'd waste my day
melting drifting spinning sinking
drinking margaritas on the rocks
laying back with a big cigar
My coconut heart split spilling out on
petrified driftwood
You are loved and have
been loved by somebody good

My dieties gather
in the drunken hour
Sunken treasured memories
quell my delusions of grandeur
Reminding me how the smallest moments
linger

I want to kiss you deep
and remember it this time.
Leave out the spinning bottle,
sleep, and wake up refined
Tell you how I love you,
my partner in crime
We are two sides of the same coin
Harmonics in the southern cicadas song

Let's get up and out and on our way
through a city bright and new
before we're back on the road
to the unbecoming home

With new sight and fresh minds
clear conscious and the feeling
of hope and elation

With memories to slow our pulses
acceleration.

In the moments of anxieties
I am here for you
whatever our relation

I see who you are
in the moments of hesitation

I'm pulling in

feeling half past dead

Theres a story I read in the Bible,
coming from Old Testament,
that taught me I should love my father
taught me how to not resent...

or waste my days waiting on the
semblance of a true repent.

He was Caine and I was Able.
He killed a part of me
in the name of his God,
I called my Devil.
I curse missed opportunities...

He was Caine I wasn't able
to get that needle off his table.

There's a reoccurring vision
that is haunting my sleep.
Would he still do ******
If each time it had been injected by me?
A terrible vision,
a sickening fantasy,
that I'd rather him die by my hand
than left in his life's purgatory.

When looking down at his thigh,
does he think about his son?
Ink beneath the trembling skin,
where I left a mark with my own gun.
When looking up at the sky,
does he think about the sun?
How it shines on everything
and how he's not the only one.

I stand and watch the full moon rising
over the cherry trees in spring
In the solstice, I've been blinded
I hardly know the day or the time anymore

I am bleeding from within
I am shedding parts of me
that i can no longer hold

Trespassers in the front yard
Looking through my window

Blue lights in my vision
Fourteen hours that were taken

Trespassers in the front yard
Sneaking thru my dreams
Looking through my window
Watching as i sleep

Blue lights in my vision
Metal on the wrist
Fourteen hours that were taken
Freedom as a gift

Winters heavy burden
has left me indebted
to the state that i live in
and home thats been given

The cold wind reminds me
of the space that i go to
The place I exist in
in sadness and solitude

I come and go
Come and go

I dont like myself when im away

Bruised and beautiful tall tree
with heavy-hanging, over-ripened
fruit that weighs your branches.
Should I be a picker?
Lighten the load.
Will I be(e) a keeper?
Produce sticky liquid from the pollen
of your prickly flower.

Have I been the wind that makes them sway
that makes you say, "Quiet.
I'm hurting.
Be gentle,
I'm yearning
for so much more than you give me."

I want to bring rain.
Wet your roots and make it spring again.
They extend deep
and so far beyond me.
I'd hit the dirt, sink
and you'd drink me.
Fill you up,
something sweet.


Then I'm also the dry lake bed,
and you are the sun.
Then we're both the 96 million mile
uninterrupted beam of energy
that makes us one.

You, the powerful, scorching fire
through the vacuum of space.
The world feels your hot touch in mid day.
And my arid cracked surface
of evasive avoidance
reflects your energy
back at you,
trapped in the atmos-

Spherical star,
you've brightened my life.
One day I'll be stronger
learn to soften the strife.

My magical lover,
ever burning goddess.
Should I be kept as your lover,
the ever failing novice,
I imagine us
melting into each other in August.
The tail end of summer,
stronger humble and honest
and in love as ever.

Night time fever
Drunken lover
Simmering sorrow
In colder weather

Swollen knuckles
My bruised ego
Naked on the car ride home
Your clothes out the window

She came at me with two horns
After a night in the rain

A painting on the wall
And its unblinking gaze
Cast toward the sky
On a face I'd never meet
But was known well to those
Who are getting to know me

Fire heart
And hot touch
Icy words
And sharp tongue
Pulling me
Pushing me
Pulling me
Pushing me away

Why won't you go home?
But oh please will you stay
with me?

Small breaths and long sighs
The words behind our eyes
The strength in our thighs
I relax into slumber

Warmth bleeds from my spine
To be held from behind
I am soft and fluid
In the embrace of my lover

Shaken from a terror
In my subconscious fever
To awake to the curious
Embrace from another

Who imagines me pure
And sweet in my sorrow
Anxiety driven
In the early morning hours

Fill me up, drink me deep
Your kisses delightful
Whether i may or may not sleep
Till the rise of the sun

Touching her was
reaching for a cup of tea
steaming on my bedside table
A high fever and stiff joints

When my weak hands hold her close
a shiver runs down the center of me
The rest feels so cold

I breathe in the vapor
citrus and cinnamon
The aroma coats my brain
and softens my nerves

I cough and spit
a decades worth of the unspoken
dissolved in my lungs

My brother Theodore
always said he loved me more
than gold or silver.
Our bond was stronger than any
that i had in my youth.
I'd tell him the truth
of my thoughts about girls
and all the troubles with boys at school.
When I tired of this town,
he promised to show me the world someday.

When he went out to sea
he said he'd come back for me,
"In a years time. You'll be fine.
Listen for me in the breeze."
But that was three years ago
and mother sits out in the snow.
Thinks she sees him sometimes
in the streets after wine.
He didn't come back in time.
She drinks herself to sleep.

Oh Theo, I can't keep this up long.
Oh Theo, what am I doing wrong?
Oh Theo, your memory keeps me strong.

Last time he walked out the door
he was kissing on Eleanor.
She was full with his child
when he said he'd be back in a while.
But she died one winter morning
and I took it as a warning
to never love somebody
if I'd not be there to mourn them when they go.

Oh Theo, she held my hand as we waved.
Oh Theo, as the waves took you away.
Oh Theo, now I'm almost grown.
Oh Theo, and I'm feeling alone.

I'd lay by the water, let the tide pull me in.
In the waves I was swallowed, ready for my life to end.
Death comes in threes but I wanted him to take me too.
Without him I was nothing but a boy without a song.
In the breeze I'd hear him sing, "It's time for you to move along."

So I packed my bags and left
after mother took her last breath.
I wanted to believe
there's something better for me out there.
So I travelled through the trees
and up the hills and through the streams.
I sipped my flask in a tent next to the water
I called Whisky Springs.

Dawn lights the seventh day in June
and darling look how you've grown
Harvest the life inside of you
It's time to reap what we've sown

Now I've got my honey
suckled on the supple breast
of my lover in our quiet nest
I'll spark a fire to keep us warm at night
and offer long arms to hold you tight
Oh, my flower child
you've got the sky in your crystal eyes
You are soft like the moon
and then blazing like the sunlight

Let's go to the whisky springs
Where I've been given joy like no other
Living inside a dream
Close your eyes and feel your face
kissed by the southern breeze
Let me inhale with you
The aroma of the sweetgrass
Laying in the pool
Of the cool whisky waters
with my wife and my daughter

Take me back to whisky springs..
I wanna go back to whisky springs..

Parsley and thyme
Comb the earth with your fertile fingers
You tell me that you want to bloom
And fruit like the plants do

As grapes turn to wine
The idea ferments with the seasons
Lain on the willow boughs
Nothing but our breathing and the starlight

I'm gonna take you to the whisky springs
Barefoot walk in the summer
You whisper the sweetest things
This child will have water for its father
and earth as its mother
Plant me inside of you
We'll do it twice if you're eager
I love to hear you sing out my name
Feeling hotter than a fever in the night


https://soundcloud.com/dorian-m/whisky-springs

Traveling thru an indefinite blue-gray haze
on the verge of becoming rain
It's increasing thickening density raising
the pressure in my face
Pushing ninety down the highway
ears pop as the altitudes change
Rising up to view the static exchange
tween the heavens and the earth
on this day of winter solstice

My soul has been pulled here
by some force
To the edge of the highest cliff
farthest from my son..sun

And out of the sky
the crack of a whip
my singed skin glowed
The purple plasma tipped
crisp bolt dripped quick
through my head to my toe
God struck me so
only she and I know
how the warmth within me overflowed
melting a circular pattern in the snow

A fathers low moan
alone
mimicking the groan
of the cold wind
deep valley drone

..My pupils dilated back
absorbing again the navy night shadows
A woman cloaked in velvety black
walked up behind from the edge of the pine
Pulled her veil to the side
revealing lips red as wine
Her mouth moved quickly
I could tell she was singing
Though I've been deafened by this ringing
in my ears
it seemed
she was frightful of something
and when she revealed her face unto me
I knew I'd seen it in a dream
She grabbed my wrist
kissed my knuckles
and leapt into the ravine

My own screams were muffled by the vapor in the air
I knew she was gone but still felt her there

Perhaps my brain had fried
was there a her at all
for I only saw her briefly
and I never heard her fall
Or maybe I had died

In that moment came omniscience
I looked down into the abyss
..
began my final descent

Spartacus, grant me a wish.                  In a world of pale neutrals,
give me the kiss of a new light.            The fruitful lips placed so
gently on my largest vein,                     rushing life blood thru my
body to my brain and                             heart again; pulsating
rhythm in my chest.                               Please grant my request.

The honey gold drip:                             a warm thick gift from the
universe's infinitely expanding            infinitely collapsing pieces.

You told me I wear my pain well
Tho I know it's not hard to tell that I'm hurting
But you've  got the hands to rub it out
Have a face I want to see in the morning
Sunbeams shining sideways thru my window
A sparkle in yr third eye
Woke up with my hand beneath yr pillow
Thinkin I had died in the night

and come back to life

running through dim light
street alleys and courtyards
frantic/find shelter from the approaching storm
its on top of us/imminent
threat/the windswept city
will crumble above us
separated immediately
after the rush of anxiety
from the dream beings i felt closest with
alone at the end
in a mosque i find myself
refuge/lightning blue
flashes through the windows
illuminate the assorted
panicking peers

with each grounding of energy
building quakes foricing people to the carpet
holding onto each other
but i stand and wander
across the broad floor
beneath the shaking frame of the door
to a room without a wall
where i watched a lake of liquid fire creep forth

the holiest man came to stand beside me
we both kneeled by the rising shore
heads turned upward
looking into the core
of the tornados swirl
we placed our hands on the surface
my flesh singed but his glowing skin sank smooth
out of the magma he bore two rings of gold
and placed them on each on my longest fingers

-wake up-


I can't stop licking this brand new  /
                                                            / crack in my tooth


                                     What am I to do
when the tension begins to break me
             and it shows?

Before I know it


Spit ****, split skin
I'm laying on pavement

My heartbeat increasing
My pupils dilated

And I hear your voice
Telling me I can take it

But it sounds so far
And I feel like I'm fading

In and out of consciousness
My numb fingers lock and twitch


Can we go to the hospital
Now and not later

If I close my eyes now
I may meet my maker

If I had the choice
I would be my own savior

But I'm too busy right now
Feeling too dizzy right now


Maybe when things slow down
I'll tell you what I'm thinking

Though I'd rather pretend
This had all been a dream


And soon I'll wake up

Oh

I want to hear you speak
                                             slow

Syllables slither from between your lips

Slip into my ear

And seep deep into my
                                           soul

Nestled silence between the words

I love you
                                And goodnight

Peace unto you
My morning star
Rise with the setting of the moon
Beneath your light I've travelled far

Would you bring peace unto me
My quiet prayer
As I venture out alone
Would you be there

Heavy particles
Translucent liquid and crystal spheres
Natures fragile
Ever changing chandelier
Suspended overhead
In atmosphere
They are shifted
By temperature
I'm amazed how it sways the water in me

If they were to fall at once I'd be
Crushed and drowned
By their enormity
Just now I could reach up and touch the clouds

It has laid a cool blanket on me and this city
Its thickening grey increasing density
On the verge of becoming

Rain
It pours down in sheets
You're like the rain
Wash over me
I'm releasing pain
Oh I'm leaking
It hurts to be born again

How I am swayed so easily
By the refreshing cleanse
It promises

Since we've begun speaking
I've developed some unnatural tendencies
Like reaching my arm to the south when I'm going to sleep
Just to know that you're three feet closer to me

You ignite something deep inside
I hear you sing through the telephone and I close my eyes
I don't know what it will be like
The anticipation is killing me

---

Your touch came with the first warmth of spring
A short time to confirm so many possibilities
And I sleep with your scent wrapped around me now