I feel myself falling down the familiar steps of despair
Each step my breath is taken from me
Each step my strength weakens beneath me
I can hardly hold up my frame as I walk
I feel my legs shake with each step

“Just one step more”
I hear them saying
But I can hardly take a step at all
For I shall step into misery and despair

I feel myself failing
Falling…
Down that familiar spiral that I wished to avoid
An endless well of pain and suffering

I will not take the leap
Rather I shall be shoved in
By words voiced as encouragement
Yet all I can feel is the venom behind them

They say they wish to help me
So why do their words cause me such pain?
Is this love?
Is love just misery?
Is love just pain?

I used to be so happy
I thought I had finally escaped
The bottomless well of pain and suffering
Instead, I have slipped on the last step

I find myself falling once more
I tell myself to hold on
I tell myself to get better
I tell myself I need to do better

My hands slip when I reach out
A hand comes my way to help
I grab on for dear life
Only to find they have dropped me down
The bottomless well of pain and suffering

I know I am loved
I know I am cared for
So why does their affection cause me such pain?

I weep before them
Willing to shed my pride and armor
I am told my tears are ugly
My frustration is hideous
My anger, useless

I do not wish for these feelings
I do not wish to feel at all
I do not wish for anyone to see
Because all they see is the hideous thing I am

A poor pitiful creature
Slowly falling down
The bottomless well of pain and suffering.

As my heart is being shattered
My love is gone
I miss on the forever dawn I see

I wish he will find
That I am the one
Then we will walk together on the warm sun

To my lover
He will see
I love him forever so

Will he love me?

I found myself in a field
The grass was spun from silk
Bowing beneath my every step
Kissing my ankles as I went by

I found myself in a field
Over looking the beautiful blue sea
Now painted with the colors of gold and pink
As the sun shined over me

I found myself in a golden light
The fading hour of the sun
Everything it touched was given the gift of beauty
Filled with its fading warmth that clung to me
As the sun slowly sunk into the night

I found myself in a grove
The trees of a forest surrounding me
I looked up at the sky to see the infinite stars
And heard someone asking me
"How can you make constellations in this mess?"

"It's connecting the dots you see."
My finger raised to the sky
Each star that graced my finger tips trailed with me
Painting the many pictures I saw up above

I fell asleep in a forest grove
Awoken by the soft golden sun
"I don't want to have to go."
From the fields and forests

My soul is rested
Here in the fields and forest
But rest is temporary
As are these dreams.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I swear I can see you
Someone that makes my heart beat wildly
That gives me shivers of warmth and love down my spine
But all I have ever witnessed
Has been in my mind's eyes
I want to believe you are real
Not just a figment of my lonely imagination
I want to believe you are out there
Picturing me in your mind
Filled with wonder seeing my smile and my eyes
Yet I somehow feel you are my Pygmalion
A stone cold picturesque image of longing
That I cling onto in the long dark nights
Waiting for the gods above to come down
And move your stone cold visage of my mind
Into the soft warm flesh of reality
I want to say I look forward to meeting you
And I hope one day I do
And I will sing my praises up to the sky
Up to the gods
Who granted me my greatest joy
My greatest creation
My Pygmalion

Slipping inside...

I let the water wash over me

Scalding and steaming

I feel myself melt in the heat

Sliding down into the water

Crawling over my head

The world around me drowns

I do not hear the door creak open and shut

I do not hear the distant cough

It rings through the halls like a bell

Tolling death

Sink further in

Into the dark warm waters

So that my tears mix inside

Spoiling the fresh water with the bitter salt of sadness

Even under here

I can hear the ringing

This is how I disappear

Death's warm embrace comes for me

Deep in the water

It comes in passing
Above us
Upon the ground we may not see them
We may not hear their messages
The words of warning and advice
Go unheeded
Carried off by winds
Much louder than their whispering voices
I tilt my gaze to the sky
Watching their words fly by
I wonder how long they have been singing
Who had heard their songs?
Did they hear them in time?
Or was the last note they heard one of melancholy
Of dreams untapped and unrealized
The chains that bind us down from joining them in their flight
Keep us from their songs
They are the ones we put on ourselves
But the shackles have been loosened
Wings freed and flowing
I join their chorus of wisdom
And hope others may finally hear our song

He is perceived as youth
Younger than all
A child amongst the gods
However he was borne of Chaos
Bringing life through love
Chaotic and painful love
Uplifting and righteous love
Melting hearts
Make them as unyielding as steel
Arrows of gold and lead his tools
He uses them with wild will
Just as love is
Borne from chaos
His bow taught and waiting
Finding their targets
True strike of love
Rain your arrows upon me
So that I may learn
To love myself