Dana Mulder: Poems

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

When deciding whether it's better to
avoid
ignore
go numb
than to
feel
hurt
and cry
remember why.

Why you'd rather
work
talk
and clean
than
sit
lounge
twiddling thumbs.

Why you'd rather it
rain
snow
or be sunny
than
equilibrium
gray
with thin clouds.

Why
idle
steady
clean
hands are a sign of inexperience, and
sore
throbbing
tired
feet are worthwhile.

Remember
every
single
time
that you're only happy when it rains
but
sun
and cold
will never get old.

#love #sun #happiness #rain #cold #numb #decisions #numbness

FYI

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

FYI

If anyone asks

why my stomach trips,
it’s unbalanced

why my eyes shift around your name,
clearly the light flickered

why I have to go so soon,
I’m late for lunch

why my hands shake,
I’m chilled.

If anyone asks

why my heart flies,
then it’s finally free.

#freedom

Gone Like My Innocence

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

Gone Like My Innocence

I miss you the way I miss the time we were alive in.

My heart longs for you and my innocence in the same manner.

My stomach twists in contempt for every feeling that you don’t give me.

Don’t you see?
The loss of innocence is
so
much
more
than paying bills and paying for gas.
So
much
more
than taking a pill every night and needing to have a plan.
It’s
losing the ability to hear a high pitch that is both pleasing and displeasing.
It’s
not enjoying an education with the cost in mind.
It’s
knowing.

Knowing your sister is probably depressed
and your mother is, too.
Knowing there’s no safe shot to a simple destination.
And worst of all,
It’s
Knowing that love is something you learned about when you were
innocent
and with the high-pitched frequency.
It’s
Gone.

#love #loss #lost #longing #feeling #missing #innocence #sound #knowing #frequency

In Memorial of the Great R. Williams

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

In Memorial of the Great R. Williams

You were not a role model.
You were hilarious
but ******.
You were happy
but dark.

You suffered.
You fought.
You played the waves of a deep depression.
Eventually, you lost.

You put on a show.
The show.
You made yourself into anything
to get a laugh.
You created an icon.
Of comedy.
Of love.
Of strength.
Of comedy.

You were not a role model.
But you are a pillar of selflessness.
Your shadow shines bright.
A figure of darkness
Echoing what it means to live
Until time is up.

I don’t know you behind your mask.
I don’t know what resides in you Birdcage heart.
But,

What Dreams May Come
is up to you now, old friend.

Rest easy now, Mr. Williams. Your fight is over.

#honor #depression #dark #memorial #robinwilliams

Listen, Mr. Reason

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

Listen, Mr. Reason

Listen.
Listen to me very carefully.
You’re the reason he’s going to hurt.
You’re the reason he’s going to regret everything about the girl with the curly hair and the voice.
You’re the reason I chased after him today.

Because I can’t stand to hurt him, even if it might be what’s right.

Listen,
You ****** fool.
You’re the reason I can’t let go.
You’re the reason I’d rather watch my own heart break than his.
You’re the reason I'll die without someone worth dying for.

Because I can’t stand the thought of hurting anyone else the way
you
hurt
me.

#love #regret #pain #hurt #listen #right #reason #chase #letgo

Out Loud

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

Out Loud

When I want to cry, I read your poetry.
Out loud.

I revisit the feeling of unwantedness.
Unwantedness, like that’s even a word.

“But it is!” you’d tell me and once
again and
again
I’d feel stupid about what I didn't know yet.

Even if it was not true.

#poetry #lonely #cry #gone #unwanted #revisit

Statistics in Words

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

Statistics in Words

“Like, Love, Just, Know, Time.”
The top five most-used words on a simple poetry site.

Like
The ocean,
Your curves are crashing waves that pull me under
Your thoughts are the unknown depths one can only hope to explore
one day.

Love
Once, twice,
one hundred times
before realizing everything is relative
and everything is only relative for me
to you.

Just
What do you want from me,
anyway?

Know
You are beautiful to everyone
But the definition changes
just like it did from you
to me.

Time
Wounds.
All heals.

#love #time #beautiful #beauty #ocean #healing #waves #hellopoetry

Tan Lines

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

Tan Lines

A beautiful head of hair offered her a drink.
She had to drive home.

High cheekbones and a leather jacket asked her to dance.
She was never a good dancer.

Tall and lean made eyes from across the room.
She turned away.

Friendly and endearing made small talk on the stool next to her.
Weather.
Music.
Occupations.

“So, are you… in a relationship?”
She looked down at her hands.
A white line against bronze skin seared with absence.

“No,” finally,”not anymore.”

#marriage #divorce #absence #dialogue #tan

Technical Difficulties

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

Technical Difficulties

You called me this time.
I've never made a poem rhyme.
I spoke to you in threes.
I got weak in the knees.
A sure sign of my anxiety.
I hoped it would show through,
But, you said you felt the same way too.
Once the conversation was over,
I was glad for two things for sure.
One: We weren't completely through.
And two:
Thank God my phone is waterproof.

#tears #anxiety #water #hopeless #closecall

The Forbidden Cabinet

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

The Forbidden Cabinet

I packed it all away.

Every note, trinket, labour of love.

I had to got through it all
first.
Told myself it was more closure.

Closure.
Closure.
Closure.

I’ve had a year to close around,
no, away from
you.

I packed it all away.

Your handwriting is even harder to read through
water
water
drowning
water.

#water #drowning #gone #closure

The Way It Used To Be

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

The Way It Used To Be

Sometimes I feel a breeze and I think you’re watching me.

My clothes hang on my body they way you used to take me in.

This blade feels cool the way your bedroom floor felt on my skin.

The blood runs down my legs the way your fingers used to.

#dark #blood #trigger

Water Works

Dana Mulder Aug 2014

Water Works

Always negative things to say to the girl with her glass half full.

She filled your glass.

It’s empty now.

#empty #positive #optimism #negative #pessimism #visualpoetry

— The End —