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 Jun 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
I want to scream


I want to melt


I want to *****


I want to breathe


I want to survive


I want to sleep


I want to dream


I want to be more than I have been the past few days


I want to eat right and sleep right and exercise


I want to start being able to think enough to write things that rhyme


I want to stop saying "I want" all the time


I'm sad.
 Jun 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
Let go*
And taste the freedom of knowing
You don't have to *control
it all
The hardest thing
Is to **let go.
 Jun 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
Because I'm scared, and, I guess
I have a lot of shame
And fear of shame
Which is sometimes worse
Because the only thing you can do about it
Is somehow stop being afraid
And how in the world do you stop being afraid?
Especially of something like shame
Shame is a fear
A fear of rejection
A fear of making mistakes
A fear of your true, self-centered soul being bared to mankind
You're afraid to be opened wide
Before the audience
All who watch you
You believe that if they ever saw the person you are on the inside
When you're alone
At your worst
When you're a failure at best
And outcaste at worst
Because they would!
They would scorn your soul!
No! No! Nothing but perfection can stand here!
You are horrible and we cannot tolerate anything but crystal
Pure and undefiled
Never messing up
Never admitting defeat
That's what you fear
You're afraid that they would denounce you
But you can't see
Well, why should you
That you are not alone
This masquerade invited everyone
And sadly, everyone came
There's truth waiting in the shadows
If you know to call its name
Wait for the calling!
Where we all rip off our masks
Proud as we are human
Prone to make mistakes.
You have to let go of fearing
That you won't measure up
'Cause hey, join the club, we've got t-shirts
That say, “Cover me with His love”.
Shame is your slavemaster, you know it
You are bound by its fear and its hate
So break your bonds of imperfection
Live your life before it is too late.
 May 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
Shh
Be quiet
Please, not now
Your words are useless
They distract from my thoughts
My attempt at feeling every word
Sensing every thought and sign
Is disrupted by you
So please...no
No speaking
Shush.
 May 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
Don't you miss it?  A little?
when we didn't worry if it was right
and we could talk a lot
and it was if we'd never be apart
time kind of flew by, and we grew up
we wondered about things we used to know for sure
and all we used to know didn't make sense
I don't think we can get that back
We'll always wonder if any of our decisions were right in the end
if what drove us to those decisions was worth any of the difficulty

We'll always have our doubts.
 May 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
I don't want to get up,
And go out into the cold, hard world...
The new tile floor at this house just chills me to the bone.
 May 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
I came across something convicting the other day
Something extremely relevant to our lives today


Jesus wouldn't judge them for their typos and bad grammar and spelling mistakes, and neither should I.
 May 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
Believe me, if I could
You'd see the shadows crawl
Out of discomfort for
The light bursting, flying,
Breaking free of the bonds
On my unfettered soul.
 Apr 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
If the Titanic was made to sink,
Then so was my heart,
For I made sure it was impenetrable.
Oh, what a wretched man I am!
Who will save me from this flesh?
Paul whispers in my ear,
Oh, don't worry my friend
You're in good company;
Poets before me have tried
to measure this love,
And if 40,000 brothers cannot
with all of their quantity of love
make up this sum,
Then how can my heart contain this mass?
It would only burst at the seams into
a million tender pieces.
So what then?
What good is a broken heart to You?
Could you even hear my heart from there?
And like a father assuring his son
to come home,
Oh my son, it's enough, it's enough.
So who am I to accept this grace
that just falls like rain?
Cause we all know I chose to lay
my head in this desert.
But like a fish out of water,
We only know then what it means
to be parched.
So if Christ is alive, the love,
and the groom,
Then take heed my friends,
For chivalry is not dead!
For I know no other lover who would
have met me here in this place.
So I awake and I rise from my bed
of complacency--
Oh, my God I've been sleeping
with a corpse!
Oh, and these bed sores they still
rest in my bones,
Oh, how I've made a beautiful dance
with this cadaver, but my audience
is appalled!
Oh, how strong these tendons;
How they desperately need to rip
from this ancient Adam.
So light up the sky, and
Set me aflame;
Burn this bone and tissue,
For I no longer want to be
entangled in this sinew
That hinders my reach towards You.
By the band Bellarive.  http://grooveshark.com/s/Tendons+The+Release/4IIkoF?src=5
 Apr 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
I like talking to people
Because other people are nice
I don't really like talking to you
Because you used to be nice,
And now you're not.  I don't know why.

But I don't feel nice when I talk to you,
I feel like I'm not being nice to you,
And I don't like that feeling.
Should I stop talking to you?

You make me think of things I have tried to forget for a long time
And I don't like thinking of things again,
Because I thought I had made a decision.
But you bring back the doubts I used to have all the time.
I lived with those doubts.  
They keep me from being happy all the time,
And I don't like that.

I don't know what there is that you can do to change things,
But if you could be nice to me, that would make me feel better about talking to you.
Then, maybe we could come to an understanding.
But I don't understand you, and you don't understand me.

I won't go through the hundreds of thoughts I've had about you,
Because you probably don't want to hear them anyway.
I just wish you were someone I'd never known,
And that I could meet you for the first time
And that we could be simple friends.
We messed that up before by being more than friends,
And now I feel like we are so much less than friends.

I wish we could be nice to each other.
I wish it wasn't my fault, or your fault, or life's fault.
I wish I knew what to do about you.
I hope you're okay, and that I am nice to you, even when I don't feel like it.
I hope you don't think unkind things about me.
I can't help it, I guess.  But I can hope.

And I hope you remember me.
 Apr 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
Everyone's loud
And I don't want to hear what they're talking about

Math is so annoying
I'm behind but I don't feel like working

It's actually easy
It just takes clicking bubbles

But I'm so tired
So, so tired.


So what am I going to do
When I don't have the energy to do what I need to?

And what am I going to say
When I don't have the words to speak when I want to?


Don't give me excuses
No one knows why I don't smile

Don't think you're special
You just happen to sit next to me

You can't understand me
Of course, no one else could

I'm tired of your looks
That tell me you think more than you should.


So what am I going to do
When there's no one to explain myself to?

And what am I going to say
When no one listens when I talk about you?


Leave me be, leave me alone
I'll soon be going my way home

Let me stay the person me
Leave me alone and leave me be.
 Apr 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
I want someone who can laugh at himself
I want someone who can be shy about being cute
I want someone who has been waiting for me, and honestly keeping himself only mine

I want someone who can stand up for what's right and stand up! stand up for Jesus!
I want someone who can sing and play 
I want someone whose heart is as musically intertwined as mine is

I want someone that's absolutely crazy
I want someone so crazy that I can love him to death and it won't drive him nuts
I want someone who is prepared for life and knows where his path is headed

I want someone with confidence
I want someone who wouldn't ever make me feel uncomfortable 
I want someone with compassion and passion and with the past behind him

I want someone who could ****** his nose just by stepping on a pencil but who can be tough as steel about ripping off bandaids
I want someone who could be that one dad that all the other kids wish was their dad because he's so much fun
I want someone that isn't looking for me at this age
I want someone who can wait if I need him to

I want someone who wears black when he's depressed
               white when he's fine
                                and green when he feels epic

I want someone who can pray hard when he needs something
I want someone who can be serious when he needs to be
I want someone who wants this as much as me.
 Apr 2014
Mrs Ashley Somebody
Horace Mann in my history class
Lived from 1796 to 1859

He was born three hundred years before me
And lived to be sixty-three

What if I died in 2059?
I don't want to die that soon.

I won't even get to see the year 2100!
I've never thought of that before.

I'd have to live to one-hundred and four
And that is highly improbable.

So maybe I'll live to 2076
That's if I get to be eighty

But even then...what if it comes
What if I'm dying, and I have regrets?

What if I'm eighty years old
And I'm lying there thinking

And wishing I had witnessed to those kids in highschool
Wishing I'd taken advantage of having grown up overseas

What if I'm lying there wishing
That I had more time

Wishing I didn't have to go
Feeling like I'm not ready yet?

I don't want that to happen!!
I don't want to die with regrets!!

No!! I still have 63 years
Until I'm eighty, that's enough, isn't it?

But.....that's only assuming
That I'll die of old age

What if I got cancer
Or what if there was a school shooting

Or what if another country set off nukes
Or what if I was on a plane and the plane crashed

What if I died before I got married?
What if I died before I got my love life straightened out?

What if I died without forgiving people
What if I died without forgiving myself?

What if I died without telling my parents
How much I appreciated and loved them?

What if I died without ever finishing a story?
I'd never be a famous (but dead) author.

What if no one remembered me,
Or missed me, or thought of things I'd done?

What if I never did anything worthy of remembrance?
What if it took me before I was ready?

What if
             I died
                      *tomorrow?
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