Smile. They are watching.
Silence. They are listening.
Run. They are behind you.
Hide. They are coming.
Deny. They suspect.
Admit. They know.
Give in. They have won.

They won because you smiled,
Because you allowed them to silence you.
Because you ran,
Because you denied,
Because you admitted.
You lost because you gave in.
Give yourself a round of applause, they caught you.

Do not cry, do not lie, do not let the guilt eat you alive;
You are already dead.
At their hand, at your own.
Look at the bodies lying around you,
The ruined souls who too gave in.
You are not alone,
Your weakness is shared,
Part of the fabric of our ****** reality.

Do not blame them, they are not the only culprits.
You chose to be blind, to be deaf, to be something you are not.
You chose the disguise.
Now you cannot shed that cast.
Welcome to your new reality....
The reality of greed and pleasure;
Is it everything you dreamed it would be?
Or are the casualties staining your new life with their blood and broken bodies?

Welcome to Utopia.

Bullet flies
Murdered victim
Blood splatters
Guilty verdict
Injected killer

Breathless transition
between life and death
Soul floating above
No, STOP!!
I am not done living
Point of no return
Seeing the light
Pulls you up
Cold chills
Not going
Soul returns
Alive again
In between

I awoke in a dream
Surrounded by a bilious familiarity
Angry shades of the drying blood of hope
Caked over venomous fangs of discontent
Stagnant shadows of effluvium
Emanate from the molten flesh
Of this creature I seem to know

But how, how do i know this putrid soul
This being, born of irascible acrimony
Seething breaths sear my senses
As I feel the pounding heart
Scream within it's chest
Aflame with the atrocities it has incited

Yet, in it's gentle eyes there is no malice
There is only the reflection of an angel
Gossamer vestments blow in the stillness
So effulgent in the darkness
Again, familiar and uncomfortable
It's eyes bore into mine that reflection of heaven

I could not see myself in those eyes
That gaze seemed to hypnotize in its polarity
As I floated unseen, I looked at this being
Seething miasmata while reflecting a seraph
Acidic tears of truth fell from within my poisoned soul
As the creature and the reflection merged in the bluest flame

And transformed my spirit into flesh
I am both the reflection and the being
Living the anguish of the truth of what I am
Fighting every  moment to be less than and more than
Pretending that I do not embody the dichotomy of bile and bliss
Seraph and succubus
The truth and the lie

Words fill the spaces you dont.
Black ink on a white page prove opposites attract
             And I fear we're too similar
   The familiarity causes too much comfort

Paranoia is a fine art

         But my confidence dries the inkwell in which you sit
      And now you're choking on my fumes
  Drowning in the silence of my non ambition
        I know you'll die,
   *But words will fill the spaces you don't.

It hurts, doesn't it?
My one word responses and unanswered texts?
Now you know exactly how I felt
When you decided you didn't care anymore.
But now you miss me and I couldn't care less.

I am awoken by a nagging in my head
its in my mothers voice
the urgency,
I don't know what for, its 5 am.
my submission doesn't speak.
I fill the air with the sound
of my nonsense, a rambling of dreams,
"dont burst the bubble, burst the bubble, burst the-"
a never ending melody.
Because there is nothing louder than this, I have wanted to crawl out of my skin long before I knew it was mine.
And theirs, not mine entirely, composed of DNA so imperfect
even the gods would've laughed.
If you ever want to **** something up to the point its unrecognizable,
give it to me, look what I did to my own potential.
Squander doesn't begin to cover it, almost out of spite.
and i must stop it before it reaches my eyes
it has a certain way of clouding them over
and I just dont want people to realize
that I am swallowing a lump
at the back of my throat
what seems like forever
trying not to get my eyes to burn or
dig my nails deep into someones throat
just to feel their artery and scream
"YOU ******* FEEL IT DONT YOU?
ARE YOU ALIVE? ARE YOU REALLY HERE?
YOU ARE ALIVE, ALIVE ALIVE!."
Then place the sharp bits of my nails
against my skin, hard
and not feel
anything
I struggle with self control
especially with ***
and drugs
and alcohol.

I yell too often, never loud enough to make them hear me.
I am afraid of my own voice
telling people to shut up
Jack knows its not a good thing if I whisper
last time I did I said
"I don't have a pulse, I cant find my pulse."
Before I freaked out and smashed that vase against the wall
and laughed at what a sad broken cliche I have become.
My anger came out in sputtering sobs

And he tried to hold me
because that's what people do in movies
cue the background music
but I didn't let him because I was never any good at acting,

and he never got mad when I hit him
I can hear that "Sshhhh" at the back of
my ear
Forever.
and I could wince at my own humiliation if I gave a ****.
I wont lie it was awkward he sounded scared
"aww dont c-c-ry"
thought I saw a tear there too

I walked down fascination streets
There were no signs to follow
Only the cobble stones led my way

The alley set in the dark by the madness
Echoes bounced off the city walls
Stinging rain pierced my veil of reason

One street light flickered in the distance
Turned back by my own desires
Every step was the same as the last

Insatiable appetites were peeking at me
Ripping at my inner soul
My steps were heavy by time itself

Deepening sorrow contains no happiness
Insects were marching through my veins
Patterned like ******'s Third *****

These streets left me with no desire
Killing off every ounce of my existence
Blood drips down my arm and washes away

Laying down peacefully on the park bench
Wondering where my life had gone
Silently I fall asleep forever on these fascination streets

911 what's your emergency*

I'm dying. There's blood everywhere.

Stay calm. Can you tell me where you are?

No I just need someone to know. I hope when this is over I'm going to be someone new.

Can you tell me where you are?

The cemetery. Don't bother sending anyone I'm already gone

-The line dies-

Paramedics arrive on the scene to find a rotting corpse as if its been there for weeks. The police investigate, but the truth is never found out. Or was it there from the beginning?

He plays the the sound of a rainfall in Manhattan.
As he chases paper thin skin out of this sorry sob story
another fairy tale in his head.
I think you've had enough for today Alex
why don't you sing of pretty things?
Eyes like coals too dark to see,
do they stop your hands from strumming that guitar?
the tunes you play
the melodies
echo in the absence of your voice
and alex you taste so sweet
sweeter than the alcohol you use to get to sleep
I tell you one day the past will catch up with you;
but your smile looks like a well adjusted childhood.
Something were all surprised to see.
And yeah your fingers pour over the strings,
because
the only time they dont shake is when you play
so play for me
play play play
sing sing sing
dont stop
dont breathe
just play

They try to catch me cause I'm falling from heavens heavy hands.

But I clutch on my mind before I lose it and stay stranded.

The spaces between my dreams is were I'll be standing.

I might never see the green grass as long as the ground's not placid.

I'm a survivor of a horrible accident which is my creation.

My faith died for long time.

But I'm not dead, I'm not dead.
Until I have died..