As my vision begins to blur and the voices sound so far , I can't help but wonder...
Is this it?
Outlines of people I cannot recognize ,
And sliding off the chair as I sit.
Like metal grinding together in my head,
And gravity pulls at one side of by body.
There's a witch brewing up a a poison in my stomach and It's put me in a sincape.
When I wake the bright lights make me assume that the great gates of heaven are opened to me.
right when I call for my lord and savior I am again put into the dark by this witch that's now in my head.
When I wake once more I am no longer at the gates , instead I am soiled in a hospital bed .
I guess god wants me to put up a fight,
And maybe what I saw were the EMT's flashing lights.
Right now I feel as if I had broke , and god has a cruel sense of humor . but that's only because I've had a stroke .
Monday night I experienced my first minor stroke and it scared me . I feel as if I try to serve as a good human being but ****** things just happen to me. I basically just needed to vent
Who ever thought it would end like this?
No emotions because the reality hasn't settled in.
Dam, to love and have lost
to have it all and now I am back at square one again...
**** man! dam...could this really be?
that having true love just really isn't meant for me?
No matter how hard I could try,
I swear I have lost love one too many times.
I want to give up hope it feels with me that is a trend.
That this broken heart of mine really has nothing left to mend.
It's been a long time since I have seen you old friend,
I didn't hope to see you again.
Loneliness, man ****! so you are telling me this dark heart has to grow cold again?
Just because you decided to come strolling in again?
You caused so much grief and hate, too much back then for my heart to take.
And when I thought everything was going to be fine like a ******* addiction you come back saying one more ******* time.
The hate for you I have only few will comprehend
I just want to say Loneliness I am not happy that you are in my life once again.
Guess everything happens for a reason, I just hate how we have to act so nonchalant about our feelings for each other. Sometimes it does more damage holding on than it does to let go.
Help ! Help!
I can't breathe ,
As I get devoured by my emptiness and I can't breathe .
I smile at the lady that asks how I am doing ,
And I respond with "im great"
I feel as if I lose myself a little more every time I crack a smile across my face.
I've become quite the ***** some would say.
But what they don't know is that I'm simply defending myself .
Every time someone tells me they have a cute crush on me ,
I feel like a cornered animal .
Ready to attack if you get too close .
This emptiness I feel is always there .
As I drink my morning coffee ,
As I volunteer at shelter,
As my friends speak to me .
Like an uninvited guest that has over stayed their welcome .
An intruder in my heart .
Get out !
You are not welcome !
Leave me alone !
But wait that is what you have done ,
And that is why I cannot breathe .
You have left me alone .
And now I fear this monster of melancholy.
I know I will eventually shake this feeling . But as of now I feel that I am just going to let this feeling consume me. I've done it before and I was safe there .
I now realize that I am not a mule.
I do not have to carry people and their burdens on my back.
I do not have to be slowed down or held back by the weight of others.
I will no longer be controlled by others.
I am a stallion.
Free to roam wherever,
Moving fast and majestically,
I carry my own weight.
And when I am with a group of my kind,
We will not hold back or let anyone take a ride.
I am a stallion ,
and stallions do not carry people.
Sometimes to move on in life we have to let people and things go. No matter how much we care about about them, we cant let their problems be our problems.
stare into the depths of the sky
and you shall not see anything but an eternity of space.
but close your eyes and you see more than the world can offer.
this my dear is called imagination,
and it gives us hope and helps us push forward.
sometimes when life just gets hectic I try to close my eyes and just picture what I want. nothing goes wrong when I can control what I see.
i can love the moon, and the flowers.
its time that i come out of the dark.
rise up from my ashes and let myself be put back together.
its time that i feel the suns warmth on my skin,
but also be strong enough to feel the bees stings that pierce, and hurt me.
its time to embrace life, and all of it.
we all are broken down till we are nothing but chard from being burnt by lifes burdens. but picking ourselves up and dusting off that chard is a part of life.
beautiful things don't ask for attention.
they often roam around silently.
just like a polar bear, or snow leopard.
gorgeous but not always seen at first glance.
take a second look and you might just see that the world,
well the world isn't as ugly as we make it seem.
this was inspired by an experience that i had today. the world is beautiful and we need to embrace it.