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Bailey May 2016
by you"
---*A Beautiful Mind
This movie has given me such such relief in so many ways. I feel so much better than I have in a long while.
Bailey Apr 2016
i remember when
i wished to be a martyr
*long forgotten dream
title credit to Bill Hughes
Bailey Apr 2017
New York
Carnegie Hall
I miss who I thought he was
I am odd and whimsical
Why is it right around this time--right before I'm the happiest, that I remember the ones I loved that made me cry?
Sad watermelons
Rest in peace Sergio
Pushing away my birthday
Best friend
Losing my beeb
"May your coffin be made of one hundred year old wood that I plant tomorrow"
He smells like salty sweat and hair and cologne
Antique store heaven
Please don't take
Scuffed shoes
Bubblegum and carmex
He replied, "crazy...would you like to come with me?"
Bailey May 2016
Once upon a time, I fell in love.
I fell in love with stormy gray eyes and russet brown hair.
I remember in third grade when she got her first pair of glasses.
I remember in sixth grade when she got her first pair of *****.
And the mean kids said they were golf *****.
I fell in love with a loud, obnoxious laugh and brutal honesty.
I remember in seventh grade, we had wood shop, and I spent more time in the corner with her than I did with my "boyfriend".
I remember our inside jokes, her little notes.
I kept every single one of them.
I remember the first time I slapped her back, because she always slapped me, due to her ADHD.
I remember telling her I liked girls, to see if she was alright with it.
I thought she'd never love me like that.
I remember in eighth grade, when she told me she was jealous of my girlfriend.
I remember our first dance, under the light of a green glowing exit sign.
And our first kiss...
I remember at the school dance, my mom made me wear that dress but it looked so nice pressed against hers.
I remember telling her goodbye, lying to her because I made a promise to someone else.
But not long after, we were together again, in her stepfather's car.
I remember he hated me, very much.
I remember she didn't care, as she sneaked me to the side of the house and let me put hickeys all over her neck.
Her pillow smelled like strawberry shampoo.
I remember taking her to lunch, and giving her my grandmother's ring.
I remember carving our names into that tree.
And Lauren's birthday party, where we were closer than ever before...
I remember after that, when the girls came upstairs, her pants were on inside out and our faces were red.
I remember ninth grade, she had always been the only one who had ever fully supported me, in all my years and phases...but I said goodbye again.
Torn away by that same girl I felt obligated to, felt I owed my life to.
I remember her tears.
I remember her poems.
I kept every single one of them.
I remember dating others.
I remember missing her.
Then we came together again, it was the best time of my life.
I remember leaving again---I hate myself for that.
I remember her tears and poems.
I kept every single one of them.
I remember tenth grade, I was with him for so long, but I still missed her.
I remember nearly leaving him, when I wrote her that book...
Our love story.
It is eleventh grade, and I have always loved her.
I will always love her, mourn her, write for her.
But she will never know,
She can never know.
Because I won't be able to live if I ever break her heart again.
College is coming fast, who is to say I could give her what she wanted?
I can't chance it, I won't be selfish.
If keeping her safe is loving her from a distance, then that is what I'll do.
I know I will never love like I loved her, ever again.
What we had can never be recreated.
I will never be fully happy.
She is the one.
But possession is the opposite of love.
I will not interfere with her life again.
Not only that, but the lies I have told my friends and family over the years, about not loving her, still eat at me.
Me and my stupid pride.
I dream about her all the time, talk to her everyday.
I wish I could spend the rest of my life with her, and just be happy.
Feel protected, loved, and supported.
But I don't deserve her.
I will remember her even as I lay dying, with someone else's ring on my finger.
I'll remember those eyes, that hair, her crooked smile, her glasses, that kiss, our dresses, her tears, her laughs, her poems, her singing, that slap, our jokes, those notes, that tree, that night, that exit sign
that exit sign
that exit sign.
Once upon a time I fell in love,
and I never landed
I will never land.
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Bailey Mar 2016
With I casted star, and you as scope;
We each hold still, a child’s hope.
That surely as spring
The sky will roll back
The star will fall
And the earth will crack.
But, with truth, is the star of importance?
Or a numbered pawn,
For the softly spoken wish?
But a thought naught many,
What shall be of the star,
When it’s already fallen?
Lying in the dirt
Having already been wished upon
What love shall happen?
The wish granted,
The star dying.
For in the morn’,
‘Tis not my place.
The star shan't get up.
wrote this at the age of fourteen about a boy who was really a man and told me I was prettiest when I cried.
Bailey Aug 2016
I just want to be held for the rest of my life
he came back
and I love him...more than friends...more than anything actually
downtown dates
off to Cali again
when my ears pop on a plane, which sounds are the real ones?
good morning to me
my baby, my baby, my baby...
75 and going through her rebellious stage
Amish dresses
I still can't believe that he's back
nearly 200 love songs
hot and dry, just how I like it
dramatic and beautiful, mustache and all
home again
this whole town is us
nobody finds a four leafed clover by searching for it
fridge magnets with no meaning give me stale grey flashbacks
and enter...fluorescent hell
collection of lines from August of 2016
Bailey Sep 2017
She died
You don't need to take care of glass bottles
What does moving on mean?
"We never lose our demons...we only learn to live above them"
It hurts too much
"Race is the child of racism, not the father"
Isn't it okay to cry?
"Watch your broken dreams dance in and out of the beams of a neon moon"
Somebody help me
Brent Jones
Back seat
Painting and postponed
"I am you and you are me and we are we"
I don't wanna go
Move out day, move in day
Bailey Apr 2016
don't say that I will
or I will turn around and
do the opposite
Bailey Mar 2016
I laugh to myself
Until others join in, too
I laugh forever
Bailey Apr 2016
We would all be better dancers,
  if we tried not to step on ants.

    We would all be better singers,
      if we spoke about what matters.

        We would all be better painters,
          if we held hands with a gentle grip.

            We would all be better poets,
              if we put our souls on paper.
Bailey Mar 2016
Dip into my morning sky o' blue jay of mine. I want to awaken to your beauty. Soar into my mind when all has gone wrong. I want to imagine the sound of you tweeting.
Oh how unsheltered head, you are now limitless, but fly into my humble abode and you will fly protected, yet freely.
Fear not my love, of stormy weather. No longer shall you fly on weary wings. No longer shall you fear the hunter, no longer shall you fly from anything. Lay with me. Rest with me. My heart is your den. And if naught you take up my offer, I shan't worry- for in the morn' I will admire you again.
Bailey Mar 2016
Boredom is a rabbit hole
that we walk around
day to day

Until we fall
and let out all
that routine hides away

Our minds are open and wanting
“Feed me, feed me now!”
so our desk-drawer minds
are rummaged inside
and flipped over
upside down

The piece of the conversation
that you overheard last vacation
turns into the song that
they sing along to
and makes you a hit sensation

What a mess this
success is
You’ve left them wanting more

So where’s your sound?
you climb out of the ground
and wait again ‘til you’re bored.

Boredom is a wet, white wall
you could wait until it’s dry
but if you lick
the paint that sticks the
fumes will get you high

Floating, floating
rock the boat we
sail on eggshell seas

‘Round off-white pass
this high won’t last
we reach for rainbow trees

The colors fill our irises
we’re left with small blank canvases

Blown out pupils
let the light in
four walls dry but
we’re high fiving
right out of this boring room
destined to return so soon.
A lot of people think I was on drugs while writing this:P but really I just appreciate boredom, because without it we wouldn't have creativity.
Bailey Feb 2017
e                 m                 p                 t                 y
yet so full of sadness and yearning
it hurts
Bailey May 2016
I just cry and cry sometimes not to be near them.
Those pictures, those old, old pictures just get to me so bad.
And I'm a sobbing mess on my bed.
My grumpy grandma Debbie.
My goofy grampa Tony.
My precious big cousin Jestin.
My baby, oh god my baby... 3 year old Conor.
My family, who helped my mother and I so much
in our rough times.
Took me in and
really really loved me.
In their little old beat up house that I love so much.
"Mermaid" tuna sandwiches made from grampa,
and sloppy joe's with plastic cheese from grandma
were delicacies.
Blowing bubbles with Jestin, digging that huge hole with Jestin, and laying on the back step with my eyes closed in the sun, were my most favorite things.
Still would be.
Thousands of miles cannot weaken
the magnetic pull that I will always feel toward them.
I will see you soon, until then I'll try to keep my eyes dry for you. I love you bunches! <3<3<3<3
Bailey Mar 2016
We were born with no sight,
We see danger, in no fight.
Our blindness is not clear of color,
But rather of mind, of action, of other.
Some do realize,
Their often loss of sight,
But as they lay down,
They dream of nothing at night.
When we go up into,
The so called 'blinding' sun,
We regain our strengths,
And sight is merely one.
So if seeing is believing,
And true sight comes in final chapters,
We should all be humbly grieving,
And asking wisdom now, not after.
Bailey Apr 2016
You think that you can walk up to me with that sly grin?
You think you can whisper my name like that?
You think you can sit back and stare at me when I walk?

You think you can gift me things?
Like that makes up for the things you did?
You think you can talk to me like nothing happened?
I don't know whether you want to say you're sorry.
I don't know if you miss me.
I don't know if you want me back.
Or if you want to be on good terms before you leave--
but I don't give a ****
I'm not interested
I will tear you apart if you try to be sweet toward me again.
on my last nerve
Bailey Mar 2016
To fall from the sky.
Raindrop of many.
Because even though your puddle MAY LOOK SMALL AT FIRST,
You can create OCEANS.
Bailey Mar 2016
A broken screen door creaks my name
An invitation my ***** ears know
The voices behind it all the same

The flickering lamp strives to stay
In this dusty, sleepy home
A broken screen door creaks my name

A memory in each carefree stain
At the rotting table where I eat
The voices behind it all the same

In the dead grass I play my games
Dirt clings like birthmarks to my feet
A broken screen door creaks my name

At night, on my shared bed I lay
Staring at the chipping door
The voices behind it all the same

Bug infested and near the shore
I don't know how to wish for more
A broken screen door creaks my name
The voices behind it all the same
Simpler times...
Bailey May 2016
black as night
staining everything he touches
filling and damaging the lungs
of that minor miner girl
who was just trying
to find the diamonds within him

but what she didn't know
was that he had only one diamond
it was the minor miner girl
and he gave her away
so now she feels poor
but someday she'll see
that she is a rarity

dear minor miner girl
I am but a jewelry cleaner
but I love you always.
Bailey Apr 2016
I really don't like
feeling like I'm about to throw up
when people are mad at me.
And I really don't like
feeling like I'm going to die
when I think for a split second that
someone will leave me.
I am so codependent,
that every dream I have,
I am with someone or in a crowd.
And my worst fear is
waking up
to an otherwise empty world.
I live for others.
Helping, loving, appreciating them.
And that is not okay for me.
Because nobody
can love as much as I do.
I was 7 years old when my mother told me that
loving everyone is a blessing and a curse,
and said that it's best I didn't
tell that girl I loved her
when she scraped her knee.
I have been feeling the affects
of this blessing/curse
my whole life.
And still,
all I want
is for someone to
at least
let me love them
like they should be loved
like I should be loved.
Bailey Feb 2018
He'll never know the agony he caused me

He'll never know he ruined my life

He won't ever care that I want to erase me

He told me he didn't care at the time.

They're all saying that my mind doesn't count

Because my issue isn't common enough

They're all talking about it as if I

Didn't die so I'm supposed to be tough.

I missed class again today

To stop myself from coming undone

This one is dedicated to the boy who thought

That an ****** was worth ruining someone.
No amount of poetry will ever make me feel better. I am utterly helpless.
Bailey Mar 2016
Dazzle down my vision,
My concrete velvet need.
I am a flower,
A flower which must bleed
slow colors over
a warm, wild secret.
As my petals drain to white,
I lose the strength to fight
I submit out of
this built in, beautiful necessity
and I wonder if you'll keep it.
I wear my heart on my sleeve but these mean Moth Boys eat away at it every time.
Bailey Apr 2016
Universe #2: So how've you been? Anything new?
Universe #1: Yeah you know actually one of my pets, Earth, has had this life problem for a while now.
Universe #2: Dang, that always *****. How long?
Universe #1: I dunno like, maybe 3...4 billion years?
Universe #2: Aw, well that's not that long! You could try some pesticides.
Universe #1: That's the thing, I have. Disease, Free Will, Karma--nothing works! And the worst part is, it's too late..
Universe #2: What do you mean?
Universe #1: I let it go on for too long. The life went freaking crazy and started hurting Earth. She's on her last leg...
Universe #2: I'm sorry buddy. That's just how they go sometimes.
stuff I think up
Bailey Jun 2016
I have to leave now
Jesus, let me *out
Bailey May 2016
I think it's
walking through a closed door
that was always open
one of my good days
Bailey Jun 2016
Death isn't something that happens.
It's something that has happened.
It has happened, and then it happened, and then it happened again. After I die it will have happened.
good day
Bailey Dec 2016
Goodbye 10:20 alarm, hello 11:05
It's great
The music that plays after heartfelt movies
"Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself"
I love the smell of hot glue
I love burning my fingertips for art
Bar soap makes me happy
I'm sweet on you
Vintage 60's cologne
Beautiful, silent things go on while kids are in school
Fresh linen
Bully behavior
A book would be nice
Pink cuddles
Sure, you can fall in love with me--if you have the pumpkin guts
Christmas eve
Sometimes I still hate myself so much
Why do bus barns seem so magical to me?
I am able, not powerful
The soft agony of picking petals makes me weep
Scared for school
I love him
Had some sad ones in here but it was a really good month
Bailey Mar 2016
Didn't I tell you I was going to break free from this system of society? Didn't I tell you I would let the syllables escape from my lips that you just can’t bear? Didn't I tell you that you would struggle beneath the truth that I can’t cover? Didn't I tell you we were all doomed because we simply aren't a part of reality anymore? The world is swirling around us in brilliant colors of life and love and acceptance yet we CHOOSE to sit in our places we claim ours and we CHOOSE to try and escape from the gift of life by replacing it with artificial beauty and intelligence. It is not the world crashing around us that is the problem, it is us, stuck inside our own worlds. We somehow can’t escape ourselves yet we still destroy everything around us. Natural? No. This is humanity's CHOICE. Didn't I tell you? We're all wasting away in the garbage we've created.
When I remember that i wrote this in fifth grade I wonder about my head.
Bailey Mar 2016
I don't understand you
because you are so unlike me
to my 7 year old sister with sass and class
Bailey May 2016
God, if you're out there,
give me the strength that
your fallen creation used against me
when I was just a child

I'm just a child

Make me strong enough
to pry his fingers from my brain
the next night I feel death breathe
down my neck

The next time a demon
crawls in my ear
and reminds me
of my mortality

God if you're out there
take away what I was born with

God if you're real
why did you provide me with this terror?

God if you care
please make me strong like the Healthies

I was just a child
and you were my everything
I was devoted to you
gave my life to you
for fourteen years

Now it's been three years
since I've talked to you
since I've realized,
you're not there.
Or if you are,
you must not care.

Is my mind...
too far for repair?
I don't understand
what I did to deserve this
if there is even a reason.
If you even made reasons.

If reasons are real.
If anything is real.
If you are real.
I don't know what's real.

God, if you're out there,
give me strength.
I don't mean to offend anyone, this is just my personal experience that I've had with God and my childhood insanity that may or may not creep into my upcoming adult years.
Bailey Mar 2016
If I had one dollar
for every time I loved you
I would still have one dollar
but it would be
a very

My love for you is alive and resting
Like the flickering flame of a candle
sheltered in the darkness
resting in its warmth
sparking at times
calm and swaying
beautiful and glowing

There are days where I wish
that I could love you
a second time
or a third

but the first was so perfect
I was clueless
you were clueless
we were both pretty stupid

If I had one cupcake for every time I kissed you
I would be very fat
But those cupcake kisses
are just little loves
in my big love for you

Maybe only loving you once is good
because it is not fat on cupcake kisses

I have never wanted to be rich
To have piles of filthy green paper
cluttering the space I call home

Maybe only loving you one perfect time
is good enough
if I had that many dollars
I would surely spend it on cupcakes

And if I had a love
for every dollar I had
I would be swimming
in worthless loves
when all I want
is you

loving you once
our only perfect once
our clueless once
our cupcake kissing once
our one dollar once
is so good

Because if I had a dollar
for every time I loved you
I would still have
one dollar
but it would be
a very
A simple, silly poem I wrote last year in 3rd period :)
Bailey May 2016
I've been so healthy.
Three meals a day
keeping them down,
keeping on track.
Don't let me go back there...
don't let me go back

Yes, I'm still eating--
away at my brain.
Feeling gross and
feeling fat.
Don't let me go back there!
Don't let me go back...

I love my hair,
I love my nails,
I hate this extra weight.
I value my heart,
but not my stomach
stop thinking before it's too late!

Worry and worry
I'm counting again
every bite and
every snack..
Don't let me go back there!
don't let me go back!

I keep feeling
I'm going to puke
and that maybe
I should act--
Don't let me go back there!
Don't let me go back!

I've been exercising and
that's good.
But slow results
make me sad.
Don't let me go back there...
don't let me go back.
It's been almost 2 years and I've tried so, so hard to turn my weight into a joke like maybe I could laugh it off but... it's not working. So I started an exercise plan and it's been a week but all I can remember are the quick results I used to get from not eating and all I can think about is what I used to do and how happy I was. But I know it's not good for my health and I'm not going to start again. It's still so hard for me not to shame myself and so hard for me to accept myself because I'm scared that if I accept myself I'll let myself get so huge. I'm such a wreck.
Bailey May 2016
When I was six years old,
my brother slept on the couch.
And sometimes,
I would sleep beside him.

I would creep into the gray night,
and whisper scratchily toward him:
"...Wanna play Download?"

I had picked up the word from some adult,
and had absolutely no idea
what it meant.

But this is how it worked:
I would lay on the floor beside him,
and as soon as I said
in my deepest six-year-old voice,
we would pretend to dream.

When we 'woke up',
we would have to tell each other about it in detail.
That way, we could have tons of dreams
in one night.

Mine were always lands made out of food.
Because I was fat.

I don't remember his.
Probably 'cause they were stupid.

I'm so glad I still have the chance to play
at least one last time.
Bailey Aug 2016
None of the others compare
to the one we shared
last night.
Bailey Jul 2016

Bailey Jul 2016
When you wish upon a star,
makes no difference who you are.
When you wish upon a star,
your dreams come true.
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartache
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true
I know you,
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you,
the gleam in your eye is so familiar a gleam.
And I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem,
but if I know you
I know what you'll do--
you'll love me at once!
The way you did once
upon a dream
"Can you keep a secret? Promise not to tell? We're at a wishing well!"
I'm wishing
(I'm wishing)
for my one true love
to find me
(to find me)

I'm hoping
(I'm hoping)
and I'm dreaming of
the nice things
(the nice things)
he'll say
(he'll say)
Flippin' your fins you don't get too far,
legs are required for jumping, dancing!
Walking around on those--
"what's that word again?"
Up where they walk,
up where they run,
up where they stay all day in the sun!
Wandering free...
wish I could be...
part of your world
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight, back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
who I am,
though I've tried.
When will my reflection show,
who I am...

Late at night so there were a few rough spots and lyric messups but dis is for beeb so if'n you don't like it, stick it where da sun dunt shine c:
Bailey Mar 2016
I need to fantasize, romanticize
the tragic things
before my eyes
'cause if I don't, I'll
surely fail
and then how will
I prevail?
Bailey Nov 2016
Simultaneously the ultimate form of wisdom
and the ultimate form of senselessness.
Bailey Nov 2016
"Fear is excitement without breath."
"Fear is wisdom in the face of danger. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Fear is the parent of cruelty."
"Fear is the enemy of logic."
"Fear is the path to the Dark Side."
"Fear will keep you alive; indifference won't."
"Fear is never an actuality; it is either before or after the active present."
"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration."
"Fear is a distorting mirror in which anything can appear as a caricature of itself, stretched to terrible proportions; once inflamed, the imagination pursues the craziest and most unlikely possibilities."
"Fear is stronger than love."
"Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice."
"Fear is met and destroyed with courage"
"Fear is simultaneously the ultimate form of wisdom and the ultimate form of senselessness."
Fritz Perls or Robert Heller
Sherlock Holmes
James Anthony Froude
Frank Sinatra
Laurell K. Hamilton
Jiddu Krishnamurti
Frank Herbert
Stefan Zweig
Will Smith
James F. Bell
Bailey Martin (me)
Bailey Mar 2017
I want my boyfriend back, I'm going crazy
Worry eats my life away
Piles and piles and piles and piles and pileS and pilES and piLES and pILES and PILES AND  P I L E S  of stress
I don't usually eat in the mourning
He left, but not really
Get the hell away from me, Ana
He still loves me
I could have some fun with this
He really loves me
Remember that he loves you, and that he is struggling and scared
Support him, love him, do not feel selfish
I know what I have to do and I will do it
I love you and I accept you
Danish friends
I miss our "What?"s and "Nothing."s
He called me Lovey
Snappy Cappy
Sometimes I need to lose myself to find myself
I touch the grass and I know what's real again
Casa Del Sol, R. S. Felker
I have to remind myself what's real
60,000 dollar scholarship
I can't tell if it's him or me that gives me vertigo
A chore so simple as sleep silently calls my name
It's easy to cry while doing dishes
Okay, I'm over it
Friends and Glee
Don't think about it
I want to be loved, please
Very hard month
Bailey Apr 2016
I swear I'm not in love with him.
The boy with the super glued heart and lingering smile.
With the feathered name and soft kisses.
I swear I swear I swear I'm not.
But I live, for what he gives...
I live for the moments that bring me back,
the moments that take
the broken springs
from under my back.
And these moments are produced by his presence.
I live for personalities like his,
lacking adjective for the sole fact that he is
the only one that emanates such a state and way of life.
He is the only one to own this armor that is indistinguishable from his skin.
I live for independence and codependence.
Both of which he blesses me with.
He doesn't see the need for harshness and punishment due to flaws. My flaws.
I live for nature.
The same nature as his flesh that melts into the background of the trees, as the shift between his daytime talk and his nighttime swim through my veins.
I live for the yearning of something in the distance.
And he-- he is the most beautiful horizon I've ever reached out to touch. I live for things like him.
And there is nothing like him.
So here's the question. Do I live for nothing...or do I live for him?
I live for him.
But I swear I'm not in love with this boy... (okay, so maybe I am).
When I first met him... God why did this happen
Bailey Aug 2016
A long forgotten song spills out of my speakers
And an emotion wells up in my chest
I knew not why, as I had forgotten the theme
But as the melody continued to play
And my mouth formed the memorized lyrics
The words I sang fit together again
And I remembered the meaning,
The heartwrenching meaning.
Bailey Mar 2016
I'm not sleeping
Though I will be soon
And it's true you left a little wound
But even though your words are true
I'm still thinking about you too

When I pass by your house
Or see Colby in the halls
Or when I'm writing random crap that
Only you and I would get
On the bathroom stalls

I miss you,  you know?
And I would've said hi
But you seemed so upset
So I left  it at goodbye

To answer your question
I'm okay
No, we broke up
It's been sixteen days

So glad to hear from you
To know it's not the end
So glad to know
That you're still my friend.
Bailey Mar 2016
There is a thin veil between you and me,
but wisps of wisdom lie underneath,
on each side of our sky,
wherever we are,
suspended from our matching stars.
Bailey Aug 2016
Always there for the
Beeb she cares for,
Coolcatcoolio and
**** well said so's.
Everyone stops to stare,
For she always walks and talks with flare.
Giant heart keeps her awake,
Holds on tight to loves she makes.
Insightful and delightful,
Justifiably spiteful.
Kinda naïve--
(Less than hard to believe).
Mean to no one but,
No one knows that much.
Only I know this trait,
People don't stick around and wait.
Quite a classy looking dork, with
Sarcasm galore.
Tingly feelings she gives
Underneath my skin.
Very nostalgic
With every moment.
eXciting and fun,
You know she's the one.
Zany and brainy and bright as the sun.

This is her,
to me.
Bailey Apr 2016
You CAN'T be done with your life.
You chose to be my friend,
therefore you chose for your life to be intertwined with mine.
We're like those trees you see that were planted too close together,
so they grew into one.
If you fall,
I'll hold onto my end of our rope until I have the strength to pull you up,
or until I slip and fall too.
Love is such a finicky finding.
But once it's found,
and fits into your life,
you keep it forever.
you fit like a glove,
and as long as I don't give up, you don't.
I can promise you now that we're never giving up.
"important according to our magic sauce" --Samm
Bailey Jun 2016
The painting hanging above me,
it embodies the soul of a child.
I painted it with my hands.
The paint dried while I wept inside
at each drop of mortal sand.
My brother had nearly died three days before,
and suddenly,
all was possible.
Nothing was safe.
But I can do anything,
and the painting
is beautiful.
I am not an artist,
I am a messenger.
And my pain is lovely to human
So I smear it around,
I make it go bye-bye
to say hello to the world
of art and critics.
Thank you.
Bailey Mar 2016
Please stop trusting me.
I love you but you think that's a good thing.
It's not.

Stay away from me.
Don't you know that I'm poison?
I am.

Things don't work out for me.
You say someday they will.
They won't.

I love you so much more than you could ever know.
Go away.
Bailey May 2016
For a species that I love so much,
they just can't seem to hate enough.
But I won't quit,
I'm not a quitter--
this withered heart
will never bitter.
I'd rather live with love and pain,
than get the chance to say I'm sane.

I couldn't keep my sanity,
while studying humanity.
At least that's the excuse I make
when episodes are hard to take.

I never had, I think,
the chance--
I swear I'd blink and
sounds would swirl inside my ears.
Paranoia induced tears but
I've been watching people lately,
wondering just what is 'crazy'?

Sometimes I think it's not just me,
they too can't find reality.
But even more they waste their lives,
while I sit back and cherish  mine.
Ignore each other and poke at screens--
do they wonder what life means?
I do.
And maybe that is why I'm me,
and me.
Bailey Jun 2016
We're friends, in the light.
You hug me playfully and scruffle my hair.
Maybe a kiss on the cheek.
But then the lights go down in the house,
and we listen to the performers sing.
Our hands touch like they used to.
You poke my nose and blow raspberries on my face.
I breathe playfully into your ear, like a puppy.
And you stroke my hair as I get sleepy.
I'm more awake when we get into the fight:
"I'm gonna pick your nose!"
"No, I'm gonna get yours!"
We giggle and get hushed.
We hoot and holler toward the stage at the end of each song.
I long to touch you, to kiss those lips I kissed for two years.
I know exactly how they'd feel.
Small and smooth, never chapped like mine.
I press your glasses
up the bridge of your nose
because I know you hate that.
We are kids again.
Before our first kiss, first dance.
There are nearly ten
green glowing exit signs around us,
and I just need
to waltz with you
under them
like we used to.
You mention his name a lot,
and I shift uncomfortably
with ***** envy
just like 9th grade, right?
When you told me I didn't need one
after the kids told me about you and that guy.
I cried for days.
When the show ended,
we went to the bathroom together
and you complained about your hair.
We drifted outside, into the twilight,
and sang some songs.
One of them, which we harmonized beautifully on,
was "I can't help falling in love with you..."
and I followed you all around the front of the building,
swaying and letting some notes fly by
into the warm wind.
You do not love me like you used to.
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