Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Nov 2018 · 429
Suffering
Bailey Nov 2018
This suffering has become too much for my mind and my body to handle.

I am angry with You because You broke me before I had a chance to grow. You were supposed to be the one person in the world who made me feel
safe,
loved, and
cared for. You
manipulated me. You
used me. You
abused me. You
ruined me before I ever met those who crippled me. The worst part is that I will always love You more than anyone else in this world...and when You die I will feel forever empty.

I hate YOU because YOU knew that I was
younger and more
vulnerable and used that to
maim me. I can never enjoy my life again because of YOU. Every day of my life is
violated and
defiled by YOU in the same way YOU
tortured me in those three months. The worst part is that it has been five years and YOU are still happily living and breathing somewhere out there. I want YOU to die.

I am terrified of you because you hold all of the power and you do not and will not care about my life. You don't care if I die. You are
ruthless and
disgusting like Satan himself. You are
vile and
cruel and
apathetic. The worst part is that I see you every day and I can never hide.

i love you, but you scare me. i shake when i think about giving all of myself to you. i am alone forever in my existential thoughts that you can never enter. your touch feels wonderful...so warm and comforting. if i let myself enjoy you...you precious soul...you'll just be ripped away from me like
every
other
almost
happy
thing. the worst part is that the only way to protect me is to not let myself believe you love me. please love me.

I am desperate. Clutching on for dear life to anyone and hugging until I turn blue. I am
trembling and
peeing and
crying. I am
screaming and
bleeding and
struggling. The worst part is that nobody knows that I am a child who just wants a hand to hold.

Life is meaningless and horrible. I feel grimy and disgusting, twisting in and out of all of their scraping hands as I walk miserably
on and
on and
on.

I'm dying. I mean it--I am dying.

Someone help me.
Someone touch me.
Someone care about me.

I'm dying.
all I want is to be happy and safe
Mar 2018 · 334
Thick On My Mind
Bailey Mar 2018
I'm laying here looking over at you while you sleep, and I'm thinking about how absolutely precious you are, and about just how much you mean to me. How are you so sweet and lovely? So soft and caring, so wonderful to be around? Never do I find myself wanting to be away from you. You're raw honey at its finest. So pure and thick on my mind. I love you.
Mar 2018 · 231
"Late"
Bailey Mar 2018
February has come and gone,
It took my ritual with it.
Many deaths took place here and
A new life might begin.

If fate fills me with the miracle of life,
I will be honored to host.
Because when I count my blessings...
You count the most.
Bailey Feb 2018
He'll never know the agony he caused me

He'll never know he ruined my life

He won't ever care that I want to erase me

He told me he didn't care at the time.


They're all saying that my mind doesn't count

Because my issue isn't common enough

They're all talking about it as if I

Didn't die so I'm supposed to be tough.


I missed class again today

To stop myself from coming undone

This one is dedicated to the boy who thought

That an ****** was worth ruining someone.
No amount of poetry will ever make me feel better. I am utterly helpless.
Dec 2017 · 306
Uriah
Bailey Dec 2017
your secrets are stuck between my ears,
your worries safely nested on my shoulders

your future tears dry on my shirt, your open heart covered by my body

your protection and happiness is my daily wish.
Dec 2017 · 248
November '17
Bailey Dec 2017
Violated constantly in the place I call home
.
Taking him home
.
Brick entryway
.
Not his kind of pretty, not her kind of handsome
.
What if I'm okay and I just don't know it
.
Dirt on my face
.
The question isn't "what will happen to me if I do?" It's "what will happen to them if I don't?"
.
Dreams of Hawaii
.
It critmiss
.
Pretty short because I'm living and loving well
Nov 2017 · 229
October '17
Bailey Nov 2017
It's so nice to put my song book on the shelf again
.
Novelty
.
C+
.
Appointments
.
Sad and sleepy, Billie Holiday plays
.
What matters is that I love myself
.
And all of the children and all of the townspeople and all of the angels and all of me told him happy birthday
.
Don't play house
.
I feel like a failure
.
"One of the most dangerous things you will ever do in your life is actually listen"
.
I love the smell of white noise in the afternoon
.
Three sets of keys all piled into one
.
I don't want to be a maybe, I want to be a dream
.
Lovers?
.
Ke$ha concert
.
I trapped him in my hips
.
I never knew how bad I wanted to slow dance to Patsy Cline until it happened with him
.
I fold up the second time and put it in my pocket
.
Happiness
.
Sep 2017 · 476
September '17
Bailey Sep 2017
"Listen with the ear of your heart"
.
Helping Others Migrate and Evolve
.
"We met with a goodbye kiss"
.
Be kind to yourself
.
Steps
.
No reason not to run
.
You messed with the hardest
.
"Pick your chin up off the floor"
.
Discouraged
.
I hope I'm pretty
.
First video
.
Coming out
.
Fairly simple
.
Soft spoken
.
I realized after I said it that it was true
.
Therapy and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
.
"Let me stop you right there"
.
My hand feels like winter
.
High on independence
.
Ink bleeds through the soft, soft paper
.
"Injustice anywhere affects justice everywhere"
.
First month of college
Sep 2017 · 216
August '17
Bailey Sep 2017
She died
.
You don't need to take care of glass bottles
.
What does moving on mean?
.
"We never lose our demons...we only learn to live above them"
.
It hurts too much
.
"Race is the child of racism, not the father"
.
Isn't it okay to cry?
.
"Watch your broken dreams dance in and out of the beams of a neon moon"
.
Packing
.
Somebody help me
.
Brent Jones
.
Back seat
.
Painting and postponed
.
Brotherfest
.
"I am you and you are me and we are we"
.
I don't wanna go
.
Move out day, move in day
.
Jul 2017 · 278
July '17
Bailey Jul 2017
I get it now
.
Pale wild flower
.
Very soft
.
Babies put life in places you thought were already alive
.
"At the end of the day, there's another day dawning"
.
Kissing too early
.
"A truly great man never puts away the simplicity of a child"
.
Adress and ease
.
Did I ever stop hating myself?
.
Sunshine soldier
.
I think I started ******* up when I started trying to be like everyone else
.
Empowered
.
From room 506 to room 323
.
A clean slate
.
The good dreams
.
Shaken, stirred, staying still
.
Intense month
Jul 2017 · 186
June '17
Bailey Jul 2017
Your house water is still in my cup
.
Singing songs you didn't know you knew the words to
.
Prom
.
Something about this isn't right
.
I am plagued by constant fear and stress
.
Retreat
.
Check up
.
Resolution
.
Drummer boy
.
Adoption
.
I saw a scared little girl in the mirror and couldn't look away
.
Graduation
.
White roses and flexibility
.
"The hippest place to be is under a rock"
.
Changes in strength
.
Why does it mean so much when you say it, but so little when others do?
.
I love the smell of simple hand soap
.
Grip
.
Achievement vs accomplishment
.
"The kind of morning that lasts all afternoon"
.
Not here, not now...someday, somehow
.
Bailey Jun 2017
Zebras and old western movies and segregation and newspaper...
You'd like to think that I'd like to think that they are real,
But nothing is that simple.
Nothing is so fuzzy and dated and clarified.
Because he smiled as he smacked and she cried tears when she sympathized.
The world is not this or that and emotions are not happy or sad and people are not him or her.
It is not black and white or even the greyest gray.
Its saturated with colors that make me oh so dizzy and lost.
And I begged him for the answers he did not have,
And I flooded her with questions, never thinking of the consequences that came with partial responses.
I called out for peace, though the war is inside me.
Constant debates on what is wrong and what is right, but nothing
Nothing is black and white.
Times New Roman stares at me, glimmering brilliantly.
I am not two halves and they are not monsters and you are not angels.
The voices in my head are not so generous.
They would speak into crackling microphones
and tell me how unspoken language works.
They are with the times and so am I, but I am universal where nothing else is.
There are no opposites.
Nothing can help me but my refusal to accept everything as anything other than a spectrum of somethings.
Jun 2017 · 263
May '17
Bailey Jun 2017
"The only permanent thing is change"
.
I get a lot of mail these days
.
"If you always put it in the middle, it'll always be in the middle"
.
David Henry
.
Emergency room
.
Send for me
.
Weeping
.
I know exactly what I'm doing, and I'm going to get what I want
.
The potential of grass
.
"If you worry, you suffer twice"
.
Opal floral
.
This is not a love story, this is a coming of age story
.
Beautiful and filthy
.
Messy
.
Wail
.
Passionate hands
.
"Let them laugh in my face, I don't care"
.
Tom foolery
.
Ethan Guerin
.
S(kiddish)
.
"Gone out the window"
.
Surprised at myself
.
"I've been waiting my whole life to love someone like you, and by accident you loved me too"
.
It's over but it's okay
.
Submitting to strangers
.
"Even when you think you're not good enough,  somewhere someone does"
.
And the trolleys start up
.
May 2017 · 1.1k
Want, need, with you.
Bailey May 2017
The ocean, sunny days, vintage picnic baskets, pigtails, laughter, tire shops, vanilla soft serve ice cream, bubble gum, warm nights, cool sheets, skin, morning quiet, orange juice, bubbles, grass, ladybugs, kisses.
Apr 2017 · 324
April '17
Bailey Apr 2017
New York
.
Carnegie Hall
.
I miss who I thought he was
.
I am odd and whimsical
.
Why is it right around this time--right before I'm the happiest, that I remember the ones I loved that made me cry?
.
Sad watermelons
.
Friendiversary
.
Rest in peace Sergio
.
Pushing away my birthday
.
Best friend
.
Losing my beeb
.
"May your coffin be made of one hundred year old wood that I plant tomorrow"
.
He smells like salty sweat and hair and cologne
.
Antique store heaven
.
Please don't take
.
Scuffed shoes
.
Mutt
.
Bubblegum and carmex
.
Enrolled
.
Tattoo
.
He replied, "crazy...would you like to come with me?"
.
Apr 2017 · 308
March '17
Bailey Apr 2017
Adaptation is a superpower
.
He cares about me
.
Not enough
.
I don't really think I can ever go again, but I will
.
I don't know, that's just how I feel
.
Ignored
.
I'm a mental astronaut
.
The good dream
.
"You've done yourself proud, haven't you?"
.
Be a friend
.
Small talk and I have a hate-hate relationship
.
I love you, friend rainbow
.
Handwritten Harvard
.
Not stepping on them is not enough
.
I love him more than me
.
Is it such a bad thing to want to feel wanted?
.
This too shall pass
.
"Work with purpose and intention"
.
Genuine
.
We broke up
.
I stumble and I fall
.
Light footsteps
.
Shaking like a leaf
.
I love our friendship
.
Blacking out
.
SoMEtiMEs I can wash My hands twEnty tiMEs and still feel like I'M not clEan
.
I need to save myself
.
"A broken clock is right two times a day"
.
Mind's eye
.
Help me procrastinate
.
Screech
.
Fries fried in a different fry
.
"It is the vision of far off things seen for the silence they hold"
.
We're still new
.
I saw geese playing on a rooftop
.
"He's a dolphin"
.
Dripping with diamonds
.
Hypnosis
.
Heavy footsteps
.
Onto a wooden skewer
.
My cat and I are exclusive
.
This one is late and was super long
Bailey Mar 2017
Skin pulled tight over nimble fingers
Light playing over moving knuckles it's
Euphoric and I
Moan at the ache
In my abused hands

Dry and begging
To be put under the scalding water and
Massaged with soft soap
Frothing and slipping through each
Fold and unfold

Prayer hands come and go for
Minutes until
The water runs cold and I
Dry off and watch and feel again
But I want more and more

I want to do this all night until I bleed and

I might.
Mar 2017 · 905
The Martin I Love You Sign
Bailey Mar 2017
She folded my little pudgy toddler hand and said, "this means 'I love you' in sign language". And since then, it's been every special goodbye and family signal. They've spread out farther as I got older, but every once in a while I'll get to see my Mommy hold her big, scarred hand up so I can see that she loves me. My eyes will fill up with happy tears because this is us and this is love and this cannot be changed.
More of an anecdote but still special enough to share <3
Mar 2017 · 577
February '17
Bailey Mar 2017
I want my boyfriend back, I'm going crazy
.
Worry eats my life away
.
Piles and piles and piles and piles and pileS and pilES and piLES and pILES and PILES AND  P I L E S  of stress
.
I don't usually eat in the mourning
.
He left, but not really
.
Get the hell away from me, Ana
.
He still loves me
.
I could have some fun with this
.
He really loves me
.
Remember that he loves you, and that he is struggling and scared
.
Support him, love him, do not feel selfish
.
I know what I have to do and I will do it
.
I love you and I accept you
.
Danish friends
.
I miss our "What?"s and "Nothing."s
.
He called me Lovey
.
Snappy Cappy
.
Sometimes I need to lose myself to find myself
.
I touch the grass and I know what's real again
.
Calm
.
Casa Del Sol, R. S. Felker
.
I have to remind myself what's real
.
60,000 dollar scholarship
.
Doubt
.
Lonely
.
I can't tell if it's him or me that gives me vertigo
.
A chore so simple as sleep silently calls my name
.
It's easy to cry while doing dishes
.
Okay, I'm over it
.
Friends and Glee
.
Don't think about it
.
I want to be loved, please
.
Alone
.
Very hard month
Bailey Feb 2017
Wouldn't I love to be hard to get, again?
The one that was so close you could almost touch her.
But no, you know my feelings for you, now.
You've known for a long time.
And now life has called us in different directions.
And the tables have been turned.
You are hard to get.
You are so close, I could almost touch you.
I sometimes forget your feelings for me.
Though I've known them for two years.
You are hanging on to me by a thread.
As you put together your broken life without me.
I watch from afar.
And I shake as I hold on desperately to the kisses that I know you'll need.
Sometime in the future.
Best friend, how are we doing this again? I'm trying to be strong for you.
Feb 2017 · 561
Life
Bailey Feb 2017
You're the love of mine, so I urge you to leave me and make something out of yours.
Feb 2017 · 573
BREAK
Bailey Feb 2017
e                 m                 p                 t                 y
yet so full of sadness and yearning
.
it hurts
Feb 2017 · 842
Not So Small
Bailey Feb 2017
I was happier as a martyr than I ever will be while serving myself.
Though my empathetic nature may put me at unease at times,
it is the happiness deep down within the cool, dark soil of my soul that truly matters.
I've tried so hard to change this essential part of my being,
because others told me that it made me weak,
but I see now what they fail to.
When I put myself first, I feel sick to my stomach.
There is an itch that desires to be scraped, and it is not anything that treating myself has the claws to scratch.
No, when I put others first, that is when I feel bigger than myself.
I don't feel like one of seven billion.
I don't feel like a speck in the space.
By helping and staying constantly connected to those around me--enemies and friends--I am spread out farther than I would be,
sitting inside myself.
Say what you want about me.
That I am weak and gullible and forgiving and target-worthy.
But in the end, I am happiest when I help others.
And in the end, the universe will feel the smallest, quickest brush on its hand.
And that brush will be me.
Feb 2017 · 213
January '17
Bailey Feb 2017
Stop requested
.
Be
.
Don't you know that I need more?
.
I can feel my nose defrosting
.
I feel like a crow, hopefully chewing at a plastic bag in a grocery store parking lot
.
I want to read a book
.
I don't want to get anxious, so I admire the difference in rings, and count them until I've reached his voicemail box
.
Happy birthday on the tip of my lungs
.
I'm not meant for solos
.
You know when you get water in your nose?
.
Sad with potential
.
Love me again
.
I'll walk away, but you won't see me through the smoke
.
I want to give you all of me
.
I miss you and summer
.
I would stick my hand out the window and ****** the air
.
Bumps in the road
.
Love is hard
.
Very sad month
Dec 2016 · 268
December '16
Bailey Dec 2016
Goodbye 10:20 alarm, hello 11:05
.
It's great
.
The music that plays after heartfelt movies
.
Half-assed
.
"Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself"
.
I love the smell of hot glue
.
I love burning my fingertips for art
.
Bar soap makes me happy
.
I'm sweet on you
.
Vintage 60's cologne
.
Cabinet
.
Beautiful, silent things go on while kids are in school
.
Fresh linen
.
Bully behavior
.
A book would be nice
.
Pink cuddles
.
Listen
.
Sure, you can fall in love with me--if you have the pumpkin guts
.
Christmas eve
.
Sometimes I still hate myself so much
.
Why do bus barns seem so magical to me?
.
I am able, not powerful
.
The soft agony of picking petals makes me weep
.
Scared for school
.
I love him
.
Had some sad ones in here but it was a really good month
Dec 2016 · 414
Good Nights
Bailey Dec 2016
The blue light of the t.v. washes over our intertwined, blanket-clad legs.
We kiss and kiss until the kisses get pleasantly warm and tingly.
Goodness gracious, what's the title of the movie again?
All I can see is his jawline, and his beautiful blue eyes.
His floofy, messy hair.
His untrimmed, fair complexion.
God how I want him, even though I have him.
He sits there, and the t.v. screen glistens in his eyes, his long eyelashes framing the reflection.
I can't watch it, how could I, when a god is before me?
He's so handsome.
He's the definition of handsome.
He is what my grandpa meant, when he was combing my cousin's wet hair that day.
I need him.
So I kiss his cheek, and hope he feels it.
If he does, he'll turn to me with that knowing look in his eye, and he'll kiss me with such passion, it makes me want to cry and sleep.
Good nights, good nights with my prince.
I love him.
Dec 2016 · 249
November '16
Bailey Dec 2016
I'm okay with cracking my knuckles and sitting down
.
Duckworth
.
College applications
.
"C'mere" makes me melt
.
Nose rings
.
Reminds me of when we crashed
.
Winterfest
.
Movies and cuddling
.
Lily and Taco
.
Happy Hospital Thanksgiving
.
Big red man looks small and fragile, but his bite still hurts
.
Childhood nightmare watching t.v. and sleeping downstairs
.
The flood
.
Sleeping with mom
.
Forgetting to add to this poem
.
Deep, beautiful, drawn out kisses
.
Tongues are little people
.
A kitten's cry
.
Eggs and seeds are the same thing, right?
.
Sorry its a lil late
Nov 2016 · 290
Fear: Defined
Bailey Nov 2016
"Fear is excitement without breath."
.
"Fear is wisdom in the face of danger. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
.
"Fear is the parent of cruelty."
.
"Fear is the enemy of logic."
.
"Fear is the path to the Dark Side."
.
"Fear will keep you alive; indifference won't."
.
"Fear is never an actuality; it is either before or after the active present."
.
"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration."
.
"Fear is a distorting mirror in which anything can appear as a caricature of itself, stretched to terrible proportions; once inflamed, the imagination pursues the craziest and most unlikely possibilities."
.
"Fear is stronger than love."
.
"Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice."
.
"Fear is met and destroyed with courage"
.
"Fear is simultaneously the ultimate form of wisdom and the ultimate form of senselessness."
.
Fritz Perls or Robert Heller
Sherlock Holmes
James Anthony Froude
Frank Sinatra
Yoda
Laurell K. Hamilton
Jiddu Krishnamurti
Frank Herbert
Stefan Zweig
2pac
Will Smith
James F. Bell
Bailey Martin (me)
Nov 2016 · 245
Fear
Bailey Nov 2016
Simultaneously the ultimate form of wisdom
and the ultimate form of senselessness.
Bailey Nov 2016
do you want to sleep in a sweater with me. . . swim in a comforter with me. . . listen to soft music with me ?

do you want to whisper a while. . . let me kiss your smile. . . make a two - person - kitten - pile ?

do you want a white wall behind us. . . silver glitter and moon dust. . . spread out , compacted , vitamin trust ?

do you want these things that i want ?

do you want me in the way that i want
you ?

in all of the ways that i want you ?

it's okay if you do ,
because me too .

do you want to ?
Bailey Nov 2016
Good morning to you,
my one and only love.
May the sky seem blue,
what with all the grey above.
And if you are to wish,
for my dawning kiss,
I hope you'll feel it in
the autumn's frosty hug.

Today will be a memory,
Whether mostly good or bad,
That I have with you-
So I'd rather not feel sad.
Though the trees are slowly dying,
Drifting through their winter phase,
I'm blessed that I can spend with you,
The dreary winter days.

And when spring finally arrives,
We'll stop by to say hello
To the trees now full of hives,
And the ground with melted snow.
We'll follow butterflies
To their classified luncheon,
And they'll take us by surprise
With a peaceful, flowery dungeon.
We'll sleep and play,
Trapped in this place.
A home to us,
Under Sun's face.
He'll smile at us,
Now united as one,
Laying right there-
bright there,
Under the dimming spring sun.

In summer,
Do you want to be mine?
Well sing and dance and play all the time.
We'll eat and sleep and work and live.
You'll take, I'll give, I'll take, you'll give.
A nighttime breeze feels better on two,
After baking in orange sunlight with you.
We can begin our lives-
The start of it all,
And be closer than ever,
Come next fall.
Oct 2016 · 314
October '16
Bailey Oct 2016
He touches my face when he kisses me
.
Alarm set for 10:20
.
"The moment I saw you, I fell in love and you smiled because you knew"
.
You mean everything to me
.
"The day that I ask you...is the day that I die. Then, I'll be reborn again, and start my life with you"
.
I love the way our lives hold hands, it feels so nice
.
I trust him to love me the way I am
.
Kiss like lovers, hug like old friends, because we are
.
Adults who don't drive
.
Clouds that look like heaven
.
Men with ponytails
.
Passion is love and hate
.
Sometimes the tears that stroke my face are like wet, gentle fingers
.
It's okay
.
Twas a good, heavy month
Oct 2016 · 248
Vow
Bailey Oct 2016
Vow
In a giant, scary world full of wonder and chaos,
I am little.
I am tiny and I have known it since I was young.
I would have thoughts about waking up and coming to the realization that I was really a grain of sand.
I grew up with no voice, no muscles, no anger.
I only had my imagination,
and the passionate love that I felt for all things living.
In recent years,
I have found more of a voice,
I have gained a thin layer of muscle,
a spark of anger.
I have grown into the person that I want to be.
All I need is someone who I can give all of my massive amounts of love to.
Someone who is deserving of the person that I have strived to become,
and someone who will stick by my side and make the world seem a little less scary.
A partner, a friend, a true love.
And I have found him.
Bailey Oct 2016
I guess I love you so
More than you'll ever know,
Because you never knew
The years I hid it from you.
There is a fresh faced me,
And a said "broken" you.
Though your heart is unscathed
And mine is glued.
This I mean
In the most romantic of terms,
I know that many loved ones
Have laid down their burns.
But here we are,
Defying pessimism
With our naked hearts
And undying optimism.
Where shreds of doubt and fear should be,
Instead I give you all of me.
"Take my hand,
take my whole life too"
Because no one on this earth
Will ever amount to you.
Bailey Oct 2016
Whisper (x6)

I can see your face, honey, under the moon
I'll retrace my thoughts over your brow bone too
And I know that you'll love me, won't you?

I can taste your skin, under, my fingertips
I can feel your ****** hair surround my lips
and I know that we'll stay here like this...

Whisper (x5)

You're original, you're original
You are original, original, original to me
You're a miracle, you're a miracle, oh you're a miracle, a miracle, a miracle to me...

I know you're exhausted, boy
I'm tired too
Tiring to work by choice, more so to move
So let's be still, the morning's too soon

The rays are pouring out the window
I see them clear
Let the sun touch us, I know
You'll be right here
And you'll hold me, so tightly, so dear...

Whisper (x5)

And the days when it's just so hard to smile
Can we stay here, lay here, and whisper
A little while?
A little while

Whisper (x6)
https://soundcloud.com/iguessimbaileymartin/whisper
Oct 2016 · 470
Nostalgia no. 1
Bailey Oct 2016
I don't think you understand how warm and beautiful orange sunlight is.
Orange sunlight pouring through dusty windows.
Dusty windows and the scent of vanilla brown sugar body lotion.
Vanilla brown sugar body lotion and pumpkin pie.
Pumpkin pie with thick whipped cream on top.
These are the magical days of autumn in California.
In the morning the grass is dewey.
In the night the air is cool.
Roses are yellow and brown at the edges.
I hope one day you'll see it too...
Oct 2016 · 251
September '16
Bailey Oct 2016
"maybe I'm broken, but I was never built like you"
.
I wonder if actors portray what life really is, or what they read in their scripts...and I wonder if people portray what they grew up to be, or what they saw on the screens
.
there was something so attractive about starving myself
.
this whole town is us, baby
.
my world is only emotion, my only world is emotion
.
"I had a dream that I was fine"
.
as soon as I felt that smile against my lips
.
"and there still lingers the belief that a dictionary definition is a satisfactory description of an idea or of an experience"
.
I like that he's been in more places than I, will always have experienced an extra year of life
.
there's always been something so comforting about commercials
.
it's like my life did a double take as it was passing yours, and stopped to say hello
.
whisper, please...
.
a short one this month, but there ya go. Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, but I will post more soon.
Sep 2016 · 304
Living Room
Bailey Sep 2016
I can see commercials on a rounded screen
--of beaches and hourglasses.
I look around, but my eyes stop at certain parts
of the dim room.
The sunshine pouring through the window is ***** and beautiful.
It's just like an old photograph,
low quality and burnt orange at the edges.
It smells like cigarette ash and worn furniture and stale cat ***.
It feels like home and all I want to do is eat salt and sleep.
I know there are other rooms, I know where they are.
But this,
this living room is all I need.
Grandpa's chair looks so full even when it's empty.
His salt shaker looks so tempting...
There are holes in it where his cigarette cherry dropped off.
Everything is orange and brown and faded.
Outside that house it was a dangerous world.
But with only an unlocked door separating me from it,
I felt safe.
Let me sleep there once again,
and let him fill the chair, won't you?
Aug 2016 · 403
Yellow Rose Colored Glasses
Bailey Aug 2016
Words daze me and spin me into that state of mind where all is fine.
Mania mania mania and not a query is made.
It's hot outside, frostbite---freezing cold sunburns.
They all thought that I was awake but I knew, just as I know.
Oh I know. This poetic infection has got me again, and as years pass...I'll see those colors appear in my memories.
They'll streak across the beautiful face that I am transfixed upon.
I know this, I know. But it feels so good!
And there are slight differences that shall give me more time:
Laughter and actions.
They are the antidote to this poetic infection.
They clear the path for my irises.
Eyes can now take in the real world,
lead it into my mind and soul.
Yes, he's a safe one.
You're a safe one for me and my short lifespan.
Aug 2016 · 579
Forgotten Memorized Song
Bailey Aug 2016
A long forgotten song spills out of my speakers
And an emotion wells up in my chest
I knew not why, as I had forgotten the theme
But as the melody continued to play
And my mouth formed the memorized lyrics
The words I sang fit together again
And I remembered the meaning,
The heartwrenching meaning.
Aug 2016 · 350
August '16
Bailey Aug 2016
I just want to be held for the rest of my life
.
he came back
.
and I love him...more than friends...more than anything actually
.
downtown dates
.
off to Cali again
.
when my ears pop on a plane, which sounds are the real ones?
.
good morning to me
.
my baby, my baby, my baby...
.
75 and going through her rebellious stage
.
Amish dresses
.
I still can't believe that he's back
.
nearly 200 love songs
.
hot and dry, just how I like it
.
dramatic and beautiful, mustache and all
.
home again
.
this whole town is us
.
nobody finds a four leafed clover by searching for it
.
terrified
.
fridge magnets with no meaning give me stale grey flashbacks
.
and enter...fluorescent hell
.
collection of lines from August of 2016
Aug 2016 · 234
Downtown Dates
Bailey Aug 2016
None of the others compare
to the one we shared
last night.
Aug 2016 · 592
I Had To Pee
Bailey Aug 2016
I can make it home.
No I can't.
Cross the street, to the park.
Do my stuff, walk back out.
Aww, cute dog!
Walk over to pet.
"His name is Frodo".
Little girl.
"I love that name".
Pet some more.
"It's Delia's birthday".
She thinks I'm part of the party?
"That's nice".
Pet some more.
"Did you see her open her presents?"
Cute.*
"No, I'm just passing through".
Make my way, to the swings.
c:
Aug 2016 · 340
July '16
Bailey Aug 2016
I'm an early-late bloomer
.
white golden
.
I can't live like this, I can't die as nothing
.
I wear my heart on my stained, over-stretched, hand-me-down sleeve
.
**** me for wanting to shave my face and not my legs
.
sleep is exhausting
.
pain
.
nipping-nagging-at-me-all-around-me
.
sun, excitement, fun!
.
when pretty is ugly and ugly is pretty
.
I feel light and airy when they're around
.
August is coming and I'm not ready
.
maybe hold my hand? But please don't touch my leg like that
.
maybe people die because they think they have to
.
I could wrap your voice around me and sleep in it all night long
.
premium ice cream
.
I want to go to the hundred acre woods with you
.
we weren't supposed to know this much
.
"where are you going?" "crazy."
.
why am I so in love with you?
.
unilateral
.
here we go
.
Little lines from each day (or few days apart) in July. There's no theme, just emotions.
Aug 2016 · 914
Fresh From The Can
Bailey Aug 2016
Always there for the
Beeb she cares for,
Coolcatcoolio and
**** well said so's.
Everyone stops to stare,
For she always walks and talks with flare.
Giant heart keeps her awake,
Holds on tight to loves she makes.
Insightful and delightful,
Justifiably spiteful.
Kinda naïve--
(Less than hard to believe).
Mean to no one but,
No one knows that much.
Only I know this trait,
People don't stick around and wait.
Quite a classy looking dork, with
Sarcasm galore.
Tingly feelings she gives
Underneath my skin.
Very nostalgic
With every moment.
eXciting and fun,
You know she's the one.
Zany and brainy and bright as the sun.

This is her,
to me.
Bailey Jul 2016
When you wish upon a star,
makes no difference who you are.
When you wish upon a star,
your dreams come true.
===========================================================­====
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartache
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true
============================================================­===
I know you,
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you,
the gleam in your eye is so familiar a gleam.
And I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem,
but if I know you
I know what you'll do--
you'll love me at once!
The way you did once
upon a dream
===========================================================­====
"Can you keep a secret? Promise not to tell? We're at a wishing well!"
I'm wishing
(I'm wishing)
for my one true love
to find me
(to find me)
today
(today)

I'm hoping
(I'm hoping)
and I'm dreaming of
the nice things
(the nice things)
he'll say
(he'll say)
============================================================­===
Flippin' your fins you don't get too far,
legs are required for jumping, dancing!
Walking around on those--
"what's that word again?"
--street!
Up where they walk,
up where they run,
up where they stay all day in the sun!
Wandering free...
wish I could be...
part of your world
===========================================================­====
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight, back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
who I am,
though I've tried.
When will my reflection show,
who I am...
inside?
https://soundcloud.com/iguessimbaileymartin/dreamywishy-disney-medley-for-beeb

Late at night so there were a few rough spots and lyric messups but dis is for beeb so if'n you don't like it, stick it where da sun dunt shine c:
Bailey Jul 2016
Feelings of dread
from words that were said,
tears that
I won't let myself shed.

I don't deserve to shed them
I'm not in the right position,
I don't have the right
to go on that mission.

Foolish tears they'd be
on the outside of me,
when I already knew that
I'm not the right need.

    I'm                                     hungry
   for this                              fantasy
in                     ­                  truth,
      I'm                                     starving.

+
+
Bailey Jul 2016
I will softly pull away
In this broken beautiful mess I've made
And in the dead and quiet I will slowly fade
In this masterpiece I made

I'll burn out and slip away
And this just a part I portray
You're beautiful, can I hide in you and stay here?

Making mostly to themselves
Hush now they'll hurt you till your heart melts
They know you're lonely
And they will only break your heart
And this masterpiece will tear you apart

I'll burn out and slip away
And this just a part I portray
You're beautiful,
Can I hide in you and stay here?
https://soundcloud.com/iguessimbaileymartin/masterpiece-theatre-ii-by

for beeb
Jul 2016 · 515
She Is
Bailey Jul 2016
She's the angel by my side
warming me up like
the little dusty heater
from my childhood
with the white chipped paint flying
with every gust of lukewarm air.

She's my dryer lint and cigarette ash
that fills my nose and
in one swoop
scoops me up and sends me
on my back through
waves of subtle, glittery euphoria.

She's the disney-golden violin
in all my favorite songs
and movie moments
that make me feel sleepy shimmery
and inspired
to do great things with myself
and the innocent world.

She's the wet painting that I sit and watch dry,
I can't tear my eyes away from her because
I'm so astonished that
a few primary colors
could mix to make her in
all her swirling, glossy glory.

She's the past
in fruit-loops and
cartoon terms,
clad in hot pink memories,
black sequins and early 2000's.

She's the foreseeable future that I want--
have always wanted...
out the window there's
peaches and sunshine,
leaves on the grass,
and inside there's
a shiny, silver sink with
matching dishes in the basin.

She's the hug to my need,
the soft, concerned word to my tears,
the need that I love to hug,
the tears that I pat dry with
soft, concerned words.

She's the brick bridge
on her way to beautiful chapters filled with trees and I'm
the abutment that
watches each giddy step
with happy tears
in my blurry blue eyes.

She's the missing piece I need
to fill the shard-shaped hole
in my pinky-purple-orange
stained glass prophecy,
and I hope she doesn't mind
if I want to be with her
all the time.

She's the soul,
the glowing, pulsing, electric blue and
iridescent soul
surrounded by
a lean body and
brown eyes and
bifocals and
hair colors and
makeup and
clothes.

She's the cold rain on my
hot, emotional head
and she drips down my hair
slides to my forehead,
down my nose,
mixing with my overflowing tears from
my eyes acting as mirrors
to the purple lightning before me
and
she slowly runs down my chin,
calming me down with
controlled chaos.

She is the first flower I spot,
blinding white, long petals
in the corner of my vision
when my head is hung in defeat.

She is the second flower I watch
unfurl as I lift my head to see more
stretching and waking
from the dewy grass so
I stand and see more of her
rows of her,
billowy petals reflecting the morning sun.

She is the 60th flower I see
as the others lead my line of sight
up to a patch of light,
nearly six feet tall and
she is the flower I see
when she steps out in front of the sun
to reveal a smile
so pure and child-like,
that it surely grew every blade of grass
in the field that
I sink to my knees on
as I look up
at the blooming girl before me.

She is my friend,
my family,
my muse,
my love,

my beeb,

forever.
poem for her
Jul 2016 · 268
His Song
Bailey Jul 2016
That night filled with
stomach dropping
heart stopping
reality shattering fear
is no more.

Mmm, tell them
tell them he's coming home.

That boy covered by
man features,
rap-music preachers,
and anger induced tears--
is no more...

Mmm! Tell them he's coming home...

I saw that man today
climb some steps while I stood shocked.
He gave his hand a raise
and put his key in the lock.
Throughout all my days,
I never even thought
that I'd see the one where he
finally fled the flock.

So I tell them.
Tell them he's coming home.

I tell them.
Tell them he's coming home.

I saw that man today,
that's all I can say.
Just that fact alone
makes me thank God every day.
In all my heavy years!
I never thought I'd say
that I almost lost my brother,
and I wanted him to stay.

So I'll tell them.
Yes, yes, I'll always tell them.
I will tell them...

I'll tell them he's coming home.
Next page