I feel relaxed
When I think of
The ocean foaming
And the sound of the waves.

I remember who we were
Strolling in the beach
And playing under the sheets.

You were quick to forget
But I still remember
The ocean.

I have in front of me
And array of striped mountains,
Slopes of undulating lines
That fill in my horizon.
There's music in the background
But all that I can hear
Is the whispers that she tells the night
In secret.
Her eyes so still,
Her gaze fixed under her eye lids,
Her lips so bare
It makes my skin long for them,
Her breaths so deep
I want to live in the space they fill.
I lay my heavy arms
And they spread along the mountains,
They have found a home.
A valley, at last,
In which to rest my burdens.

.                     Courage. It takes a bucket of sweat
Coming from I am not sure where in my hands

And drops dripping from a faucet-like-forehead
                                            ­                         To express
                     Words. I said to my friends that I had butterflies,
As I referred to that specific feeling in the seventh grade,

That fluttered in my stomach to see the light of day
                                                             ­       And find
                      You. My childhood friend whose hair I'd pull
To get a pinch, a scratch, a stare of contempt

That would later turn into a game of catch me if you can
                                                             ­       Later during
                     Recess. I had planned it all out, I had another friend
Tell you what I didn't dare say to your face

Because I had never asked a girl out on a date,
                                                           ­        My first
                     Crush. I felt my chest sinking in when later that day
You came up to me with an annoyed look in your face

And the only words that you could say was that you didn't date
                                                            ­       Guys like
                     Me.  I was never sure what I was supposed to do
Or how it was supposed to make me feel,

I just know that whoever you thought I was, I never
                                                           ­        Saw him
                     Again.

I used to chase you
All around the atmosphere
But I would never reach you.

I finally paused
Looked down at the pastures
And fell in love with a flower.

She danced around
Always waiting on me.
She's made me happy.

We sat down. I kept my lips from moving as I was watching yours. I wanted to hold you but you kept a two foot distance from my hip to yours. I clenched my jaw. I could not bare to witness what I was about to be run over with, but I could not stall. I knew the words before you said them, and I couldn’t stop rubbing my knee.

I stood up thinking about what I could say. I tried to reason with you. I tried to reason with me. I held the bridge of my nose with my jaw trying to weather away a few words. You tried to hold me close but my body couldn’t move from the poison you delivered with your touch. You said things. I couldn’t process them all. My ears would not listen.

I had to go. I opened the door. I wained left though I should have gone right. Actually, I wanted to run straight through the wall. I made fists with my hand I kept shaking my head. I’m not sure what I was trying to get rid of. I turned around to look at you. I wanted to hear more. I waited to hear you say something, but I dint hear a word.

I left. I knew you hadn’t felt a thing. Not a tingle. Didn’t fret. I came home and on my way to bed I saw my bottle only a twist of cap away. I thought about what you had said. In went the first. I thought about what I had said. Now in went the second. Then I thought about what I should have said and in went the last two in my bottle.

I walked back. You were very nice and I could tell you were pleased to see me. I could’ve cared less for your hospitality. I was at your door and you were right in front of me, and you were nothing. I was very blunt to tell you deserved nothing, and I saw your same poison run through every inch of your cold body.

You shut your door. I had a crooked smile in my face. I knew I had injected you with the same grief, but it was bitter sweet. One second second I was relived, the other said silently that it was a mistake. I laughed from the venom still in my veins, and I felt pity. You had darkened my heart, but I felt pity for me for having fallen so low.