felt like you left me no choice,
but to let go
even if I wanted to hold on,
I felt too weak.
your indecisiveness,
your doubts,
your fears,
clouded my mind
and I felt suffocated.
and I know
I have to take care of myself
and I just can't
let it all burn
so I'll try my best
to stay away
to let us both heal.
tomorrow is unsure
but maybe someday
we'll both find our safe place.
after all,
I still wish you the best.

that night,
cold wind
and miserable
breeze,
accompany him
his head
full of
endless thoughts
and what if's.

under the moonlit sky,
he stood
as I heard
his silent cries
and
felt his fears.

I became an
overthinker myself
just by worrying
about one.

Do I write again?
Or just keep it to myself?
'Til I bleed so much?

There is sadness
in everywhere I look
in everywhere I go
How long
Will it take?
For the sadness
To finally take me?

You crashed my spirit in your hands.
Crampled it like a sheet of paper.
You leave my soul with cracks.
I'm broken and you didn't bother.
You trampled on my feelings,
I get caught up in your maze of madness.
The wounds that you left stings,
Leaving me with no senses.
You left me in despair.
And I suffer alone.

I suffer from my own made up complexes.
Building walls not bridges,
Isolating myself from everyone and him.
It's not yet clear.
My mind is in chaos.
My head is messed up.
Is it just me?
Or him?
Or maybe us?

My father already knew it.
When he said,
"You're gonna be heartbroken again."

...

"Yes, I knew too."

I have been,
from both sides.
From being
the good one
and
the bad one.
But I guess,
giving your best,
is not
always enough.
Love,
is not always enough.

My boy,
Always wishing,
that I'd stay...
But it's not evident,
that he wants me to.
Boy,
keep playing this game...
Not gonna call you a man,
'til you stand up to become one.

He taught me,
how to get lost.
And
I taught myself,
how to get found.

My body submerged...
Into a deep gulf.
Suppressed...
By all my fears.
In the brink of despair...
Ready to jump off.

Someday...
My heart will stop breaking,
Like it already was at the moment.
Wishing I could somehow see...
Where I'm heading,
So that I could understand...
What my life meant.

The grip of his hand,
Slowly pulled me out of darkness.
He picked up the shattered pieces off the ground,
And show me the way out of abyss.

You spit a venom,
Which warp her mind.
Drain her worth,
And left her in confusion.
You trapped her soul.
And break her wings.
Just so you can fly.

I was there,
lying...
Alone and ailing.
Where were you?
Dreams were shattered in an instant,
Crumpled like a piece of paper.
I took a pill,
Wishing to stop the agony.
Began to bleed,
And there,
in front of me,
The sin,
Staring right back at me.

I'm getting weaker each day.
Paranoia's all I got left.
There's so much...
I could not say.
All is chaos in my head.
No one's here to help,
And everyone's leaving.
My sutured wounds,
once again...
are opening.
Just here...
Waiting for my deathbed.

What
will
matter,

is
that

I
had
you

and

you
had
me.

You might be tired
of chasing the fire
between us
that is continuously fading.
It is getting harder
day by day.
It is true
that we must learn
to love ourselves first
before loving
the other person.
But I don't know how,
I'm sorry but
can you stay
and tell me how?
With repeated melancholy states.
Teach me how
to be happy,
how to cope up
with the things I never learned
from my past experiences.
Change is constant,
that's all I know.
Iloveyou
to the moon and back.

Child looks exhausted
Selling candlesticks on streets
No sparkle in eyes

Do not aim for it
Just do what you love to do
It'll certainly come

She stood at the edge
Of a cliff, where she feels safe
Her own medicine

He learned my secrets
Which I never told anyone
And then,
he just left

In a speed of light
And a flashback of everything
Finally, at peace

I found a good fellow
Someone who will drive for hours
To sit by your side

I sensed its presence
Something within my body
Lies an enemy

I didn't know that
you will just be another lesson
that I needed to learn.
I became obsessed with the fact
that things are finally stable
even if everything's not perfect
and not going right,
I thought we could make it work
if I'll try to lower my pride
and everything
that I needed to sacrifice
Just to keep our relationship alive.
I've waited
for almost a year
for you to comeback
I promised you that.
Only to find out,
that you fell out of love.
I'm sorry.
I let you go.
Not because I'm weak,
but because it's the only way
to make you happy.
Thank you.

Nov. 17, 2017

I will miss you.
I will be lost in darkness...
While you are gone.
I'll only see the dawn...
When you come back.

Endless thoughts in her mind.
Hidden voices inside her head.
Deep in her eyes...
There's sadness,
That no one could understand.
So she killed all her feelings.
And have gone with the wind.

I miss you,
Every single day.
Longing for you,
Is like torturing me,
In every possible way.
But I promise,
To be strong,
To be faithful,
To adore you,
To love you,
In each day of my life.
The daylight is slowly fading.
Yet another day,
Lost in the waves.
I will wait for you,
Until you come home.
And drive these worries away.

I forgot how to even grin,
Doubts crept in.
Skies grew darker,
And I drowned in the water.
As I watched you leave,
'Cause I got none left to give.
How could you forget?
Is it even possible for you to regret?
May the heaven guide you,
May your skies stay blue,
Will stay watching you from afar,
While mending my scar.
I forgive you,
'Cause I love you.

I sometimes fail.
I am faint.
I don't know where to fit in.
I don't know what I meant.

My feelings are unstoppable.
Mistakes that is inescapable.
Wounds I can't mend.
Is this the end?

Time passed by,
My feelings turned out fine.
I was able to hear thy heart.
And I was able to make a new start.

I realized I was wrong.
God is the one who's keeping me strong.
And in this life,
I am what I am.

Thank you for the memories,
They are all for keeps.
Forever we will cherish,
Even in our dreams.
Sleep tight.
For in God's promise land,
We'll be all together again.