Inequalities of this fed up society

i won't stay silent
i won't sit down
i will fight
i will stand
i will scream and I will shout.
to all you haters
who think I'll give up
you're wrong
when you tell me to shut up I'll just get louder
louder
louder.
because the words that you say echo on my face
right here and right now
it's you who makes my skin crawl

you ask me the same question six different times
you accuse me of loving a girl
as if I've committed a crime

i have one foot in the closet and one foot out
but you rip my world apart
you make me want to slide back in
you make me beg and plead that this isn't me
i beg to be a somebody, somebody other than me

just to be straight
you make me want to be straight

i try and deny it
i tell myself it's a phase
i tell myself that it's okay
that I just have to hide away
hide from the gay
but it doesn't work that way
those are your words that I say

you say “f" without a second of thought
as anger bubbles in my blood
do you realize what those words mean?
do you realize what you're saying?
Are you listening?
you pretend it's joke
but it maddens me
and now that I'm mad you tell me to chill
But NO!
you don't comprehend the words I'm trying to say
the voice I'm trying to speak
i don't need you to have rainbows on you walls
but could you at least try and respect me?

your eyes pop out
and your tone insults
proud that you've brought me down
I force myself to clench my teeth
Try and breathe
because what you said directly hurts me
your words just **** me
and it isn't funny.
Respect.
don't think that's in your vocabulary

while you laugh at me
i fight for the rights of people that are lacking
as you try and tell me who I have to be
but I will not fit the mold that you have made me

you think I'm a freak
cuz I go to GSMC every single week
you don't understand the deeper meaning
that is hidden behind those four letters
it's a safe place
an escape from you
people who understand
it's 40 minutes that save me
when you try and drown me

yes, I'm wearing a men's shirt.
you get mad cuz you think it's too baggy
but f**
i don't dress for you
i dress for me
please
my biology doesn't have to correlate
with the clothes that are covering me

I'm done with you
I'm proud of who I am
I'm proud of what I do
I refuse to fit this society's dumb rules
I'll break these stereotypes every single chance I get
I'm just me
maybe a little more masculine than you want me to be
but that's me
throw me labels all you want
but I really don't need you to be my label maker
i am not a container of strawberries
sitting in your refrigerator.
I am a human being

you do not understand
what hiding behind a closet is like
struggling to find an identity
as you try and crush me
Hell no, it's not easy

it's the 21st century
but we still fighting for human beings?
Human beings
that's it
Are we still not equal?
someone explain to me
the nonsense of this ******* up society
why can't you embrace our diversity?
i am me, only me
I will not apologize for being me
But you could apologize for hating on me
and not just me
but an entire community
because I am done with your bigotry

To her, I am perfect.
To her, I am beautiful.
And she sees no faults nor cracks.
She is mine,
to which I will never let go...

Insane?
Hallucinations and voices.
I think I’m seeing
Something now.
Look! There it is.
What?
You can’t see it?
No, I swear
I’m not insane.
It’s right there!
A little girl,
Black hair,
Victorian dress.
She’s looking at us,
From across the hall.
She’s mumbling something.
As she walks closer.
Where is she going?
I think she’s coming,
Towards us.
Wait!
Where did you go?
Please don’t leave!
Oh no,
The little girl.
She has a knife.
Please come back!
I need your help!
Where did you go?
You just disappeared.
The girl,
I can hear her now.
She’s mumbling about
Death
She’s lifting the knife.
Where are you?
I need you now.
She’s attacking me.
Now, everything’s growing
Blurry and dark.
All I feel is a searing pain
All over my body
You left though.
To save yourself.
You let her attack me.
I can’t stay awake
Any longer.
Why are the lights so bright?
I only closed my eyes for a minute
They claim I’m in the hospital
They think I tried to **** myself
I told them about you
And the girl
But they don’t believe me
Instead, they sent me away.
To a white rubber room
I have a special jacket
It lets me hug myself
They claim I’m insane.
Beyond repair.
They say you aren’t real
Nor, is the girl.
They say I have
Schizophrenia
But, you can prove them wrong.
Just introduce yourself.
I’ve tried to introduce you.
But, they all look at me,
With pity covering their features.
Please, just say hello.
Then, they’ll know, that you’re real.

My insomnia is getting to me,
seeing things that should only exist;
in my dream relm.

I wonder,
can the people around me see them too?
...No, or they'd be screaming too.

Do I dare let you in
the garden inside me,
The sparrows are dead their tunes left unsung,
Dying waiting to be set free,
In a prison of rusty gates that
never open,
Flowers sacrifice their petals to
time,
The wind stealing them greedily
the only one that sings in this
shrouded wilderness
Kept sacred in the essence no longer
living,
The gates are open do you dare
walk in.

I remember that time,
when the power went out.
But you found a magic cord,
that you streached from our house to another.
You acted sketchy... But I didn't know.

I remember that time,
when it was late;
I was hungry.
But the bad man was lazy and I fell asleep without it.
I woke earlier in the day,
wandering into your room.
You were both asleep,
with dinner cold in your room... I didn't know.

I remember the time,
when you and the bad man would fight.
He would make me yell words to you,
that made you cry... I didn't know.

I remember that time,
when the brother I hate;
touched me.
You confused me,
made me think it was a dream... And I didn't know.

She made me cry
because I didn't know
it was all a lie
love is what she said
not knowing
it was all in my head.

I have adapted another persona to escape the real world...
when all around me shadows cover every tree,
and spotting the crescent moon, I don't feel bored
if thoughts for a poem pop up, then it's time to write away!



Have I become a moonshiner living through dark?
Is this strange person me? Up to now, I'm still a bit jittery having
to step outside and inhale a breath of fresh air.....
I may hear wild wolves howling, owls cooing and see bats flying
from the low shrubs of the deserted park,
and being too scared I would retrieve to my lair!


Family and acquaintances have noticed the changes in me,
I seem too distracted and paying no attention to them is silly;
all I think of is of words spoken by people as they walk too fast...
and watching their gestures, they show faces serene or mad!


How long can I act out the character I have created for myself?
Am I an actor or a real person living with a sense of reality?
Is this strange person me... missing out on life and not laugh?
Condemn literature for my insanity? But would I live without fantasy?

What is it like,
                         to be free?

I want to tell you something you should know,
Something that you might not want to hear.
It is, however, true of me, and so
If you would know me, I must make it clear.
I am a woman who loves other women.
I could not, nor would want to be aught else.
I am your daughter and a lesbian.
Please make a place for that within yourself.
Please love me as I am, as I love you
No differently from when I was a child.
I am the daughter that you always knew
Save for one sweet way that fate has smiled.
Whatever you decide, I'll love you still,
For love heeds not the weather, but the will.

pale, bitter agony, sweet ordered chaos, vague awareness, dead to the world, unable to wake yet unable to sleep, hopelessly happy, wanting to be in the limelight, yet to shy to take center stage. Teach me how how to live and I'll teach you how to fly.

I wish
That all your dreams
Could come true...
But keep in mind
That nightmares
Are dreams too...

Kissing a which is a perilous business.
Everybody knows
It's ten times as dangerous
As letting her touch your hand,
Or cut your hair,
Or even steal your shoes.
What simpler way is there
Than a kiss
To give power
A way into your heart.

let me be who I am
let me show you who I am
oh, you don't care
cause if I remember
you said you loved me
but when people found out
you hid and you lied
... you made me cry,
but I guess it is strange
since we're both girls.

I remember getting THAT call... every second.
I remember the STING of the cold air, against my skin.
The JAGGED stains of dirt on my jeans
When I FELL to the solid ground.
...Like I was just STABBED.
Dirt COVERED my hands, that could be mistaken for blood.

I could HEAR the sound... of my heart shattering.
An EXCRUCIATING wave of pain.
I couldn't BREATH.
Choking out tears & Stifled SOBS, until I was nothing.
But, a SMALL mess on the cold ground.

My eyes flicker OPEN,
"Did I JUST die? Am I dead?"
I FELT dead, and empty.
I feel an AWFUL numbness, take over MY body.
I look AT the sky, through scattered tree limbs.
Specks of WHITE fall on me.
My hot face stings WITH every speck.
...with EVERY newly made snowflake
I now see MY breath in front of me.
Staring at the SNOW as it falls.

I am nothing but a SHELL,
I am NOTHING without her.
I live FOR her.
So... HOW do I learn to, live without.
I wish for DEATH.
But, I get CONSTANT waves of numb and empty pain instead.

I hate HER and I can't stand her.
...But I NEED her.
So, NO matter how much she hurts me.
I'd APOLOGIZE for it, and she's killed me so many times.
That if she got MY blood on HER hands, I'd clean them.

I just CAN'T un-love her.

(Some of us **** & Some of us want to be killed.)
       Most are caught in the crossfire of life and death.
A few find a pattern.

How emotions can control us and push us so far.

        More than you would think,
Don't feel at all; Those like me.


We learn to 'fake' emotions.
And we are so empty and desperate to feel...
To feel; love, fear, happiness,
anger, sadness, joy,
and even pain.
We inflict others pain,
in hopes to feel the same.

But to no prevail,
we run out of options...
Any other option but,
DEATH.

My headphones on,
music as high as it will go.
People staring,
saying things,
I no longer wish to know.
Pointing at my collar,
and the writing on my shoes,
not taking a hint,
or a stupid clue.
I don't want there attention,
or piercing eyes,
not there judgement,
followed by some lies.
So take the hint,
with my headphones on,
no one will notice me,
and life will go on.

she gone again,
leaving me alone.
like a trained dog,
I wait for her...
with my tail between my legs.

You look like your mother, they said
To be like her, I'd rather be dead
What mother you know would abandon her kids
Weeks at a time and leave no food there
A trifling mom who didn't seem to care
You was too high to realize that it would affect me over the years
Thought I'd be fine but for many nights shed tears
Having to move from place to place with different relatives
Living with them was a dead giveaway
When you took your love away it felt like God closed a door that day
Over the years I've endured so much pain
Even when the sun was shining mine was filled with rain
You left a scar on my heart that will always remain
I know this may sound crazy, ludicrous, or even insane
If you haven't been through this you haven't felt my pain
Try losing your mother and think your life would remain the same
Well I guess you know now what it's like to have no mom
You lost yours in '97; I lost mine in '85
I bet you were hurt being you just lost your love
But you see you knew your mom; I didn't know who mine was
Maybe you're the reason why I am the way I am today
Hardheaded, stubborn, and don't listen to what people say
I can't stand you, mom, and it shouldn't be this way
Don't worry if not now one day you'll have to pay
I just hope one day I can explain this to my kids
How you were a good for nothing mom and you were never really there.

No one listens to me.
When I say someone bothers me, don't take it lightly!
By 'Bother me',
I mean they disrupt my entire being.
They make me want to peel my skin off; to let my anger take over.
I feel like I'll explode!

It makes me so unsure of who I am,
almost to where I can't control myself.

Her laugh,
it tickles the back of my throat.
Strands of her hair,
get caught in our lips.
I bite her,
to quiet myself.
But the sound she makes,
shook me to the core.

   Drugs, ***, and Rock n' Roll.
But not in that order.

   The windows fog,
the car stalls;
My face,
buried in her neck.
Her mouth on mine;
My shoulder, collar bone, neck,------

    She takes a moment,
to look at myself.
Empty words tell me,
I'm "Beautiful".
And the look in her eyes,
scare me to death.

     Her car smells like a 'One-night Stand',
but her eyes hope for something more.

I believe the lone wolf
Is slowly finding its pack
Even though it may be small
The strength as a whole will not lack

Because she has found someone
To tell her hopes and dreams to
Because she has found someone
Who she'd never lie to

Her feelings are growing
With ever moment they share
They're pack is as close, as it is fare...

An old abandoned cemetery lays at rest just beyond the trees.
It’s a forgotten place where life ceased long ago.
All that exists now is mostly covered in a white fog.
This is all I saw only two days ago.

I heard faint sounds but they weren't eerie.
They were serene like something experienced with white noise.
The souls which were once lost had now been found.
This is what I heard only two days ago.

It's not like today, now two days later, where I see people trying to find their way.
I sense they’re the new lost souls.
(D.s.w.)

Did you say that you love me?
The things that I've been struggling for,
it's okay to just **** them all?
As the we, as the me that you hate,
is it okay to just love each other?
When I'm with someone else,
I feel nothing.
And this isn't what they call destiny,
but just a fading
                             fading
                                           love.

Lovely and dark
angel you be
take me away
to a world of glee.

Beware little black widow spider
For her designs on you are sour.
She may look sweet and innocent
But your essence she will devour.

Coldly she watches your every move
preying on your transparent loneliness
You believe she was made only for you
In her eyes I see nothing but emptiness.

It's lust not love that drives this girl
Don't get caught in her web of deceit.
She is incapable of the love you crave
To her you're nothing but fresh meat.

I beg dear friend come back, resist her
Please don't fall under her wicked spell.
Don't let her beauty cloud your fragile mind
Go and find another who will treat you well.

Hush, little sister
Please don't cry.
I wish I could be there
To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms
Bloodied and bruised
That's strange, little sister
Mine were like that too

I know you scream
When mommy's there
Hush, little sister
I know you're scared

I can see the way
She's hurting you
I'm sorry, little sister
She did that to me too

I know that people
Ignore what's going on at home
That makes me angry, little sister
You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister
You want to know why I'm not there?
It's a sad story, little sister
But people should care

You see, little sister
One day mommy got high
You were asleep in your crib
So you didn't hear my cry

She screamed at me
And smashed my head against the door
While you slept, little sister
I died on the floor

You know, little sister
I don't think that I would have died
If someone had only bothered
To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister
Mommy's coming home
Quick, get into bed
You don't want her to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister
She's in a bad mood
Run while you can

Uh oh little sister
She's lifting her belt
Scream while you can, little sister
Call for help

Hush little sister
You don't need to cry
No one can hurt you
You're in my arms tonight.

Her mind drew a blank
when she saw her mothers face
like a mirror
but never there
her mothers mind isn't right
her mother can't even fight
for her last
and only daughter
she didn't seem like a mother
spending money
on drugs and beer
her daughters life was not clear
when her daughter leaves
her mother only dreams
the time her daughter turns eight-teen
the daughter will try
and fix her things
cause the daughter has been scar'd
she'll think it's not that far
but soon she'll learn
you can not fix someone
who's soul is burned.

Mother's weakness is all too high,
leaving her wallet almost dry'
mother's weakness is all to important to her,
which causes one daughter into leaving her,
a boy and a girl still left in her arms, while
her weakness not left in the air,
a father left in destraught, wonders how
a mother could leave her babies to rot.

Hey my name is kelsie, my friends say I'm like a cat, I like cats .
I don't have any, I wish I did, ooh and I like food, and candy, I got my head stuck in a trampoline once between the two springs... oh I have ADHD, reminds me of ACDC, I love music like punk rock, screamo, metal, and old rock... I'm bored im a go find a cat.
Bye bye O.O^

I guess it makes me different
Cause I have to take medication
I guess it makes me act
Cause when I forget to take it
I freak out
They say I have anxiety disorder
Because of my past
Which means my mother
It to me doesn't seem so bad
But then again I took my meds...

When he said that thing
it only made my ears ring
tears ran down my face
I ran to my room, a calm place
As my face grew red
my feelings had fled
'cause if he couldn't accept me
I might as well be dead.

Spikes on my collar
and slits on my wrists
I wish I was the girl
that she would miss
because love won't last
as our light grows dim
I'll be in the past
...While she's with him.

I question myself and reality.
Finding the worst possible outcome, then a hundred more.
When I feel safe, but then startled, I panic.
I go through the list, I made, of good things…
But, I can’t make any of the words out.
Nor can I speak, But I CAN scream.
I can kick, punch, and bite!
…Because I feel threatened!?
Oxygen fills my lungs.
Only to come out in Erratic, Choppy, Panting breaths.
I pull on my skin, to make sure it’s still there.
The others only give me a migraine.
And, I’ve only been here maybe… ten minutes.
But it felt like a LIFETIME.

& then I die, only to be born again…
                                                                                          & again.

send them in
  I'm sad as sin
    not next year
now, my dear

bring on color
  so tired of dolor
    I want to smile
more than a while    

here you are
  shining star ...
    your antics please
you give me
a squeeze ...

Actions
Speak louder,
than words!?!
... But not in my case.

Never could a poet's actions;
be anywhere near,
the volume of their words.
Which are SCREAMED,
Louder than ANY action could!

Not only do our words
speak louder,
But they evoke EMOTION.
Letting you feel...
what we felt.
So you FEEL our pain...

So

Look us in the eyes...
& See if you can utter,
"ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS"

Help,
I'll say it
but only in my mind.
I need help,
but that
will never be said.
They go on,
while I'm slowly
losing control.
The pain I cause
on others,
I'll inflict on myself.
not for attention,
but as punishment.