We all have dreams.
Our personal nightmares take them away.
Then we get used to it
We dont dream at night anymore
The darkness keeps us in fear
We light candles.
In rooms that remind us of all we used to have.
Still holding, still waiting and then suffacating
So fractured, reacting, till we pack up and hide away
We lost faith
No God, no reasons just not believing
We had hope
But the world somehow won over and stole it away.
It's funny I inspired but now I'm left with nothing but tears
My crying, my hopelessness and lost years.
It gets better I say, and question that again
We all have choices to make or to take
Roads lead to demise or fate

Some of us
Seduced by the darkness
Manipilated by its power
Others
Addicted to the light
Praising with hands held high
We stand baffled
In midst of our choices
Neither makes sense
Neither is us
Neither one is the way

I just want to feel like i matter
But i dont.
Somehow i am spinning
But laying still.
He lies in bed while i cant sleep
I want to run from here.
How can love be so angry?
My heart beats
But i touch myself to learn i still exist.
Does this jealousy have an answer?
He rather confide in her
Leaving me wondering whats wrong.

We sit.
We wonder about possibilities
Counting them on our walls
Narrowing down their importance.
We linger far too long.
Missing what could have been.
So we stay there...
Sitting still.

I sit here eating a bagel.
Wondering how many calories are in cream cheese.
My eyes are 360 on this pedestal surrounded by books and humanity.
I see a man pick up a bible
He seems lost in his contemplating
Does he believe?
Will he believe?
It doesn't matter to me.
I'm happy with this bagel.
I'm satisfied by simplicity.

Blacken my heart
Capture my Soul
All these ways
And I don't know where.
Where to go?

Anger boils my core
Alone I wander
My heart beats softly
And I want to know why
Why it beats on?

Time continues to haunt me
Clinging to the past
It grips me tightly
And I need to know how
How I let go?

Am I found now?
No. Surely I am lost
My nature has left me
It tempted me with a place to go
It whispered why I am here
And then it told me to let go,
by giving into the pain.

I didn't want to listen
Just let me stay here with my questions.
It's comfortable having that control
It's peaceful to live within the known.

Breathe,
Please for the sake of your heart.
Stop yelling!
Stop digging your grave deeper.
He wouldn’t hear, even if I spoke louder than his anger.
The frustration is building.
His fear, his brokenness.

A man tortured by an illness
A life not lived,
a person not changed.
From the bottle
to the cigarette
to the stabilizer
Fifteen year chip and he’s still the same

A woman helpless to helping him
“What did I do she always asks?”
As if she is to blame for his outbursts
his anger that covers his depression and regret
She’s not a victim, she has a family that supports her
If she could find the strength after thirty years
Married under a church and steeple, for best or for worst
Well what about her best? her Worst?
What about his decaying health?

Someone just walk away
Is there anything worth saving?
Besides themselves?

My starlight captures only what is so deeply etched within my soul.
Phases twist me around till I collide with the earth.
The moon above with it’s devilish glow turns sideways.
I cannot be born again to behold such trickery.
This nature is so unforgiven.

I shake with chills over how it treats me.
From blurry faces to blood dripping from my fingers,
To babies laughs and caskets lowered to the ground.
You are cruel world - you deceive me.
When will you mean, when will you show, and maintain your beauty.
How old will I be when you no longer worship a sun?
What about us? We walk on your soil.
You and I belong

So touched by our stupid pity tragedies that you rain storms that sweep us away.
Why do you not long to know us?
For we are too small and you too well- overwhelming.
The tides roll in but you don’t reach us.
We sit on the sands and try to understand
Hope dwindles on you to look out for us
To be more than a sky of clouds.
The oxygen fills my lungs
I breathe and I breathe you in
But still- your nature breaks me again.