May you forever walk amongst faeries bathed with incandescent joy

(C) Pixievic 2016

As the minutes tick by
Languidly
Seconds taking hours
To reach their goal
I ask myself
Is he here?!

Standing alone in a sea full of faces
Seeking
People turning from my
Penetrating gaze
And I ask myself
Is he here?!

Eyes closing, inwardly searching
Breathing
Thwarting the **** of noise
Head against the wall
And I tell myself
He   is   here!

The countdown begins

Ten, nine, eight
Eyes open

Seven, six, five
Mind uncloaked

Four, three, two
Red wine smile plastered on

One ....
Go!

A quick prayer
No!

I do not care
He   is   not   here

Raising glasses, toasting in
The New Year
With new hopes and dreams
Untrodden - unbroken
I ask myself
Am I here?

The universe opens its arms
Embracing
Asking for wishes
Promising fulfilment,
And I ask myself
Am I here?

The old year is gone - mine to
Forget
I kiss it farewell
With no regret
And I tell myself
I      am     here!

And here               And here

                 Forever

                               Here


(C) Pixievic 2016

My
Words
Spoke
To your
Heart
          You said
I had a
Beautiful
Mind

I was
Flattered
I set down
My shield
Thought you
To be
Kind

You offered
          A drink
              A kiss
                  More......

Only then
After several
Hours of
Conversation
Did you tell me

In case it
'Made a difference'

That
Actually
You
Were
Taken

(C) Pixievic 2016

My face - it is natural
With a map of lines
Of life well lived
With plenty of wine
My body gave birth
To a gorgeous boy
It is soft & forgiving
There to enjoy
My ***** a pillow
To rest a head
(They get lost in my armpits
when I lie down in bed!)

I'd rather wear wellies
And dance in the rain
Than crippling heels
That cause nothing but pain
With the war paint of singles
Applied to my face
Concealing my feelings
My beauty misplaced
This is not me
These trappings of youth
A sheep in lambs clothing
It's just so uncouth


I am me
I am real
I will not pretend
Nor will I conceal
All of these things
That make up the girl
Who still kicks up her heels
And twists & twirls
Whose mind is a buzz
With words & rhymes
So I shall wait for a lover
Who's worthy of mine

I wear pants under my trousers
A vest under my shirt
Put on trainers to go running
Use a plaster when it hurts

I walk along the pavement
Put my ******* out in bins
Dunk a biscuit in my coffee
Pick up my mobile when it rings

I wash myself with flannels
Go out for a bit of nosh
And if you're spouting nonsense
I'll say you're talking loads of tosh

When I'm knackered I need sleep
I pay the bill after a meal
And if someone's in recovery
It just means they need to heal

I use a rubber for corrections
And when life becomes a drag
I pour a glass of vino
And roll myself a ***

Is weird this common language
I'm still learning the translation
And I thank you for your patience
While I change the situation

To learn the proper lingo
Is now my only quest
So bare with the girl from Blighty
As she tries to do her best!

(C) Pixievic 2016

That screaming banshee
That lives inside
Forever taunting
Feasting on insecurity
Devouring the good
Promoting the bad

Self blaming

The you're worthless voice
You'll amount to nothing
Who the hell told you you could do it anyway
You are I N S I G N I F I C A N T
Just a waste of space

The you deserve this voice
Take yourself away
Make room for the people who really matter
Where is your warrior now?
She has deserted you too
She was never really your ally......

Pull the pin

Just do it .......  

P  u  l l   T h e   P  i  n

Tick, tick, tick......

Wait!
A whisper
Heard like a faint echo
From across the desert
Breathing, pulsating, awake

Walk away from the cliff edge
Eyes open
To truly see
The monsters that live inside
Weeping
Let it out
Find it within
It's there
Hiding
Give it
Life
Love
And
Just be

(C) Pixievic 2016

For Ben

My heart breaks for you
My baby boy
Your world has fallen down
My soul cries out for you my love
I can't kiss away your frown
It's been an uphill struggle
But you are not to blame
I understand your life now
Will never be the same
One day I hope that you will see
That all of this is best
Until you do, it will be hard
It's one of life's cruel tests
You'll always be my baby boy
That will never change
My love for you grows stronger
Though dad & I are estranged
You do not need to choose
One of us to love the most
We will always love you
Remember that foremost
I wish it could be different
That we could have made it work
That your life did not have changes
That you had not been hurt
Please be kind to yourself my love
Do not let this be
The unmaking of your excellence
That I could not bare to see
I will always be here for you
I'll always be your mum
Forever loving you my love
In all the years to come

(C) Pixievic 2016

Dear God - are you there?
Dear God - are you listening?
Dear God - I need you

Dear God - have you left me?
Dear God - I can't hear you!
Dear God - I am alone

Dear God - what's he doing?
Dear God - I am frightened!
Dear God - this hurts!

Dear God - how could you?
Dear God - I was a child!
Dear God.... *******!

(C) Pixievic 2016

Your words used to thrill
Your words once held me tight, but
Now your words scream lies

(C) Pixievic 2016

Drinking cider
Late into the night
Then homemade *****
By candle light
Seemed such a
Wonderful idea

Until today

Alas I fear
My pile of paper
Will not shrink
The ***** dishes
Are still in the sink
The washing machine
Is far too loud
My head is firmly
In the clouds
The morning has
Just run away
I really wish
That I could stay
Curled up in bed
With nought but dreams
Navel gazing
In the sunbeams

Such Bliss......

But alas
I know I should
Move my ***
And get on
With things mundane
And really try
To engage my brain

Maybe

Just one more cup
Of coffee - black
Will wake me up
And some tunes
To dance around
Just in my pants
That pumping sound.....

No more of this
Up up she cries
I shall conquer
No compromise
In just a tick
Just one more minute
I'll will get up
And get on with it.....

And yet still
I'm here upon my bed
Making excuses
Just resting my head
And writing rhymes

But that won't do
Right
She's up!
Phew....

(C) Pixievic 2016

I sit in my comfy chair of denial - over thinking

(C) Pixievic 2016

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is weep

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is seep

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is ......
Keep
          going
  circles      round
          ­   in

(C) Pixievic 2016

Just minding my own business
Standing in a line
With a basket full of shopping
In a headspace that was mine
When suddenly a voice piped up

'What you cooking love?!'

And being kind
I turned around
And stood gazing from above ....

Upon a short & greasy man
Who's eyes were firmly fixed
To the swelling of my *****
He really was transfixed!
I cleared my throat and said 'hello'
In an attempt to raise
That shiny head with thinning hair
From it's penetrating gaze

'Well I'm cooking chicken'
I said without a beat

'That's a shame' came his reply
'coz I don't really eat meat'

'This is for my family'
My response was firm & clear

'So you're not inviting me then?'
He said - without raising an ear

'Well no not really'I replied
Turning my back again
And then tap tap upon my arm
Hard enough to cause some pain
And so being well bought up
I turned again to face
This strange companion in my wait
To get out of this place

'I think you're very pretty'
He said - not raising up his head

'Ummm Thank you' I returned
Whilst fiddling with my bread

'So you know what really bugs me?'
He spat with quite some venom
'This thing that girls have got
Wearing double denim...'
'And all of these tattoos they have
Do they really think
That men find it attractive?'

Well - I didn't stop to think

I slowly turned my back again
And quietly pulled down a sleeve
And removed my arms one by one
Not wishing to deceive
And revealed in all its glory
The ink across my back
And glanced across my shoulder
To watch his fast backtrack...

I wear my self expression
Emblazoned on my skin
I am inked & I am proud
I'm not going to keep it hidden
So my advice to you is this my friends
If a date is what you seek
Talk to my face
Don't be rash
And don't call me a freak!!

(C) Pixievic 2016

I look at her
And all I see
Is everything

That isn't me!

I thought it'd help
But I'm in pain
I didn't think
I'd cry again
But it hurts and hurts

The pain inside

I truly think
My heart has died

I know you thought
I didn't care
That it wouldn't cause
Me such despair
But oh how wrong
Can one man be
If only you
Had talked to me

Now romance blossoms
In your life
While I sit alone

Still your wife

One day in time
My turn will come
And I'll cease to feel
Broken and numb
But for now
I own my pain
And let the tears
Fall heavy again

I look at her
And what I see
Is that you'll never

Ever

Return to me

(C) Pixievic 2016

My head is saying walk away
My heart is saying stay, stay!

My head is saying what will be will be
My heart is saying please, love me

My head is saying all this will pass
My heart is saying I'm made of glass

My head is saying I don't need you
My heart is saying but I want you

My head is saying Vic get a grip!
My heart is saying

Watch out you'll slip
And fall into his arms
As soon as he turns on his charms
And drags you back into this hell
Where you'll be
Completely
Under his spell...

My head is saying Walk Away!
But still I stay
And pray
That perhaps
You'll change

One day......

(C) Pixievic 2016

You came to me
Cloaked in expression
Which echoed my very being
A shared understanding
Of an
Unforgotten history

Our words
Will forever unite us

With leaps like Salmon
We'll fight upstream
Goddesses now
Warriors
Queens

You are the rainbow in my cloud
Sunshine breaking through my scars
When I become unstuck
Your glue will anchor my heart

A smile sings in my soul
To know that you are there
My girl J
And me*

(C) Pixievic 2016

Tears of rage sting my eyes
       The anger burns inside
              I am used up, spent
                     I have nothing left
                          So I retreat behind my disguise

                                                (C) Pixievic 2016

I want my life back
With no interruptions
I want to be me
Without asking questions
I want to live my life
And not have to worry
I am me and me alone
I am tired
Of saying sorry!!

(C) Pixievic 2016

Love lies bleeding
Yelping incessantly
In its predominantly
Narcissistic
Grief

Love
Is
Torturous in its
Truth
Love does not guarantee for-
Ever afters

Comparatively
Unfailing, it
Never reveals its true
Tenacity

(C) Pixievic 2016

Lady Moon
You wax & wane
You play your game
With tide & mood
Emotions high
In cloudless skies
My pending thoughts
Become unglued

(C) Pixievic 2016

I am single - again
And a girl who has needs
So boys I beg you
To follow my lead
I have a mouth
That likes to be kissed
Softy and gently
It's not to be missed
Don't stick your tongue in
Like a pneumatic drill
Or **** on my face
Like a puppy on pills
My lips have nerves
That give me pleasure & pain
They like to be savoured
Not tugged on in vain
And my ******* ... Please don't pummel
It doesn't do much
They react much better
To a sweeter touch
Nor do my *******
Respond to twisting
I am not a radio
This will not make me sing!
A gentle squeeze
Or a kiss or a tickle
Will get you much further
I'm not being fickle
And boys.... I beg you
Now this is the worst ....
My ****** won't bite you
(Forgive my outburst!)
You might like to touch it
Caress it or play
I'm happy to guide you
If you lose your way
It's not just a place
For your **** to settle
Treat it with love and
You'll open my petal
Now, I'm not hard to please
But it's time this was said
And these aren't just my needs
To keep me in bed
For us single lasses
Who you want to impress
We don't care about income
Or the way that you dress
We want some attention
That shows that you care
There is no manual
Of this I'm aware
We're each of us different
But we'll tell you just ask
We'll show you the way
And keep you on task
It's about mutual pleasure
Believe me it works
And if you follow this guide
There'll be more perks
So boys please remember
If you promise me bliss
Be strong - be gentle
And start with a kiss!

(C) Pixievic 2016

Give life your hand
You'll be surprised where it takes you
Enjoy where you land
Push on and breakthrough
Trust in your soul
It's guidance will thrill you
Follow the wormhole
To experiences new
The universe waits
For those who will take it
Go find a playmate
And cradle their spirit
Kiss under the stars
And smile in the rain
Create your own memoirs
Own all your pain
Grab life with both hands
Embrace all it gives you
Obey it's commands
And twist with the corkscrew
Give life your hand
And love where it takes you
Enter the dreamland
And to yourself be true

(C) Pixievic 2016

Just because you're nice to me
Don't think that I don't know
I can read your thoughts so easily
Your intention is on 'show'
I've seen your eyes roam over me
Your stare it's like a prison
You've ****** me in your fantasy
So sure of a submission
Do you imagine I'll come willingly?
Your promise in your smile
You've planned it all so brilliantly
Engineered it with such style
But there's a flaw in your logic
And you forget my sweet
That I'm actually a person
Not just a piece of meat!
You assume your words will thrill me
Your banter's so contrived
You conclude that I can't fathom
That you think - therefore you've lied!
Besides you've got a tiny ****
It's written on the wall
By the last girl that you bedded
And then 'forgot' to call!!
I'm actually intelligent
A brain lies in my head
A fact you might acknowledge
If you want me in your bed
And so I'll not apologise
For my parting lines to you
"Go **** yourself baby -
Coz this girl ain't going to!"

(C) Pixievic 2016

I         Stand        Still
Motionless, in a kaleidoscopic tide of emotion
Spewing it's entrails
Demanding I take - notice
I tell it to

*******!

It is relentless in its desire to consume me
Like a - bad trip
Lucy in her Sky with
Demons

Surround yourself with love

                                              they say

Well love, can              
******* too!

I conceal myself within a cloak of exasperation
Majestic in its cynicism

And     I      stand     still

Rooted
Amongst the floating debris of dependency
In which my soul
Begs for escape

(C) Pixievic 2016

This is me
An embroidered creature cobbled together from fragments of history
Radiant
Brilliant
Bouncing around in this abnormality we refer to as life
Always seeking answers to questions that have yet to be asked
Unrestrained
Uncontrolled
Tirelessly looking for a way in
Chasing the wind over barren landscapes with threadbare trees waiting for sun kissed days - to be
Reborn
Rediscovered
A mythical being
Lost in legend with the remoteness of one long forgotten
Never finding myself
Forever locked in eternal seclusion
Waiting
Anticipating
Praying to unseen Gods for guidance who listen with deaf ears
Surrounded by happiness built on the fragile foundations of youth
Observing
Alert
Trying to find my own way
Of just being
Just being ....
Just being - me

(C) Pixievic 2016

Everyone has baggage
A suitcase from the past
It's how we choose to deal with it
That decides if it will last
Me - I have a steamer trunk
Bursting at the seams
Full of bits & pieces
Broken hearts & shattered dreams
Stuffed full of self objection
Self criticism & blame
Cloaked in dust & cobwebs
You can barely see my name
But now I shall unpack it
From the attic of my mind
Pull it out into the light
From the place it's been consigned
The lock is old and rusted
Battered from the sea
From the ashes of emotions
But I have a brand new key
And so I delve into its depths
Retrieving from the embers
Fragments of my past - that
It hurts me to remember
Old books, cassettes & letters
Hankies soaked with tears
The crumbs of old injustice
The mammoth bones of fear
I lay them out around me
And soak up all the pain
Seeing them with new eyes
Before I shut the lid again
Lurking in the darkness
Hidden underneath the rope
That I put there once to end it
Is a polished gem of hope
I grab it with both hands
Clasp it tight against my breast
This tiny piece of energy
Undetected in the chest
I shall put it in my pocket
And stroke it when I'm down
When my world closes in on me
It will soothe away my frown
Because now I own my baggage
It's no longer in the past
I have hope, self love & guidance
And this is set to last
Be un afraid my friends
Of those suitcases of old
That weigh you down, drag you along
Sheathed in grime & mould
Unpack them & rejoice my friends
Find the hope submerged inside
And love yourselves, like others do
And do it - with a sense of pride

(C) Pixievic 2016

Die hard hipsters
Wildly clinging to images of
Adolescence
Regaling epic fables
Lost inside **** infested minds
Grazing shoulders with the
Super cool young things
Franticly plunging ahead
Towards perceived sophistication
Bearded dudes
Heads cocked at a jaunty angle
Whiskey in hand, lust in their eyes
Confrontation
Just one sip away
Painted princesses
With ***** smeared lipstick and beguiling costumes
Stealing glances in the direction
Of anticipated adulation
Dreamy trumpets from bygone days
Colliding with breakbeats
Deliciously intoxicating
Shimmering
Across dance floors
Bodies blending
Contorting in need
Cheeks flushed
From a desire to complete
Glorious in their absurdity
Pretension festers
Brilliance diminished
Hidden within conformity
And a compulsion to submit
Its Friday Night
The pressure is on
To 'be seen'
Where intention is necessary
But the encounter
Is
Everything

(C) Pixievic 2016

In quiet contemplation
I sit & listen to the rain
Its gentle beat, its soothing tone
Then its torrent once again
It is a natural cleanser
That washes quite away
All these pesky feelings
That are so determined to stay

I wish I had another soul

To sit with here, who might
Enjoy the rain & like to share
This music of the night
But alas I sit alone
And listen once again
To the symphony outside my window
The throbbing singing of the rain

(C) Pixievic 2016

Waiting to Happen

Who is she?
This being
This life
In and out of existence with no real
Connection
A superficial exterior needed to shield
A crumbling, shattered spirit, hidden Underneath
There are no pieces
No fragments to paste together
Nothing inside but a void so deep it might never be filled
Be warned
This is a cruel and dangerous world
Where nothing is ever as it seems
I use words as weapons and then
For love
Other people's confusion will consume you
If you let it
When someone steals your soul
It is hard to find your way back
Retreat
Hide
Gaze out with a longing upon a fragile memory
Don't let the demons of insecurity
Feast on your dreams
Journey inwards with permission to see
Daylight
Rise again
From the ashes of reality on whimsical  wings
A masterpiece ......
Just waiting to happen

(C) Pixievic 2016