If you want to truly consider the light, you'll have to experience the dark.

Watching people play who could have the hardest heart is like a bunch of minnows pretending to be sharks until their lives are ripped apart by a real shark.

This is not a game, not a fairytale, this is the reality.

And until people start to humbly accept and live in that, we will continue to grow in our casualties.

Incognito was my game,
until no one could remember my name.

Drama free all of the time,
until lacking attention became a crime.

Crushing on a star in my eyes,
until it came and broke my skies.

Wishing everything was well,
but left alone in a forgotten hell.

Shedding petals pretty in color,
defined in their detail,
make art as they hover..

No tie to each other,
although they're connected,
one moves, all move,
cause they all get affected.

A part of the tree living life as a family.

But some fall and go shedding the tree,
what a tragedy.
To time cometh their woe and to woe comes great wisdom.

Some petals great,
others harsh,
but all are a part of the kingdom.

I held on to the foreshadowed results of a life without fun,
but all it took to change my mind was the warm light kiss that came from the sun.

Sometimes I focus on perpetually inevitable doom,
but often the time that's stolen by the trees,
petals,
and life around me that may bloom.

So if my woes are petals,
then so are my joys,
which some may shift and change,
and sometimes appear coy.

Because life is a place plentiful of joys and woes,
know,
like petals,
what comes will and eventually goes.

Wearing my cloak
made of gloom
watching the clock in my old room
fighting the lack of my dear soul
to build willpower to live life whole
Hope I don't choke
on my own bones
i'm tired of being so **** alone

but here i am in a dark room
watching the doom coming in its bloom
neon green numbers filling my eyes
i start to cry as i question why
my life *****
life just *****
what the ****
why does life **** so much
but no one can tell me
cause no one knows
and that's why i'm on my lone on my own
cause no one knows

no one knows
here i go
oh my gosh my soul

it's in pain
lacking gain
gloom in one hand
the left, insane

broken frame
life's a game
but without a story, so it's a shame
and that's the theme
that life's a shame
but its all okay cause it's a dream


or a nightmare a night terror

I leave it open
but can't you tell
usually, I'd wonder
did i fail, to make you want to
to really care
trying to break borders
so we can sail
but we're off too far from the shore
hope we don't crash
and the waves come to attack the core
so we can't bother
it won't last

but i don't close it
I never will
wish i could but waters come and swell
they never fade they say
just move away
to come back and play with us
another day
And may being so open
won't hold much pain

i just don't want this to decay
it's open so come back to play, okay

All of the wars I have faced
Lone as a body in its case
Opened in regret and all alone
No one to love me that's known
Even the dead cry when there's no home

As lost as a deer in a forest
Don't shed a tear when my heart is gone
Not even the weeping of a chorus
There is not a vain word on my tongue
But the green can only find words that are ****
And I may sob till it hurts my lungs
But won't ask for any restart

For this tale ends not in my power
And when it'll end, I may not come to know
So my soul will never know to cower
Yet instead it will come to eventually glow.

I'm finding it hard to go to sleep
I lost my farm animals, i'm absent of sheep
Finding light is a gamble on a path coated in the night
A battle against the demons and mind, a war i'm forced to fight
Tears streaming down, silently waiting to die
Can't tell you why I sit here and uncontrollably cry
As the dirt comes from land to sink dust back in time
I lose to the curse and lose something so dear of mine...

..And now i'm in bed, sobbing, because...i'm not fine.

I've come to see that there are many realities
processed and programmed in our beings
leaving us all thinking so many things

As deep as the deep of the deepness of nothing
and as something full as the thoughts that are coming
in the vastness of ripples our thoughts craft in shuffles
Some as sweet and as a warm as a chocolate *** truffle

But what's deeper than this and even more of true bliss
something right to the gist and nearly like a kiss

It's love and that is always underestimated
It's the deepest thing needed and the more powerful thing rated.

Honestly, I don't know
Some dead and numb, and some left to sew
Cold sweats in this chaotic energy flow
I don't believe I've ever been in a place so low

Does the moon depress when the sun shines its light
When the tides collide like they're all ready to fight
In a darkened world coated by our human blight
There's no fixed star or light to guide me through this hellish night

When did reality start to feel like it became a game
Losing loved ones, like money, as if they both were the same
If bad luck gave attention, guess I'd be drowning in fame
Lacking grip to my sweating, can't tell if I'm really sane

I'm not well, i'm so lost, losing to this circle of hell,
A pattern stuck onto me, maybe i'm stuck to a spell
A world of hurt doesn't shock me, it's where I usually dwell
I wish I could provide better, but i'm broken, can't you tell

If hallow bones could make me fly I'd go so high,
I'd break the sky
But here I lie, upon my bed, staring so far inside my head,
wishing that I could just be dead,
hearing the things that I once said,
Rapidly falling into a sea, as black as coal and misery,
avoid me like I am the plague, I lack the energy to even beg.

I just want to go back in time, to give my mom a hug, in person and not in just in my mind.

Is it me la
Is it you la
What a world I wish I knew la

l al a lala la lal alallallaaaalllaallalcall

I peep a spy watching for clues
Follow me, am I dying
A want to grin but i'm crying
I feel myself getting so ill

Well what's the point of even trying
Hahaha shun you all
Green to blue to black and all
From pink to green to red to blue to black to clear to weird and fall

I feel like where I go I solo
who wonders what that is that wallows

I don' like this feeling filling, festering inside of me.
A boiling juice of jaded envy, too much of it to really see.
I've not a home where I exist but call me crazy, you'll insist,
I feel alone in all of this, but when I share, I'm just dismissed.
Black cat in a field of gold, my lore is just a timid gist.

I had a dream that impending doom was right around the corner.
Waiting to ****** up my mortal life.
And no one would notice I disappeared.

What a world we live in...that I could experience that and not feel shocked.

The day was going so well until I got smacked in the face by a soccer ball...

And what makes it worse is that I felt it coming.

yeah, that's my life.

A cascade of moods flush my seemingly eternal slumber,
Reminding me that I am, in fact, alive.
Although, I don't feel very alive, latched to cumber.
A battle where winning is something to strive.
A game of trials where I battle alone.
No amount of pleading will change me my fate.
Something's hunting for my soul until it is gone.
It's hard to walk humbly in a world full of hate.

I'm watched by bystanders who relate but hide.
To make me feel alone, excuse it with pride.
You must have people, so for that, you are wrong.
They tell themselves this 'til I've broke and I've died.
I question their motives, now that I'm a ghost.
How could someone love so **** selfishly cruel?
You love for some people, yet in that, you boast.
They're hypocrites, and I love like a fool.

If I'm deep but raw, i'm not heard at all.
If i'm shallow and disguised, i'm neither loved or despised.
If I'm like everyone else, I don't feel better when I'm my self.
Because I live in a world that rejects me.
I feel like a robot, stuck behind a glass screen.

I saw it look at me,
And, then fled,
Something, as scary, as they all said,
So I followed it into the woods,
Cause if you had a brain, you would.

I gently, tip-toed, over the stuff,
A branch, some boulders, some weak, some tough,
Until I saw a shadow nearby,
I knew they would never tell a lie.

They said it would eat me if I am near,
Take me captive so no one would hear,
And they all had a play in all this,
Now here I am in the woods with it.

It noticed me and then it stretched out,
Laid on its stomach, a friend, no doubt,
To let me pet it and without fear,
So that's what I did when I got near.

Now when I visit, I call its name,
"Osten" for ostensible, the same,
My friend, my ally, my companion,
Who would have known it'd be a dragon?

Silent widow dancing down the street

Lucid weather warmer than the heat

Cheerful mornings gently play like dreams

It's a haunting, scarier than the sea


If stars may fall let them drown us

A light pool of hope and of trust

A story of a wonderful delight

Something we all want to indulge in the night.

Hey over there, with the wild unruly hair.
Do you ever wonder why this world is so very unfair?
Is it's clearness so foggy and it's foundation soggy?
Does your hope make you groggy when the ground feels so boggy?

Listen here, my sweet and fragile dear.
Even a bird of hollow bones can sense that aura of fear.
But it is okay, for this is why you are so sane.
A world that was fair would just ruin this game.

Have you ever felt good, when you conquered a challenge?
When everyone else seemed to have found their allonge?
Yet you had to go further to leap over the hurdle.
And when you leaped out they all soon turned into turtles.

It's a game my dear, but a game of what's there.
When did the game master ever say that this game was fair?
Now put on your shoes, and make this your campaign.
And you will never ever look at the game the same.

You can tell someone
Your whole
Life
Story...




And all they heard was the mistakes you made and who was involved in it.


You can tell someone that you loved them, and all they hear is the regrets they feel about their past.

Meet him
Spill your life onto him
Watch his face
He'll say it's okay
Watch him walk away
He's been gone since that day.

Met her
Keep to your self
Here she comes
How are you today
Everything is okay
She'll eventually fade away.

All on your own
You feel the dread in your bones
They don't know what this feeling's like
Triggers and alone, and you want to die
Crying yourself to sleep
Get ready to repeat.

I just want you to ask me if I'm okay.
But when I tell you my heart, you look away.
Don't get nervous when I try to disappear.
I just don't know what it is that you fear.

If diamonds are in the rough,
Then I guess our connection is full of them.
Our genre is a heartbreak if this was our final film.
It's like we're playing a game to find out what to say.
But if you don't see it, my voice has left me today.

I just want you to help me not to decay.
But you act like i'm a fire to your spray.
As Autumn sheds its leaves that fly through the coast.
I just can't help feeling like i'm a ghost.

I just can't help...feeling like i'm...a ghost.

Why do we lie
When we panic
Say I love you
Then yell **** it
We choose neglect
And that's tragic
It's a secret
Little habit
Falling so down
Just to wake up
In a limbo
We can't make up
Living a life
Mimic a game
It's deja vu
It's all the same...






In the end

There's this weight that numbs my entire body.
I rarely ever feel awake enough to call for someone.
Smiling here and there, winging my existence.
Attempting to attempt to go with the unpredictable flow.
It's stripping the lives I invest in, bankrupting me of any connections.
Isolated by everything but darkness, seeping in, like an infection.
Neglected and forgotten, oh no, there goes my monophobia.
Rapidly repeating this cycle of depravity, what a f*cking tragedy.
My fortune is as fortunate as living but being brain dead.
Instead of ever really feeling here, disconnected, stuck in bed.
Like this evil aura projects a demon over the body of a moth.
I'm being abused by something, blinding me, i'm lost.
I'm no one's friend, no one's love interest, no one's first choice.
Not that I want that, but I only really ever just wanted love.
But the one thing I wanted, when I could have wished for anything,
Is the one thing that constantly gets taken away from me...
I just don't want to feel alone, forgotten, on my own...
There goes my monophobia...anxiety is elevating.
I don't have panic attacks, so where does it all go?
Building up an evil to consume my soul?
Trapped in a life built on feeling like a fool, not too good not so bad.
I want to scream, let my tears stream, but I feel stuck.
In the end, I can't even cry, I just move on...
And it laughs, playing with it's little brittle fingers
Watching me break and mold until I'm cold and too old
Like a moth with it's wings ripped off at birth with the wish to fly.
This evil thing is using me as a sacrifice and it wants me to die.

There's that lingering tension
Think this restriction's commissioned
Feel that strong impending doom
Coming for us on a mission
Some of us shrug it all off
And other's bulk up and guard
Can't decide what we should do
But we know we cannot charge
Are we to wait for defeat
Will we have some type of chance
Or should we just go retreat
This isn't our type of dance
This feeling doesn't feel right
As if the world might explode
Yet for some reason, I grin
Who knows what the future holds

if
im
not
deep
enough
happy
enough
sad
enough
intelligent
enough
qu­iet
enough
funny
enough
black
enough
white
enough
gay
enough
stra­ight
enough
masculine
enough
feminine
enough
strong
enough
edgy
e­nough
poetic
enough...






am I enough...

I try not to get tongue-tied when I glare at the obvious wrongs before me...

I cannot continue to constantly cry because I bleed my words out for no inspiring reason.

Wondering why we wake up and try to live our lives surrounded by people who tiptoe on their words, stepping onto those that they think they're superior over, I included...

But beyond myself, will anyone else be bold and brave enough to say what I just said?

Or instead, glance by, unphased until your dazed by the fact that you had a chance and yet you blew it, bombed it, tragic

Sad, yet, longly lost and losing hope in humanity, for the humanity that brings hope seems to be from a different reality

Dead or distant, but both are fiction to the now and the present, attendance is key, but if you're gone, or gone, you can't say that you belong when you and I know that's wrong...


In the end, no one wins, because instead of fighting together for something better, we separate, isolate, and we hate, just because we want to control something...sometimes..

leading to nothing...
Fun things burning behind the masks people love shining
Thinking it's better to be fake than to say fake
Even though lives are at stake...

...
And yet I bet I'm right.
People don't want meaning anymore that isn't repetitive
for even if it was repetitive, someone would find something to wrong, linking to a sedative

Sleeping soundly, waiting for the world to end
But what will you do if it already is
Pretend to not care and destroy your whole life
Cutting up your story into pieces with lies lining your knife...

In the end...it always restarts again.
No change, so how can we even win?

I am not air.
Don't neglect me, but also acknowledge my presence.
Don't take me for granted, and use me as a way to avoid others.
I am not water.
I am not here to shower you with energy.
I am not here to be polluted with your bs.
I am not dirt nor rock.
Don't assume i'm easy to kick around.
I have my bugs, but that doesn't mean i'm unappealing.
You will not walk over me, damage and destroy me for your own interests.
I am not fire.
Although, I may have a temper, don't assume I'll burn you.
I can be warm, but don't take my warmth for granted.
I am not your element.
But I am your friend.

If you learn to love me as who I am, our bond may never end.

I'm not a monster
But I can be trouble
So I don't need people
To come and burst my bubble
But who wants to be alone
You monsters love playing games
Can you not wait till I am gone
To start giving me cruel names
From family to "friends" till we start over again
Why does it want me to suffer so
All I wanted to do was try to blend in
But here I am left empty in a one-man show
Often I'm writing, and I'd rather not be
Constantly wondering if this is meant to be reality
Begging for someone something to change this ending
I'd hate for the only love I get to be when someone is sending.
But I can't say that I don't get love and life
It's just I'm not fond of the distant love that's out of sight
So, be blunt and listen to my hone cry for you to come home
Cause I don't want to be here in this darkness all on my own.

If you saw the lyrics of the song you listen to before you heard it wonder if you'd care about it as much.

Dancing alone in a park of roses
A wonder this crazy mentality
Say yes, ok, I'll be alright
And swim in an ocean of tears I seeped

A wonderful somberland full of glumbugs
A ditzy blue fogged tragedy
Prickled the maze of roses galore
I've already hit max capacity

Combustion is safer than coldly lingering
But some of us beg to differ
I wished people could just be brutally honest
Even if it ended with me under a trigger

Never asked to be popular
But he does want to be heard
Cause he won't like being attended to
Only when he's no longer able to even produce a word

Full of false fortunes
In a world of many lives
Crafted by selfish innuendos
Pretending that in this we thrive

Busted broken fallen towers
Crashing collapses decorating his broken shell
Shame the story of the advocate
Always ends with his casket and not a single tear that fell

But the thriving will say that they did their best
Even though they only felt him detestable
Claim it how you will, they've shunned him
And now this silence has become reciprocal.

Hello,
To the wave of emotions
Pulling me onto the bay on a gray and stormy day
Who would have known that the bay would be quicksand
Sinking quickly, of course, but there to save, not a single hand

Woke up, it was a dream
But this reality is much similar on gray days like this, closer than they seem.

I want you to talk to me
But you're shutting me out
Like the world does with impending doom

But do you think that it's helping
Cause if you do, I bet you've doubt
You're not the only person in this expanded room

I'm here, waiting, with my arms open wide
When you come to me, and I comforted you, don't be surprised
I only want you to feel love, joy, and cared for

I will never leave you to fight the battle alone
Because I've been living in this world as a ghost all on my own
I am forever your best friend, and I am your ally in this war.

Some of the best moments in life are done alone.
Don't worry if at this moment you're on your own.
Let that silence be a peace to your beautiful ears.
Cherish this lack of entropy in a world bounded by fear

Desperately grabbing on to imaginary safety, hoping that maybe
just maybe, they'll save me.

This is no virtual reality, but it's hard to see reality when the fast pacing of ghosts and goblins are racing to neglect you as if you weren't ever here, to begin with...

This endless stress I'm feeling is a confession of my LACK of pity
because I feel like it's fitting for this circular way of ending

Spinning in this pattern
Fending for myself on an endless pasture
Demons and shadows, I call those the normal
Opposing humanity that lacks reality
Blinded by the constant wall we bring together
Formally restraining the legs, because we think it's better

"What's the weather"
A constant concoction of tales and tallies for the repeating day
Like a feather, the weight of these lifeless questions couldn't keep the ocean at bay

"What else is there to say"

It's not about what you say that will matter anyway,
Although the power of words is often underestimated,
Keep in mind whom invests in you and what you say,
For those will be you're biggest assets and liabilities.

But if you insist, say what you value, and value what you say,
Because your actions will amount to what comes from them at the end of the day,

Constantly tiptoeing over words like an ***, drunk and stumbling over grass

We value the past, abusing it until we've drained it of any real mass it once had, excusing what we do, based upon the past

Forgetting that the past is so close yet fastly becoming the last player in this race in time,

What kind of journey must we take to pick what we say, what we do, what we feel, what we value,

giving our value to ourselves, excusing someone else's hell and making it about an experience that we still dwell on,

our experience

forgetting the rotating reality around us never really rotated around us, but it around it, around it, which we are apart of, silently sending chaos into its sight as we see fit


fright...we should feel because this multiple concoction of words is really a riddle, hidden message, pleading for safety, which may never come, fiddling my thumbs as I write this passage,

Paving a plea that may one day be seen and actually pondered...
Or maybe left, neglected, as expected, not graced even lightly with another soul's wonder.

Yes, Katy, I've felt like a plastic bag, drifting in the wind, wishing to start again.

Being a firework sounds great, but sounds kind of...temporary, ya know?

I felt like a ghost, drifting every coast, wishing the solitary would end.

I'd rather fade the light of the sun in the sky and show my shine, you'd recognize that I'm a starry sky

Bigger than the view in your eyes
I'm always here, but I don't always shine

Sometimes the shadow behind me is larger than me, but i guess, go figure
Seemingly empty, I stare in the mirror, I want to feel like a winner
Trying to go back in time in my head causing mental butterfly effects
Like falling dominos, I get knocked over, over and over again
Building a picture from past mistakes, wisdom crafted like it is glass
As I ******* freedom and then I pay with my life, I feel as though my life is always moving way too fast

Sitting somberly wondering if anyone can see me
Seen and forgotten, lost and already rotten
Questioning my value over some **** that I salue
And chilled over by the journey of the lone

Don't call it to pity to acknowledge that I've always journeyed on my own
A solo campaign is the only life I was pretty much only shown.

Have you ever felt unheard
But felt that you were being watched
Cause that's how I'm feeling right now
My mood is colors that are splotched
I'm not saying oh woe is me
But I hate no one sees the woe
A game of tag over the sea
Alone, because no one would show
They say loneliness can create
A second copy of your soul
But this one is much gloomier
And where a heart should be, a hole

Distant dolly
Dancing alone
Till she's falling
And she is gone
When she's spotted
The Game begins
Hear that calling
Don't let her in
Why's she crying
Do not be tricked
She is trying
To get you sicked
On by polly
Her teddy bear
He that pulls out all of your hair

oh im falling
faster faster
all again
the life i had started to dim
spinning spinning until i've said
its time for me to go to bed
when did time start to fly on by
causing my words to slur as i
cry in my hands and sink in sand
that leads no place better than land
a flock of a feather will die together
the wings they used to fly will teather
I lost my self blinded by tears
and fears
sheer till i drown in beer
im scared
i have no where
alone
a soul drifting till it is gone

One kiss upon a star
Wrap my tune in a charm
I just want to feel whole
Please erase this twilight
No peace in this world
Cease this world of harm
Planet come down, please
Wonder when this hell will freeze