The release,

Adrenaline,

Addictive,

Fuelled,

Fired,

Final.....

The weekend clock is ticking down,

Soon all will be done,

We wish we'd tried much harder,

From when the weekend had begun.

I looked straight through her,

Ghostly presence,

Too thin,

All skin,

Draw features,

Cold,

Scarred,

Scared,

Was this who,

Raised me,

Happy mothers,

Sorry sons.

I sit and look,

Indifferently engaging,

People pass by,

Mindless cadavers,

Seeking more,

Having less,

Racing to mortality.

Never been a clever talker,

Not known to hold my tongue,

Once it gets in motion,

I'm in trouble before long

I look the same,

As you,

I look the same,

As yesterday,

I look the same,

As you envisioned,

I look the same,

As ever,

I look the same,

You stopped looking,

I look the same,

Wrong, look again.

No longer is it shackled,

Nor kept quiet in a cage,

It's time to feed the monster,

To now, release the rage.

Iced blood, like syrup seeps out,

From self cut arms and veins,

I never thought I'd make it,

Perhaps my life, my pain

I met a lovely butcher,

His shop was such a treat,

He joked and smiled and all the while,

Cut up some chunks of meat.

Tuesday mourning morning,

It's cold and wet again,

How can it be that clouds can cry,

For more and more March rain

A momentary lapse of thought,

Missed opportunity,

I miss a still and peaceful mind,

The chance to simply be happy.

I'm too tired,

To sleep,

Devoid of energy,

Yet energised,

Fraught with worries,

Downed by despair,

I am too tired,

To sleep.

I look to make things better.

Don't quit 'til my last breath,

But on true reflection,

I'd be better choosing death.

I have no

Responsibilities,

Looking into my own eyes,

I see,

Hollows,

Unkept,

Unloved,

Disillusioned,

Soulless and cold,

Staring back,

I wonder what he thinks,

Looking at me,

Probably sees failure,

Well, at times I even fail,

Failure.

Another day,

All's (un)well.

A life that is much simpler,

Without sorrow, without pain,

Maybe I should pull the plug,

And look to start again.

Too many seek out all,

Wanting more than they have got,

Happiness is not volume,

It's being content with your lot

Please do not feed the demons

As you step inside my mind,

For their hunger is insatiable,

They'll eat any(one)thing they find.

For a moment I thought it had gone,

My mind it seemed quite clear,

But no, it sat just waiting there,

My companion, ever near.

I close my eyes and hope for,

A long and lasting sleep,

From which I'll never come to wake,

It's a secret that I keep

The other side of forever,

We could have shared the view,

Now I am sat here just dying,

Instead of there with you.

Not on food I choke,

On words,

Thoughts,

Memories,

Recalled to me,

Like a catalogue of disasters,

I choke,

Because I miss you,

Yet you never knew I cared,

I choked

I tried to tell you,

And now,

Now I choke on pills,

And you'll never know.....

Cold shudders that then crunch the bones,

Fingers numb, shaped bent by pain,

Unable to now hold an eye,

I wish for time again.

I cannot change the words I've said,

The acts or reacts too,

But simply put, my mouth my foot,

At all times I love you.

She stood, she smiled, I melted,

Then suddenly she left,

My heart could barely beat again,

My life, my love, bereft

She stood, she smiled, I melted,

Then suddenly she left,

My heart could barely beat again,

My life, my love, bereft

I seek only validation,
For everything I do,
Yet expectations's crippling,
In my pursuit of you.

We sit and stare through windows,

Hoping tales they will begin,

But have we ever thought that they,

Are outside looking in?

We fear the things we cannot see,

Or things we think we hear,

A moment though of clarity,

Shows all we fear, is fear.

Crisp and crunchy Thursday morning,

The grass it seems to gleam,

The birdie bath is frozen deep,

The fence, well I see steam.

I am known by the people I love,

Not loved by the people I know,

For I am not a performer,

Nor am I part of a show

My mind lies tattered on the floor,

Feeling lost, catching a chill,

A broken soul, a blackened heart,

For I'm mentally ill.

Struggling to fight each day,

Cold biting from inside,

Would the World even blink,

Had he just simply died

A silence that is deafening,

I question what I've done,

Which is strange as I am sat alone,

A company of one

Looking inward for an answer,

I am weakened by the the task,

A darkness just envelops me,

Yet for help I'll never ask.

When I sit and softly question,

The place where I belong,

I labour to convince myself,

That I've done nothing wrong



It's not in the steps I've taken,

But deep inside my mind,

I'm a lost soul that is struggling,

Searching for hope, I cannot find.

Ideas that fall from deep within,

Appear upon the page,

The need to write, to speak to feel,

From happiness to rage.

The gloom that clouds our Monday,

Cast shadows 'cross our hearts,

We toil at tasks that we despise,

Whilst our loved ones are apart.

The gloom that clouds our Monday,

Cast shadows 'cross our hearts,

We toil at tasks that we despise,

Whilst our loved ones are apart.

A broken heart,

A shattered will,

No happiness,

From dispensed pill.

A clouded mind fogged by wine,

Thoughts slower than before,

I know that I have had my fill,

Yet reach for just one more

I shall never seek perfection,

It's not something I'll attain,

For even though, As we all know,

Imperfection is a strain.

Too many times I've failed to act,

Too many times sat still,

To find myself alone too much,

Too cold to feel the chill