Let's say black because they say white
Let's stay awake because we should sleep at night
Let's smile because we should cry
Let's never forget to question why.
Let's walk because they said run,
Let's not talk because silence cannot be undone.
Let's go left because they said right
Let's stay awake because we should sleep at night.

Today is the yesterday that you'll regret throwing away tomorrow.

When you are greeted,
With a shell of an
Old wrinkly man,
Do not forget the person i am,
Please try to understand,
That i am not the deep curves within my skin,
The fullness in my laughter
That has started to wear thin
Please try to look within.

Handle me with patience,
Tenderness, love and empathy,
Handle me gently.

When you brush my hair,
Please do not rush,
And if i speak in riddles,
Please do not hush,
What may not appear to make sense,
This change I'm going through is
So very intense.
When you take my body,
Dress it with care,
There is still life
Resonating there.
If I soil myself
And your left to clean up the pieces,
Please try to do so,
In a way that irons out the creases,
Of shame and self blame.
And if i forget my name,
Please understand the pain,
Of the knowledge
That i will never be again,
The same.
The knowledge that my body and my brain,
Don't quite work the way they used to.

When you see me cry,
Do not try to deny me
Of my dignity,
Be calm, be patient,
Have empathy,
Grieve with me, at the loss of each memory, the person,
I used to be.

Do not forget though my speech may be
Inconsistent and slow,
And i may have difficulty with
The ability to chew and swallow.
That these difficulties,
Do not show,
The things i have achieved,
The family i conceived,
The fresh air that I've breathed,
In many different destinations,
And when you get cross with my hesitations,
Because my actions due to my complications,
May be a little all over the place,
Do not forget,
That embedded within the space
The walls of my mind,
Lies a whirlwind of memories and dreams, left behind.

When you look at my pictures,
My photos, my life,
You will see a successful man,
With three kids and a wife.
Young girl, I've battled inner strife,
For almost 90 years,
But nothing warrants tears more,
Than becoming a widow,
Not recognising your own shadow and reflection
Living in a mind
That screams rejection,
Realising your body is no longer your own,
Being moved into a care home,
Where the phone doesn't ring,
Where the birds no longer sing,
And you feel like giving in,
Every single day.
And people constantly say,
How you're turning old and frail,
That your body is aging and turning pale,
And every task you do,
You feel like you fail.
And young lady,
I ask you,
Please be kind,
And remember all i have said,
As i unravel and unwind,
These cognitions within my head.

And if in time you begin to find,
A snippet of the old me,
Hold it carefully,
In the palms of your hands,
For the sands of time,
Are slipping too quickly,
Through mine.

So when you are greeted with a face,
With wrinkles so deep,
You could bury your own fears in them,
Please treasure me for all that I was
And all that I am
I am human, I am a man.

I remember the first night we kissed
The feeling of fireworks
Erupting on my lips
Of electricity pulsing through your fingertips
Tracing down my hips
To the curves of my spine
The standstill of time
As your eyes looked deeply into mine
And you drew the words i love you with your hot breath
And stamped them
Beneath my rib cage.

My free spirit got swept away by the wind
i haven't been the same since.

Mental illness does not define us,
we define it.

My mind is a hurricane,
my tongue a tsunami,
A natural disaster
But that's okay
because you told me
nature was beautiful
and I've never wanted to believe anything more.

I wrote you a love letter today,

If you listen close enough
You'll hear the gentle drumming of my heart beat
Inside the envelope.

Don't drop it.
Open it gently.

Inside you will find
Chemical solutions, black
Ink on a page, a heavy handed mass
Of words, slotted carefully between each other,
Lines saturated in love.
Hand crafted works of art
An attempt to articulate and communicate
The fires you send swimming through
My veins, the tsunamis you send
Tripping of my tongue.

Scribbled confessions of just how much my body aches for your touch.

Don't drop it.
Open it gently.

It is yours.
It has always been yours.
I have always been yours.

Nobody takes a picture of regrets they wish to forget.

Darling, you need never feel blue,
I'll slice up the sun
And serve it on a platter for you.

How captivating it is
To watch the sun who was told she must love the sky, to defy, because despite the questions why, she knows it feels right, so she kisses with all her might, with all in sight, the earth every single night.

I awake in the morning
Her head on my chest
Her scent clings tightly to my vest
And I wish her the best for the day ahead.
Whilst we lay in bed
As she leaves towards the door
I playingly  plead for a kiss,  just one more
The sheets part between us
Two women from Venus.
Her smile shoots through my veins
As I lay in the remains
Of the love and laughter we'd just shared
Tranquil and watch her exit
Our house, our home
I pick up my phone
And tell her
Just how much I love her.
Just once more.

2013 ©

And you,
you are gold dust,
scattered perfectly,
Between the seams
of my existence,
And you sparkle and shine,
withstand the tests of time,
As you listen and remind me,
Your love is irrevocable,
Unstoppable,
And i,
I am incapable,
to withhold, your insatiable,
burning light,
you put the stars to shame
And the world to rights
As you glitter and i hold you tight,
In fright of you slipping through the cracks,
In my heart,
Where others have took pieces,
Left their mark.
And you, you take these
frayed seams,
These broken dreams and sow
Together something unbelievable,
Inconceivable.
And i hold you in my hands,
sifting the idea,
of no expectations or demands.
You form a safe landing,
With you i am standing,
on the edges of the shore,
Always left wanting more,
and your eyes they soar,
through my veins,
as you demolish the remains
of my past,
And i pray, this isn't too good to be true,
I pray this will last.
And you free me,
Your understanding, your loyalty,
allow me to be, all i can be.

And you,
You tell me Im a beauty,
But all that i am,
Darling,
I owe to thee.

Her lips, her eyes, her her hips, her thighs, the beauty she holds within, the touch of her skin
more addictive than ******.

When we were younger
We'd sit and play for hours
With dolls and beads and flowers
With toy cars and train tracks
And at the end of the day
We'd pack them away and put them all back.
We'd go down by the river
And laugh and shiver
And joke about growing old
Little did we know
What was about to unfold

As we grew older, the fires inside of us, began to smoulder,
The shoulders we'd come to rely on
Started to decay
As we made our way, into the world
Suddenly the dolls came to life
As our dreams of becoming a husband, a wife
Started to sour.
The beads formed nooses around our necks
As we began to lose our innocence
To drugs and ***.
The flowers shrivelled up and died
As we sat and cried our own rivers to drown in.
And those pretty little halos and silver tin crows
That used to iron out our frowns
S
   l
      i
        p
           p
             e
               d,
as we d i p p e d our toes into adulthood.
The toy cars crashed,
As we smashed head on, in a collision with reality.
And there was so need to plead
For the box with our train track toys
Because the little girls and boys inside us
Had died long ago.

And besides
We drew our own tracks up and down our wrists
And straight through our hearts.
As we began to realise
We were running out of
Fresh starts and new beginnings.

When you crash into the depths of hell
It's only natural that
You scream, you cry, you hurt,
You burn.

And it's only natural
That it takes you awhile
To get used to the flames licking
Around your feet,
As you finally admit defeat.
It's only natural
That it take you a while,
To learn how to smile,
As you burn around the edges
And sometimes your very core.
It's only natural
That you cannot walk before you crawl
And that you cannot fly
Unless you risk the fall
Risk it all.

It's only natural that
As much as it scolds, eventually
You'll learn how to handle the heat
That you'll adjust and trust
Eventually you'll get used to the pain
And learn how to sustain and attain
Normality again,
As you take one step and then another
As you learn to
Place one foot in front of the other
Walking with the scars
You thought would never heal.
It's only natural, to hurt, to feel,
That's what makes us human,
What makes us real.

If you listen carefully enough you can hear her voice break as her words smash off the rocks of her insecurities.

As I lay on your chest
I hear the soft beating beneath your vest
Of my my favourite lullaby.

I want to feel your fingers slip up my vest, feel your hot breath dancing down my chest.

I want my pillow embedded with memories of you that put fantasies and dreams to shame. I want scents, moans, tastes engrained.

I want my naked skin weaved around yours, I want to leave claw marks along your spine as you beg for more, smash your palms into our headboard.

I want to feel your legs shake, as I start an earth quake inside of you, that'll leave you quivering for days.

One look from her
Could erupt the moon
And ignite an entire city of stars
Didn't I tell you?
Sunshine spills from her lips
Every time she smiles.

Losing you proved harder than
I'd ever imagined.
So I took the memory
And pretended it never happened.

I buried you,
In the corners of my smile,
And hid you in the gaps between my teeth,
And every once in awhile,
I shone you,
In an attempt to conceal my grief.

I bottled your scent,
And put it in my pocket,
I captured those enchanting eyes
And placed them in my sockets.
I tuned your name into the beats
Of my heart,
I sewed you perfectly, into me,
So as not to tear myself apart.

I took that warm touch of yours,
And carried it in my hands,
I took that soothing voice,
And placed it into bands,
That I laced through my hair,
So when my levels of despair
Reached boiling point,
I'd never forget, that you were there,
That you had always cared.

I took your reassuring grasp,
So I'd never walk alone,
I kept your number,
Tucked neatly in my phone.
I took your kind and gentle ways,
And reinforced them to myself
As the days,
Passed by.

People told me I should start to let go
And I simply replied
With the answer of no.
Because letting go,
Means losing all of you,
And call me crazy,
But that I could never do.

When we make love,
her tongue recites
and brings to life
the sweetest of poetry
between my thighs,
just below my hips,
stumbling beautifully
from her cherry red lips.

Without even trying
She commands my attention
Her body and mind
The worlds most beautiful inventions
And I have every intention
Of showing her
Just what a masterpiece
Every inch of her
Is.

When every bone in your body aches to be relieved through death, When it hurts to breathe, when the thoughts and ideations of self harm cut you deeper than any blade could and the thought of suicide is one of hope not fear, when the burdens you bear are so heavy you feel them weigh every inch of you down, when you wake up with regret that you made it through another night, when you feel like you're drowning in the millions of tears that have parted from your eyes, and yet you march on anyway, you throw away the pills, you put down the blade, you pick up that fork of food and you eat, you don't turn to a bottle or drugs, you dig deep within yourself for the fight you swore you had run out of months ago and you carry on with life, that is the rawest and most admirable strength there is.

And those pretty little firefly's
that used to illuminate
the sockets of your eyes
must have been soaked up by your crys
must have fizzled out and died,
inside of you.
Because there's no longer
that burning light
that used to ignite a room
And put the stars to shame.
And since they died out,
you haven't been the same.

And honey, i can try to ignite them again,
With all i have,
But I've done all i can do
darling the match lies in you.

You made me feel as though I was wrong
For needing air in my lungs
Love in my heart and
Reassurance somewhere inbetween.

Too often, our hearts are stolen, snatched, hands forced beneath our rib cages and bones shattered as they leave our chests.

But not her

She was different entirely.

I loved being in love with her
Often in the smallest, softest moments
Walking with her in the park, holding her hand at the cinema, sliding the straighteners through her hair, sleepily pressing my lips against hers at four in the morning, hearing her laughter echo across the room

It would hit me
As if the sun had let go of the earth

Just how lucky I was
To have the entire world
At my fingertips

*I would love her relentlessly.

Don't try and save me.
Thousands have tried and failed,
watched disappointingly,
each time I've derailed.
Don't set of shore and raise the sails.
Im drowning,
Sinking in a sea of what could have and what should have been
There is no life boat strong enough to take back the things I've seen
withhold my weighty heart.
my soul is anchored in the the darkest parts,
The murkiest waters.
It is held down in the depths
of despair
Save your own sons and daughters.
Im a wasted rescue mission.
Throw down your ammunition
i have enough to tear myself apart.

Every three seconds someone in the world is diagnosed with dementia, that works out as 9.9 million new cases of dementia world wide each and every year. In 2017 the number of sufferers was said to be just under 50 million, this number is set to almost double every 20 years.

I am walking for a world where people do not have to live in fear of losing themselves before they lose their lives. Where the only wandering that takes place is not up and down corridors, in streets, or in care homes but is that wonder of what life was like for those that suffered. Where the only reason that questions are asked is because people don't have to experience what it's like to have to lose a loved one to this disease. Where hands can feed their own mouths, where brains don't shut down, where people recognise the sound of their own voice, their reflection, where mirrors don't scream rejection.

I am walking for a time when people have a sense of time, of the date, of the year, where they don't live in fear of a diagnosis that stamps them with an expiration date, that defines and underlines the heavy hearted fate they are yet to await.

Where the only memories lost are the memory loss of what these symptoms and statistics sound like.
Where the only thing misplaced is the difficulties faced, because no one has to endure this illness anymore.
I am walking for a world without dementia.

Any and all donations welcome.

Thank you.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mw266787

How many opportunities
Do we miss
Because we're too afraid
To take the risk

We live in a nation where
People prefer to fall asleep
Holding their phones
Instead of their partners
And we wonder why
Romance is dying.

Those lies you spun like a spiders web
Took place, built homes,
Inside my head.
And I didn't try to relocate
Because all I could do was appreciate
That someone finally cared.

And yes I was scared,
Of the danger, of living with a stranger
The inconsistencies, the mysteries
The roller coaster that was you and me.
But I stood my ground,
Too thankful,
To finally have someone around.

Those lies they weaved,
There way into the darkest corners of my mind
And in desperation I gave up trying to find myself.
Still I remained a squatter
In the squalor, the mess

New levels of doubt and distress arrived
But I pushed them aside
I waited for them to subside
As I sat, in tears, screamed and cried
And I confided in you, trusted in you
A sea of unfamiliarity,
Swimming in a river,
That was murky,
Searching for clarity
In a place
Where nothing was sign posted,
No sense of direction
Desperate for any form of connection.
Feet rooted,
I made no attempt to escape
As your cape began to drown me.

You chipped away
Day by day
My foundations
And I so badly wanted it to be okay
Because I could finally say
I had someone.
Someone that said they cared
Despite the bruises I bared.

She breathes
Constellations straight into my lungs.
She leaves
Stars fizzing gently on my tongue.

Hopes and dreams too big to contain in a body and mind so torn and broken.

Behind closed doors
and out of sight
It is a razor blade
That kisses her wrist goodnight.

Nobody takes a photo
Of something they want to forget.

Please do not think I will run from your anxieties.
In fact I will do entirely the opposite.
I will open the door,
I will invite them in,
And I will stand there, strong, steadfast, stouthearted
And I will stare them in the face.
Not for you, but with you, hand in hand.
I will be there at the end of the day to tell you you're amazing.
And that all those things you think make you weak, prove just how strong you are.
I'm not saying we'll move mountains together, I am telling you that despite the rain, the sunshine, the rocky terrain, the laughter, the tears, the heartache, the pain, I will be here, time and time again.
To remind you
That every time you walk into a room, you don't just light it up,
You set it on fire.

I won't ever stop trying to build bridges over the canyons in your soul.

I swear glitter must run through her veins because every inch of her sparkles.

I want to feel
your soft lips pressed tightly
against my kiss
making their way across my cheek,
i want to feel,
you whisper in my ears
i want you
as our desires
admit defeat.

I want to feel
your fingers slowly make their way
down my neck,
and slide up my vest
i want to feel
your hot breath
dancing its way
across every inch
of my chest.

i want to feel
our bodies collide
as you make soft music
out of mine.
i want to feel you
draw pictures
out of the claw marks
along my spine.

I want to feel
your tongue
make its down my stomach
and between my thighs
i want to feel
your fingers slip
gently
inside.

I want to feel
you slowly
take your tongue and
those hungry red lips
cradling, caressing,
tasting, savouring
between my
pleading hips,

I want to feel
my palms smashing
into our
headboard
as I beg you,
again and again
please baby,
just once
more.

I want to feel
my legs shake,
as you create an
earth quake inside
of me
that'll leave me quivering
for days.

I want our pillows
embedded and engrained
scents, tastes
memories
that put our wildest
fantasies and dreams
to shame.

I wrote you a love letter today,

If you listen close enough
You'll hear the gentle drumming of my heart beat
Inside the envelope.

Don't drop it.
Open it gently.

Inside you will find
Chemical solutions, black
Ink on a page, a heavy handed mass
Of words, slotted carefully between each other,
Lines saturated in love.
Hand crafted works of art
An attempt to articulate and communicate
The fires you send swimming through
My veins, the tsunamis you send
Tripping of my tongue.

Scribbled confessions of just how much my body aches for your touch.

Don't drop it.
Open it gently.

It is yours.
It has always been yours.
I have always been yours.

Let’s write a poem
For the fun of it
Rhyme, combine, design
Thoughts, phrases, words
Stanzas absurd.

Let’s use alliteration
1st, 2nd, 3rd person narration
Let us not forget
Capital letters, commas and full stops
To crop,
Our faults.

Let’s write about love, loss and heartache,
Let’s make mistakes
Relationships, politics,
Let’s get lost, in this;
Wonderful world of ink and paper.

Let’s dangle emotions
Delicately of straight
Lines, text, worth
Thousands of pounds
To someone.

Let’s dribble prose across the page
Lead rhyme
Into an organised,
Coherent line

Hold hands with demands
Laced, not closed,
Of errors dispose.

Let’s write a poem
For the fun of it
Watch it age, as the pages, discolour.
But remain as beautiful, if not more so
Than it were, when first composed.

She was beautiful in the destroying an entire city but illuminating the entire sky kind of way.