Five days and seven days
127.67
Hours
7,660
Minutes.
459,600
Seconds
Of
Mental abuse
Physical fatigue
Up at 5:00 AM
No sleep
No eating
No sleeping
No walking
No talking
No being
Yet they tell us it's freeing
No autonomy
Yet they tell us it's our bodies
No skipping
Because we'll be missing
The very thing
We came here for
And when you leave
You'll have no spleen
No liver
No heart
No brain
You'll finally be what they want to be
Another zombie in the community
Another brain-dead inconsiderate zombie
In their messed-up soul-******* community

I'm a heart
Trapped in the ribcage
Of your bone-like lies
All I do is try
Somehow that's not enough

I'm stuck in a cage
Left to waste away
You watch while I rot
Laughing it off
With all of your manipulative friends
Partners in crime
Gaslighting friends

In my cage I turn closer
And
Closer
To meat that's rotten
Not cooked but forgotten
I matter nothing to you
But there's nothing I can do
My future lies in the palm of your hand
It's all part of your plan
To strip away my blood
My upper and lower chambers
My left atrium
Right atrium
Valves
Ventricles
My rotten core
Until I
The rotten meant heart
Forever stuck in your ribcage of lies
Is nothing more

Until I
The rotten meant heart
Forever stuck in your ribcage of lies
Is the nothing you want
In today's society

I  hear your shouts
And his screams
I hear his stammered apologizes
And frantic denial
What he did wasn't even wrong
He's just a boy
And you're a man
Why don't you understand
Your job is to help and not scream
What the actual yourself my Dadck do you mean?
You're a father
Not a Sargent
Why are you going off again
Hitting is not disciple
Stop unless you want him to grow up accepting it
So in his room when I hear his muffled screams
I wish for a time machine
To stop you from meeting mom
And save us from our inevitable fall
Your everything ends with our hurt
I love you
But your the fcking worst

"Hmm, lavender"
He murmured into my hair
He smiled against my scalp sensing my despair
I smiled up at him "my shampoo"
His hands on me feel taboo
And suddenly
I regret
Washing my hair
With
Lavender shampoo

Nothing can compare to the hug of a father
Nothing can compare to the lullabies of a mother
Nothing can compare to the joys of childhood
Nothing can compare to the feelings that come from life
I am thankful for the glorious life I live
I sigh
I open my eyes
And I thank God for that heavenly fantasy

Frustrated shouts and the cries of a hurt baby
Frantic runs up and down the stairs
Tears on her shoulder as she gets the story
Not from him but from the three-year-old
"I am more of a parent than my father ever will be,"
Thought the child

Under the grape tree he sits
His wrists gleaming from the slits
He watches the sky and counts to seven
He wonders how many days until he gets to heaven
He'll sit there for eternity and never get bored
He'll watch the sky forevermore

Here I am again
Alone in a darkend room
I know I like silence
But I'd rather be with you
I hear voices and laughter
And I wish I wasn't such a pushover
God, I might start crying
If it weren't for mascara and eyeliner stopping me from trying
I tell myself it won't happen again
But I'm used to it now
The darkness is my friend
My only company

"What is wrong with you?" she wanted to shout
"How could you do this to me?" she wanted to shout
"I'm a child too!" she wanted to shout
"You're the adults, why do you burden me?" she wanted to shout
"Love you too, goodnight," she said instead

I built this house
Of glass with stone
I watch you break it with my bones

She smiles because she's your go-to child
The one that gets all the praise
The one who accepts all your rage
Even as she's growing
You won't ever know it
Because hormones are bad
And mood-swings won't ever be had
Even though she hates it
She smiles as she fakes it
Her facade or innocence
Is quite actually painfully brilliant
She has everyone around her finger
Though the tightness of it always stings her
She smiles as she's called sweet
Kind and lovely
Smart and hardworking
Honest and trustworthy
Strong and preserving
Beautiful and genuine
Because she's not she's
Mean and unlikeable
Dumb and lazy
A liar and unhonest
Ugly and fake
But somehow no one sees
Her broken and horrid self
Through her sickly sweet
Kind and innocent
Full of joy and love
Fake facade

I love you
I love you and I trust you
I love you and I trust you so I tell you everything
Even though I love you and I trust you you're not trustworthy
I love you and I trust you but if I don't tell you
What you want to hear
I'm scared you won't care
I'm scared you're going to hate me
I'm scared you're going resent me
I'm scared you'd get mad
But I tell you anyway
And I bare the consequences
Because I love you and trust you
Because I love you and I trust you so much I hate you
But I can't hate you
Not even if I wanted to
Not even if I genuinely do

My sister had bruised ribs and so do I
It's purple, blue yellow and green
Cold rotten meant is the only relief
We live in a house with floors of seven
We dress in tunics of silk and saten
Until we turn to doves of pure white
I continue to hold her tiny sobbing body
Through the unforgivable night
We'll leave never hearing a 'sorry'
All we want to hear is a 'sorry'
'sorry'

When I delve Into the deepest pits of my mind
I find that I dint want to die
The inevitable is a curse
It's scary I can't rehearse
All the answers that I'll know
Will only come to me when I'm down below
When I'm six feet under
Could I help but wonder
If I spent my life wrong
If I was a bad person
If life was a test
If I passed or failed
If I'm going to hell
Wouldn't that be swell?
I'm being sarcastic
Would that help me in a casket?
I'm guessing it will not
It was a stupid passing thought
Speaking of passing
Will it be amazing?
Having all the answers I'll ever know
When I'm burried down below

The shadows on my bed
Whisper secrets in my head
They ruin my day
But I wish for them to stay
When it's light
They burrow into my body parts
My cursed limbs
Do unforgivable things
But these shadows are poets
They make me write and I don't even know it
I wish they were dead
As they whisper banned thoughts in my head
****** thoughts into my head
They plague my memory
We burn a picture of my family
One of you and me
One of just me
One of nobody

I hold the hand of a pure black man
He walks in a quickened pace
"I'll take you to a special place"
There's a beach with purple sand
What a wonderfully delirious land
Intoxicated, I do say
"I want to stay here all day"
All day turns to months
I will never have enough
Time here with him
Figs of sin smell sweet and taste of rotten meat
I hope for a hero to one day
Come and take me away
Until then in paradise I stay
Watching the now blackened sand,
As it turns to clay.